My wife is fat and it makes me unhappy.

Ill_mumble_that · 2013-05-07T17:19:57+00:00

Just let her fat ass rot on the couch. Get up and do stuff. Invite her to come with you. If she doesn't, don't be mean, just leave her sitting there. Stay away from her until she agrees to follow you out.

Do not beg her to come with you.
Only ask once, neutral tone. Say something like "I'm leaving in 10 minutes to go do X-physical-activity, are you coming with me?"
Leave silently in 10 minutes. Ignore any pleas from her to wait up or stick around longer unless it is obvious she is putting 110% into getting ready to go with you.
If she calls you while you are out, just respond with "I'm busy."
Don't share details about what you do while you are out, just say "If you wan't to know you'll have to come with me next time."

This will create two possible outcomes. The best and most likely is that she will notice that you aren't fucking around and if she wants to spend time with you she needs to get her shit together. The less favorable outcome is that she is truly a lazy piece of shit and just stays at home becoming fatter.

crapshack · 2013-05-07T19:29:22+00:00

I don't belong here, and I'm not sure how I got here, but I'd just like to say that she is SO fucking LUCKY to be at home. I gained a bit after starting my first office job, and have been working really hard to get it off. This is after working a full day, tidying up, and making dinner. Why? Because me plus 40 lbs isn't what he signed up for, and he doesn't deserve that. If I had the luxury of being home all day, I can guarantee that a good portion of that time would be used for exercise and preparation of healthy foods for both me and my spouse. In this day and age where so many households require both individuals to work to sustain a reasonable lifestyle, I can only DREAM of the day that I can leave this fucking cubicle, stay home, cook, clean, pursue fulfilling hobbies, and take good care of myself for my man.

Sorry for the rant in your foreign subreddit. This was not in the least bit helpful. Maybe she needs a fulfilling hobby so she stops obsessing about food. Cancel the cable.

Gentle-Mang · 2013-05-07T17:40:14+00:00

There are plenty of really good reasons for having a healthier lifestyle. Longer life, more energy and stamina, better sex, access to fun activities, and she would be less insecure and more confident.

You know her better than anyone, why would she want to do it? How can you phrase it in a way that she would be receptive to? I think that there's enough to work with that you can broach the subject in a way that won't hurt her feelings. But you can't make her do it, you have to make her want to do it, because getting in shape requires discipline and drive.

I recommend http://www.scoobysworkshop.com for lots of free advice about nutrition and workout plans.

I'd also be very interested if you posted this on /r/relationships too, just to see what kind of response the question draws.

thebears1986 · 2013-05-07T17:14:36+00:00

She isn't improving herself because she still sees you both as equals in sexual market value. Tip the scale in your favor some more by hitting the gym and you will see some changes in her.

In other words, you need to run some dread game.

RedditBlueit · 2013-05-07T17:17:23+00:00

You cannot "make" anyone do anything. You can compel someone to do it (say, hold a gun to their head), but you really can't make them. Thinking otherwise will drive you both crazy.

If you approach this directly, and push it too hard, it will become a power struggle between the two of you. She'll either knowingly or naturally do the opposite. By naturally, I mean that she'll get uncomfortable, or her self esteem will take a hit, and she'll wind up using food to make herself feel better.

My advice? Diets do not work long term (2% success rate over two years). Focus on changing unhealthy habits to healthy ones. Examples:

Get in the habit of taking a walk every evening. Invite her along - make them a treat for her. Listen to her yap, tell her about your day, whatever rewards her for coming along. Start with around the block, and work up to 30 minutes 3-4 times a week.
If she gets cravings, it's probably because she's bored or upset. Distract her before she settles on food as the cure - ask how she's doing, plan tomorrow's dinner, whatever.
If you're keeping snack foods in the house, try buying them in those 100 - 150 caloriie serving sizes. Trying finding less calorie dense snacks they're more filling, better for you.
Change what and where you eat - you eat more when distracted by tv. Try to work in more fresh fruits and vegetables, more fiber, and less simple carbs and sodium.

Present these changes as something you are doing, and ask her to join you. Then this is a couples' thing, and not something you're "making" her do. If you're making her, it's your responsibility; if she's joining something you're doing, it is hers.

