LTR hits me with «When are we getting married?»

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April 26, 2020

Been seing this girl for almost a year exclusively, and before anyone asks why im in a relationship, well, I promoted her after plating 3 different ones. This is a keeper.. for now atleast.

She’s always been keen on having me move in with her, asks around about serious stuff which I’ve always just laughed off or avoided all together.

However this morning she hits me with the «When are we getting married?» bomb. She had a grin on her face and had this false joke of a tone which instantly gave away that she was indeed 100% serious.

Now, I’m obviously laughing in my head and I couldn’t possibly go down that road so I told her «We can do it whenever you want, I just need to notify my other girlfriends and see if they are okay with me settling down».

Afterwards I would just dodge the bullet, but I have a feeling she’s always gonna be looking for my ultimate commitment both by moving in with her and ultimately marrying her, which I obviously have no intention of doing.

Is there a way to keep these comfort tests fed without having to actually give in to such nonsense? Do I give her a false idea that I actually will marry her one day?

Post Information
Title LTR hits me with «When are we getting married?»
Author Sqtlol
Upvotes 96
Comments 109
Date 26 April 2020 10:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipcomfort test

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (11 children) | Copy

This is actually a good thing. Men should pretty much never be the ones asking "what are we?" or begging for commitment/exclusivity. You could treat it like a shit test, but this is more commonly a COMFORT test. Similar, but yet different.

For specific lines you could respond with, Vas has you covered below. Whatever decision you make, you have to own it. This means if you don't want to be exclusive or you don't see this being long-term, then be up front about it. And if she walks, then she walks...and YOU have to be okay with that. That's how this works.

Whatever you decide, don't be disingenuous or nocommital. That shit comes across as weak and she'll be more likely to bolt if she doesn't hear what she was hoping for.

[–]arcanepolar186 points187 points  (52 children) | Copy

if you're not going to marry her, and she wants that, then it's time to tell her it's not going to happen and you can both move the fuck on. like what's your long term plan here?

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits101 points102 points  (46 children) | Copy

his long term plan is to keep a good thing going as long as he can before she realizes that he's stringing her along

[–]CasaDeFranco62 points63 points  (23 children) | Copy

It's a bit of a cunt move, omitting he has no intent on getting married.

[–]babybopp33 points34 points  (7 children) | Copy

I agree, if he has no intention of marrying her, there are an ocean full of women cool with staying plated... if she is a keeper and green flagged and has expressed expectation of marriage, just let her know it will never happen. If she is cool with that, well and good. If not, break the plate. That shit will come back to haunt if left unattended.

I have a friend who was playing like 3 girls and had one as promoted similar to OP. She asked about marriage and instead of letting her know from the get go, he monkeyed around with her on it. She took his non response and jokes as a maybe or potential yes. She invested heavily into the relationship and hit the wall fucking him. The day he realized that he should have addressed the issue is when she came and told him she was preggos and her dad is visiting him asking him when’s the wedding as he doesn’t want his grandkid to be a bastard born out of wedlock. Tried to dodge and later actually got threatened with a shotgun... indirectly of course. He is married to her now with three kids. Firstborn somehow doesn’t have the same hair color as his two younger siblings..

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

Firstborn somehow doesn’t have the same hair color as his two younger siblings..


[–]thesoloronin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Big fucking oof there. I personally would've stopped the 3rd kid coming and insisted on a DNA test and put the shotgun back where the dad's mouth is like "who's daddy's fucking whore now huh?!"

[–]buttgoogler5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I faced a really complicated situation not that long ago, similar to the one you mentioned in your comment. She was great with the least red flags I've ever seen in a woman. Stunning 6' tall, long hair, no social media, no tattoos, classy dressing, feminine and submissive as fuck, I bet you know the type.

Things were great, but she was slowly approaching the wall and hinted about marriage and kids more and more often. Was probably my hardest decision ever in terms of relationships with women, but I wasn't ready to sacrifice my freedom so we decided to part ways.

