Why do our mothers lie to us and tell us the exact opposite of what women really want?

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March 8, 2018

"Just be yourself" "You'll find the right one" "The right girl is out there for you"

And a multitude of other things I cannot think of right now. I can recall my mother giving me awful advice on women. What to do, what to say. All the romance BS. I would imagine if they want grandchildren it would be quite the opposite approach. Either this or they are truly delusional about themselves, and have no idea how they or other's think. Either that or it's some conspiracy, which I am not totally convinced is false.

So why is it that our mothers tell us basically the exact opposite of what women want?

Post Information
Title Why do our mothers lie to us and tell us the exact opposite of what women really want?
Author Joehogans
Upvotes 58
Comments 74
Date 08 March 2018 01:53 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/626
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/82tv68/why_do_our_mothers_lie_to_us_and_tell_us_the/
Similar Posts

[–]fnordsnord 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

They not lying. What the don't understand about themselves is that while the DO want those things, they want them from a man THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO. They don't find those things attractive.

And they don't get that about themselves.

[–]GeuseyBetel19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can't lie about what you want when you don't even understand what you want.

[–]empatheticapathetic3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

My mom seems to understand all this shit and acknowledges it's validity when I talk in front of her, to an extent. But even then it's still just constant manipulation, shit tests, power talk, shaming and power balances. It's like she's a girl I'm trying to date or something. Just constantly beating me down into nothing. No encouragement or support ever. My brother is a 45 year old cuck of the century because she held him tight and he never broke free.

She knows what she's doing and she knows she shouldn't, but she can't help it. She's weak.

My sisters as well. It makes me so angry that the women in my own family are as AWALT as it gets towards their own blood but slaves to a stranger 'chad' (when applicable).

[–]5beams51 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Im 27 and my mom broke down into a sobbing shit fit when i said i needed bigger boundaries and she needs to respect that im a fucking adult.

Started when i said i was planning to finish the half sleeve on my arm into a full sleeve tattoo.

Its been the rockiest 2 months of my life with her. Its miserable, because i still feel bad and like i need her approval for the tattoo. I somewhat keep dragging it out because “its not worth the fight”

[–]empatheticapathetic1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Why do you need her approval? It's a good question if you are able to scale back enough.

If anything you view it like a shit test. She's testing how much you respect your own boundaries despite all the shit she gives you, to see if you are worthy of respect. She's testing how much of a pussy you might be with your wife/gf using herself as proxy.

My mom gave me a test like this a few months ago. Shes 65 and was acting like a child, kicking and screaming and crying in the car, but only afterwards i realised was it a test of my boundaries and to see how much she could still manipulate me. To my benefit or my detriment i don't know, benefit i presume.

[–]5beams50 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Youre right, I definitely dont need her approval. Its just those years of concentration camp conditioning tactics. Whats it called... stockholm syndrome? Lol

Its nice to hear its not only me. I was gonna post a question something like this but felt like id get the “but shes your mom” backlash ive kinda seen before, despite AWALT.

[–]empatheticapathetic1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you ever read something that you know is bullshit like a shitty asktrp response, your gut will tell you. It's somewhat hard wired into you from your experiences in reality. Hence why TRP resonates so strongly with people.

When you get those responses that "dont get it", just treat them like a shit test to see how strongly you believe in your point of view on the matter.

I'm 27 ftr as well. I have a much worse relationship with my mom ha. I can't talk to her for more than a couple seconds without picking up on some shit she's pulling (either her question, tone, attitude). The shit never ends even if she's your mother because AWALT. It's sad but it's preparing you for whatever harsher reality out there that awaits you.

[–]5beams50 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yea it makes me feel guilty because while she waged emotional warfare on me, my brother, and my dad (he got fucked in that deal), i never went without anything i need and she still helps out sometimes with big things (like a surgery).

That being said, she just uses it as a list to guilt trip me with.

Its all fucked man lol

[–]empatheticapathetic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, same here.

She just phoned 10 mins ago actually and then hung up because she kept asking loaded questions and i simply wasn't responding because i'm not interested in pointless drama. She hung up saying "well clearly you aren't interested in talking to me so i'll just go" which is a guilt trip itself.

