Have you ever had a girl get mad at you for not approaching?

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January 19, 2020

Last week, I dressed up in a suit and tie, went to the work, and went to the nearby coffee shop afterwards. The cashier who took my order was super friendly. She asked me what school I went to, smiled a lot, and when I got my order, she cleaned all the tables near where I was sitting. She stayed really close to where I was sitting for a while until the coffee shop got busy again.

My first reaction was wow! She's a really friendly and hardworking person!

I went to the restroom before leaving, and as I'm leaving, this girl says, "Bye, [my real name]!" I look back, and I say goodbye as well but I noticed that she looked super pissed. I honestly didn't know why, so I just went on with the rest of my day.

I'm a painfully average dude, so I rarely get hit on by women. I'm also pretty oblivious and naive in a lot of different ways. Was this girl mad that I didn't ask her out? Or am looking too much into this?

Post Information
Title Have you ever had a girl get mad at you for not approaching?
Author the--cuck
Upvotes 126
Comments 68
Date 19 January 2020 04:34 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/312055
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/eqyhbv/have_you_ever_had_a_girl_get_mad_at_you_for_not/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]RedSkeller141 points142 points  (10 children) | Copy

Yes, I saw a good friend of mine get eye ducked by a chick from across the bar, it was painfully obvious. Finally after about 20 minutes of telling him to go over and talk to her, when he got there she was pissed it took him so long and needless to say he failed every shit test after.

[–]the--cuck[S] 29 points30 points  (6 children) | Copy

I didn't even THINK about going back to that coffee shop. I would have easily looked like a fool!

[–]RedSkeller57 points58 points  (4 children) | Copy

In your situation you don't know with service workers. Unless one goes above and beyond and hints at going out or gives me their number, they're probably just doing their job. Go back and see what happens.

[–]user201806209 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy


Go back as a part of your normal life... And see if she repeats the pattern. If she does, you can go for a conversation, mention an event, and if she's enthusiastic about it, offer to contact her with details, and thus get her number.

[–]Fiendorfoes10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

This! But always remember your value as well! I mean if she’s good looking enough, sure, take her home and give her the biz. But be carefull because nowadays, allot of women can be crazy af, and clingy, and I’m sure your pulling down “way” more than min wage. So don’t let her sucker you into a relationship unless that’s truly what you want! Plate her if you like, or pump and dump, but whatever you do, your going to want to find a stand by coffee shop my dude lol! Good luck and wrap it up bro! Know your worth!

[–]macheagle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]KarmicPrism0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But... But.... But.... Every romance movie shows it works!

[–]HardekAilawadi1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

eye ducked

What do you mean?

[–]volvostupidshit13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look it up in the ducktionary.

[–]RedSkeller4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]muricanwerewolf1167 points168 points  (13 children) | Copy

There are two fundamental and self-defeating thought processes both in the OP and in this thread that are so basic it's infuriating to read them.

The first is not assuming attraction. I see it all the fucking time here "I'm average, I'm not flirty, I'm not chad" it's all based on the nonsense conditioning that the average dude somehow isn't deserving of female attention or sex. I don't even think it's fear, because the fearful guy are actually thinking about what they want and how to get it. It's even worse than that, dudes aren't even thinking about how to develop opportunities because they don't believe it's possible. So start assuming they're interested and give yourself permission to ask these broads out.

The second is "oh god, I've made a fool of myself, I'll never go back again oh jeez oh no she hates me now" knock it the fuck off you pussies. First off, I do cringier things on the regular, because I put myself out there. I've been rebuffed for a new years kiss right in front of the girl's best friends. Ya smile and take the L. Guess who I still talk to? All of those people. I've had a woman turn around and ice me out when I tried to approach her in a bar where everybody knows me, and I'll fuckin do it again. Kill Your Ego. Your worry about what people think of you is comically self-centered, and only holds you back. This woman's opinion is relevant only in that she is expressing what your very soul should be screaming at you, which is "why aren't you actively trying to fuck women?!"

[–]100monkey24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

Again, gems in the comments.

[–]decoy8818 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

True. Once you get over ego protection. You become fucking invincible

[–]OlderRedBrother18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy rocks ^

[–]imtheoneimmortal5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ego is our enemy

[–]beardestbird5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow man you should write more. This spoke to me

[–]mikkeldaman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh man, your comment is so good that I creamed in my pants without even touching it. And this is no sarcasm.