I still haven't met anyone as good, and I still reminisce about how good it was, but sacrifices have to be made and eventhough I'm upset it had to end, it had to end.

[–]babybopp2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes you really have to. As much as we game some of these girls would be better off snagging a beta for white picket with 2.5 kids. Believe me it can be painful but unless you are willing to settle and of course you know very well what happens once marriage hits, she will change. Good on you to make that tough decision.

[–]Manuel_S3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

DNA test for the win.

[–]babybopp11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

No win here... he already preggoed her two times more. Can’t break up a family of kids that know each other as brother and sisters..

[–]Manuel_S6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would make sure about the DNA, to settle the doubt in my head. It'd be essential to establish my estate - my inheritance would go to my blood children.

It'd also be a signal that I'd have to get money and stuff separated from wherever a marriage court could find.

[–]robot3000_017 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you moral policing? You got a problem with OP?

Women are cunts staying with men until something better comes along. You forgot about your friend hypergamy? Simp.

[–]RPOpenUp3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're right, but Sexual strategy is immoral right

[–]D4rkr4in2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

you ever heard of plates?

[–]CasaDeFranco15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

Plates know they're plates.

This guy gets all the benefits of a relationship while she invests in what she thinks is life long relationship with marriage, kids, etc in the future. When she's lost her best years and hits the wall he will repeat this with a younger model.

Pretty cunt move.

I'd rather just hit up a thot who already has no self-respect than do this to someone who loves me.

[–]thechaosz[🍰] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Imagine wanting shit sipping, bank draining crap factories AND an nagging wife in your house everyday.

Holy shit I don't know how people do it

[–]CasaDeFranco0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re an idiot.

[–]violetmonstermunch0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Who cares? They do cunt moves all the time so why should we play fair and be considerate?

[–]Alzatorus6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ooof... I think it's worth saying here that just because you may have been hurt in your past by a woman, doesn't mean you should be okay with hurting women in general (and I mean this generally speaking, not directing it at you bro)

[–]helppc4938384 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Because people have morals? Or are you the ultimate Chad pussy slayer than compromises for no one

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So trp has now been infected with reddit neckbeards.

Oh well, I've been turned years ago. I suppose the vanguards are on the actual forum

[–]robot3000_011 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Put that Simp casadefranco in his place for undermining the male sexual strategy.

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What happened to trp? Ask relationship fags are in here responding to you

[–]violetmonstermunch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know man, I haven't been on TRP for years and I come back and read shit like that. The sub is dead. It's sad. Stick to Rollo, IM, etc.

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Getting married is the ultimate beta move.

Yeah, let's sign away half to 2/3 of my life's work and future work for the whims of a female.

Jesus Christ guys get it together

[–]CasaDeFranco2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Heaven forbid men want to reproduce and have their children raised with a mother. You can marry into a family of equal or greater wealth.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly it was an off-the-cuff comment, I didn't even mean it that way. I definitely agree that you shouldn't get married.

[–][deleted]  (17 children) | Copy


[–]Indumentum970 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy

Dude, this is not just some plate of his. He stated that he's in a LTR with her for one year. You don't use people. A plate needs to know she's a plate. It's fine if both want the same thing. FWB etc... that's fine. But this girl loves him, and it looks like he couldn't care less, otherwise he would be honest with her. I understand that he doesn't want to marry, because as a guy you'll lose everything.

There are two options now:

Option A: Marry her

Option B: Be upfront, he needs to tell her that he doesn't want to marry (ever), and either continue the relationship (if she's ok with it lel) or break this off and go back to being single and having plates

[–]robot3000_0111 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Women state they're in an LTR with men, yet you can't take their word when they cheat on your ass. She's not his it's just her turn. Motherfucker!! 🤪🤪

[–]Indumentum97-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s AWALT thinking. We don’t know her enough to make that assumption. If she’s like that, he needs to get out anyways.

