How do YOU deal with loneliness?

stpauley45 · 2016-05-13T11:19:03+00:00

Loneliness is a lie. It is caused by a thought. It's all in your mind. It is a thought followed by a feeling . Definition of Loneliness: sadness because one has no friends or company.

It sounds like you experience a feeling of sadness knowing you lack "company" for the night. i.e. "It really sets in about the moment I walk in my house after work and realize (have a thought) that I'm going to be here, all alone (besides the occasional text) until my ass wakes up for work the next day."

You are leaving the moment and suffering feelings of sadness caused by future events that haven't occurred yet...meaning, you "feel" bad because you perceive an event (being alone for the next 5 hours until bed) as being your reality. So instead, change that shit.

You have unlimited options. First, do something. Entertain yourself. Be alone and make a 3 course meal and dessert and watch RAMBO. Learn a new skill, take an online course. Meditate and watch your thoughts as if they were logs floating down a river. Just experience them coming and going. Don't judge them or "hold on" to one of them...just let them flow in and out. Where do they come from? Where do they go? Can you even slow your mind down enough to pay attention. I could go on ad infinitum. Just do something. Make a decision to not experience loneliness and take action.

What I did: If you need something to get you moving, I started with cleaning my apartment from top to bottom with insane attention to detail. This action removed/interrupted the rumination in my head over the fact that "I was going to be alone all night".

YOU are the maker of your reality. Stop relying on outside influences to calm your inner state of being. I stopped answering texts and instead would call the person and have a real conversation. I studied my craft more. I watched Netflix and finished several series alone. I walked to the local coffee shop and got to know the owner as I sat and simply watched my fellow human beings go about their day.

Loneliness v.s. Solitude

Loneliness is a feeling. Solitude is a state of BEING. Definition of Solitude: the state or situation of being alone. (Notice the word "situation". You can always change your "situation". You are not a powerless being.)

Choosing to participate in the "loneliness" state of mind is dis-empowering. Solitude is an empowering state of BEING.

Allow yourself to participate in the experience of solitude and the "feelings of loneliness" will dissolve. Power from within you returns.

Loneliness lacks purpose. Solitude is purpose.

IMPORTANT REMINDER on Rumination

--------When people ruminate, they over-think or obsess about situations or life events, such as work or relationships. Research has shown that rumination is associated with a variety of negative consequences, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, binge-drinking and binge-eating. Don't EVER ruminate. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/01/20/why-ruminating-is-unhealthy-and-how-to-stop/

sir_Preacher · 2016-05-13T05:47:17+00:00

Most of the advice people are giving you in this thread is go out, find friends, socialize, etc. But I can tell you from experience that none of these will cure you of loneliness.

You can go out with friends and socialize to temporary escape the feelings of loneliness, but when you return to your room, your loneliness will still be waiting for you.

There are many people who are married or in ltrs who feel extremely lonely. In fact there are many women who hook up with different guys every night, yet are among the emptiest souls on earth. They try to escape their emptiness through the external validation they get from hooking up with different guys, yet they only feel lonelier the next morning.

Having a woman or friends in your life will not cure you of loneliness, because loneliness is not caused by a lack of company. It's only a symptom, and not the root problem.

The root cause of loneliness, especially in men, is the absence of personal purpose/goals/direction for your life. And the cure is finding personal fulfillment through achievement of your purpose or goals in life.

Many people are frustrated because they do not have personal goals, or lack the discipline to achieve their goals. They ''go with the flow'', or ''follow the trend'', or ''try to fit in'' , only to ''get lost'' in the processs.

Striving towards personal fulfillment through self discipline is formula for lasting happiness. Find your personal goals and dedicate your time to achieving them, and you will not have ''time'' to feel lonely.

Thotwrecker · 2016-05-13T04:24:28+00:00

Loneliness must be mastered before you can successfully manage a LTR and successfully be "with people" while retaining a comfortable, abundance mentality. If you are not A-OK going back to being alone, you WILL cling, and she will pick up on it and give you substandard behavior.

Now, you asked HOW to do it, but you need to understand the why. See, your default instinct is going to be to try to escape loneliness.

You've escaped loneliness all your life. Escapism in the form of internet communities, video games, nerd culture, whatever it is, has likely defined your life, as as a result, you are looking for a new route to escape into.

But you cannot do that this time. You must face and triumph over the loneliness. We are social animals, yes, but women and beta males are characterized by their need to be a part of the pack. This is why betas act timid, nice, defer to others, and try to figure out what group consensus will be before acting; they are afraid of being kicked out and then sentenced to being "alone".