Regarding using assets to keep you around and guilt trip you, the most powerful 'technique' i ever [accidentally] used on her is rejecting her help in the form of assets or money. She helped me buy my first car so i say "just take my car, take my laptop, [whatever you might have contributed to]. and then leave me alone". She always gets genuinely upset, which to me is delicious because it's the only retaliation i have that makes an impact.

[–]Joehogans[S] -2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

So they say one thing and do another. They are hypocrites. It's an interesting view between what they want and what they are attracted to. What a contradiction.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (2 children) | Copy

They arent hypocrites, its omission of the truth. They arent lying when they say they want a nice guy. They just omit that the nice guy needs to be an alpha male who is ONLY NICE TO THEM. Girls arent some evil twisted succubus abomination. Ask a guy what he wants? a smart interesting funny girl who fits their needs (clingy or not) etc. Theres a spectrum of preferences, doesnt mean that guys dont want the hot bitchy girl who says no to most guys, they just dont say that because they want that girl to have the characteristics they like when she talks to them. It goes both ways

[–]cudder172 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do they want them to be nice to them tho? My friend is a complete ass to his girl and she loves it.

[–]BasketCase5596 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you considered that maybe she doesn't love that he's an ass but she is so attracted to him she happily tolerates it?

[–]JourneyofDoves47 points48 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's the same reason why their children are the best at what they do no matter how removed from reality it is. This is actually a good thing for rearing very young children, but it's a bad thing for turning boys into men.

Women want their children to be innocent, and to not know the sheer brutality of this world, this is a good trait for rearing very young children, but it's a terrible trait for turning teenage boys into men.

But that's why Father/Mother compliment each other so well. Mother has a thing that everyone needs when they are extremely young and useless -- unconditional love. Children are SHIT AT EVERYTHING that they do, and they shit themselves on top of that, so women need to be somewhat removed from reality in order to nurture the things that children like to do.

I mean, it would do civilization no good if everyone looked at a 5 year old childs shitty drawing and straight up mocked the child for their awful attempt at art. Women being able to gasp and say "this is amazing" cultivates confidence in very young children.

Basically you are her child, no matter how 'grown up' you are.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

great/unique take on the role of the mother. thanks for that

[–]insuman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My mum has actually said 'I just wanted to keep you as innocent as possible for as long as possible'. I can tell it is so ingrained in her that showing her why its a bad idea would not compute.

[–]SubhumanOxford1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. Amazing!

[–]anonswede21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

Remembering my first teenage girlfriend, we were both shy as hell. When my mom found out I had a girlfriend, her first reaction was "don't pressure her to do something she doesn't want". That sentence fucked me up for years. Never got any further than hugging with my girlfriend, told myself she was equally as shy.

After I broke up with her she called a few months later to let me know she lost her virginity with some other dude.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her first line about your relationship was concern for helping the other team. Lol.

[–]RunawayGrain83 points84 points  (12 children) | Copy

Because mom had a thing for Chad, and invariably Chad pissed her off / hurt her. So she doesn't want her boy to be like Chad. Even though she would still unquestioningly prefer Chad herself.

[–]Joehogans[S] 16 points17 points  (9 children) | Copy

So basically they are hypocrites?

[–]RunawayGrain47 points48 points  (1 child) | Copy

Kinda like any girl who says she wants a nice hardworking man, but immediately jumps on badboy Chad's dick? Yeah. Being a mom doesn't suddenly change that.

[–]Joehogans[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, just their nature. They aren't proud of their ways, it just is what it is.

[–]Psilotheos6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

More so cognitive dissonance than anything else

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]BluffButt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Metalageddon0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

More like redefining solipsists

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Solipsist? Isn't that someone who thinks they are the only ones that exists. What does one thing have to do with the other?

[–]Metalageddon1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

To be hypocritical involves intent, usually anyways.

In general women aren't even malicious, the dual mating strategy just causes conflict. It's not like they consciously decide to go against reality, just that they have two running in tandem.

In this case a, they seem hypocritical, but that's something outsiders see, they rarely fathom it. Too busy reconstruction reality to fit their own narrative to be intentionally hypocritical.

For example, this is how a chick could pass a lie detector test if telling her boyfriend (while she has a husband) that she's not like that.