[–]VantablackPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]HurricaneHugues1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Amassing failures on failures with little successes is not good either

[–]muricanwerewolf12 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man you really have to work at being terrible for me to start recognizing your name. Never stop sucking big guy.

[–]TRP_mask1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

About your first point: of course you should always think of yourself as the prize, but stay realistic lol. If you'd worn my face and expected to be able to flirt with any girl you meet and find succes daily you'd be very, very disappointed. I don't care, and I still get lays, but it's realistic.

[–]muricanwerewolf11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh no, I never said expect to become a success just because you started trying. Probably the opposite. But there’s lessons to be learned in just putting yourself out there, which should be the goal anyway. And for the guys who are afraid inoculation to rejection will smooth out their approaches as they realize rejection, handled correctly, doesn’t change anyone’s opinion of you.

[–]Hubblenobbin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Kill Your Ego


[–]jackandjill22-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]DDD50_25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is called "auto-rejection" -- when you don't make a move, or move as fast as a girl wants, then her hamster starts spinning and she gets pissed at you.


[–]cornylamygilbert0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

learned a lot thanks to this guy.

The auto rejection was the most interesting concept for explaining dating behavior.

Guys do it to. If a chick used you for attention to get a hotter guy and sincerely wanted nothing to do with you, you’d likely think “f that b” nexted

[–]nameisahmad46 points47 points  (7 children) | Copy

-A girl was eyeballing me across the gym She was attractive, my type, short and fit. - Me not giving her any attention and kept on lifting - she came to workout next to me, closer and closer, - i was working infront of a big wide mirror, i can see her completely. She is still staring at me - ok, i decide im gonna move to a different gym spot, to see if shell come - she does - thats it, im gonna approach her, - hey!, whats your name? My name is “x”, Nice to meet you x, what are you doing? - then in mid convo she just turns her back to me and leaves... - i stood there shocked..., i laughed and continued doing my shit - after that, she kept avoiding eye contact, and gave her back to me..

This is one of the weirdest experiences ive had so far, can someone explain

[–]Mentalist199928 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm no expert, but she's just nuts

[–]RP_utiliser21 points22 points  (3 children) | Copy

Approach might have came off as too direct, vibes were off, you were probably havign creepy vibes, bad eye contact, body language it wall means a ton so theres something you’re not saying here

[–]omega057 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why does it have to be "the man did something wrong to lose her attention"? Why cant it just be she's crazy or a weirdo?

[–]RP_utiliser8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because women arent crazy for weirdos

Theyre crazy for guys who can actually socialize properly

[–]nameisahmad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well... how would you open her? She was avoiding eye contact, i was also smiling, honestly i dont know how to be indirect when approaching

[–]askmrcia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Probably just wanted some validation. To see if a guy is attracted to her.

No difference then women fishing for likes and comments on social media saying something like "who wants to go see the new movie with me?"

Tons of thirsty guys comment and likes and she has no intention of taking anyone with her.

[–]cornylamygilbert0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she was using ya for attention

it happens.

your priority at the gym needs to be getting your work/goals done

nobody at the gym should care about anybody else in the gym imo

too much conversation or contact at the gym is creepy.

It’s gotta be effortless or it doesn’t work. You only need to focus on one thing at the gym

personally, I’m usually annoyed by anyone who is too chatty. I’ve got stuff to do and I need to get in and get out.

If she makes it convenient to smash or get a number that’s different

[–]life03614 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Because you took her power away. Girls almost always have the upper hand in the sexual marketplace because they're the gatekeepers. This girl let her guard down and went out of her comfort zone for once in her life and she didn't get what she wanted, so she pouts like a spoiled brat.

[–]SteveUrkel9991 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This was my thought too as well, because I have similar experience. This is their way of making you chase them, and they end up feeling mad because they couldn't make you to do it. She might also be one of those girls who just wants an attention and see can she make guy to chase her and ask her out.