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They are though.. I think you're in the wrong sub

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy


[–]helppc4938382 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

You guys are fucking delusional beyond belief. You know your precious RP theory doesnt prohibit marriage?

Everyone of you treating marriage as the be all end all. Rollo is married and so you wouldnt be here if your parents weren't.

Not everything is black and white. The advice some people give here.

He wants to string her along with lies just so he can continue fucking her. You guys tend to forget woman are humans and it isn't beta to have morals. Real men don't string along women for the Hopes of a marriage and kids because they're desperate for sex.

Ask him why he dropped 3 plates for an ltr with no potential of having a future with that woman.

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

First off, why are you here then?

Second, marriage is a terrible and disastrous idea for men in America.

The second she leaves you're getting destroyed. You lose have 2/3 of your entire life's work.

And that's not even considering children in play

Put together forever, sure. Do not get fucking married

[–]helppc4938380 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I suppose it depends on the situation. I grew up seeing indian woman forever loyal to their husbands. American women I'm not sure of

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"real men" lol.

The second you sign that piece of paper, you can be all the man you want to be, she knows the second she leaves you are buried. All the power is in her hands.

She's living in your house, driving your car with her new boyfriend, and you're paying for her lawyer to do divorce proceedings against you.

But you do you

[–]Indumentum970 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This so much.

[–]Alzatorus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You make good points, but the fact remains that a red pill mindset is to provide her with the choice, once establishing boundaries. If she wants to get married then she can choose to move on OR she can continue knowing that it is off the table. At the 1 year mark, it is important that he does this sooner rather than later. Personally, I don't think that having consideration for others is a blue pill mindset and this is threaded throughout the sidebar.

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do not fucking marry Christ

[–]Indumentum97-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea i know. I was just trying to list this guys options. He shouldn’t string her along. Having a plate is fine but don’t play.with.someones.feelings. That’s a difference. If she’s wants to marry: Marry (don’t) or GTFO

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Men love woman, woman love children.

You're in the wrong sub

[–]jokertriad-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

oh fuck you. there’s no morals in trp you fag

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You know, it's possible to have a life partner and not sign away your life with marriage

[–]arcanepolar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

it's all good and fine when there's plausible deniability. when she starts asking for marriage, it's time to go.

[–]nexther11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

honesty can ruin a good relationship unfortunately

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stay in a relationship and not lose half his shit when she eventually leaves.

Woman cannot be relied on. Don't work enough? Lazy. Work too much? Im lonely and you're never around.

" I love you but I'm not in love with you"

No I've never been married. Currently in my 5th LTR (3 years).

First date it was known there will be no ring

[–]arcanepolar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

as long as she knows that, sure. if she says she wants marriage and you don't, you gotta to tell her it's not going to happen. up to her if she still wants to stay after that.

[–]robot3000_013 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

He doesn't have to. The plan is to consistently get his dick wet until something better comes along. A sort of solution more socially acceptable than polygamy.

[–]arcanepolar-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

if he had an abundance then he doesn't have to settle until something better comes along.

look I'm only going to say this in so many ways. women have a limited number of years to bear children. if she says she wants to get married, you have to tell her you don't. up to her if she stays after that. there are other women to fuck with. if you don't have other women to fuck with, that's YOUR issue. the "plan" you've laid out is a pathetic one.

[–]WyldeCutter36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy

Quarantine is making this subreddit pretty entertaining these days

[–]kevkariuki142 points43 points  (3 children) | Copy

How old are you guys ?

[–]_the_shape_25 points26 points  (2 children) | Copy

That’s the real question.

OP, I personally like to be upfront about it if they ask me and put the burden on them to see if they are willing to “waste their time” can get me to fold or not (they can’t), and if they wait too long to ask the question - say, two years or so into the relationship - then I throw the burden back on them for not raising the question earlier.