Source: I'm entering my third decade of marriage.

PS - If you want to "gamify" this, look into Sparkpeople.com. It's a social/lifestyle site where you earn points for making healthy changes.

[deleted] · 2013-05-07T17:40:28+00:00

Lift weights, spin plates. http://redpillwifery.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/fuckabunchadread/

theshinepolicy · 2013-05-07T21:25:41+00:00

My wife did that same shit for years (except with housework). I tried being supportive, i tried being understanding. None of it worked.

You know what did work? When i stopped giving a fuck and didnt give her any feedback until she started doing what i wanted her to do. I would just come home, act like she wasnt even there, do the housework (while in my work clothes and have it done in an hour) and just drink whiskey until bed time. This kept on for about a month until she started getting her shit together because she (in her words) "felt useless and unnecessary"

Now whenever i say i want something done and she doesnt do it. I say "okay, ill do it myself" and then she falls in line and does it because she hates the feeling of being useless.

[deleted] · 2013-05-07T17:55:23+00:00

Just start cooking for you both do some paleo or keto. Start cooking steak and vegetables. Don't do it with any expectations for her, just do it because you want to. She's probably jizz herself as you just added another alpha quality to your resume

Bobsutan · 2013-05-07T22:20:00+00:00

Stop having shitty foods in the house. My sweet tooth is extreme - if there's any chocolate in the house there won't be in 10 seconds. How do I handle it? By rarely, if ever, buying sweets and always having fruit in the house.

Make new habits and enforce them.

RedSunBlue · 2013-05-07T22:56:47+00:00

[deleted]

KeroKeroppi · 2013-05-07T17:31:02+00:00

Good friend of mine went through this as well. Getting his wife into therapy actually helped her work out some of her insecurity and depression issues, which got her the motivation to take pride in her appearance. She started hitting the gym and dieting and she looks great now.

rkg-pua · 2013-05-07T17:25:02+00:00

fail to see how a self-proclaimed 'alpha' would end up with a fat wife...

socal83 · 2013-05-07T17:50:43+00:00

http://i.imgur.com/lqKow.jpg

[deleted] · 2013-05-07T18:26:14+00:00

Go and do active hobbies, invite her to come with you. If she doesn't, just leave her on her own until she gets the message.

Bobsutan · 2013-05-07T22:41:57+00:00

Improve yourself. Either she'll follow suit when you start getting interest from other women due to your rising sex rank/smv, or she won't and you can dump her, secure in the knowledge that other women are a stone's throw away. Relationships where the couple has divergent sex ranks of more than a point or 2 rarely survive.

viewfromthelowbranch · 2013-05-08T02:53:19+00:00

As a woman who has been in your wife's current position (except orphaned, so no fail safe for when the marriage failed), I would like to offer what worked for me. With this method I changed my body and my life for the better, shedding over a hundred pounds.

The rule of 20: if someone truly wants to accomplish/ achieve something they can find 20 ways to make it happen. All that's needed is a piece of paper with stated goal at top, numbered from 1-20. And then list steps needed to achieve goal. The first ten or so are easy and went something like 1. No sodas (not even diet) 2. No fast food. 3. Drink more water. 4. Walk 20 min. A day 5. Smaller portions 6. Count calories, limit to 1200 (my particular #)

You get the idea... But there will come a point where shit gets real. And 13 is chewing each bite longer. 16. Eating at the dining room table only. 18. No Tv and food. Then just start ticking things off. One at a time. Don't incorporate an additional step until you successfully mastered the previous one. And boom, just like magic... Size 24 is a size and and you'll be buying your sweetie a new wardrobe. Breaking thing down in such a manner should also help her deal with her hamster.

fappucino625 · 2013-05-08T16:08:00+00:00

As a former (and still recovering) fatty (male), I can tell you with absolute certainty that you cannot make her want to lose weight. If she says she wants to but does nothing about it, she doesn't want to.

Encourage any positive step she takes. This does not include talking about losing weight or wishing she could "stop having cravings".

TRUNK666 · 2013-05-07T17:03:08+00:00

let her read this. be honest with her.

[deleted] · 2013-05-07T17:08:20+00:00

Tell her to get it together or your leaving. Get your money in order and brace for the worst just in case.

jngshin · 2013-05-07T17:59:30+00:00

Spin plates.

