My LVM ex once asked for "help" wrapping presents for his family... yes, I am creative and awesome at gift wrapping but it felt like more of a "You're my girlfriend so now you get to do all the woman-type stuff FOR me" statement than a respectful asking for help. He just handed me the gifts and the wrapping paper and took off and I felt used and pissedoff. But once I did one chore for him, I opened Hell's Doorway.....

I got many more instances of the LVM ex wanting "help" as a thinly veiled excuse to dump "female type stuff" on me. I got volunteered to bake weekly muffins for his office team. I got asked to do his clothes shopping FOR him. All under the guise of "I need your help"

It would make me furious, but if I refused I'd get the butthurt whining that "I never want to help him" .... yeah I still can't believe I put up with two years of his nonsense.

Then comes my new guy.....

The "New Dude" very early on in dating called to ask if I felt like coming over to help him on a car fixing problem he just couldn't get to work by saying "I know you know your shit, I'm really stuck on this and I would really appreciate your help." Turns out it was sensors and I won't bore the non-car people getting technical but sensors are a right bastard and while I can do them better than most thanks to that godawful Nissan I had for years.... yeah it was still a tough problem.

And for my help I got mega gracious thanks, a growler of fancy beer and it turned into our very first "garage day" together and it was wonderful. The "New Dude" stuck around, held the light for me, fetched tools, asked me to show him HOW I fixed it. He really wanted HELP. He was truly grateful. We worked TOGETHER.

(Plus it's so damn rare to find a man who doesn't feel emasculated by a woman having "manly" skills and will also acknowledge that your "manly" skills might be better than his own.)

He also reciprocated the very next weekend by coming over and using his house electrical expertise ( he's got his Journeyman status in electrical stuff so I know HE knows HIS shit too) ... and he helped to fix a glitch in my garden lights that I've been annoyed by for a long time but couldn't manage after a million tries to fix myself and was too stubborn to pay to get it done.

He wasn't the least bit condescending while showing me what I'd messed up on and how to fix similar problems again. So we got a "yard day" together, and we both enjoyed it.

Asking for help doesn't mean you throw your problem at someone and expect them to make everything perfect. It means you let someone else take the lead, but you still hold up your end of working on the problem.

I wish more men knew how to ask for and accept help. Maybe there should be a training manual on that?

😹😹😹