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[–][deleted] 81 points82 points83 points 10 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I shouldn't have even told my mother about my father's death.
She divorced him when I was 3, took custody, sued him for child support, used my brother and I as legal props, criticized him all the time, and criticized her kids for "acting like your father". The alimony was used to fuel her antiquing habits, and not to support her kids. We never had decent clothes, none of that money was used to fund our higher education.
When I told her about his death, she cried and said "I thought we were going to grow old and attend church together"!*
She attended the funeral. Afterward, my brother found his will, where he left a note specifically stating "Do not invite (my mother). She is not family".
I basically shit on his grave. RIP. This is the primary reason I read RP and MRA stuff. I don't agree with a lot of the things I read, but it's retribution for the fucked up life my mother created for her family, and the one she took away from my father.
*Edit: I never got to know my father too well, but I'm pretty sure he was an atheist/agnostic.
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Don't feel too bad, she would have found out and showed up anyway. Then you would have had to kick her our of the funeral in front of everyone.
I see what you're saying though.
[–]thisiskindofmessedup 21 points22 points23 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
On a side note. It's amazing to see how thirsty for attention women are.
My grandfather died last year around this time. He was born and raised in the hood and in the times of hyper masculinity. He had 11 kids in total. 4 girls, 4 boys all with his wife, and 3 illegitimate children (all girls) from 2 different mistresses on the side. From stories my uncles told me, aside from the mistresses issues, he was baller as fuck in his young days.
As they were growing up into their teenage years, with the exception of one of them, my illegitimate aunts tried to introduce themselves to their sisters and brothers. My aunts (the four legitimate girls), didn't want shit to do with his outside children. Straight up until his death, they pretty much have denied that he was the father of the illegitimates even though all of them look EXACTLY alike.
My uncles on the other hand didn't give a fuck and cared for the outside sisters as family should. Of course, my mom and her sisters were always pissed about this. This caused a big argument when it was time to list all of his children when time to do the eulogy came. That's a story for another time tho lol
Anyways, at the graveyard, one of the illegitimates was there just crying and being a little more audibly emotional than everyone else. She made sure that people heard her say her daddy was dead and pushed her way to the casket. It was a huge drama show because she didn't have any interaction with the man AT ALL in her whole life.
[–]Turkerthelurker 20 points21 points22 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Had a buddy die in a car wreck in college. There was a huge outcry on social media by the girls, with each of them one-upping each other with past photos with him, long memorandums, and inspirational statuses.
Which is fine, but every fucking post was about themselves. How upset THEY were. How much THEY will miss him. How much THEY are praying for his family.
Especially his ex girlfriend. The one that treated him like shit, and pretended that he was subhuman for 2 years prior to his death.
And now every year there are posts about how sad they are still. There's nothing wrong with the sentiment, but they are all so self-serving it is disgusting.
[–]DoesNotMatterAnymore 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was expecting the story to end with: "...and after that drama on social media, non of them showed up at his funeral! "
[–]Aiadon 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a known consequence of death. Notice how so many great writers, artists and other acheivers get recognized for the amazing things they did only postmortem.
[–]MonkeyDFreecs 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Reminds me of a bit in Family Guy when Stewie was encouraging Brian to commit suicide with him he said part of the reason he hesitated to do what was because he knew Lois would milk it and of course make herself the center of attention.
[–]itsbooming 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
...but you know the wake was hitting
[–]icecow 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That part isn't fair. Just because she felt it was best to be permanently shut out of her father's life doesn't mean she didn't long for her father. Sounds like she was saying 'fuck you all he was my dad too'. She showed up. I could be wrong and I definitely wasn't there to form a firsthand opinion.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe. She would've had to hear it from the friends they both had 25 years ago when they were married, and then she would've talked to me first. If a simple "dad hated you, he thinks you ruined his life, don't ruin his death" wouldn't have worked, then I don't know what else would have.
[–]icecow 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I grew up watching my mother shit away money. She was a miser about money going to anything pleasant or social. She bought plenty of 'nice' expensive couches in her time, though her living room always looked like a cluttered clashy joke, expensive tile that didn't match the surroundings, and useless junk that would end up in the garage, which was an extremely hazardous place to walk/climb through for tools and whatnot. Eventually she just started clearing out the garage every 5 years and filling it with junk again. She squandered away 1000s of slaves time who made that shit, and pissed away earths resources No one wants to talk about their mother that way, but it's the only way to stop denying it and move on.
