Aren’t “alpha widows” just women who are in love/pair bonded really hard?

Neverbiden · 2020-04-10T22:31:02+00:00

r/limerence

CHAD_TDK · 2020-04-10T23:18:34+00:00

Aren’t “alpha widows” just women who are in love/pair bonded really hard?

That is very correct and to the point.

The "problem" is that they are in love/pair bonded really hard with someone who:

it's in the past and no longer in the picture
unattainable, it's an impossibility that she and he will ever get together; and part of her knows and - probably knew - during and before their period together.

So, there are 2 by-products:

victimhood: poor me, poor me ! I had it all and now I don't anymore..... bah.... bah...
nobody will ever compare

Wallstreet3 · 2020-04-10T22:46:54+00:00

No, they are women whose hypergamic instinct drove them to grab the forbidden fruit, got their taste and then fumbled. And now no fruit will ever compare.

Think of it like Icarus. Now she is gonna drown in the sea of regret, cats and box wine.

2020-04-10T23:32:07+00:00

I ain’t suggesting they don’t love them, but it’s pretty obvious that what it is essentially is a trauma bond the vast majority of the time. These types of bonds are formed in abusive relations (surprise surprise, the asshole alpha usually widows these women) and can take a very long time to heal from. Sometimes they never do.

That’s not the complete picture though. Hypergamy is also a factor. Asshole or not, he was alpha enough that nobody can compete in her mind now. It’s got nothing to do with the quality of the relationship or his quality as a partner and everything to do with how successful, popular dominant or likely to succeed he was. It’s all about where he sits on the social totem pole.

Either way, hypergamy is like a ladder. Every new relationship is a chance you’ll ascend, but you can never go back down. You can settle, but your standard or ideal will always remain at the level you rose to highest with. It’s sad really, these women usually doom themselves to unhappiness because of their own stupidity.

DangZagnut · 2020-04-10T22:40:50+00:00

The alpha widow, as I understand it, is a woman that had a super Chad meme fornicate the living hell out of her such that no one will ever be able to compare sexually, and she'll never have sexual satisfaction with anyone else, therefore she'll be endlessly chasing the tingles and no longer able to be satisfied in a relationship.

Kinda silly to me personally, but hey, not my monkey, not my circus.

Basically any superlative a woman has experienced, love, emotions, sex, adventures, it breaks her from being able to be with anyone else at the same level of satisfaction on that dimension. He'll always be lacking in some dimension, so she'll leave on a whim, cheat on him to get that cocaine like high back.

The assumption is the alpha widow will always be chasing the dragon for the high and the tingles.

It's part of the appeal of the virgin apparently. The virgin has never had a bigger cock, better sex, more love, prettier flowers, etc. She is supposedly not going to be pining for a past she never had.

A well used slutty girl, however, has always had a bigger cock, a sex partner that pushed her buttons the best, a richer guy, etc.

So some men feel they can't compete with that, and will end up being beta buxx. She's had her fun now she's "settling" for him, who isn't her fabled alpha, just some dumb ass who she married to bleed him dry for money.

Nerdy engineer types always fall for this, that's why so many TRP guys are into virgins and n-counts, because it shows how much competition he has to face against. Virgins don't have those problems because they don't know anything.

Admittedly it probably makes the virgin more satisfied, assuming the guy isn't a complete dishrag, since for all she knows this is the best sex/romance/love in the world.

Even guys can be alpha widows in a sense, and I'm guessing it hurts them more, mathematically because they have so few relationship numbers compared to women who have far more opportunities to try different relationships than men do.

So they don't get to experience trying out hundreds of women to find the perfect one and lose her, whereas that possibility does exist for women. So the guy can be "widowed" if he screwed up and blew his chances with the one that got away.

geyges · 2020-04-10T22:39:11+00:00

Nah. Girls fall for all kinds of dweebs all the time. People can pair bond multiple times to multiple people.

So most girls can look at a new guy and evaluate him on his own merits.

Alpha widows can't; and its usually because their ex-alpha had some very strong/unique character or physical traits; and not because he was "super pleasant and nice"; usually quite the opposite.

princessofdenmark__ · 2020-04-10T22:38:59+00:00

what if she just pair-bonded to him really hard?