Moral hang ups? Neither route is disingenuous nor misleading, so nothing to sweat there.

One year into an LTR is too early to be pushing for marriage/moving in to her place in my view. If she’s in her late 20s or older, this is characteristic of a girl rapidly approaching the wall and to be expected (of her). Even if she’s younger, she sees something in you that’s made her highly interested in making a serious push for you to be a provider in her life.

Expect the ultimatum from her to drop no later than a year from this date if you stay with her and don’t make it clear where you stand.

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ven if she’s younger, she sees something in you that’s made her highly interested in making a serious push for you to be a provider in her life

Correct. The de facto ideal strategy for women is to be able to BB a HVM in her SMV peak (mid 20s) as soon as possible.

Alpha chad CC is then another story here.

[–]kevkariuki10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly if she's 28 or older, getting married is her priority. If OP doesn't plan on doing that soon, he should break it off before problems start.

[–]wtfdoiaskfor127 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

I tell my girls I won't get married because I don't like the stuff. So if they want to stay with me, they must work every day, not only until we get married.

Until they push more and you just move on to the next one

[–]UnwoundCowboy6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

100% correct!!!

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev104 points105 points  (16 children) | Copy

A. "When I decide that you have earned it."

B. "When you are ready to devote yourself, full-time, to caring for me, our home, and our future kids."

C. "1500 Sandwiches from now. You'd better get in the kitchen."

[–]wtfdoiaskfor132 points33 points  (6 children) | Copy

(A) is the only one to give you any sort of control.

For (B) she can just say "I'm ready!!! :-)", and for (C) she can start counting them.

Source: similar ex LTR

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev53 points54 points  (5 children) | Copy

A. Yes.

B. "You're ready when I decide you're ready."

C. 1500 sammiches, is one sammich a day for more than 4 years. He can always dump her at sammich #1499.

[–]4Sammich70 points71 points  (1 child) | Copy

My time to shine

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Username checks out

[–]unn4med7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy


[–]Standgrounding2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He can always dump her at sammich #1499

Big oof for her!

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

You save me a lot of typing.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right back at you.

[–]exton93 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

How do you balance your intent to keep her around vs wasting her reproductive window? Say she's in her 20s and you never want to marry.

Be upfront or always stall for time?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm pretty upfront that (a) I keep a rotation of girls and (b) I am on a 52 y.o. bachelor and next year I'll be a 53 y.o. bachelor. If they still want to take their shot, then it's their choice.

My girls are also mostly b/w 20 and 27 so it's not like they don't have a chance after, if that's what they want. Hey, I don't lie to them.

About 10 years ago, I went on a date (I was set up, without my knowledge, but for a variety of reasons, I was socially obligated to go). Anyway, she was pushing hard for a second date, but I begged off because she was 35 (or whatever) and she wanted to have a kid and I wasn't going to be the guy who wasted her last chance. She was pissed for a day, but after that she rang me and said, "I understand and thank you."

[–]Standgrounding12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

There should be a movie about Vas and his life.

[–]glenthedog10 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What do you talk to the 20 yo about? I'm 29 and it's horrible, can't imagine being 52 with a girl that age.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

The type of 20 year old who digs older men is a different type. So with the 2x20 year olds (one will be 21 soon), they both are musically talented, bright-minded and such. So they can converse about a number of topics. If they were airheads who only cared about the Kardashians and shit like that, I would have zero interest.

[–]Cvevea39 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tweak C and it's the best one: "1500 sandwhiches from now, and I only eat one a day" say it with a shit eating grin and wink at her afterwards

then if she sits down ask where the hell your sandwhich is

[–]Ill_mumble_that2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think people are mistaking this as 3 different options. This is a list of multiple requirements.

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely don't start the sentence with "We can do it whenever you want..."

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

She wants to get married, you can only dodge it for so long before it will end up being a problem. This is why a lot of mgtows/red pillers avoid LTR's since it's the middle path to eventual marriage and having kids.