You have to force yourself to say no to "escapist" options. Don't play any more games, don't watch TV, hell, even get off reddit. Seriously, do without the input of these cyber humans in various mediums, just learn to think and act off your own impulses.

Master your diet, your workouts, your sleep cycle, your vitamins. Just take it slow and focus on simplifying and optimizing your life. Take up 1 physical hobby, 1 artistic / musical hobby, 1 career related hobby, and 1 intellectual development hobby. Give it your all.

Be open to meeting people and bonding with choice individuals during this process, but have standards. Have a wall; only the best get in.

Find the beauty and joy in accomplishing your own missions. Reduce ambient noise around you so you can really listen to yourself and decide what you want to do.

Keep this up for 90-120 days or more. This will cure loneliness if you really do it.

You have to fully accept and not resist the pain of being lonely. Accept it and don't fight it; don't try to hide from it. Just accept that it sucks.

Being alone is a great gift. I used to be in a LTR and I realized I would often just be trying to cut down on time she was over because, fuck, I needed the "me" time to work on my hobbies. I mean, I work 10 hrs a day, I commute for 1, gym / run for about 1.5, and like to read / write for at least 1 hr. Those to me are non-negotiables, which means literally all of my waking hours are basically gone.

Being with a girl most guys would chop off their big toe to be with... led to me stagnating and hamstering about how I didn't really need to make time for X or Y because I had already "made it".

Being alone helped me drop weight, build muscle, backpack across the PNW, knock out the GMAT when previously I never made time to study, and so on.

Being alone, as you will eventually come to learn, is growth. Pain is growth.

Being with people and being surrounded by validation and friends and family and all... that is good too. But that's a REWARD. That comes AFTER you become the man you are supposed to be, and after you come to terms with loneliness and master the little bitch in you. You graduate from loneliness only when you're truly ready; it cannot be faked.

sir_wankalot_here · 2016-05-13T01:06:15+00:00

Normally I would say move this question to asktrp, but it is a really good question. Speaking from experience. We are brought up to believe there is someone that we can magically attach to that will complete us. Or to phrase it another way, we are told we are missing a piece of ourselves, we then told that one day we will find this missing piece.

Notice how BP guys always say you will die alone this is their greatest fear. The RP truth is we all die alone, and you will never find someone to fill that missing piece. It has to come from with in.

By all means, go out, meet people, socialize. But this will not fix that missing piece. When you actually accept that you will not find that missing piece things take on a different perspective.

Just carry on, relax, dont worry about it.

mikesteane · 2016-05-13T01:18:22+00:00

Loneliness is not caused by lack of company, it is caused by personal incompleteness, i.e. not having found yourself yet.

An excellent cure for your problems would be travel. Serious travel I mean, not going on a package tour with a group, but hitting the road on your own and going to unusual places, getting involved with the culture and, in passing but by no means unimportantly, finding out who you are when many of your cultural familiarities are gone. This worked for me.

Other than that, undertake a serious project that will make a difference in the world.

Lashlarue123 · 2016-05-13T13:24:51+00:00

This topic is the reason I found trp years ago and made a massive change. What's the difference between you and a prisoner? LIBERTY. Realize it. Most advice here about getting hobbies is half the story for the socially inept. I lived alone in a new city for a year with an internet business and a ton of cool, challenging hobbies. Bad feelings of being alone nonetheless caused me panic attacks and threatened my life. I realized I needed to insert myself BACK into society - I could not wait for it to come to me. So, I learned daygame, and began using its methods on both men and women. Now I have friends anywhere I go. I dont need to rely on anyone for anything more than social comfort, so there are no further expectations. Additionally, I realized I would like to be part of a team of winners, not in an amateur sport or hobby, but in something where I could maximize the potential value of my life at this age (early 30's). So I busted my ass on my own and got a scholarship to a great school in my preferred field, in addition to running several internet businesses concurrently. I will say the best change in my life was having a STRATEGY on how to talk to anyone - daygame. Most people afflicted with social problems don't have a plan for conversation, and feel exposed and lost due to negative outcomes in the past. They were never taught how to converse as a man by their fathers, because their fathers never taught them (self perpetuating beta lifestyles). This was me, and all the hobbies and accomplishments won't help this. It boils down to the props/jokes/bait/next method. Talk about props in your environment or make related small jokes. Then, bait something interesting about your life. See if they take the bait, then talk about it more. Watch to see if they bait something about themselves, thats the cue for you to ask them about it and discuss it more. Add in more small jokes. That's it. Using this method, you can socially connect with anyone. If a man or woman shit tests you, NEVER get butthurt. Instead, feel the butthurt, then deploy a strategy - ignore, agree and amp, pressure flip question, etc. Move on if they dont come around. Thats how you deal with power attempts. And that's how you fulfill the need to conversate. I've always done something socially humiliating or regrettable in various phases of my life, hence creating social problems and introversion. I believe I am very much not alone. However, carrying forth the strategy outlined above, I can actually say that I have not acted in any way I regret over a year in a brand new environment, no one has gotten the best of me, I've made new friends and dated new girls. This is a 360 degree change from my entire adult life! I'm not prom king or the president, but I get along on a base level with people, some better than others. It's work that needs daily curation, effort, and reminders; I use an affirmation, it's the only way to reverse the decades long programming. But, it's working. If I could go back in time and give myself a social strategy at age 13, god, I could've saved years of confusion and depression. But I am lucky to have found the solution now instead of 10 years later. The second best time to plant a tree is today. Hope this helps whoever read this long thing, felt great to write it.

