As per request from some users, I've decided to dump some corperatey corporate gobley gook here. I will try to use as much TRP terminology as possible, because honestly, a lot of it applies.

The absolute most important thing that I learned from job hopping and making my way to managerial positions early on is that companies are not much different in fact from the world outside of it. There are corporate cultures, but these are really just manufactured narratives. Your corporate culture is in this case, BLUE PILL. It tells you there is greatness in this company and you will find personal satisfaction, and one day you might even run the show (you won't), or at the very least you'll retire comfortably if you're loyal and a good worker bee (you won't).

The red pill truth here is that companies are run by people. And people do their best to make their surroundings enjoyable. They would rather be operating at 90% of maximum profitability, hell 60%, than be at 91% working with spergs they can't stand.

This means you should dedicate as much time as you can expend, without seeming to be a slacker or gossiper making people like you when you start at a company.

  • Find out what people like
  • What they don't
  • What "kind of person they are" (sports guy, soccer mom, video game nerd)
  • Find some genuine intersection, you can find this with nearly anyone in a week talking to them.
  • Do NOT ever talk about anything you would not talk about at a dinner where you're asking for a woman's hand and marriage from her father or a first date. No politics, hot button topics etc.
  • If you get dragged into these conversations, do your best to get yourself out.

A classic example might be this. I'll give you a tough one to get out of.

Let's say you are abhorred by the idea of homosexuals. A little old school, but let's stat with the tough stuff.

"I can't believe gay marriage isn't legal yet here, can you?"

The legislature moves slow in this state, doesn't it?

"Do you know anyone that doesn't want gay marriage?"

I think everyone knows someone but I try to stay way way way out of politics. Did Cindy get the TPS reports over to Dave yet?

"No, shit, you watch the game last night?"

If you have to choose between selling yourself out and taking a very controversial side, sell the fuck out of your soul. There's no salvation in "being your own man" when you already work for the man. You are a cog, you already sold your soul. The best you can get from this is the ability to work with company mechanics that far exceed what you could likely ever do on your own.

A person who is an absolute master of their job, but universally disliked, will be demoted, hassled, fired or moved 8 times out of 10 eventually. A person who is universally liked, but absolutely terrible at their job, 8 times out of ten, will be allowed to stay at the company. If KPIs are poor enough, they will be sent to down the ladder until they reach their competency level.

Why oh why is this true, meritocracy is the rule of profit, I'm being a good worker bee!

No... no you're not. You see, companies work most efficiently when its employee base is happy. Have you ever heard the term demoralized? And how does that happen?

It happens when employees poison the well. What this means is an employee, or group of employees, sways attitudes, on any variety of topics. This decreases productivity company wide when it gets bad enough, and then fires need to be put out.

By being shitty to deal with, you become a rock in the gears. Then you will be turned into sand, and eventually you'll be cleaned off when the gears come to a grinding halt. They'll take some of those princesses that everyone loves from a floor higher, give them a better title and invisibly demote them while walking you by the hand through every legal hurdle to purge you from the system.

On their dashboards when they log in the next morning, drinking coffee and talking about pop topics, they'll sigh in relief as one fraction of one percent productivity temporarily goes down, but 40 employees become more productive over the next week and no one has to put out your fires anymore.

Your ultimate goal, in corporate land, is to do your job as good as possible, without disrupting anyone, anyone, up or down.

  • Doing your job too well and arrogantly can disrupt your managers who will fear the loss of their job. Mitigate this by befriending them and always taking their side, and trying to understand why they have the rules they do. 99 times out of 100 the logic is sound, you just don't know it yet because you're a shit peon. This way you are a force multiplier for the managers. They will refer you to other managerial positions so they can continue to work with you. You are this way non-threatening and useful, instead of a threat, despite your usefulness.
  • Doing your job in ways that are bazaar or atypical, without approval, is a good way to bring unwanted attention to yourself. If you've found a better way (which requires a TOTAL understanding of the process, something I'm going to say you likely don't yet understand, 9 times out of 10) you fly it up the pole. Don't reinvent the wheel. Your managers thought of the same shit 9 times out of 10. They figured out why it doesn't work.
  • Don't shit where you eat
  • Don't be negative
  • Don't be a contrarian
  • Don't try to be "right" when you can be indifferent
  • 99 times out of 100 you can find redeemable qualities in someone's work. Thank them for that and use them for their strengths. Recommend their work in those areas to others.
  • Find people you genuinely like, and try to spend time with them outside of work with a no talking about work policy. These people will defend you and work on promoting you.

Just remember, rule #1, Being liked is more important than being competent. Being liked is the frame of corporate land.