[–]askmrcia9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wants to get married, you can only dodge it for so long before it will end up being a problem. This is why a lot of mgtows/red pillers avoid LTR's since it's the middle path to eventual marriage and having kids.

Exactly. To add unless you are upfront with the girl, you can't expect to snap your fingers and have her give you sex for months or even years without her wondering where it's going.

With that said in modern society it's the norm for serious monogamous relationships to eventually end up marriage.

To avoid that path, Redpill/MGTOW says to be upfront on what it is you want when the "what are we talk" happens, expect her to walk away, or avoid long terms all together.

Otherwise you'll be stringing her along and that gets harder to maintain when she has you meeting her family, friends and shit.

[–]spedoid31 points32 points  (4 children) | Copy

I personally think one year isn't long enough. 2.5 or 3 years of dating would be enough to propose to someone. Ive dated girls for over a year and we barely have any fights. You need to see your gf at her worst, pissed the fuck off and furious at you. You gotta go thru her phone and verify she hasn't been flirting with any guys while you've been dating. You've gotta meet her parents and figure out if they're gonna make shit harder for you or not. Lots of shit goes into marrying a girl.

One year tho? That's kinda early. I'd say deflect the shit out of it. You can always be truthful and say you want both of you to be making good money first.

Another important factor is kids. Do you want kids? If so, do you think she would be a good mother? They often say that kids have the worst traits of your partner. Lots of questions maeng.

[–]thesatellite234 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I can tell that you're relatively new here. Welcome.

[–]Ill_mumble_that11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

New but has a good head on his shoulders.

However, needs to read the sidebar.

The obvious answer is "don't get married" because the government is part of your marriage the second you sign that paper and register it with the state. And the government will fuck you up when she decides your turn is over.

[–]intelligentlemanager0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Divorce rape depends on your country. Mine is bad, but not like USA

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My sentiments exactly. Someone new should just tone down their pre-RP worldview and opinions and scout out whatever that's being thrown around to get a better picture.

[–]mugatucrazypills4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think age matters in these equations. I know this is a minority opinion, but if she is healthy, less insane, etc at some point you are wasting her time/limited reproductive window. Not saying you should do it especially if you're on your path, I'm just saying that if you're not going to settle down, maybe you make plans to exit and move on at some point.

[–]TreatYouLikeAQuean4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not sure I have advice for you but I can give my experience. I would choose my LTR over 10 plates any day. Been together approx. 3 years.

I've made my marriage and kids views clear.

Pretty much never.

I'm career-oriented and it will take about 12 years for me to fully realize my dream and be stable/in control of my life. Because of this, marriage and kids questions would not even be asked because she knows my ambitions and what the answer would be.

If you are just aimlessly floating through life and have a decent job and are stable, she's thinking I want to lock this down. She's thinking if he says no, what are his reasons? It's because he doesn't want to be with me in the end, so she'll go find someone else who wants to marry and have kids. However, I believe if you are high value and you make your legitimate views on why you don't want to pursue marriage known to her, she will accept that and stay with you.

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be careful of the BB trap when she comes telling she's preggo with what's actually the gene from the AF

[–]legitniga3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Maybe I’ll surprise you one day”

[–]Manuel_S1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

This can be deflected by setting at the first (before it comes up) conditions contingent on objectives or professional life. X money, Y position, Z success on business, whatever - on both of you.

For me, TRP is about seeing the underlying reality, and making it your choice - whether others agree or not, including other TRPers. One should listen to advice, as we learn from other's mistakes, but in the end its your decision and your life.

You may want an LTR and kids, and this is a valid life goal. The TRP part is about KEEPING IT, and if things go wrong, NOT GETTING FUCKED.

The questions are:

  • do you see yourself getting older next to this person?

  • do you want to have kids or not. Now, this is a hard but important decision; if you want offspring the game plays different.