[–]LetsGoAllTheWhey 22 points23 points24 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Reminds me of when my mom died about a year ago. My girlfriend came over later in the day and the conversation went like this:
Her: Hi babe! How was your day?
Me: Well my mom died this morning.
Her: Oh Baby! I'm so sorry. Are you OK?
Me: Yeah, I'm OK.
Her: Well where are we going to dinner?
I really loved her and I didn't want to "hurt her feelings" but inside I was like "What the FUCK? My Mom just died and she's worried about dinner??" If her mom just died I'm sure she would have been a babbling basketcase.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I really loved her and I didn't want to "hurt her feelings" but inside I was like "What the FUCK? My Mom just died and she's worried about dinner??"
I know, right? I read a line that is passed around here frequently, and it goes something like "Would you get angry at a bear for shitting in the woods? That's just its nature." I find it really applies to situations like yours.
[–]LetsGoAllTheWhey 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I guess so. But, on the other hand, when my ex-wife's grandmother died (they weren't even close), it was like the end of the world. Crying for days, I could barely leave her side because she "needed me for support" and I was "her rock". She hardly ever spoke to the woman.
[–]SamsoniteGuy 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Fuck this hits close to home. My mom died a year ago. I'm 21. It's the first time I realized that women are no good for emotional support. My mom struggled with schizophrenia/ MDD since I was young and would have episodes. Anyway, she was going through one of these episodes and left her (my parents)house one night. I got a phone call the next morning about my mom going missing (I live away from parents). I rush home and get family together to see if we can find her. We spent a week looking for her. Someone finally found her in the woods. She'd passed away on day three of the search. My girlfriend spent the week after with me but all of my focus was on my family and making funeral arrangements.
The day of the funeral my girlfriend pulled me aside and told me we needed to talk. I obliged. She then proceeded to tell me that it wasn't fair that I wasn't paying attention to her and that it was hard on her. She said I didn't understand how hard it was for her, because she Felt like she was in the way. I physically could not process what she was saying to me. I didn't believe it was possible to get that angry. She was on the back burner for a few days and couldn't handle it. Fuck I still get angry about that.
Now I feel like she'll forever subconsciously see me as weak since, to be honest, I cried really hard seeing my mothers coffin being lowered into the ground.
*subconsciously not unconsciously.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. You had it worse than me. At least mine died in old age and I'm twice your age so it wasn't totally unexpected.
I'm also sorry to hear about your girlfriend's reaction. The more I process all the MGTOW and RP examples the more I've come to the realization that women are no different than little kids, in that they demand attention and it doesn't matter what the circumstances are. You're looking for your mom, and then grieving her death and special little snowflake doesn't understand why she's not getting all your attention "it isn't fay'er". It's so selfish and narcissistic of them. No wonder they hate each other, they all want to always be the center of attention.
[–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
So true. We cannot depend on them for emotional support. The only time you can expect any sympathy is when your mother dies. And even then, if you aren't showing signs of feeling better within say like a week, it's going to start getting to her.
I just learned this lesson the hard way. Quick story. 10 years ago, got involved with a single mom of 2 kids (by different dads) lol YEAH, I KNOW.... anyway... 2 years ago I left a really good job for my dream job, with her (and the kids) support. Of course they did, I was going from 55k to 70k. Worked it for a year, and long story short, was fired for nothing. That sent me into a tailspin. I was able to get a job that I hated and that paid 45k but I hated it. I was depressed. Changed jobs again. Paid a little more but required me to travel. I hated that too. Was even more depressed and put on weight. As soon as her youngest left the nest she was like "I'm FREE!" and left me a week later. Tried to convince me that the reason she left was because 8 months earlier I lost my temper and yelled at the kid so that's why she's leaving. BS.
She's leaving because for maybe 8 months to a year, out of the 9 years we were together, I needed her more than she needed me. She then began to see me as a beta and resented me. She needed a way to make it my fault because she can't get validation for leaving by telling her friends and family "We've had a rough year and he's depressed; but I want to have fun and party and he's bringing me down"
Of course not, they have no accountability. I'm sure she told everyone I was a mean asshole that drank too much and yelled at the kids all the time.