She honestly believes this, with no conflicts. It doesn't even read as hypocritical because she honestly believes it's true

If "a" feels better and nets better results, she's not being hypocritical based on her dualistic strategy. If it's b that moment, same.

[–]Joehogans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes!! I know what you are talking about I've felt this with them for ages... didn't know there was a term for it, I never put too much thought into it but it but it all makes sense now. So it's called "dual-mating strategy" or "dualistic strategy"?

When they reconstruct reality. I've witnessed this or been in the receiving side of it many-a-times. It's amazing how they can CONVINCE themselves of ANYTHING so long as they truly believe it to be true. It's uncanny, I've never witnessed this in men, only women. How they can totally convince themselves without a shadow of a doubt that what they did was "just" and "noble" and that they did nothing wrong even when it's plainly obvious that they did, like it's impossible for them to do things that are evil/wrong/malicious they must protect the innocent girl persona. It's like they truly are delusional and show no remorse for their actions because they can just circumnavigate reality by creating a new reality that emotionally serves them so that they never feel any guilt/shame for any of their actions/choices. My mom does this, my sister does this, ex's did this. Always a ever-receding horizon of excuses to justify why they did this or that, which by all accounts they are unbelievably able to convince themselves is true.

[–]Luckylancer960 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is that why moms give the correct advice to boys that suffer from girls evil sluts? Hmm, they dont give the true advice even if their sons are suffering because they dont know the truth in first place.

[–]3chazthundergut16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

They don't mean to lie about it.

Most chicks are completely clueless about what they actually want, or what drives their sexual desire.

[–]omega_dawg932 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

they are NOT clueless, and they KNOW what they want!!! how dare you speak of women this way!!

they know EXACTLY what they want and they have all the clues... it's just that the clues and what they want change 37x per day, randomly, based on her feelings at that EXACT moment... based on the guy she finds attractive, what she's wearing, how she's feeling, how her friends would feel about him... what he's gonna wear at the Xmas party with her in december, etc.


[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s not just what our mothers told us that made us this way. It’s life, it’s the world we live. Don’t resent your mother when she had good intentions.

Instead just resent life and then deal with it. You can’t choose your parents or how you were raised

[–]cdogg756 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

go to bed mom

[–]mortalcoil13 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the side bar. Hamsters, cognitive dissonance. Women can't accept the things they actually want because it would make them "worse people," and that would destroy their universe.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most people dont know what the fuck they are doing or why. Your mom wasnt a liar most likely. She was just a person who was likely clueless.

[–]Benny7573 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here’s why. Because they want you to always be “their little boy.” It’s a control thing. They want you devoted to them. To be a true man, you must point yourself away from the womb. That’s where a father comes in. That’s his natural job to get his son pointed in the right direction. Unfortunately, the family climate of western men today is fucked, boys. And so you see the precise answer to OPs question.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

My mom told me not to make women cry because that’s what all the men in her life did. Every guy she brought home was a dirt bag. She turns down doctors, successful businessmen or anyone in general who is successful because guys who ride Harley’s don’t give a shit about her and that’s why she goes for them. It’s so fucked up but women are slaves to their emotions. They’re attracted to instability and emotional roller coasters but when questioned they will adamantly deny it. That’s why it’s important for us men to be stoic because making decisions based on emotions is a recipe for disaster.

[–]NJA4242 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

"Just be yourself" is correct though. I've heard the chad hurting her a million times and in a lot of cases there probably is truth to it.

The theory I work from is that your mother never had the journey. Women are just themselves, they're allowed to be overly emotional and work based on how they feel in that moment. They are very in tune with gut instincts (woman's intuition)

From a male perspective you are yourself and lean that that doesn't work. Then you grow and are your new self and so on until you just DGAF. What is a mission someone could have? Climbing Everest or their mission could be to be the best knitter and run a successful business. It doesn't matter if you're into mountaineering or knitting you do it for you.

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is that the key to internalizing the DGAF attitude, to just do things for yourself and not for the praise of others. That all things should be in a way, impressing YOURSELF and not OTHERS. I can see looking for the praise of others is a recipe for disaster.

[–]tslextslex2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because AWALT. Even your mom.

Nothing nefarious in it. It's just that AWALT.