In my country, we have different options than in freedom land. Here, when we marry we have 3 options: - full separation of assets - communion of acquired property - full communion

And yes, it is how it works in court. Marriage does provide protection in case one of you gets fucked up or crippled, and in case of death. Other than that its a clean break - unless you were stupid as fuck and mixed finances, deeds and so. But stupid has a cost.

So, for me in the states, marriage would not be an option. Its just... I can't conceive being that mad. Here, it can be a social tool that costs a bit to get rid of but will not cripple you. (I'm told about 2-4k)

So the way I see it, the options are:

  • If you are not gonna keep her in time, and you have any respect for the person, making her lose her reproductive window is evil. This is a pure biological argument which I think it is valid; you would be killing her line just for some temporary gratification.

  • if you see her as an LTR but no kids, this must come up. If she really needs kids - which is valid - then see above.

  • if you see her as an LTR and also want kids, if I were in america I'd make it clear the problem is the law. I will have kids with you be there and be a great parent and we will get old together, but I will allow no-one to abandon me and take my shit. "Oh but I'd never abandon you!" "Then thats settled, we don't need a paper". But I would make some papers. One would be settling in advance what child support would be like if shit went bad. The other would be making sure my children by her could not be disinherited by either of us (here you just can't disinherit a son/daughter). This in case shit goes bad and new relationships get in the way.

Many women will accept it, when push comes to shove.

Of course she'll angle for it, but in the states that would be a total no-go. You guys have mad laws.

[–]mr4kino0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"Full separation of assets". The problem lies with the simping of the whole population. In France the only guys that do the "séparation des biens", which is "Full separation of assets" are couple of muslim guys as there religion commands them to do so (and still most of them don't do it). The average french guy don't even know it exists.

[–]Manuel_S0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Am not in France, dude. Here we use it. If french are simps, they must pay the simp tax.

[–]thechaosz[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't fucking do it

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Girls pushing for commitment

Nothing new

Say whatever you want and don't worry about it too much

[–]helrtest0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Had a similar situation too. I presume you don't want to marry her but want to ride the train as long as possible (others replied that it's a cunt move, but hey, it's just their opinion man).

What I did and what worked: "No, we are not going to get married, I'm here for the money. When is your final loan payment for the flat?"

A cunt move? Maybe. But she is a plate - do you really care? It might be unpopular on this thread, but plates are for braking and some plates brake hard. It's not your job to soften the fall so dodge the bullet and I bid you good ride!

[–]BlakeMortimer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read “The Unchained Man”.

[–]1InformalCriticism0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think you're right that it was a comfort test, but you treated it like a shit test - you implied you were playing the field instead of comforting her (low-key dread).

When are we getting married?

"I'm not trying to be a practice husband, babe. Give it time."

A reply like this sounds like you're giving it serious thought while addressing her concerns by making your own concerns known - that time is the only way to tell if it'll is a good idea, (even when it only works 100% of the time for the woman).

The time to pull the rip chord is if her friends start getting married, because then she'll be far more likely to lie about being on birth control, sabotage contraception, or start trying to actively make your life hell for not doing what she wants.

Always, always, always have an exit strategy, not some half-baked idea of one, if marriage is not your goal.

[–]mr_Tobbor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are lucky. You have found a notable woman, with whom you match well. Why to destroy that? Why don't you marry her?

[–]KillaJewels0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just be genuine. Idk how old you are, but I can almost guarantee that you may change your mind about marriage with time, whether it's with this girl or someone else. That said, personally, I am approaching 30 and still not keen on the idea, but I can see that possibly changing within a few years.

Similar situation as you, been dating my LTR for over a year. Vetted her as a plate for 6 months before I LTR'd her. She's got qualities that would be suited for marriage/motherhood. But she is young and not planning to get married anytime soon, although she has mentioned that she sees herself spending her life with me.