silentao · 2016-05-13T06:16:03+00:00

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NeoreactionSafe · 2016-05-13T02:02:39+00:00

I've developed some great hobbies

Soooooo... why not pursue your hobbies?

I've got tons of interests and have spent years alone. (I'm 55)

Think of it this way... you can go out and get a girl pregnant and if she has a baby you are on the hook to pay Child Support for 18 years.

When you have Freedom realize how lucky you are.

Most guys find a way to get fucked over by the system and end up working themselves into the grave or other bad outcomes.

Freedom means separation.

To be free is to be not connected.

Freedom is the defining masculine trait. (Frame)

Women absolutely hate being "out of touch" with the herd mind and separation to them is a kind of hell. Women cannot comprehend male Freedom.

Men need their cave... embrace it. You might lose it one day.

chief66red · 2016-05-13T01:56:43+00:00

I also struggle with this, I somehow crave being alone but at the same point in time it kills.

THE GYM. a good opener to make some friends is ask them for a spot then next time you see them at the gym ask them something like "any plans this weekend. Talk to people about different types of workouts, eventually ask them if they wanna go out for drinks to hit on some girls, gyms are full of dudes your age who will have similar interests. Plus it's good to have friends with positive hobbies like lifting, not stoner nerd friends who are getting skinny fat. I've met friends at the gym then through talking found out they were also on trp. Also going to the gym is good for you and your brain, it will release good endorphins you won't get sitting at home on youtube and reddit.

Where do you live? parents?

Maybe try and get some roommates, stay off the internet 247.

Read some philosophy, take advantage of being alone and set a goal to read 40 pages from a book a night.

Learn to love being alone, you will be for most of your life.

senordustball · 2016-05-13T04:21:17+00:00

Loner type here: One of the things I enjoy about being alone is that it gives me the ability to gather my thoughts and make sense of the world I live in. It was thanks to this that I was able to come to some of the same conclusions that many of the things that some years later I came to find here in the red pill. Introspection is easiest to achieve when you are alone.

Also it might have something to do with your personality type, I'm very Introvert and after a period of heavy socializing I need to "Recharge" my batteries by being alone and away from social interactions. And when I'm alone it's when it's easiest to concentrate on reading.

ChrisBenRoy · 2016-05-13T12:52:08+00:00

I never really thought about it before, but since I began internalizing TRP stuff, I don't feel lonely anymore, ever. I don't long for company, I perfectly enjoy being by myself and often times actually prefer it.

Also, I have a dog, that's about the only person I "miss" at any given time.

Alanranks7 · 2016-05-13T01:37:00+00:00

You must have good company with yourself above all else. Then comes family, friends, and lovers. I hear about it every day from some of my more BP friends and some of my family. I have noticed my post anger phase self has much more apathy in this field than others.

I also believe that one must meditate and try to keep themselves physically and mentally healthy and along with going to college this upcoming fall I just focus on that instead of dating. I may regret this in my future so take from this what you will.

zetayshow · 2016-05-13T09:33:22+00:00

Preety much what /u/stpauley45 said. The book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living from Dale Carnegie has a pretty good perspective about how to deal with loneliness. Just keep yourself busy. See it as a game, for example, where you have a lot of skills that you can develop but you haven`t started yet. Each of this skills will improve your life and you as a subject. Just start writing them down and the ones you find more impressive and start doing them. I started with value markets -> meditation -> guitar and everyday I discover something new to develop. Just Keep Yourself Busy

[deleted] · 2016-05-13T12:15:26+00:00

I felt lonely in my marriage. Imagine after a few years of laying next to her in the same bed and thinking how incredibly lonely you are despite her laying there. I'd rather be alone with my mission.