I bet she never told them about the time when we "had a break" and she came over, let herself in, and when I told her to leave, she grabbed a knife. I told her to leave again and told her I was going to call the cops. She actually stood there in the kitchen, holding the knife while I called and stayed on the phone with 911 until the cops showed up. They had to tell her to put the knife down and then dragged her ass out of the house and threw her in jail for the night. Yeah... and I'm crazy....
TL;DR: Rememeber the song "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cindi Lauper? She meant that literally. With a huge emphasis on JUST
If they aren't having fun, they've got one foot out the door.
Thanks for listening.
[–]TRPhd 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One more story about single moms...
[–][deleted] 35 points36 points37 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Great post.
One of the best tidbits of business advice I ever received was from a former boss who told me to never, ever just put a turd on the table. As a manager, If I ever uncovered a problem in the business, my job was to figure out a potential solution before presenting the information to him.
This really applies to male-female relationships. As the leader in the relationship, a man's job is to solve problems and remain stoic and focused in the face of adversity.
[–]garlicextract 22 points23 points24 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
One of the best tidbits of business advice I ever received was from a former boss who told me to never, ever just put a turd on the table
Whoa now, be careful with this. Some of these problems can be pretty big. If you have 'figured out a potential solution', now the problem is YOUR problem.
If you begin working on the problem to fix it, now the problem is YOUR problem.
Very, very dangerous advice.
[–]1Goomich 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you have 'figured out a potential solution', now the problem is YOUR problem.
It was his problem from the beginning.
[–]garlicextract 15 points16 points17 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, he UNCOVERED the problem. It's not his problem from the beginning. It's only your problem once you take responsibility for it. Very important distinction in a corporate setting.
[–]WeTheAwakened 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Guess if he ignores the turd long enough, and not attempts at solutions work... he's... SHIT out of luck.
...I'll see myself out
[–]TRPhd 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good point. Better to hand someone else the turd, and when they put it on the table, offer the boss some toilet paper you just happened to have handy...
[–]thefisherman1961 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like his boss was a sociopath
[–]1theoctopuss 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I could always see this in my father when I was younger. When something went wrong, he would fix it before anyone found out. He wouldn't tell anyone, he would just go do it. He would do it by himself.
I can't imagine the problems he fixed that I, and the rest of my family, never found out about.
[–]EnragedParrot 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
DO NOT do this at work.
Make sure whn you fix shit, you TELL people. Repeatedly.
Stupid, I know, but it's the nature of the social system that work has become.
[–]sodainthewatercup6 16 points17 points18 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
"A woman would rather be dead than bored."
Negative feelings are still feelings and should be used as necessary.
If I were to agree with a portion of this... I'd say if all you're doing is putting out bad news, then you'd be associated with bad feelings eventually.
[–]TRPhd 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The best ones to use are negative feelings about her. She's the director of her own movie, and dramas need a bit of conflict, so you give her some conflict to chew over and "resolve", and then bam, back to whatever. If it's something that has nothing to do with her then it distracts from her internal "movie" and so what is the point?
[–]sodainthewatercup6 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If it's drama, her hamster will find a way to make it seem like it's happening to her. Remember a lot of these examples we read in TRP involve a woman telling a story as if she's the victim, when she clearly isn't.
[–]2insickness 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Whip me, beat me, rape me, just don't bore me."
[–]Endorsed Contributorbogeyd6 80 points81 points82 points 10 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
However, you must provide emotional support for her in these situations.
Disagreed. You must become the oak tree that only sways slightly in the biggest hurricanes. She doesn't want your emotional support or help. She wants to bitch and complain about it while you sit there and just nod your head. Then give her a smack on the ass and have her fix dinner.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Endorsed Contributorbogeyd6 16 points17 points18 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Never think you can navigate the hamster world. Comfort is merely a long big hug. Not words from your mouth.
[–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. We try to convince ourselves that women can behave rationally in those times, but they cannot. They are so very inundated with emotional support from betas and their girl friends, that if men were to offer them the same support, they'd be lumped in with the rest of them.
[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 24 points25 points26 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The best thing you can do is make sure her own stability is rock solid during that period. Emotional support is something women do. She will have that. You support her world. They will support her hamster.