[–]Icepickthegod1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

to give us hope/to bluepill us.

[–]mushroom_overlord1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

they are truly delusional about themselves, and have no idea how they or other's think.

[–]Kempiet1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

They tell their daughters. One day you’ll meet a great man and have children, their life focuses around the point of finding someone they’re raising kids with and the guy just takes care of the rest. Never mind about being a provider themselves or standing on their own two feet. Naturally they get with the most arrogant dick heads or beta providers that don’t match up with every aspect of the false fairytale hero personality they’re looking for.

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

not if they're black. those moms tell their daughters to never be dependent on a man, esp a blk man, bc blk men won't stick around.

so the women chase bad boy losers their whole lives... having multiple kids by various thugs and idiots until they realize their moms were not correct: there are good blk men out there!

but by then, the good guys aren't interested in a ready made family with multiple baby daddies... so they move on.

and the women get more bitchy abt their lives. blk women never had the luxury of looking up to or wanting the "leave it to beaver" role. both parents had to work.

[–]jm511 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not a lie if they believe it.

[–]AWLT_34871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very interesting. I grew up a black guy in a mostly white neighborhood and my mom's talk was basically "don't have sex with girls other than black ones because non-black girls can always scream rape and no one will believe you". Also - - "wear a condom". But she didn't teach me anything about hypergamy at all.

Which brings up an interesting point about the older women in our family teaching us. I have an older sister and I know for sure she knows the game, but she didn't really educate me either.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

or they are truly delusional about themselves, and have no idea how they or other's think. Either that or it's some conspiracy,

It's a soft conspiracy. Women use the same words, men use the same words, but women mean them differently. Women communicate in a way in which women understand and men misinterpret.

So why is it that our mothers tell us basically the exact opposite of what women want?

Female instinct is always to either fuck men or beta them. As your mother doesn't want to fuck you (probably), her instinct is "make him a beta". She applies this the same to all men she doesn't want to fuck: betas, husband, providers, government, family.

It's a glitch in the female reproductive strategy - the misleading of male children. This goes against her (long term) genetic best interests, but the instinct to beta all men prevails (in the same way that short term instincts [stuff food into mouth] usually prevail over long term ones [look slim])... this maximises her genetic returns by eliciting maximum male support in the short term. Women who have a "men should be fucked and not exploited" strategy do less well than women who try to beta everything in sight with a penis.

For the most part, women are not able to see a completely different set of rules when applied to their sons. There are exceptions, but for the most part they just can't see past their "betafy all men" instincts.

"Just be yourself" "You'll find the right one" "The right girl is out there for you"

She doesn't know any better. She's a victim of BP/Disney thinking just as you are, except it worked for her and it works against you. Like a child can say "the government should pay for everything", a woman can say "just be yourself". After all, it's what she did and it worked just fine. Solipsism means she just can't see past the female experience to the male. No ability, no interest in doing so. She is not able to see or articulate the benefit of you being selfish, because it goes so far against her "men should provide for me/women" instincts.

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I see. So it is to their advantage to beta men in all ways possible, in that it is not what they are naturally attracted to, but what offers them the best short-term returns on their investment. Betaing is a form of control, no? If a mother can beta as much as possible they control their linage to what they deem fit. Women control men in very subtle and subversive ways. Subletting controlling them under a guise.

Also new to trp, but solipsism as I understand this word it that a person thinks they are the one that exists. However, the context in this forum is that women are truly unable to empathize or see things from the male perspective. Yet, men are able to see things from the female perspective. If this is true, then men have quite the advantage.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I see. So it is to their advantage to beta men in all ways possible, in that it is not what they are naturally attracted to, but what offers them the best short-term returns on their investment

I'd say medium term. And it's in the best interests of the daughters. Quite likely the benefit to the daughters outweighs the costs to the sons.

Betaing is a form of control, no? If a mother can beta as much as possible they control their linage to what they deem fit. Women control men in very subtle and subversive ways. Subletting controlling them under a guise.

Control yes, the aim being resource acquisition and security.