In my experience, they may get distracted by your aloofness and brushing off the question with a joke or w/e. But eventually, she's gonna press harder for a serious answer. My advice is tell her how you feel about this issue. "Babe, I am honestly not ready to get married, and I don't know if I ever will be. Whoever you end up with, you would make an awesome wife/mother."

[–]elf_knife_love[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not an LTR-guy, so I can't advise you on a reply, plus a lot of the answers bellow are quite on point and spry.

Do however keep in mind, where TRP took root, and check an MRA sub before you commit to a thot.

It's not that oneitis'is always bad, it's just that divorce rape can be real and sad.

Seriously though, nobody is bringing this up (maybe it's already assumed to be background knowledge) but marriage can be really sucky, first and foremost you need to make sure you've read up on the relevant law surrounding it in your country and looked at court precedents for divorces.

Even if you are clear minded now, it only takes 1 week of madness to sign away your life. Not to mention, if the girl makes up a fantasy about you being in an LTR and live in the same house as you... well, some courts will classify that as partially equivalent to a marriage (the term in the UK would be "cohabitation").

So, you know, watch your back...

[–]ProfessionalCoffee80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm dealing with this already in my 2 years LTR, she's "living" with me for a month after this shitty lockdown! That sucks and I miss my privacy already!

[–]3chazthundergut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Do I give her a false idea that I actually will marry her one day?"

Nah the best policy is to just be honest with her

[–]2319Skew0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be prepared to either hold firm and have her walk or cave in and marry her. Marriage is not a scenario where you hold the cards and it's red pill on hardmode since she can (will) take half your shit.

There's a sea of guys that thought they had a unicorn only to have her cheat, lie, destroy lives, etc. once a ring went on. So it's up to you.

But yea, eventually, she'll catch on that she's chasing the carrot and look for something else. VERY FEW guys can keep a woman in an LTR indefinitely.

[–]madfrombrad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“When you give me a reason to buy a ring” gets them wet hahahaha

To them thats throwing the back out

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She’s really tell you that shes starting to be open to the other options that have been orbiting for years.

[–]TheProfitMotive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol OP unless you plan on having kids LTRs are a beta male strategy. You avoid them especially bc of situations like this.

You don't need an LTR to solve the male sexual imperative.

[–]the-rogue-gentleman0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If you ever get to the point where you guys want to live together...don't move in to her place. Either she comes to you, or you get a place together. But not you going to hers.

[–]DENNISCORNELIUS0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why not??? If it's her place, he can leave whenever he feels like. If she comes to him, it's likely harder to get her out. And also if it's her place, it's mostly improvable he can get some kind of legal obligation soon after, compared with her at his place or if they get a place together.

[–]the-rogue-gentleman3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

He can also kick her out whenever he feels like if need be. It doesn’t matter how crazy a woman is about you. If you move into her house, it will be rosy at the beginning but as sure as death and taxes, she will start resenting you when she's paying half the rent and feeding you. It doesn’t matter if you are paying for electricity and water or any other utilities.

At some point she will walk into the living room to find you seated there with half your belly out, the TV remote, I’m sorry, HER remote in your hand and she will think, “What kind of a man is this who just sits and doesn’t pay his way?” Despite both of you already coming into a cost sharing arrangement.

And that resentment will build slowly as the relationship goes on and one day she will blurt it. She will say, “Be a man.” Or “Pull your weight.” (In reference to responsibilities, yes, but also in regard to your 98kgs and 29 BMI). And as time goes on she will not look at you like “the man” anymore, but as a boarder she likes.

You will lose her respect and once a woman loses respect for you it’s only a matter of time before she starts talking crap to you, first to you, then in front of people. Don’t get to that point.

The only way to not get to that point is not to move into her house. You can move into your friend’s house if you are jobless, but not your woman’s house. Moving into your friend’s house puts pressure on you to move. Not so if you are in your woman’s house.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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