Warning: this is very long and all over the place, sorry! TL;DR below.

I am 16, with a very masculine and unattractive face and body. I have hated myself my entire life, I was bullied for my looks as a child and before that, I always told myself I looked like a boy. I remember saying it as young as 5, it never went away. Since I was about 12 years old, I have become hyper aware of my appearance and have shred to find a way to improve it, however, my depression caused me to do nothing about it, so I look the same. But lately, as in the past 2 years but especially nowadays, I have been feeling especially bad about it.

I recently develop a crush on my close male friend, who considers me like a sister. This has increased my insecurity in my looks so much, even though it was already an issue for me. He was dating this girl, who is incredibly stunning, it made me feel so ugly and horrible about myself. He is currently in the process of breaking up with her, but it hurts so much to know that he will always consider me as a sister to him due to me not being pretty at all. I think that if I was prettier, he might want to date me, because he already tells me often how much he loves my personality, and he initiates conversation with me almost every day.

Believe it or not though, I do not necessarily want to get pretty just for him (he already tells me I am cute, have a beautiful smile etc) but now that I have developed a crush on him my desire for this has increased even more. I won't pretend that it doesn't have an impact, but I have already been wanting this for a long time beforehand.

But, my depression increased with it, making it more difficult for me to do anything about my appearance. So, I have been taking less care of my appearance since I became depressed about it, it is a horrible cycle..

I also have another friend who is extremely beautiful, and lots of other gorgeous girls at school. I'm not sure why I am surrounded by such pretty girls at school, and that my crush also loves a breathtakingly gorgeous girl, but I had to be born looking like a man and looking so bad. I look like a mean person even when I smile...

To get an idea, I am 5'4, 135 lbs, west African, I have a big head, extremely dry unkempt hair, uneven skin all over my face and body, a large yet masculine looking forehead, big eyes with tiny irises, which makes me look scary and mean, curly eyelashes (the only good thing about my face), bushy straight thick eyebrows, a long nose with huge nostrils, slightly big, unevenly and weirdly shaped lips, a short thick neck, huge broad shoulders, long arms, large hands and feet, above average but slightly sagging breasts, a protruding belly (I gain weight here), average legs, a small butt, and I am super hairy...

I am the exact opposite of my personal beauty standard, which is petite, dainty and short, clear hairless skin, very feminine facial features (big bright eyes, button nose, full lips with Cupid's bow, short midface etc), a long slim neck, a short round face, rosy cheeks, a dainty hourglass silhouette, small hands and feet, a perfect balance of cuteness and sensuality, leaning towards cute. My friend that I mentioned is exactly like this, partially because she is Asian, and she is so sweet and hilarious as well, which makes me feel like a weird shy troll in comparison. My crush's crush also has a lot of those features, I swear she is so gorgeous...

Now I am not red-pilled at all, and I don't want to be, but I used to be very into this, and I know you all are the masters of all things regarding femininity in looks and personality. I would love some tips on improving other aspects of myself to be more feminine as well, such as my voice, posture and mannerisms, which are all masculine as well.

Advice would be very appreciated, today I am having a very bad day because I am beating myself up over my looks...

I'm so so sorry for making this post so long and all over the place, I am just very passionate and emotional about this..

TL;DR: I am kind of ugly and very masculine looking, and surrounded by pretty and cute girls at school which makes me feel worse. I recently developed a crush who views me as a little sister, and my desire for his romantic affection is further motivating me to make myself look a lot better if it is possible. I would also like to improve other aspects of myself such as my personality, posture and voice to become my own dream girl, inside and out. What should I do? Please give me advice!!

Thank you in advance!