Many say "why do this if they aren't attracted to it? that's like me dating a hot girl and then making her fat". But... it's not. Because a fat girl has no benefit to you. A beta man has lots of benefits to her. Would you stuff your girlfriend full of lard if it meant that she became subservient to you and went out and brought you strippers home to fuck? Quite likely yes you would, I certainly would. And when she cried to me "why do you make me fat if you're not attracted to it?" I'd tell her "it's what's inside that counts, and by the way make mine a blonde or two tonight".

Also new to trp, but solipsism as I understand this word it that a person thinks they are the one that exists. However, the context in this forum is that women are truly unable to empathize or see things from the male perspective.


Yet, men are able to see things from the female perspective. If this is true, then men have quite the advantage.

Well, most men can't see the female perspective. Naively most men think that women are innocent victims of male assault, patriarchy and manipulation.

But yes, it's a big advantage once you can see the female perspective as it really is, rather than how she presents it.

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And the way she presents it is that she is a little innocent girl who can do no wrong, for the most part that is a lie. If I had a dime for every girl who put on the innocent pussycat act and then turned into a vicious tiger I'd have enough to go on a decent vacation. They remind me of those new toys, called feisty pets, innocent at first then they turn evil when something doesn't go their way. They lure you in with innocent and feminine mystique. Then change it up real quick once they have their claws in you. Then the demands start, pay for this, pay for that.

Another lie is they act like they don't like sex, when I've come to realize they want sex, and a lot of it. But they realize it's part of their control mechanism (many their only one) as they play chase the carrot with men for as much as much as it'd worth.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Another lie is they act like they don't like sex, when I've come to realize they want sex, and a lot of it. But they realize it's part of their control mechanism (many their only one) as they play chase the carrot with men for as much as much as it'd worth.

This is the beta trap.

Attractive men don't complain, they walk away and spend time with better options.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My buddy’s mom gives him advice on how to see thru women’s bullshit to this day. She’s the only mother I’ve ever seen tell her son the truth about the women in his life, the ones that aren’t worth having around, and how to finesse the rest.

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"How to finesse the rest" hahaha. You live on the east coast ?

[–]Thizzlebot1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women aren't logical.

[–]Ambiguousdude0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be yourself means be confident in who you are and what you want. It doesn't mean 'if you're scared to do anything that's fine'

[–]linkster3960 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn, a lot of angry answers here. What I believe is that what they say comes from a place of real love (hopefully). They think that since they can wholeheartedly love their baby boy as he is, anyone else can as well. So if he just be's himself, he'll find the right girl. Now obviously this doesn't work, but it's important to note that mothers don't say this with malicious intent.

[–]Irishminer930 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

A very good question. There are three main things at play here, one of which you've already covered (women don't really know what they want). The second would be that mothers have a tendency to think their sons will grow up to be perfect. The third being the fact that people have a selective memory, basically they remember what they want to remember. While it could have been your father acting like a complete asshole that got your mother attention, she will remember the good things when she thinks back on what attracted her to him. Memory is weird like that. It's one of the reasons we tell people to judge people by their actions, not their words. There may even be more to it then that but at that point you get into very specific situations. Regardless, keep to the sidebar, read posts on /r/TheRedPill and continue asking questions here on /r/asktrp.

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. Judge by actions not by words. Thanks!

[–]4angrydragons0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Being yourself is fine. I learned the hard way that sacrificing a part of who I am to obtain a relationship is garbage.

The lying part comes from being told “just be nice to the girls” and “be a gentleman”. Ugh, way to create mr. Nice Guy

[–]kemchik0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Because it's like asking your mom: how to make money?

They'll only tell you what they know safe for you which is shitty general advice

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds about right. They don't know what they don't know.

[–]jimmyboy1110 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

You need to understand your mother is in a different stage of her life and was not always that way .. women's taste in men change over time .. the older they get the more they will prefer beta soy boys .. it will shift from dangerous exciting men to rich and stable men who own a nice house .. of course each woman is different so this is just on average

.. hence "be courteous" "wait your turn" "open the door" and all the chivalry white knight hogwash you hear from mama san

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I have to disagree on that one. From what I've noticed it is the young ones like 13 - 17 that prefer the soy boys. That's been my experience. Those young girls that like skinny slender boys. Then around their early 20s they start wanting a real man and such. 25 they want marriage, possibly a beta provider type. The older they get they want a real man, big daddy, to take care of them. I happen to know a lot of older women oddly enough.