Dookiestain_LaFlair · 2016-05-13T21:46:39+00:00

I play World of Warcraft and gank low level players. The satisfaction I get from ruining someone's good time makes me feel content and happy.

TRPBackpacker · Fri May 13 2:24:38 2016 UTC

I don't know. I don't feel it anymore. Or think about it. I used to think that I need to share my life with people. Then I realize that people suck. Yes, you get to share it for a bit and then you part ways and that is lost.

I have people all over the world who will be happy to see me that I've had a strong connection with, but we don't need to be constantly together. I am like that strange wanderer that comes into town with wild stories every other year.

I think this comes from 3 major experiences, not just understanding, but actually experiencing them.

Vipassana Meditation detachment. Travelled the world and realizing that in some part of the world, I am a 10. In other parts, I am a 4. When you are down and under, no one cares about you.

So I became this very selfish person. Everything I do is so I can get benefit. Also because I am pretty jaded about people from some of the business dealings. My most recent experiment at a shitty job also proved my dark view about people. So, since people are shitty, I donn't care much to be with someone. I don't envy any couple in relationships due to TRP. SO all these took the desperate need to be with someone away. Whether male companionship or women.

widec · 2016-05-13T02:46:53+00:00

I was very lonely when I graduated high school. Didn't have any social skills, so I had trouble connecting with people in college.

At first I hated it, but something just clicked and now I quite enjoy spending time by myself. It lets me reflect a lot and I'm free to do exactly what I want. With friends sometimes you have to compromise and do something like leave a place early.

I have hobbies that are fun to do individually, like longboarding, fixing cars and fixing electronics. You'll need to have fulfilling hobbies if you want to be satisfied alone.

SpinninSessions · 2016-05-13T05:53:04+00:00

23 as well here.

Your goal is to seek contentment with being alone, not to mitigate it. Loneliness is a self perpetuating emotion, whereas being alone should be a choice. It's a big first step to wrap the mind around, but trust, it's an important one.

Go out. Meet friends, family and acquaintances. Approach guys and girls, young and old. The wider the range of people you approach, the broader your vision will be.

Everyone has a story, so have them share, then relate to things you know. If you find yourself lacking in relatable content, ask questions and read. Then, go read some more. But to start, relate conversation to the games you know, and convey the passion with which you beat each and every one.

Loneliness is momentary, don't rush to get lost in the crowd.

2016-05-13T08:35:07+00:00

Loneliness is just another word for feeling horny.

That is the reality of a young man.

skeptixon · 2016-05-13T12:55:15+00:00

This is long term advice. With a steep learning curve but it works. Be social and extremely nice to EVERYONE without being "nice".
By extremely nice but not "nice" i mean be a pleasant person to be around, but not a creep. Be that person who generates good vibes and is a good addition to the atmosphere. Not that person who is creeping everyone around him because he is fakely nice. The border between the two is very thin; im still struggling with it. I tend up being very pleasant and then worrying im being creepy and then being cold. It confuses people but is still better than being a pure asshole or overly nice.

Back to my point. We at TRP discuss social proof. Its a concept that is pretty much in every marketing, sales, and human interaction book. Because it works. Social proof is the concept where instead of going to people and working on them accepting and liking you, people come to you and you get to do the judging.

However, how can this work if you have no one around you? It wont. Thus you have to have people around you. Whats the easiest way to do so? Have many open doors. And every now and then use one of these open doors and see how far you can take it to. This is the " abundance mentality" but in bigger scale.

So when you go to work, greet everyone and be all nice. Even go a bit further and do people favors. Small meaningless favors that make their lives just a tiny bit easier without it being a burden on you.
This is the "reciprocity effect" in play. Do not over-do it tho, since it will lose its effectiveness. They will remember it and you will lose nothing.

After greetings and doing some favors, take some steps to go out. A small lunch, some small talk, gym buddies. Everything just ask people to do whatever with you

And if you get rejected play it cool; its because they are busy not because they do not like you. This is key.

Do this for some time and you will end up having 1: tons of people greeting you

2: some new friends or even better acquaintances

3: a shit load of unreturned small favors

4: social proof like nothing youve ever experienced

I just read other comments and the theme is that you must accept loneliness to be good at socializing. I must disagree. Knowing you have the potential to succeed socially and choosing to be alone to deal with loninless is the only way to be comfortable with loneliness. Dealing with loneliness because it is your reality and you cannot change it is an uphill battle that you will not win.

