Guess which comment was written by a man...nobody takes 10 years to decide whether they want to marry someone. Absolutely nobody.

BasieSkanks

December 18, 2020

172 upvotes

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Title	Guess which comment was written by a man...nobody takes 10 years to decide whether they want to marry someone. Absolutely nobody.
Author	BasieSkanks
Upvotes	172
Comments	42
Date	December 18, 2020 4:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kfoq8v/guess_which_comment_was_written_by_a_mannobody/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/guess-which-comment-was-written-by-a-mannobody.459860 https://theredarchive.com/post/459860

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[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I did not know this when we did our vow renewal. We were both military and between deployments and being stationed apart and far away from family who couldn't afford to travel for a wedding, the first several years were a mess. We got married in the courthouse.

Five years later we had stabilized and were living near his family. We did a vow renewal because I wanted to wear a dress and have wedding pictures. One of his friends was all smirking at me about it and asking what he did. I had no idea what she was talking about but now I know a lot of vow renewals happen after cheating is discovered.

Just another time I got to be humiliated in that marriage. She was probably fucking him. I made her my maid of honor because she was one of his best "friends." Such a joke now. I must have looked so stupid to so many people.

[–]gingerwabisabiFDS Apprentice12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Who would have thought! Some more statistics - kids born to a married couple have more stability than those born to a cohabiting couple, married couples experience less infidelity than cohabiting couples, cohabiting couples report less happiness and higher rates of violence, cohabiting couples tend to have less money.

This all makes sense. If a couple decides they want to get married and know WHEN , then cohabitation is just “let’s get used to each other in the same house for a little bit since this is what the rest of our life will be like.” Cohabitating without talking about marriage means “let’s see if we can tolerate each other every day”. The difference is one is intentional and the other is on unsteady ground.

I won’t live together with a man unless he has picked out a ring and a date. I mean not that this will happen anytime soon....but it is something I want to discuss early on

[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This needs to be its own post. The sentiment behind cohabiting before and after marriage are completely different.

Cohabiting before marriage is basically communicating: "I'm not sure about you and need to 'test drive' you before I decide to commit (while getting the benefits of sex, split rent and maid services). If you 'pass' (i.e. if you're worthy) I'll reward you with a proposal."

Cohabiting after marriage is saying: "I love you and getting married and moving in together is a sign of how much I want to build a life with you."

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[–]BasieSkanksRuthless Strategist[S] 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

My sister and her husband got married seven years into their relationship, but my brother-in-law knew he wanted to marry her pretty much immediately. They had several reasons to wait that long (my sister had severe mental health difficulties, she needed to graduate and they had to close the gap as they were long distance), but the difference between that situation and a forever girlfriend scenario is that they always knew and were working towards being married. Men know early on whether they are serious about a woman. Like you said, every relationship is different in terms of when they actually do the nuptials, but the intention, and actions towards marriage, need to be there early on to avoid being strung along. And no, buying a house together, having kids and doing wifey behaviour is not intention.

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[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie-1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m not at all trying to disagree with by and large how men reap benefits from marriage way more than women do and how they lead women on. But in this specific case of John Cena, I can myself as a childfree woman understanding his situation. John Cena was very clear to Bella on his terms from the very beginning. No doubt when you add love to the mix, it makes things complicated and you make think “well what if I changed my mind on these things?” It’s pretty clear that Bella was quite insistent on changing his mind, which no one should ever try to when it comes to those things. An awful situation all around but Bella knew what she was getting into and John Cena should’ve steered clear and let her find someone who can give her that. That’s why it’s good to find someone that shares the same goals as you.

[–]BasieSkanksRuthless Strategist[S] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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