[–]verify_account 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
if she's dealing with something like a death or a tragedy, that is when you up the comfort a bit
She's not actually upset about the death of her co-worker's great aunt's show poodle. You're just buying into her frame by giving her needless attention.
[–]EnragedParrot 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right?
Remember that they really don't care about "others", they care about what others add to their own internal movie - the feelz.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh yeah. Of course she's not upset about the death of her father or sister right? Or her grandparents who raised her because their dad would beat them and their mother, she's just playing games.
[–]mugatucrazypills 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"You can't even comfort me right" either you're too interested and affected by her problems or you're a "insensitive animal for not doing it in the right way"
[–]FearDearg2015 19 points20 points21 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This.
I experienced something along these lines at the weekend. Mother in law stayed with us, and there was a death in the family while she was here. I applied the rule of STFU while mother in law and my wife were expressing how sad the death was. What struck me most was how quickly they were flipping in and out of sadness mode. If I had tried to engage with them, instead of shutting the fuck up, I would have only prolonged their time in sadness mode. They were perfectly capable of navigating their own emotional rollercoaster, and I just watched, amused, from the viewing platform.
[–]xray7776 points 10 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Eh, not really. What she wants is someone to tell her that its ok she feels this way and acknowledge that she is feeling things. NOT to share in the feelz....just to validate that they exist and tell her its going to be OK while being unswayed.
She wants a rock to cling to in the storm that acknowledges the storm but remains coolly unaffected. Imagine that wise old soldier who doesn't flinch in a bombing telling the frightened recruits to chill out cause you'll never hear the one that gets you.
That's what women want. Except instead of D-Day its that Ashley called her a bitch to Rachel but Ashley said she wasn't friends with Rachel because Rachel fucked Andy and Andy just has and he's definitely going to marry her but won't even talk her and she just can't even right now.
[–]alphabeta49 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hope that's what OP meant. When I was BP my wife complained constantly that I didn't emotionally support her. Now, she feels incredibly taken care of. My tactic? Listening and nodding along. That's all emotional support has to be: silent agreement.
[–]ValarMorghulis90 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you're in a LTR, and don't talk to your significant other about someone close to you dying, then you likely have problems. To say all women think "why did he tell me this?" is absurd. I realize all women can be AWALT, but god damn bro. That's a stretch.
[–]Nogoodsense 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is clearly an extreme viewpoint not to be used for ltr. This is for plates you aren't emotionally invested with and can drop at A moments notice
[–]antariusz 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Again I feel for the guy and his family, and for my buddy who was closer to him, but I'm not too broken up. I don't plan on telling my gf at all. She might find out through my buddy, and if she does so be it, but she won't find out from me.
This is by far the best plan. If she learns about it. And you are able to maintain an air of normalcy. Her attraction will increase. She'll be amazed that you were able to remain calm and collected in spite of all sorts of crazy shit you had going on... because she wouldn't be able to.
I mean, if that's your goal anyway. Do you want this girl to love you and think you're the best man in the whole possible world for her? Continue doing what you're doing.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women share everything eventually. It's far better to not mention your accomplishments and for her to find out indirectly (even after a long time) than to tell them in an effort to increase you smv
[–]icecow -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
or she'll think you are a pychopath
[–]antariusz 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea, lol, you're right...
Why don't you vomit up all of your bad emotions to a woman and lean on her in your time of sorrow.
Let me know how that works out for you when her pussy turns into the Sahara.
[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
On the other hand, your girl will tell you everything bad that happens to her.
Reminds me of a time with the ex girlfriend. For weeks she'd come back from work and bitch about something that happened. I'd listen and comfort, and give advise if asked.
One time I came home from work and did the same thing. I vented about something that happened. What did I get back in response?
"Why are you complaining? It's your job. Deal with it."
I knew right then and there that I would never marry this girl. But now, I just know that AWALT.
[–]evileddy 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
That is your role as a man. Help her deal with her negative feelings, and never impose your own on her.
Not that I would burden anybody with my problems and issues, but why does a woman need special treatment?
If the woman I am with can't provide support.. why the fuck is she there and why am I not out fucking multiple women?