NietzscheExplosion · 2016-05-13T15:32:34+00:00

This quote usually got me through most periods of loneliness:

It is, indeed, a fact that, in the midst of society and sociability every evil inclination has to place itself under such great restraint, don so many masks, lay itself so often on the procrustean bed of virtue, that one could well speak of a martyrdom of the evil man. In solitude all this falls away. He who is evil is at his most evil in solitude: which is where he is at his best - and thus to the eye of him who sees everywhere only a spectacle also at his most beautiful.|

from Nietzsche's Daybreak, s. 499, R.J. Hollingdale transl

quillak · 2016-05-13T16:31:06+00:00

There are great comments on here already, but some days ago I realized that one of the causes of my mental problems is that I am or was afraid of feeling lonely. It is a horrible feeling, but then I realized, '...well, I'm alone right now and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it." So I realized that I was afraid of feeling alone in the future or staying lonely for the rest of my life, when in reality I was alone at that same moment and there was nothing wrong with that. Then it comes the realization that very waking moment of your life you are really alone and the only company you have is PRESENCE. Try to feel presence as if there was someone there, it really feels like a person or something you can get the grasp on. I'm no longer afraid of staying alone the rest of my days because there actually nothing wrong with it. Also, I used to create feelings of other people's presences around me, then I realized that it was a construct of my mind and that if I do not try to "feel" other people, I don't get anxious and it comes all natural.

TedTheAtheist · 2016-05-13T18:48:49+00:00

I just have sex often and I play a LOT of video games (love them). I don't really get lonely. I love to read about the universe, love to educate myself about technology (which is my field).

Just this morning some really hot girl decided to add me to her "Google circles" out of the blue - some girl I used to talk with some months ago. Really fine looker.

I tried talking with her back then, but she said she was going to get "back with her x", and she dropped off the map. Well, suddenly I see the invite on Google and then she magically starts to text me, asking how I am, etc. I'm going to lay it on real thick:

Her: "Hello"

Me: "Hey there. I think I saw you on my Google feed?"

Her: "Lol nice. How's life"

Me: "It's good. How is it going with your man?"

Her: "Its meh. I guess. Moved out and moved in with family in OC to collect myself."

Me: Oh. Shocker. Didn't I predict that?"

Her: :P

She then proceeds to ask me about me, where I'm living, my career, etc...

I'll embellish, enjoy and then vacate.

Redpillc0re · 2016-05-13T22:58:28+00:00

People are more worried that they are lonely nowadays rather than being actually lonely. Let's face it, cities are more individualistic nowadays, which means we will spend more time alone.

Your alone time is an asset. Learn to use it to achieve a goal.
Is it loneliness or depression? Exercise more. If you feel less lonely, it was depression.
Your life should be fulfilling enough that you shouldnt feel more or less lonely than you want to be.

Since you have hobbies and buddies, I don't think you have any problem really. Probably something temporary. Good luck.

redarkane · 2016-05-14T04:35:48+00:00

I work and study.. Play games. Try and hike.

Being alone sucks but I've gotten used to it. Im an only child.

2016-05-14T17:56:36+00:00

Loneliness is a state of mind. What you need is a strong psychedelic experience and lots of introspection. Loneliness is an anxious fear of the unknown future. You perceive that you might not be able to experience fulfilling companionship and attention in the future. Rather than chasing women to fill that void, you need to look into yourself, meditate, and fill up the void yourself, because you are a complete being. "Looking for your other half" is a blue pill lie. Every single human being has always been alone. Love is merely the attachment to your own perceived idealized image of someone else. It means that you're buying overpriced stock of someone else's life, and when you realize this, you become disappointed and dump the stocks. Unless you make yourself whole, you can never experience permanent happiness and will always be chasing that next external high.

Linoran · 2016-05-13T03:17:41+00:00

I think some people fill that "hole" with religion (atheist myself) but that only means they are capable of working around it themselves without the need of someone else to fix it.

Scrawler357 · 2016-05-13T08:00:36+00:00

The moment you realize you won't get true companionship and intimacy in a LTR you'll be permanently cured of loneliness. If you persist with the illusion of the NAWALT, you'll find out what real loneliness is, because no one is more alone than those in bad relationships. The vast majority of relationships are bad behind their wonderful facade.

mirlalt · 2016-05-13T09:23:11+00:00

I'm not saying you can't be a turbo-stoic monolith of a human who enjoys a fortress of solitude...

but dogs are awesome and they will love you as long as you feed them and don't beat them.

