LTR hits me with «When are we getting married?»

arcanepolar · 2020-04-27T00:09:09+00:00

if you're not going to marry her, and she wants that, then it's time to tell her it's not going to happen and you can both move the fuck on. like what's your long term plan here?

WyldeCutter · 2020-04-27T02:52:58+00:00

Quarantine is making this subreddit pretty entertaining these days

kevkariuki1 · 2020-04-26T22:26:41+00:00

How old are you guys ?

bsutansalt · 2020-04-27T05:10:31+00:00

This is actually a good thing. Men should pretty much never be the ones asking "what are we?" or begging for commitment/exclusivity. You could treat it like a shit test, but this is more commonly a COMFORT test. Similar, but yet different.

For specific lines you could respond with, Vas has you covered below. Whatever decision you make, you have to own it. This means if you don't want to be exclusive or you don't see this being long-term, then be up front about it. And if she walks, then she walks...and YOU have to be okay with that. That's how this works.

Whatever you decide, don't be disingenuous or nocommital. That shit comes across as weak and she'll be more likely to bolt if she doesn't hear what she was hoping for.

wtfdoiaskfor1 · 2020-04-26T22:48:58+00:00

I tell my girls I won't get married because I don't like the stuff. So if they want to stay with me, they must work every day, not only until we get married.

Until they push more and you just move on to the next one

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-04-26T22:34:19+00:00

A. "When I decide that you have earned it."

B. "When you are ready to devote yourself, full-time, to caring for me, our home, and our future kids."

C. "1500 Sandwiches from now. You'd better get in the kitchen."

Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits · 2020-04-27T03:04:35+00:00

Definitely don't start the sentence with "We can do it whenever you want..."

spedoid · 2020-04-26T22:42:06+00:00

I personally think one year isn't long enough. 2.5 or 3 years of dating would be enough to propose to someone. Ive dated girls for over a year and we barely have any fights. You need to see your gf at her worst, pissed the fuck off and furious at you. You gotta go thru her phone and verify she hasn't been flirting with any guys while you've been dating. You've gotta meet her parents and figure out if they're gonna make shit harder for you or not. Lots of shit goes into marrying a girl.

One year tho? That's kinda early. I'd say deflect the shit out of it. You can always be truthful and say you want both of you to be making good money first.

Another important factor is kids. Do you want kids? If so, do you think she would be a good mother? They often say that kids have the worst traits of your partner. Lots of questions maeng.

askmrcia · 2020-04-27T00:00:28+00:00

She wants to get married, you can only dodge it for so long before it will end up being a problem. This is why a lot of mgtows/red pillers avoid LTR's since it's the middle path to eventual marriage and having kids.

mugatucrazypills · 2020-04-27T00:54:06+00:00

I think age matters in these equations. I know this is a minority opinion, but if she is healthy, less insane, etc at some point you are wasting her time/limited reproductive window. Not saying you should do it especially if you're on your path, I'm just saying that if you're not going to settle down, maybe you make plans to exit and move on at some point.

TreatYouLikeAQuean · 2020-04-27T01:47:25+00:00

I'm not sure I have advice for you but I can give my experience. I would choose my LTR over 10 plates any day. Been together approx. 3 years.

I've made my marriage and kids views clear.

Pretty much never.

I'm career-oriented and it will take about 12 years for me to fully realize my dream and be stable/in control of my life. Because of this, marriage and kids questions would not even be asked because she knows my ambitions and what the answer would be.

If you are just aimlessly floating through life and have a decent job and are stable, she's thinking I want to lock this down. She's thinking if he says no, what are his reasons? It's because he doesn't want to be with me in the end, so she'll go find someone else who wants to marry and have kids. However, I believe if you are high value and you make your legitimate views on why you don't want to pursue marriage known to her, she will accept that and stay with you.

legitniga · 2020-04-27T01:31:02+00:00

“Maybe I’ll surprise you one day”

Manuel_S · 2020-04-27T06:35:59+00:00

This can be deflected by setting at the first (before it comes up) conditions contingent on objectives or professional life. X money, Y position, Z success on business, whatever - on both of you.

For me, TRP is about seeing the underlying reality, and making it your choice - whether others agree or not, including other TRPers. One should listen to advice, as we learn from other's mistakes, but in the end its your decision and your life.

You may want an LTR and kids, and this is a valid life goal. The TRP part is about KEEPING IT, and if things go wrong, NOT GETTING FUCKED.

The questions are:

do you see yourself getting older next to this person?
do you want to have kids or not. Now, this is a hard but important decision; if you want offspring the game plays different.

In my country, we have different options than in freedom land. Here, when we marry we have 3 options: - full separation of assets - communion of acquired property - full communion

And yes, it is how it works in court. Marriage does provide protection in case one of you gets fucked up or crippled, and in case of death. Other than that its a clean break - unless you were stupid as fuck and mixed finances, deeds and so. But stupid has a cost.

So, for me in the states, marriage would not be an option. Its just... I can't conceive being that mad. Here, it can be a social tool that costs a bit to get rid of but will not cripple you. (I'm told about 2-4k)

So the way I see it, the options are:

If you are not gonna keep her in time, and you have any respect for the person, making her lose her reproductive window is evil. This is a pure biological argument which I think it is valid; you would be killing her line just for some temporary gratification.
if you see her as an LTR but no kids, this must come up. If she really needs kids - which is valid - then see above.
if you see her as an LTR and also want kids, if I were in america I'd make it clear the problem is the law. I will have kids with you be there and be a great parent and we will get old together, but I will allow no-one to abandon me and take my shit. "Oh but I'd never abandon you!" "Then thats settled, we don't need a paper". But I would make some papers. One would be settling in advance what child support would be like if shit went bad. The other would be making sure my children by her could not be disinherited by either of us (here you just can't disinherit a son/daughter). This in case shit goes bad and new relationships get in the way.