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
If the woman I am with can't provide support.. why the fuck is she there
to have sex with her...
and why am I not out fucking multiple women?
because you fucked up
HOnestly, we say it a lot on here but the way you interact with a woman is a lot like a child. Such as "dont change her mind, change her mood" - you're better off getting her in a better mood than try to convince her with logic because even if she does agree it makes logical sense, she still wont go along with it
so would you tell your 6 year old kid all your problems in life? No, you are better off keeping it to yourself and just playing with the kid.
and even if you do find a woman who "supports" you, women always (subconsciously at least) view that as a weakness and will think worse of you or use it against you later in a shitty way.
or let's say you need to work overtime to pay for a car payment or something. Lot's of guys will tell her the sob story hoping to get extra appreciation. The girl doesn't give a shit. You're better off just working extra
so from every angle,you're better off dealing with shit yourself by yourself
[–]evileddy 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
you're better off dealing with shit yourself by yourself
yeah.. so other than sex.. why the fuck is she there?
I'm not going to waste energy manipulating her feelings.. I don't give a fuck about her feelings.
Just seems like a waste of time and energy to me.. however I see your point in how to treat them to get what you want, I just don't have time for it.
[–]1theoctopuss 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's the sign of a true Alpha. He doesn't have problems keeping women around, he has problems getting them to go away.
If you can reach your pinnacle as a man, women should naturally gravitate towards you. They will do whatever it takes to keep you around, especially if it means becoming submissive.
[–]TRPhd 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You're better off just working extra
And let her suspect you might be with another woman*... dread level increased.
(*Does not apply for crazy jealous bitches, obviously.)
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Did you miss the part where women are different and crafting their emotional state can benefit you?
If you don't care... then who cares?
[–]evileddy 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No. I don't have time to craft anyone's emotional state. If they can't handle some negativity then they can fuck right off.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ok. But don't forget, just because you don't wanna do it doesn't mean it's ineffective or even bad advice.
[–]evileddy 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That's a good point. I'm not saying it's ineffective.. you can use this to control and manipulate people very effectively using this method.
I just don't have to.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Crafting emotional states" is such loaded diction.
"Laughing".. Laughter is infectious, so laughter is an attempt to craft the emotional state of amused.
dont be a sheep. Look at words for what they mean, not for the negative connotations you associate with them.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TRPhd 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like where Guy 2's head is at, but better to do and not say.
[–]red_gerb 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree with the overall concept. However, a sprinkle of death can be beneficial!
You ride a motorcycle?!, that's Daaangerous, you could DIE! {tingle, tingle, drip, drip}
It depends on the Feelz outcome. If the news is a rain on her parade, certainly, shut it down or minimize it.
[–]verify_account 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No sorry you can't go for a ride, it's too dangerous (actually I'd rather ride by myself thanks).
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
brain registers being left out of the tribe
NO! No let me come!
[–]Mightyskunk 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You sure seem to date some toxic women. Sounds like a nightmare.
[–]foldpak111 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Women are a bad investment. If they can't even be there for me during periods of heartbreak, yet expect me to be there for them, then they are a liability. Fuck I wish I was gay.
[–]LetsGoAllTheWhey 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You had me until your last sentence.
[–]Cronyx 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Remember, women are not there to provide you emotional support. For that, you turn to a trusted male friend or family member.
What if you can only derive emotional support from someone you love intimately? That limits your options to your GF or wife. I'm not saying "what if you don't have anyone else to talk to", no I'm saying, if you can talk all day to a male friend, but it doesn't accomplish any "emotional progress". It doesn't alleviate anxiety or stress, it doesn't do anything for you?
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
My ex girlfriend of three years had opened me up emotionally the last few months, and was basically acting as my therapist. I was telling her everything, and it felt amazing, I felt so motivated, ambitious, and optimistic about the future. My past anxiety and depression were non-existent. It really did feel so fucking good to have that "emotional progress", and I never before felt this type of connection with anybody. I thought she really was the closest thing I had found to a unicorn, and we were both planning to grow old together without getting married.
A couple of weeks ago she sadly admitted to losing all attraction for me, and she completely gave up in trying to make the relationship work, hence ex-girlfriend. She now finds me repulsive, when even half a year ago I was the sexiest man alive and her best friend. It really shocked me how quickly she turned off, moved on, and forgot about me. I should have noticed the signs sooner and shut the fuck up, but I was making such awesome progress in understanding my own self, and I had hoped she was different from the women I learned about at TRP..
Nope. AWALT.