DoesNotMatterAnymore · 2016-05-13T10:55:58+00:00

I dropped the vidya

mumbling to myself: ohh fuck, again a word that makes no sense

TIL: "vidya" is the sorter version of "vidya gaem" which probably referring to VIDEO GAME

2016-05-13T13:50:15+00:00

I moved into a condo/townhouse complex (upper class of course) after selling my big house.. Usually drink beer with the neighbors outside till bedtime

yourpasswordissex420 · 2016-05-13T13:53:20+00:00

I moved for work and live in a different family than all my family and most of my close friends. When I'm lonely i call them up to bs or make plans for days off

i_love_shitposting · 2016-05-13T13:55:11+00:00

Move in to a shared house.

Also anything that brings you to physical exhaustion. I took up swimming/biking. Hard to be lonely when you're tired af.

2016-05-13T14:41:19+00:00

I just go on the redpill and spend time with my fellow brethren...

Wokiip · 2016-05-13T14:55:32+00:00

You should start slowly doing things alone. Go to cinema alone. Go to cafe alone. Go to swimming pool alone. Go jogging alone. Go travel alone, hike alone.

Slowly, you will realise that you control your life alone. These people around you do not matter. They stay and they go. You will be forgotten. Anything you did, it will be forgotten. You are in the control of your life. You do not need these people to feel good.

Squabbles123 · 2016-05-13T15:09:06+00:00

I stopped being lonely. I found that what causes me to feel lonely is not feeling accepted by other people, so I stopped talking to people, stopped trying to meet people, and just stay home and play video games. I've literally haven't been this happy in over a decade.

ChildOfTheLostTribes · 2016-05-13T16:08:22+00:00

Tom Leykis said to be alone is solitude but loneliness implies there's a vacuum to be filled.

PoorlyTimedPun · 2016-05-13T18:23:54+00:00

Go to the gym. Thats what I do when i don't have my kids after work, 3 hours later im so exhausted i just want to be alone. With consistency comes contact with others who are in the same boat, after you see a guy there at the same time alone 3 or 4 times strike up a convo introduce yourself say you have no idea how people name friends outside of school and ask if they have a lifting partner or if they always come at certain times. Can be intimidating but I've found 75+% of the people there are more than happy to engage for a few minutes between sets.

n_dois · 2016-05-13T19:26:46+00:00

Get a dog if you like animals. Walk your dog everynight. Animals are huge friends and priceless companions. Don't get a cat though. Cats are assholes.

2016-05-13T20:04:31+00:00

Get a dog. Dogs are the shit, they get you out of the house, they're your best friend, and they're 200% more loyal than any woman can ever be.

puah8r · 2016-05-13T21:10:02+00:00

I've been thinking about this lately. You can do all this self improvement shit and lock yourself at home and never go out, always working on improving yourself but this never leads to happiness. I think the most important thing is building relationships with a variety of people. Just because they are beta doesn't mean hanging out with them will suck you down their life style. Think about the people you know who actually have a lot of friends and are always social. Do they have some amazing skills or are super alpha, not really. They're just really nice to everyone. They make people around them feel good, so people come back for more and want to hang out with them. Politicians do this, executives are good at it, leaders, etc. Olivia Cabane talks about it in her book "the charisma myth." "How to win friends and influence people" is another book that advocates being genuinely interested in other people.

Me personally I've sort of accepted that I won't be very popular but I make an effort to hang out with people and join meetups related to my hobbies and practice those things mentioned in Charisma Myth, for example when I talk to people I try to stay engaged and focused on them. Recently I made a few good friends through carpooling for a hobby.

2016-05-13T22:17:03+00:00

Go to the animal shelter and get a dog (after reading up on how to take care of one). Man's best friend for a reason brah. Also nothing gets chicks wetter than seeing a man as fit as captain america walking down the street with a cute puppy at his side.

Beastrik · 2016-05-13T23:39:13+00:00

I deal with loneliness by sleeping over and cuddling. The embrace stays with me indefinitely and I feel them there.

I meet people through hookups.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-05-14T16:23:38+00:00

This should have been posted on AskTRP.

Regardless, it sounds like you're just starting to escape from CrabBucket servitude. Men need to get used to being lonely because you will have moments like these all the time. Find some useful way to spend your downtime.

What you're referring to doesn't sound like loneliness though, sounds like you're feeling socially excluded. You have no friends and barely have any connection to the outside world after work- besides the occasional text. It's normal for a human to feel empty.