Can anyone please share a single link that has significant support for the claim that humans pair bond?

Bonding through sex is definitely a thing especially for women (even more for inexperienced women).

OP, why do you think inexperienced women would “bond” more? Why do you think that even women bond more than men through sex? What has lead you to these beliefs? Are they opinion, “common sense”, or something else?

Barely-moral · 2020-04-10T22:49:16+00:00

Can’t this description fit a woman who’s simply head over heels in love?

You forget the "widow" part. The fact that she is head over heels in love with someone is not a problem. The fact that she isn't with that someone, she can't be with that someone and can't love anyone else is the problem.

I know a lot of men who are hung up on an ex from years ago and genuinely don’t think any woman can compare.

He is also in a problem.

It it’s supposed to be just sex-based, what if she just pair-bonded to him really hard? Bonding through sex is definitely a thing especially for women (even more for inexperienced women).

If the woman is unable to get over said partner and can't find satisfaction in new relationships or love her new partners then she qualifies as an alpha widow.

What makes an alpha widow different from a lovelorn lover?

Nothing in my opinion. Both are unable to love because they are stuck on someone from their past.

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sadomasochrist · 2020-04-10T22:53:40+00:00

Why would any difference matter?

Lanky_Initiative · 2020-04-10T22:55:34+00:00

An alpha widow will get over that man when a more alpha(more handsome, richer etc...) man comes along.

wateroclock · 2020-04-10T23:12:12+00:00

The difference is in connotation and context TRP people give, which is hypergamy and how that's not truly about love, but about not being able to do better.

SeemedGood · 2020-04-11T01:50:49+00:00

What makes an alpha widow different from a lovelorn lover?

The fact she’s comparison shopping for a man like a man comparison shops for motorcycles and is unable to accept a Yamaha MT-09 after that one time his rich buddy lent him an Aprilia Tuono Factory for a month - even though he can only afford an MT09.

One does not actually love objects from which they expect certain utility. Rather, one loves oneself and simply appreciates the objects for the utility that they provide the self.

One actually loves others for their beings without regard to the other’s utility to the self. Thus one may have actually loved an “Alpha,” and still be perfectly able to actually love a “Beta” without conflict.

Actual love is incongruent with comparison:

I have several children and do not love any one of them more than any other.

Whereas the simple appreciation of an object’s utility to us that we mistakenly call love is comparative:

I “love” my Moto Guzzi Griso more than I “love” my Aprilia Shiver.

DerekMorganBAU · 2020-04-12T09:08:14+00:00

My baby mama fit this description to a fucking T so I know it's legit.

After I cheated on her and broke up with her she tried to OD, she then dated some poor sap that would drop her off at my apartment because he trusted her (we used to live together) and I'd fuck her and send her packing in tears.

Then next weekend we'd do it all over again.

She told him that he was a rebound and eventually cut him off to get back with me. We were casual for awhile until I knocked her up.

Her favorite phrase to me was "I knew I'd never find anyone better than you."

Shit's crazy how accurate this TRP shit is.

Avocolada · 2020-04-12T22:02:33+00:00

I don't think it has to do necessarily with looks, but rather the status of the man, how much investment he had in the woman, and how his status/investment has materially changed or elevated her life.

For example, Crystal Hefner (Hugh Hefner's 30-something year old widow). He died almost three years ago and she has not moved onto another relationship since. Even though she has access to great men who were physically better looking than Hugh Hefner - very few, if any, will meet his level of status and influence in her life.

Barneysparky · 2020-04-10T22:22:26+00:00

Yep. Being in love with someone who you can't spend your life with fades.

Unfortunately, those that can't get over past crushes project their feelings onto others.

Title	Aren’t “alpha widows” just women who are in love/pair bonded really hard?
Author	TheWeebestofWeebs
Upvotes	10
Comments	49
Date	April 10, 2020 10:19 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fyq8tv/arent_alpha_widows_just_women_who_are_in_lovepair/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/arent-alpha-widows-just-women-who-are-in-lovepair.361669 https://theredarchive.com/post/361669

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