I became too comfortable, I became weak, and ultimately she made the right decision for her own future. Her emotions were more than correct, I became a needy-ass bitch. So I don't blame a bear for shitting in the woods, she taught me the harsh valuable lesson that I needed to learn, and I respect that. I was supposed to be her rock, and for the longest time I was, but our relationship status flipped as soon as that dynamic did.
I don't have anyone else in my life that I could talk to so personally with. It takes a really long time for me to trust people, and she was the person I trusted the most, so I understand your sentiments perfectly. Going to try my luck in finding an actual professional therapist to sort my shit out, preferably a male one, because nobody else gives a fuck about my problems the way she did, but I just didn't see it for the barrage of shit-tests that it was.
[–]LetsGoAllTheWhey 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Reminds me of a joke my married pharmacist told me: Why did God give women pussies? So men would talk to them.
It's on point if you think about it. What man would voluntarily listen to all their dramatic shit and put up with their whining, and mental problems if there wasn't the sex to make it worth while.
Nah man, this girl was a bit different, the sex is what I miss the least, and it was incredible. She loved reading and studied neuroscience all day long, and was super interesting and insightful to talk with. She was *ghasp* rational, at least way more rational than most women. The sex was just a nice cherry on top, I can smash random girls any time I want, but she was my best friend, now she won't even give me the time of day for a conversation.
Fuck that bitch, her loss, I'll get my shit together and find an even better one.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You mean to say at literally only an LTR could possibly make you feel better? You can't find one single person on planet earth? If I gave you a million dollars to vent your emotion with someone besides your LTR you still couldn't?
This is tangential to my cynical theory that the only reason we have psychologists is because the human race now lives in selfish abstractions. The general public is so devoid of humanity and compassion that we can no longer discuss with our closest friends, family, or significant other the simplist of struggles in order to heal and move on. We have to hire some joker to talk to. Only if you are lucky will they have a functional grounded understanding that could actually help you, and with the burden of cost, which is most often, rationally speaking, a bigger burden than the original problem.
[–]Cronyx 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I can talk to them all day. It just doesn't get any "emotional work" done. It's like eating Styrofoam, it fills up your stomach, but doesn't ameliorate hunger.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So you're emotionally dependent on a female to get through bad times? That's not a good place to be. That's something you have to work on yourself.
[–]Cronyx 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel like that isn't exactly constructive criticism. "That's a bad position to be in. You should fix that." Well, how?
How? Your emotions are not there to control you, they are there to power your discipline and drive. You are deep in the shit, dude, and RP can't fix you. Start with the No More Mr. Nice Guy book; it has changed a lot of lives. If you read it (and do the exercises), your life will be better.
Men live by actions, not fucking feelings.
[–]growingstronk 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You havent swallowed the pill if youve "fallen in love" with your GF. Also my closest guy friends I love more than most of my family.
[–]Cronyx -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My GF is my best friend and I love her and consider her family. I'm not interested in being in a relationship with anyone I don't love. We've been together for years.
Oh my fucking god. I guess it works for some people, that's fine, but seriously that is not the way to live a man's life, as half of a unit obsessed with itself.
That is not what a woman is for. She is an alien mind to yours, she will never understand you and you will never understand her. Why would you want to seek sympathy from a stranger (and women are essentially strangers to us, they are so foreign in thought and motivation)? You cannot rely on your woman to support your feelz -- that's your job for her. It doesn't matter whether you see it that way, she sees it that way, and that's the root of the problem.
Is it appropriate when single moms burden their children with their problems? No. It is similarly inappropriate for you to burden your wife with your problems. If she's involved, then talk it out, but if she's not, then shut the fuck up for your own sake, and hers.
"In love"? Fucking please. Sidebar, dude; sidebar.
[–]mugatucrazypills 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I say dump all the sad shit on her and see if she cries.
[–]2Overkillengine 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You could just use the downer as a contrast to a thrill you are about to offer.
Most modern women have fallen into becoming excitement junkies. They crave the roller coaster. They will do stupid degrading shit when they are jonesing for another high just like any other junky.
You can either be their dealer, or the chump paying the dealer by proxy.
[–]scarfox1 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It will be a lot worse if women find out about bad news and see that you didn't tell her. My second thought is that there is nothing wrong with negative emotions and they'll only associate it with you if you act weak in light of death. Don't try to be armchair psychologists and overthink everything.
