My father says it’s “female nature,” to snoop and to look for “something” while dating/married

beetlejuicer__ · 2020-03-03T18:39:06+00:00

Honestly whenever a woman does questionable shit, it is easier to take it as a fact of female nature, then to realize that such acts are predicated on the individuals character.

Its far less effort to come up with a end all solution to "female nature" than a context dependent one, based on the specific individual.

Did you establish any boundaries, or she is breaking them?

You might need to have "the talk" with her.

PadThai42 · 2020-03-03T20:06:07+00:00

I saw your post on r/relationships and it was a big parade of red flags before it was removed. Your GF is insane and you need to dump her.

jigglypuff__0 · 2020-03-03T18:46:30+00:00

My rule of snooping: Do it at the risk or losing the relationship.

I only advocate for snooping when you are truly suspicious of something specific. Snooping should be avoided at all other costs and limited to to less than 3 times a year.

The problem is, both women and men alike gaslight their partners when they get too close to the truth. They make you feel insecure but sometimes your gut tells you a different story.

I remember my ex would talk about a coworker sometimes and I always had this bad feeling when he mentioned her specifically. I brushed it off for months, until the day we were set to start long distance due to my new job opportunity (he begged to stay together, mapped how how we would make it work) I happened to have his phone and this feeling overcame me when I saw her name. I went through the messages and found a months long flirtationship. He later admitted he was preparing for the day I left to start sleeping with her. He said the truth was he was insecure about me leaving so this is how he chose to cope.

I’m in a new relationship now (met him 2 months after my break up, been together 3 years - he’s an upgrade in every way) I trust my partner. I would never snoop through underwear? But in 3 years I’ve gone through his phone once in the beginning.

The thing is, if you snoop, have a damn good reason. And even if you are right or wrong, prepare to get broken up with if you’re found out.

OP, your gf is obsessive and doesn’t trust either you or herself. I went through my man’s phone once and fully accept responsibility if he caught me and decided to end it.

Personally if my bf went through my phone once or twice I’d be more amused than anything. But if it was chronic like your case I’d have to leave.

EDIT: inB4 iF yOuR suSpIcioUs jUsT lEaVe. That’s blue pill shit. No one leaves without proof unless they’ve fallen out of love.

diffdedbed · 2020-03-03T18:59:49+00:00

My wife gets no hidden passwords or accounts from me.

I don't her.

We both know each others computer passwords and phone unlocks.

I can't imagine having to live otherwise.

Even dating we were never secretive but that was pre smart phone.

MuleFool42 · 2020-03-03T19:00:16+00:00

No. Get rid of her. That's absolutely NOT normal and from what you describe, it's at such an extreme with her that she is likely not going to change. Sounds like she suffers from extreme paranoia.

Set your boundaries and if she can't hold to them, it's time to break it off, IMO.

passepar2t · 2020-03-03T19:47:55+00:00

It's absolutely in their nature, but just because it's their nature doesn't mean we should pretend they have no agency and can't be held accountable for their actions.

passepar2t · 2020-03-03T18:52:13+00:00

Yeah, honestly. It is. As much as we say it’s not, it definitely is.

And I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing, particularly in the very beginning of a relationship. Obviously it can get overdone and yes it can stem from insecurity and trust issues if done out of habit. But you waste SO much less time and heartache and money the earlier you do it.

I did this in the beginning of every relationship when I was looking to get married. His phone, his social media, every online mention of him ever, and I’ll usually peruse through family and friend’s media as well. If we have mutual contacts, I get in touch with them too.

Through this over the years, I avoided a man with a sex offense and a drunk driving conviction, three men with entire families back at home, a man who looked at a LOT of trans porn, a guy who was lying about his education, a single dad who didn’t tell me about his twin girls for a month, and at least five who had girlfriends.

Those are the kind of people that I’m not going to share my assets with. And the sooner I can free up my time, the better chance I get at landing a man who would make a good husband and father.

I don’t do this anymore, I haven’t felt the need to and I have no reason to snoop on my husband since his behavior hasn’t been unexplainable and has been predictable ever since we were married.

1amtheSpoon · 2020-03-03T18:35:09+00:00

Underwear sniffing??? Maybe she was a canine in her former life. That's insane.

rus9384 · 2020-03-03T20:58:24+00:00

Just one another reason not to get into relationships. Life is much easier when you don't give oaths. No oaths, no suspictions.

blackedoutfast · 2020-03-03T21:19:59+00:00

If it was me I would just start leaving a lot of really ridiculous fake "secrets" for her to find just to fuck with her. Folders of midget tranny porn on the computer, download some stock photos of random strangers doing family activities, fake bank statements from secret accounts in the Caymans, fake identity documents with a different name, money from some sketchy country that you've never been to, etc.

SeemedGood · 2020-03-03T18:52:31+00:00

Women choose you for your potential utility to themselves and are constantly (consciously or unconsciously) comparison shopping for the “best deal.”

Because that is the way they think, they project that manner of thinking onto you and assume you are as well. Thus the paranoia.

What they don’t realize is that all you want is for them to love you for your being as opposed to your utility and if they just focused on that they wouldn’t have to worry about you imagining that some other woman will actually love you (even though they can’t).

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Orange_Paisley · 2020-03-03T19:59:26+00:00

I have my partner's passwords to his phone and laptop and I have his PIN to his ATM card and credit card, and I still don't use any of them unless he specifically asks me to help with an issue. As far as I know he respects my privacy as well. I think your SO's snooping is a her problem and not a woman in general problem.

That said, did she find anything interesting?

Nacruno96 · 2020-03-03T20:08:16+00:00

Man here and I would do it too. It’s perfectly a sane thing to do. If someone wants to understand you he or she will do it.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-03-03T21:08:58+00:00

Curiosity and self preservation are human nature. But there’s a thing called self control and respecting boundaries.

goatismycopilot · 2020-03-03T21:22:29+00:00

You have posted more than once about relationship issues maybe you just nee to let this one go.

DerekMorganBAU · 2020-03-03T22:49:48+00:00

When I cheated on my ex she kept going through my shit but hell I couldn't blame her

NarniaFox · 2020-03-04T02:23:58+00:00

It isn't one gender "nature", it's a problem of individual, a snooper can be anyone, a man and a woman. She doesn't respect your boundaries and it is a red flag. Assuming that you've recently started dating, I'd be afraid that this behavior will just escalate to the roof.

I don't think that snooping is okay, if you don't have a really good reason for it. The kind of reason that could lead to a break up. Even then it's still not the best way of handling the situation, but unfortunately some people make it the only way for you to learn the truth.

2020-03-04T08:18:30+00:00

Build some boundries. Then dump her.

God only knows what will happen next, private investiagtors following you around.

What a f**king psycho bitch.

the_calibre_cat · 2020-03-04T12:49:02+00:00

Definitely a woman thing in my opinion, but there are degrees of it.

Yours does not appear to be exhibiting a healthy degree of it, as trust is something that must be guarded on the relationship.

darkbluexanadu · 2020-03-03T18:41:42+00:00

I would send her packing. That is a level of mistrust that will only escalate as the relationship gets more serious. Next it will be driving by your work to make sure youre there. Flipping out when you are late....etc.

Title	My father says it’s “female nature,” to snoop and to look for “something” while dating/married
Author	PadThai42
Upvotes	13
Comments	45
Date	March 3, 2020 6:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fcz1wb/my_father_says_its_female_nature_to_snoop_and_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/my-father-says-its-female-nature-to-snoop-and-to.352009 https://theredarchive.com/post/352009

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