She won't get in shape until you leave her.

Captain__Murphy · 2013-05-07T21:59:15+00:00

Ignore these beta passive aggressive comments and listen to this. You're the husband. It's your job to lead. Confidently tell her, "We're both going to start getting in shape and eating better for our health and attractiveness." Say it confidently, without being rude. No if, ands, or buts. Show enthusiasm for this new idea so she'll be more convinced and excited about it. Start working out together and when you're not home help her come up with healthy meals to eat, preferably paleo/keto. Boost her confidence along the way by complimenting any results you start to notice, and how it makes you want her so much more. If you have time start planning active hobbies such as hiking, biking, or whatever else. This is now apart of both of your lifestyles.

Evers89 · 2013-05-07T18:42:47+00:00

I can agree with most posters here. If talking isn't going to work, getting it done on your own will inspire some change from her. It has to. She loves you and won't lose you. If you keep hitting a wall trying to motivate her with words, then action is all you have left.

Ps. This same post over in Relatipnships is getting blasted with feminist nonsense as expected... For some reason, your desires don't mean anything and you're just sexist? No wonder we don't post our issues there.

BleLLL · 2013-05-07T21:34:43+00:00

The way you identify yourself as 'alpha' is a bit cringe-y.

[deleted] · 2013-05-07T21:53:06+00:00

Maybe offer to exercise with her? Turn it into something you can do together. And if she cooks your food I'd assume you have some say as to what gets cooked in the first place. Push for her to buy healthier stuff for both of you. Couch any arguments in a style that it would make both of you happier/healthier in the long run if she really is insecure about her weight.

FountainsOfFluids · 2013-05-08T00:23:49+00:00

You are alpha, the leader. You decide what rewards should be given for compliance, and what punishments should be meted for resistance. You lead the family unit in fitness activities and expectations. You decide what food should be kept in the home.

Initiative is a masculine trait. Is that really what you want in your spouse, or are you just using that as an excuse to be lazy and not do anything about the problem yourself?

[deleted] · 2013-05-08T04:08:35+00:00

Standard weight loss advice is as bad as standard relationship advice.

Physical activity is not a good method of losing weight. Often it just makes people hungrier. Losing weight is not difficult (assuming decent income). However it requires changing what you eat not how much (often you can eat more). Cut sugar. Increase protein as much as possible. Replacing sugar with protein (normal foods-gyros, steak, etc) is just replacing one tasty food with a different one.

francobanko · 2013-05-08T17:22:26+00:00

Tell her, give her a chance to change & leave if she doesnt.

MrHocus · 2013-05-08T21:59:10+00:00

Imo it seems that you're more slighted that she has no self motivation to affect any change in her life. To me it is borderline insulting when a woman does not attempt to look and feel her best.

racontemoi · 2013-05-07T21:43:02+00:00

Step 1: pick up other girls.

Step 2: have group sex with other girls and wifey.

Step 3: point out how much skinnier other girl is than wifey.

Step 4: don't hang out with wifey until she loses weight.

Step 5: become polygamous?

elevul · 2013-05-07T20:49:52+00:00

I'm afraid this is not the proper subreddit for that kind of advice, but my suggestion is to simply go train with her. Go to the gym and bring her with you, and stay with her while she trains.

Ilikescienceandstuff · 2013-05-08T02:06:18+00:00

If she wants sex more than you, fuck her senseless, and make her do most of the work, drop hints about wanting crazier things that require more effort and dexterity on her part. Keep it up for months, all the while getting on a health kick and eating better. At the end of a few months, if she still isn't losing weight, you can at least break up with her, claiming sexual differences, and post it on reddit without being called names by neckbeards and bisexual vegans who believe in the freedom of speech unless it makes them angry.

cooledcannon · 2013-05-08T03:25:50+00:00

/r/Paleo. ask her to read this and lose some weight

Title	My wife is fat and it makes me unhappy.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	56
Comments	127
Date	May 7, 2013 5:00 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1dvdtu/my_wife_is_fat_and_it_makes_me_unhappy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/my-wife-is-fat-and-it-makes-me-unhappy.4265 https://theredarchive.com/post/4265

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