Find ways to fix this by including yourself in social circles. Find friends, reconnect with old ones, spend more time with family- hell get a dog. Other ways that work great are joining a sports team, gym, finding a bar or any other activity that attracts real people. Just make sure that you aren't looking online or for female friendship- these don't work.

The more you become a regular at these "social spaces" the more you will notice other regular visitors. You will befriend them and find common ground, teamwork is a great way to bond.

Get out there more and start appreciating your fellow man.

2016-05-13T03:58:05+00:00

Loneliness is resisting being alone. One comes to himself when he realizes that he is alone, invisible, indivisible and unknowable.

Snufek · 2016-05-13T07:32:52+00:00

You may find it weird, but for me NOFap works great. Whenever I'm on it I don't really care about being lonely, but when I fap a few times in a row the loneliness kicks in. Maybe it's because of the oxytoxin?

Also boxing(or any other martial art). You always have to practice in pairs, so it's normal that you'll make a few friends. You can also ask the better guys for advice - they are always more than willing to answer.

3rdiguy · 2016-05-13T11:18:16+00:00

I embrace solitude and feel stronger because of it. I only occasionally feel lonely but that passes fairly quickly.

Horus_Krishna_2 · 2016-05-13T12:45:28+00:00

I play video games, watch films, read books, also now I'm writing one on Structure Engineering thinking (it's in russian unfortunately, but if you familiar you can find it here http://artofmindulness.blogspot.com/). Also I'm doing sports, drugs, and reading this kind of stuff. Being lonely is fucking great, I don't understand what are you whining about. Nobody is negging, nobody is distracting you from this beautiful existence. Enjoy it while you have it. Loneliness is fucking awesome.

Equilibriun · 2016-05-13T13:20:34+00:00

Sometimes your body and mind remind you to do something different. Maybe your mind is reminding you that you need to go out a bit more. Or you miss family. Ask yourself why. And then listen to the answer without thought. Feel the answer. Then check it against logic. When you think you are low value, you automatically assume you are living "wrong". Realize that you can only get validation, from your inner self. No one can give it to you. You can get this by, working out, completing something you are passionate about. Volunteering. Find a passion. I mean something you love so much, that it's the thing you want to do all week. A dnd game, going out, movie night with friends. Making dollars at a job. When you have passion for anything, you are too busy with it, to waste time thinking about anything else. Like food or sleep. If you haven't found your passion/ purpose, go find it.

Way of the superior man. David deida. Read this

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2016-05-13T15:07:23+00:00

Personally, I get the lonelies here and there too. I have quite a few years on you and have had a handful of LTRs but am now single again. When lonely, only community will help. If you don't have a "crew" of friends, it's tough. Guy friends will always be a better option than women though. Remember, showing them weakness is showing them the door. Confide in your buds if they're mentally at your level. I also meditate and that helps e v e r y d a m n t h i n g. I sit up in bed before sleep and let all the thoughts of the day run amok in my head. Eventually they'll slow down and I can start playing the future out the way I want it to be. Try it.

verify_account · 2016-05-13T15:40:24+00:00

I like to plant flowers. No seriously I enjoy gardening.

Get some hobbies.

2016-05-13T15:42:05+00:00

lately ive been drinking a lot when Im alone... probably not good im getting trashed during the week!

im recovering from a sports injury / surgery so im kinda limited for a few more weeks.. been watching so many netflix series...

DennisReynoldsAMA · 2016-05-13T15:59:51+00:00

From what times do you work? I'm gonna assume you go to work at like 9-10 and come back at 5? And if you've been on trp then you must be lifting, and I'm gonna guess you lift before work like a lot of people do. Here's what I'm gonna suggest you do. Don't eat anything for the whole time that you work, just drink water constantly, no food. When you're off work you'll be starving, but don't eat just yet. Go to the gym and work your ass off for an hour, trust me you will have energy even though you didn't eat all day. After the gym you can go home because you need to eat, then you wouldn't mind going home cause that's where the food is. Then you can eat from after you work out till the time you sleep, that's your feeding window. You will be relaxed for a couple of hours in your home, and that's when your mind will stop thinking irrationally. Personally when I wasn't intermittent fasting I was a little bitch about myself, I would eat in the morning and sit and wait to eat my next meal cause I workout strictly, it would get me confused and feel like shit cause it would cause me to think I'm wasting my time and I'm not getting anywhere. When I stopped eating until after I workout which is around 4, I was feeling much more healthier and negative thoughts almost never came to me. Try that for 3 weeks and you'll end up doing it all the time.

that_italia_guy · 2016-05-13T18:20:02+00:00

I have a girlfriend I live with. And a nice dog. I would recommend getting a puppy. Dogs are awesome companions. I used to hate them, but I was sooo wrong about them. Just look into their behavior first so it'll match your lifestyle.