[–]TRPhd 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It will be a lot worse if women find out about bad news and see that you didn't tell her
Only if it's her business. If you blew the family budget in Vegas, then yes, tell her. If your buddy's buddy went missing in the National Forest and they haven't found him for three days, does she really really care?
[–]scarfox1 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She might not care but you can be sure she'll care if you don't tell her and she finds out. "oh you don't trust me, you don't think I can be there for you' etc..
shrug [go about your business]
She'll hate it, but she'll respect you for it. If you answer or argue, you've entered her frame. Never enter her frame.
[–]steelerfaninperu 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Potential asterisk to this advice:
If she's likely to find out anyway, you might want to just come out with it. Because if you don't, you get the eventual "Why didn't you tell me?" discussion and she'll probably harbor resentment and it'll create extra unnecessary distrust.
Again, only if she actually is likely to find out about it. You're going to get the same emotional load either way, better off avoiding the bullshit "why would he hide this from me?" lack of logic later.
you get the eventual "Why didn't you tell me?"
It'll drive her crazy; she'll love it.
[–]steelerfaninperu 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed! but avoiding confrontation never hurt anyone. Your woman's mileage may vary
Grandparent passed away not her problem.
[–]LetsGoAllTheWhey 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Another story: When I was a lot younger, an older uncle, probably in his late 60's or early 70's was put in a hospital for some medical condition. So naturally, all the women went to his house and brought food, etc. (my grandma took me) What I found really enlightening was the fact that the most often asked question of his wife was if she was OK. Before they asked about my uncle, I heard several times in that baby kind of voice "Are you OK?" and they would hold her hand or touch her shoulder.
He's in the hospital alone and the old hens were worried about the health lady living at home with all the free food.
[–]Spiral-knight 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I've been mulling this question over all day and still lack the words to say it properly. Is there no time for a man to break frame and openly seek the kind of comfort a woman can give?
You can't break frame with a girl, ever. Let a plate or gf/wife see you weeping over your father's grave and the relationship's been dealt a mortal blow.
You shouldn't around male friends- who are likely to be BP'd or willing to exploit the moment of weakness
We are not ruled by emotion, this however does not mean we don't feel- and should a man need to vent and yes, be weak before erecting his stoic walls again. Is there any safety to be found outside of finding a whore removed from your area who will take your money and pretend to care?
[–]Magical-Soul -3 points-2 points-1 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Definitely, this "advice" is horrendous, who holds in turmoil of a family death to increase your SMV? If my boyfriend or friend I was close too didn't tell me his brother died, I'd be sad he DIDN'T use me as emotional support.
Not opening up to women doesn't turn them on after a point, if you're together for 1-2 years. She's gonna want you to roll over so she can rub your belly. Every sane person ever wants that.
[–]TRPhd 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If my boyfriend or friend I was close too didn't tell me his brother died, I'd be sad he DIDN'T use me as emotional support.
THIS is why we never ask deer how to hunt.
My ex-wife, I articulated to her that I couldn't tell her things because she reacted negatively. (I know, BP mistake.) Then she says, no, no, you can tell me things. Then I tell her a trouble at work. Then she says, are you going to quit? Fuck no, I wasn't going to quit, but that's where her anxiety-riddled brain went INSTANTLY. I'd listened to her bitch about her job for EIGHT. FUCKING. YEARS. and never asked if she'd quit, but one time I say something and she goes there. Women just don't need the extra anxiety. Unless I'm already fired, I tell women nothing.
[–]Magical-Soul 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Your ex is a cunt. Contrary to popular belief, men aren't tough for women. They're tough FOR MEN, your girlfriend/sister/mother is who normally knew your feelings and socially studied you. Whenever you cry or you're upset, your dad does not sit through your tantrums. Your mother does.
I can understand gynocentric cunts are gynocentric, but even if girls are gynocentric cunts MOST of the time, your girlfriend WILL NOT lose respect for her boyfriend being upset at a dead relative. I don't know which crazy cuntlords you guys ran into but normal sane people will support you through a family death.
Not every action in your agenda should be about improving your SMV. Who even cares about that when a relative is dying? This is one of those times when TRP is automatically assuming every woman is the worst cunt of them all.
There are varying degrees of gynocentrism, most women will support you even if they don't know you very well.