[–]jimmyboy1110 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Like I said it is on average .. and especially if a woman has children they completely change roads like you said after 25 looking for marriage material
.. there is also a cultural bias in what women want in a man and also they tend to pick men with the same body type and height as well (they tend to use their fathers as the measuring stick for the men they date) .. many different biases
.. you have to look at the general picture of the family around them .. many women probably over 10% have absolutely no desire for men .. they aren't gay or have any problems .. they just don't care

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You really think over >10% of women have no desire for men!? think of how huge a number that is! I did the math on this so the current pop as of 2016 women made of 65.176% of the current pop. Pop is around 7.6B. So of that females account for 4,953.376.000 of the 2016. 10% of that is 495,337,600. And that's just 10%. So more than the entire US population has no desire for men.

[–]jimmyboy1110 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes absolutely .. take into account their age distribution and then you can see how rare finding an attractive woman with no kids or medical problems that is breeding age actually is .. you are lucky to find one

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ranging from 15 - 50 is a massive population. Of course when you start adding variables like kids and medical problems then numbers decline. Sounds like you've had some bad luck ?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My father has been out with me in public and noticed the attention I would get from girls. He said this to my mother and instead of being proud of her son or happy for me, she tells him that "he shouldn't be filling my head with that kind of crap" and that I'll end up like his cousin (a guy with an Ncount in the 100s who is basically a gigolo and spends his life living off the money of attractive middle aged women)

Then she went on to say :

He's too arrogant with women, he'll think there's no woman good enough for him, women won't take the way he behaves, he should learn how to cook and how to wash his own clothes, women today aren't the same as they were before.

It's like she actively doesn't want me to know that I have options, that I'm attractive to girls, that I should be of the mentality that I'm lucky to have the opportunity to go out with a girl, instead of believing they are lucky to go out with me.

This is from a woman who starts work at 9.30am and finishes at 1pm, at a cushy job where she spends her time chatting with her female coworkers. Our house is a mess, never cleaned properly, her dinners are pretty much exclusively terrible, she has zero responsibility at home while my father works himself to the bone and comes home to have her nag at him all evening, complain that he doesn't help out at home, he doesn't even bother get a dinner at home anymore most of the time, she also sleeps in a separate room now.

I'll be honest, I have zero time or respect for my mother as a person. She is lazy, selfish, spiteful, resentful and full of anger. I feel shitty for my dad having to put up with her.

It's zero surprise I was a loser until I was 19 with that kind of negative toxic shit around me all the time. She never praised me or encouraged me when I did well in school, never comforted me when I was sad or upset, she basically hasn't done one fucking thing that a mother is meant to do when raising a child.

[–]Joehogans[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have a mixed relationship with my mother. She's given me some good advice here and there telling me "you have to have things going on for you first before women come into your life" that I agree with. But other things are just bat shit crazy, "Just be nice" "the right girl is out there for you". And the usual beta-trap sort of stuff mothers want their sons to desperately follow and believe about other women. Sometimes she can be a realist other times she's just living in a fantasy world. She isn't the sharpest tool in the shed as messed up as that might sound. I take my own path, divergent of what she says. She's essentially tried to make her kids beta as can be and it's blown up in her face. Her children are like man babies. Constantly dependent on her. And then she turns around and nags them all to do something with their lives already. I mean talk about speaking from both sides of your mouth. One moment you are pampering and coddling them, the next you are telling them to get jobs and get their lives in order. It's easy to just give simplified solutions for MASSIVE projects, like "getting one's life together" that encompasses to many factors. That's just too easy to say. It completely under-estimate how large of an undertaking that truly is. She is like a lot of women, passive-aggressive. One moment sweet, the next nagging and bitching at you. The headaches never stop.

[–]TheRedKeepx0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Because she never wants to share her little boy...so gross!

[–]Joehogans[S] -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't think it's gross. It's simple honesty. Tell me like it is. Be honest, don't dress up the truth with some pretty little lies. I do think there is more to this than meets the eye.

[–]TheRedKeepx5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

What is gross is a mother babying her son and lying to him to keep him "hers". I think you misunderstood my post.

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