WARNING: Wall of Text Incoming

You have a self concept. It is based on how you judge yourself. That time you said a stupid joke and no one laughed in 11th grade and you felt like a little bitch. That time you made a fool of yourself at a party. That time a girl rejected you. Of course there are positive aspects of your self concept but for the vast majority of Western males between the ages of 16-30, their self concept is literally hamstrung with negativity and self judgement, to varying degrees. Now why should we think about this, why is this important to talk about SWTDO you verbose motherfucker? Because As Within, So Without. This means that if your inner belief about yourself is negative in some way, you are more likely to attract damaged or lesser quality women into your life or if it’s bad enough then none at all. With women, you get what you believe you deserve. Its kind of a mindfuck because guys can rant and rave about how alpha they are and how much they deserve a 10, but this is mostly posturing and false confidence. Underneath this, their self concept betrays their inner lack of congruence, and so it becomes impossible for them to attract these 10s. What they end up getting is some used up, semi-damaged 6.5, with low self esteem but shes got enough redeeming qualities for you to stick around for a while, long enough for her to turn you into a beta provider while you keep boasting about how alpha you are.

So how do you change your self concept so that you become deeply and congruently entitled to 10s? There are two ways, the first and most common way is to try to improve yourself such that you get closer to your mental expectation of what a man who gets 10s should be like. NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG. You SHOULD try to improve yourself, these two approaches work in opposite directions like a tree reaching higher into the sky versus its roots penetrating deeper into the ground, both are necessary for a strong powerful tree, but I feel that most men here understand the self development side well and are at least trying to improve there. The second way, which grounds you, builds your congruence, deepens your roots, is to forgive yourself. Another way to say this is to lower that expectation of what a man who deserves 10s should be such that you are him as you are right NOW. When you really think about a girl that’s a 10, shes just some girl, shes made mistakes, shes flawed, and a lot of the time she’ll sleep with a guy just because he was there and seemed decent enough. You need to take all those negative experiences you’ve had, all that inner self judgement, all those limiting expectations and literally put it behind you. You need to acknowledge that shit and let it go (which is a meditation technique). You need to be in the present moment and feel your awareness unobscured by judgement and negativity and truly forgive yourself for all your mistakes and misdeeds. Understand that we are just humans, we fuck up sometimes. Hell, we fuck up a lot. But even a "fuck up" is still a human. A fuck up still has greatness in him just like everyone. He has the ability to change the world in large or small ways. I’ve fucked up a lot, and I recognize each of these memories and then I let them go because I forgive myself. I understand that I’m on a self development journey and that where I am right now is perfectly ok.

It’s all part of it, it wouldn’t be a journey if you were just born a “perfect” man. How fucking dull would that be? Seriously consider it. That’s what everyone claims they want, is for their problems to be fixed and yet if you had no problems your life would be meaningless as fuck. Imagine watching a movie where the main character has no struggle and is completely perfect from the beginning and doesn’t change at all throughout. That movie would suck shit. You have actually been given a gift. The gift of your pain, the gift of your fuck ups, the gift of your shortcomings. Because with these you are able to experience life as a journey, you are able to improve and learn to accept your imperfect self. There is something fucking beautiful about that guys. Seriously. Gives me chills writing this.

Anyways I hope this post inspires some of you to continue the journey of improving yourself and meeting your goals but also to try forgiving yourself, letting go, and accepting where you are now in the journey as perfectly fine for getting anything you want. Know that you deserve a 10 and any other beautiful thing in life not because you’ve achieved all your goals, but just because you’re you, and if you let go of that judgement and negativity and look inside, you’ll see you were that badass champ that you were trying to be all along. When that happens, the 10s (and many other gems in life) will be there, I promise you.

Best of luck, my inbox is always open.

TL;DR: You get what you believe you deserve, especially with women. There are two different but complementary ways to improve this belief or "entitlement";

  1. Meet higher and higher goals, moving towards your expectation of what a man who gets 10s should be.
  2. Truly forgive yourself of your past mistakes, acknowledge and then let go of negative self judgement and accept that its perfectly fine for you to be where you are now and still get 10s. In otherwords to lower the bar for getting 10s or anything else you want in life. Because a 10 isn't on some pedestal, she's just another flawed person like you and me.

Peace,
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