Purecorrupt · 2016-05-13T20:11:20+00:00

40 hour work week. Basketball 1-2 times a week. Kickball once a week. I go to a Jam every other Monday. Dinner with friends once a week sometimes.

Try to make plans to do stuff on Saturday. Sporting event, bar hopping, festival, etc. Sunday is usually laundry, grocery shopping, errands / etc. Might get brunch or something with my folks.

But yeah I've been there where I got tired of gaming and didn't have any plans. You switch over to binge watching TV shows but then that gets pretty lonely.

Sometimes you gotta be Nike. Just do it! Or do something. As long as you make plans at least every other weekend. You want to be able to look forward to things.

2016-05-13T21:23:32+00:00

I think being able to be alone and being content with that is a great thing to do. You should be able to enjoy your own company and not be sad because nobody's near you.

vagbutters · 2016-05-14T02:06:15+00:00

I used to suffer from this hard when I used to be a fat blooper transitioning to a more fit guy. I used to think, firmly, that if I expose myself to social situations and make new friends everything would be great, and I wouldn't be lonely. Here's the spoiler: it doesn't solve the underlying problem. Friends come and go, sometimes even the one you consider close friends. Seeing the lights and hearing the sounds of the city won't help you-- it'll just give you the feeling that you're looking at a world of fun through a glass that you'll never cross.

What actually helped was focusing on the shit in my life that was out of balance. I was fat at the time and I dedicated myself for a full year to lose over 100 pounds. I was struggling with a major exam at the time so I blocked myself off from every distraction and just studied day and night til I scored in the 98th percentile. I was recovering from friends who betrayed me so I shunned them and never looked back. These things will help you.

TRPtruth · 2016-05-14T06:46:57+00:00

Learn a language, set a fitness goal, train for a marathon or half, read a book, write a story, see your family, watch a movie, plan a trip domestic or foreign, pick up a hobby like photography, volunteer to read to the blind, or sit with thr elderly, or become a "big brother," learn about beer or wine or whiskey, build a shed, mow the lawn, clean your place, sell stuff on craigslist, build a table, get a part time job as a waiter and get tips, go for a run, swim laps, lift weights, fix up an old car, learn an instrument, visit a friend in another state...

The list goes on. Find a few things you love and master them. Find a person to help, to give or volunteer without taking too much of your time and resources.

Praecipuus · 2016-05-14T09:46:30+00:00

I enjoy being lonely. It allows me to think, get stuff done, tidy up my thoughts, meditate, etc. As a matter of fact, the way I feel about not being alone for a long time is the same you do about being lonely. I have lived with people before, and the thought of not having the full apartment to myself haunted me constantly.

This is how I deal with it... I pursue it, cherish it, and would never abdicate from it.

DatAEK971 · 2016-05-14T11:37:29+00:00

Like any real man.

I drink, I fuck and I fight.

Guess what?

It works.

DotishGuy · 2016-05-14T13:06:07+00:00

You have nothing to look forward to when you get home. Start some projects, build some shit.

Building shit is what keeps me company, I'm happier when I'm chopping up wood than when I'm playing the latest game.

Get your blood flowing, humans were designed to work.

alpha_n3rd · 2016-05-26T19:57:37+00:00

Find a cool place to hang out with a regular crowd, like the local open mic night at the dive bar, and start going every week. Force yourself to introduce yourself to one or two people every week. Ask about the other people. Pretty soon you'll know everbody and you'll have your own little personal Cheers.

2016-05-13T02:26:16+00:00

I say to myself if I'm unhappy with myself and fear being alone with myself then I have problem with myself. I could give a shit really having a woman beside me or not. There is times where I lower myself to 'beta' qualities when I do I realize that i'm not a little bitch.

username1p · 2016-05-13T05:07:38+00:00

I have a tulpa.
I'm friends with coworkers, and I meet them regularly after work and during the weekend. Sometimes I fly back to my university town to meet friends there.

The others are right about having to fill loneliness from within. I doubt many of them have taken their own advice in quite as straightforward a way as I have, but it really does work, and it really is nice.

Title	How do YOU deal with loneliness?
Author	alritealritealrite
Upvotes	241
Comments	148
Date	May 13, 2016 12:58 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4j3w3a/how_do_you_deal_with_loneliness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-do-you-deal-with-loneliness.59077 https://theredarchive.com/post/59077

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