[–]EnragedParrot 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
most women will support you even if they don't know you very well
hahahahahaha...you haven't dated too many women, have you? :D
Some women will support you but only if they know you really well, see you're a Good Man, and you have shown investment in them.
your girlfriend WILL NOT lose respect for her boyfriend being upset at a dead relative.
Nor should she. BUT...this wasn't (originally) specifically about a dead relative, but about bad news in general. So let's say dead parent = 10 while dead dog of a friend of a friend is = 1. Don't share the 1's, but definitely the 10's.
As far as for whom men being "tough" (I assume you mean stoic), first it's part of who we are, secondarily we'll work on stoicism because society condemns us if we aren't stoic to a certain degree (and being stoic - i.e. in control of your emotions, is useful).
most women will support you even if they don't know you very well.
Yes, women are naturally moved to compassion. But when they view a man as requiring nurturing, that works in opposition to their attraction. They cannot simultaneously feel compassion and lust... it's not in their constitution. This is not a flaw; it's a feature. We don't want them fucking children (whom they nurture), and the flip side of that is sympathizing with the man who tears up their vagina.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Look at it this way. What benefit is there from telling a girlfriend when you could tell a guy you trust? That doesn't mean say absolutely nothing about it to your LTR but there's nothing to be gained from expressing that level of intense emotion to her. Keep it together. If you've got to cry, do it, just don't do it in front of her.
[–]J2501 -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Meh... I think this is all part of cloistering women. Which shouldn't be done. Not only is it sexist, implying that they can't handle reality, it's also unfair to put the burden of maintaining unrealistic expectations onto men.
My point is simply this: If there is a sinkhole in the road, and a man wrecks out on it, society says, 'He's a bad driver'. If a woman wrecks out on it, 'We need to fix that road.' So thar's exactly why we SHOULDN'T shelter women from the world's problems. Often times, a woman experiencing a problem is the only way to get it fixed. In other words, it's not REALLY a problem until it affects a woman.
[–]EnragedParrot 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
TL;DR after the word "sexist" showed up.
[–]real-boethius -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would accept that gently rubbing their nose in the fact that they cannot handle reality on their own is a good idea. This solves a lot of that "I'm a strong indeependent women that don't need no man" nonsense.
Beyond that it just messes them up.
[–]TRPhd -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not only is it sexist, implying that they can't handle reality
If it has nothing to do with them, why should they care? Plus, very few things are "sexist" -- that's a label too often used to shame legitimate criticisms and observations of sex/gender differences. When adjectives exercise a "chilling effect" on conversations, use different fucking adjectives... unless you only want to be sung to by the rest of the choir, of course.
[–]Kalidane 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They literally cannot handle reality. Not much benefit to highlighting it to them.
It's the equivalent of telling a paraplegic that he can't sprint well. It is mean-spirited and without benefit.
[–]Quansau18 -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you present them with something negative that has occurred, and show that you are unphased by the event, does it enhance your standing in their eyes? Or better to avoid it altogether?
The OP's point is that you don't want anything negative associated with you. If they find out from another source, it's not associated with you, and then they can admire your stoicism. If they don't find out, fuck it, they didn't need to know.
[–]forbinsdecline -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's not so much the telling of the bad news as showing that your affected by it, or that you need comfort. Maybe these go hand-in-hand at times, but there is a distinction.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you are in a long term relationship or marriage, keeping serious information from your SO such as the death of your family members and friends is not a smart strategy. There is a difference between relaying information and seeking emotional support. It is possible to tell your girl about something negative without appearing weak. Most women, when they hear bad news about someone they care for, do not react "why did he tell me this?". And when they hear about the news from other parties they will feel crushed that you didn't trust them, and concerned about the strength of the relationship.
If you want to demonstrate a mastery of emotions, you need to actually demonstrate that you are in control despite whatever bad things are happening. If you never mention anything negative, a girl will have nothing to be impressed with. She will have no idea that you are holding frame, keeping it together etc. And if she learns whatever you were keeping from her and isn't upset, she certainly won't be awed at the "stoicism" or whatever you think your advice displays.
If anyone is concerned about the reaction of a girl to merely hearing bad news (not you seeking emotional comfort from her), then you need to pick a better girl and do a better job leading the relationship in a way that inspires love and compassion.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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