Many women will accept it, when push comes to shove.

Of course she'll angle for it, but in the states that would be a total no-go. You guys have mad laws.

thechaosz · 2020-04-27T15:40:55+00:00

Don't fucking do it

319Skew · 2020-04-27T17:30:27+00:00

Be prepared to either hold firm and have her walk or cave in and marry her. Marriage is not a scenario where you hold the cards and it's red pill on hardmode since she can (will) take half your shit.

There's a sea of guys that thought they had a unicorn only to have her cheat, lie, destroy lives, etc. once a ring went on. So it's up to you.

But yea, eventually, she'll catch on that she's chasing the carrot and look for something else. VERY FEW guys can keep a woman in an LTR indefinitely.

2020-04-27T00:41:44+00:00

Girls pushing for commitment

Nothing new

Say whatever you want and don't worry about it too much

helrtest · 2020-04-27T06:20:11+00:00

Had a similar situation too. I presume you don't want to marry her but want to ride the train as long as possible (others replied that it's a cunt move, but hey, it's just their opinion man).

What I did and what worked: "No, we are not going to get married, I'm here for the money. When is your final loan payment for the flat?"

A cunt move? Maybe. But she is a plate - do you really care? It might be unpopular on this thread, but plates are for braking and some plates brake hard. It's not your job to soften the fall so dodge the bullet and I bid you good ride!

BlakeMortimer · 2020-04-27T08:06:14+00:00

Read “The Unchained Man”.

InformalCriticism · 2020-04-27T10:18:37+00:00

I think you're right that it was a comfort test, but you treated it like a shit test - you implied you were playing the field instead of comforting her (low-key dread).

When are we getting married?

"I'm not trying to be a practice husband, babe. Give it time."

A reply like this sounds like you're giving it serious thought while addressing her concerns by making your own concerns known - that time is the only way to tell if it'll is a good idea, (even when it only works 100% of the time for the woman).

The time to pull the rip chord is if her friends start getting married, because then she'll be far more likely to lie about being on birth control, sabotage contraception, or start trying to actively make your life hell for not doing what she wants.

Always, always, always have an exit strategy, not some half-baked idea of one, if marriage is not your goal.

mr_Tobbor · 2020-04-27T10:53:29+00:00

You are lucky. You have found a notable woman, with whom you match well. Why to destroy that? Why don't you marry her?

KillaJewels · 2020-04-27T11:14:51+00:00

Just be genuine. Idk how old you are, but I can almost guarantee that you may change your mind about marriage with time, whether it's with this girl or someone else. That said, personally, I am approaching 30 and still not keen on the idea, but I can see that possibly changing within a few years.

Similar situation as you, been dating my LTR for over a year. Vetted her as a plate for 6 months before I LTR'd her. She's got qualities that would be suited for marriage/motherhood. But she is young and not planning to get married anytime soon, although she has mentioned that she sees herself spending her life with me.

In my experience, they may get distracted by your aloofness and brushing off the question with a joke or w/e. But eventually, she's gonna press harder for a serious answer. My advice is tell her how you feel about this issue. "Babe, I am honestly not ready to get married, and I don't know if I ever will be. Whoever you end up with, you would make an awesome wife/mother."

elf_knife_love · 2020-04-27T13:48:52+00:00

I'm not an LTR-guy, so I can't advise you on a reply, plus a lot of the answers bellow are quite on point and spry.

Do however keep in mind, where TRP took root, and check an MRA sub before you commit to a thot.

It's not that oneitis'is always bad, it's just that divorce rape can be real and sad.

Seriously though, nobody is bringing this up (maybe it's already assumed to be background knowledge) but marriage can be really sucky, first and foremost you need to make sure you've read up on the relevant law surrounding it in your country and looked at court precedents for divorces.

Even if you are clear minded now, it only takes 1 week of madness to sign away your life. Not to mention, if the girl makes up a fantasy about you being in an LTR and live in the same house as you... well, some courts will classify that as partially equivalent to a marriage (the term in the UK would be "cohabitation").

So, you know, watch your back...

ProfessionalCoffee8 · 2020-04-27T16:36:39+00:00

I'm dealing with this already in my 2 years LTR, she's "living" with me for a month after this shitty lockdown! That sucks and I miss my privacy already!

chazthundergut · 2020-04-27T17:10:46+00:00

"Do I give her a false idea that I actually will marry her one day?"

Nah the best policy is to just be honest with her

madfrombrad · 2020-04-27T18:15:31+00:00

“When you give me a reason to buy a ring” gets them wet hahahaha

To them thats throwing the back out

Tambamwham · 2020-04-27T22:44:18+00:00

She’s really tell you that shes starting to be open to the other options that have been orbiting for years.

TheProfitMotive · 2020-04-26T22:51:28+00:00

Lol OP unless you plan on having kids LTRs are a beta male strategy. You avoid them especially bc of situations like this.

You don't need an LTR to solve the male sexual imperative.

the-rogue-gentleman · 2020-04-27T05:37:23+00:00

If you ever get to the point where you guys want to live together...don't move in to her place. Either she comes to you, or you get a place together. But not you going to hers.

Title	LTR hits me with «When are we getting married?»
Author	Sqtlol
Upvotes	95
Comments	119
Date	April 26, 2020 10:19 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/g8nsli/ltr_hits_me_with_when_are_we_getting_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-hits-me-with-when-are-we-getting-married.657313 https://theredarchive.com/post/657313

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