Especially if you internalize Red Pill and work on yourself. Let's focus only on looks, if you're working out regularly and you've been able to build a great physique and you show confidence, as well as dominance in your behavior, you'll attract a lot of attention from girls, I know this from my own experience. Then they will start making these things as showing up near you, smile at you, say your name if she knows it etc.; and if you ignore her at first you take away her power, I would call it taking away her power of pussy, because they all know their strongest power is their pussy. Now she's fucked up in her mind and want to know more about you, some of them I've learned just get more attracted, and other cool down and move on. Those who are attracted will try to find new ways of making you chase her, they will never be direct by saying they like you or anything similar.

What I've also found out in the end, even if they try harder there are girls who just want an attention and they will do what they can so you can ask them out, but they will not go out with you; their ego will be satisfied because in the end they know that they can have you. Other girls who are genuinely interested will be glad to go out when you finally ask them out.

[–]theUnBannableHulk77 points78 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol I had a similar story OP

  1. Girl was a cutie and super friendly

  2. Started cleaning tables near me

  3. I called her over and took her number

  4. Asked her to my house

  5. Fucked her that night

Mmm the smell of college going barista pussy with red hair.

Oh sorry OP you’re an idiot 😂


You’re just clueless and not experienced.

Go read sidebar

[–]pilot33315 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

fucking love stories like this

[–]30DaystoSolstice8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing about the abundance mentality is that you don't have to have actual abundance to start thinking in terms of abundance.

Yes woman will feel some type of way when, in their mind, they make a move and you don't respond.( no saying she did cuz she's a waitress and waitresses are nice to evbdy)

But so what. You got to get into the mindframe that you're in demand so that not approaching that particular girl is not the end of the world. There will be plenty like her or better than her.

Not saying that you should take that as an excuse to never ever approach. I'm saying not to get work out about that one particular girl with whom you missed your window of opportunity. Because if you do, you will start chasing that window back. And before you'll know it, she will become your oneitis.

[–]ScarletWhiteEmerald10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Recently, I can say that I've been able to relate a lot to this. I don't know if I'm doing something new that is giving me 2-3 more points in handsomeness or if slightly below average height & brown is the new sex symbol look, but I'm noticing that lately I've been getting checked out a lot.

Consequently, I've had the observation that when girls are attracted to you, they'll put out signs that they think are obvious and expect you to automatically understand their body language and go after them. So with your case, she probably was expecting you to hear her ask so much about you and think to yourself that you should get to know her better too (through a date). My prediction is the next time you're at the coffee shop, she'll be a little pouty. The time after that, she'll be friendly again and it'll be easy to ask her out.

[–]damaged_goods4200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

slightly below average height & brown is the new sex symbol look

That would be news to me, though admittedly I get checked out all the time in the summer when I'm super tan. Then again I'm juiced and 5'7, so it's probably just the dark skin.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

She was probably mad when she realised you wern't chatting her up you were just being decent, ego boost denied

[–]mikkeldaman7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Surprisingly, women tend to be more overt about an interaction not going the way they planned. Maybe that's cause they are so used to being the ones doing the rejection and not the ones rejected. I remember once a married lady approached me at a bar, she was very flirty, asked me how I act with girls in the bedroom, asked me if she could come over (of course nothing would happen cause she was happily married) and I just wasn't in the mood, told her that my apartment is very dirty and I would feel embarrassed to bring her over. Our interaction ended with her saying "You have a serious problem but it was nice chatting with you."

[–]Haste-4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Shes looking for cock while married and you have a problem LOL

[–]mikkeldaman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean I wouldn't have normally minded taking the problems off of her mind because I live to please but that night I was just not in a generous mood.

[–]TehJimmyy16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

you could atleast be friendly back you dont have to close or smth

[–]the--cuck[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was friendly to her! I wasn't an asshole or anything, but I hope she wasn't pissed off that I didn't try to get her number.

[–]orishasinc22 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck that. You do not owe the bitch anything. I get that all the time but I would rather mind my own affairs. I am the type that like to initiate with someone I find interesting. Little flirty mind game do not work for me, and womenize is a hard language to learn. Plus, there are a lot of nut jobs out there and these females all have an agenda. So be careful when she gives you the eyes. I just do not trust these hoes. Very few women spark my interest and I am OK with it. Now, if you are having regrets, that is not necessarily cool. A man should never apologize for being a man. You can possibly fuck all these hoes. Let's someone else clean up your mistakes. Move on and find a lady that actually sparks something out of you.

[–]Transport1270 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep 100% agree with man!! Good point

[–]CuriousIncel210 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah, I've heard women talk among themselves and express frustration about "giving signals" yet not being approached.

But it's only for the really hot guys (10%), so if you've historically not been successful with women, chances are you're reading too much into this situation.

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

it's not just the top 10% they give signs to. There are great girls out there just looking for cool guys (top 30%), stop overthinking , have a bit of fun and lift and you are right there.

[–]the--cuck[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's been my gut feeling right from the get go. I've seen women give choosing signals to super attractive guys, so maybe she was just ticked off about something else.

[–]mrmaika105 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Assume attraction. Jesus Christ nobody reads the sidebar. 90% of the questions here have already been addressed in detail

[–]ChiefFuckingBull1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, women can get mad when you do and when you don't approach them. Hence why you gotta learn how to read them.

[–]RatMan293 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The bullshit "sexual harassment" law has made it unsafe to approach any woman at her workplace, even if you don't work there. So she should approach you. If she doesn't it's her problem, or she can blame the assholes who got the law enacted.

As for you, you've done nothing to be embarrassed about, but if I went back there I would bring a witness so she can't get you alone and then make up a false accusation of violence. Women scorned have been known to do that lately and usually get away with it.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy


[–]RP_utiliser1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Doesn’t matter, who gives a shit you can still pump and dump even if you’re not rich as she thinks once the conversation starts so will attraction inevitably if your game is good

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–]RP_utiliser-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well you dont lie to her about having money or not, let her decide if that’s the only factor. But opening a set is worth doing if iois are there nevertheless because over time it could be other things she is also attracted to

[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, all the time. We're expected to do as they think.

[–]jrr6415sun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you're looking too much into it

[–]treigus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All the time. Even happens in the DMs - they beg for you to slide in or respond flirtily! Lol

[–]mrpoopistan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mmmmm . . . I don't assume anything with staff until I've had several excessively friendly encounters. I say that as a guy who has dated several bartenders and shotgirls in my time.

Generally, they know they have to turn the amplitude up because guests and customers assume that service means hospitality.

I remember one of the shotgirls when she approached me said something to the effect of "I'm not trying to sell you anything" just to make the point that she was interested.

My rule of thumb is to not piss off anyone who handles my food or drinks so I'm pretty slow to make that push.

[–]i-am-the-prize0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you, as a man, are expected to approach.

so much so women (feel the need to) actively shun low value men from looking at them or "getting any ideas" by sending signals to "fuckoff" so that they don't approach.

so when she didn't actively say "no" she was tacitly saying "yes, come here fool!"

you see, covert, not overt communications is how womenz communicate.

yes, you failed the first round/test.

you can go back, and just be friendly and ignore the past, if she still likes you, she'll be glad to ignore it, too. if she's still cold, do NOT be needy, just be cordial and go about your day, OI and NGAF is in your best interest (and if anything will turn the tide, that will) but do NOT be needy.

"assume attraction" (outside the workplace) is a safe standard, if a women is going out of normal roles** to pay attention to you.

** both societal roles of manners for a rando, and even service people (who are hit on constantly) if they go above/beyond to give you attention when their establishment is slow, like she did.

[–]WiterS20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When a woman give you hints, and you fail to advance, she will not keep trying.

Is not like she has permanent interest, like when you see a hot girl, and you keep perceiving her as hot days later.

The woman expects you to arouse her, so if you fail to reward her IO, she verifies that you can't arouse her, and she loses interest.

Many women get horny when ovulating, and get hungry for sex. But that happens only that day. The next day you see her, she's no more ovulating. His interest will be gone.

Ovulation is one/two day every 28. So each time you meet a woman, she has 1/28 or 1/14 chance of being ovulating. You will, by chance, get her less than once per year (unless you see her frequently), so that opportunity is not one to be wasted.

That's why you have to always reward good behavior. If she gives you IO, at minimum talk to her. That way she knows that giving IO is worth the effort.

[–]rafaelvicuna20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lmao no, in my case, they're happy I didn't.

[–]Youngyoda890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She wouldn’t get mad at your for not approaching. Maybe she got a text that chad cancelled on her? Who knows? Who cares? You shouldn’t.

[–]Sintar070 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Girl at work is mad at me right now for not approaching because we were into each other briefly a while ago, but she left for several months without a word and then came back, but I got involved with somebody else while she was gone.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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