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Brother tried to kill himself today

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notyourfathersfather
April 30, 2020
94 upvotes
askTRP

Hey guys

My brother got into a massive argument with my parents accusing them of never giving a shit him and never listening to him about his mental health.

He’s a real stubborn type, never will listen to anything new, left wing, blue pill kinda guy, in college, never had a job or a girlfriend. Sits inside all day and beats off and plays video games.

I come downstairs because of all the yelling, and see him banging his head against the wall just screaming telling my parents to leave him the fuck alone, my dad trying to grab him to stop him from banging his head, while my mom tells my dad to just let him run his course, and that if he truly wants to kill himself we wouldn’t be able to stop him

He storms out, steals my bike, so I try to go follow him, but can’t catch up. I get my parents to call the cops, so they can find him before he tries anything. They find him over the edge of a bridge, and get him down. He’s in the hospital right now.

I was never close with him, or any of my family. What do I do moving forward? He’s so stubborn, so if he doesn’t end up killing himself, idk how I’ll get him to turn his life around, which I think is the root of his problems.

He’s very convicted, and I think because of his depression and low serotonin, he reacts to any attempt to help him change with extreme hostility.

Any advice on how to move forward? How to help him? Or at least keep my family from falling apart?


Post Information
Title Brother tried to kill himself today
Author notyourfathersfather
Upvotes 94
Comments 81
Date 30 April 2020 04:50 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/658144
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gap8l6/brother_tried_to_kill_himself_today/
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Comments

[–]bettywhiteishot115 points116 points  (14 children) | Copy

My little sister killed herself last month, she was by far the closest person in my life. No competition

I tried everything bro. Everything. She had attempted multiple times before finally being successful, and at the end of the day nothing myself or anyone did really mattered. As a matter of fact, we spoke the day of, and I told her I was gonna try and buy her a ticket to a music festival to come with me so she had something to look forward to

My suggestion would be to try your hardest to get close with him. Spend time with him, make him feel like he has someone to open up to, let him ask you for advice and shit and give it to him. Laugh with him. Let your brother know he’s loved

[–]cat_magnet35 points36 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man that is tough. I am close to my little sister and couldn't imagine the pain you must be in.

[–]i-am-the-prize2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

you did what you could. but mental illness is rough. I lost my younger sibling to suicide a few years ago and you can do 'all you can do' and it may not be enough. itsucksman.jpg

[–]axiscontra1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

sorry to hear that bro. Thats some hard advice but we need people who are capable of doing that even if it doesn't work. OP I think if you try its better than nothing because you will know that you;ve tried your best and your brother will know that someone tried and cared even if it was too much.

as an aside I believe in reincarnation so apart of me feels like its like the person saying that their game is too corrupted and they want to try again. Its so much easier to work with something than against something so I try to be more open with peoples experiences with suicide and suicidal thoughts.

Stay strong OP and remember its the little things that matters. Just like that music festival gesture might have meant the world to his sister. Just go with the flow we cant control life just do our best and make the most of it. God speed

[–]notyourfathersfather[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m so sorry that happened to you man. Really.

As to your advice, I think my brother resents me, or looks down on me. He’s two years older, and thinks he’s much smarter than anybody in my family. He’ll ignore me if I ask him a question, won’t smile in pictures if I’m in them, told me he’d give my life to save his friends, won’t sip out of the same straw as me, and sees all of the things I do, all of my social life and events, and thinks I’m irresponsible.

Where do you even start with somebody who doesn’t value your opinion at all?

[–]nordicpolarbear1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like he is just jealous of you for some reason. Also, he has some deep seated issues you won’t be able to solve. Just be a rock but don’t tolerate disrespect

[–][deleted]  (8 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]bettywhiteishot0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

You’re dumb, music festival is in September and not shut down yet. Take the L and let it resonate

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]bettywhiteishot0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Clearly you’re a fucking autist considering this post had nothing to do with pussy.

Not sure if you’ve been living under a rock but there’s nothing else to do right now either, dumbass. Mind your business.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]bettywhiteishot0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Down syndrome or just a really low IQ score? None of your comments have made the slightest bit of sense.

If you haven’t thought about doing so already, go kill yourself as well.

[–]mutedskies0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

i feel so bad for you. you must genuinely be sick in the head to be able to say that to someone. you’re disgusting and i hope that you never have to experience pain like that even though you probably deserve it. go get some fucking help.

[–][deleted] 83 points84 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's really just out of your control.

I lost my brother to suicide when younger so I get the feeling. (a few cousins also)

I've dealt with some of my mates being on the edge, again, it was out of my control.

All I've learnt to do is listen and try let them get every thought out of their head. (only if you got a strong mind at the time)

These psychotic episode phases happen to a lot of men and in my experience they can last up to ~5 years. (after which most dudes become placid enough)

So given that he could be like this for a long time, you will need to learn to live with it and continue on your own path.

As for your own individual coping, some mates might give you good consolation but most probably won't.

I resented my mother for her behavior but as I've aged I realized she had far less of an idea on how to cope than I did.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is the unfortunate but true answer.

[–]pinis42053 points54 points  (3 children) | Copy

hang out with him more. don’t try to redpill him, that never works out well in person. if you lift, get him to start lifting with you (assuming he doesn’t lift). the gains in both appearance and strength should do at least something. help him find a job, or at least a purpose. help him set goals.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. The best thing you can do is to treat him like a brother -- when you're doing activities, take him with you. Once the lockdowns end take him with you to casual parties and events.

Basically, get him out of the house. I was in the same boat as your bro. I believe that deep down, he doesn't want be playing video games but he feels so worthless that that is all he can do. So get him out of the house more. If you have bikes, go on bike rides together. Whatever.

Aside from political and criminal reasons, the only reason someone would kill themselves is if they feel worthless and/or unloved.

Just make it your responsibility, as a brother, to help him get to a healthier mental state, because it doesn't seem like you're parents are taking him very seriously.

[–]notyourfathersfather[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think my brother resents me, or looks down on me. He’s two years older, and thinks he’s much smarter than anybody in my family.

He’ll ignore me if I ask him a question, won’t smile in pictures if I’m in them, told me he’d give my life to save his friends, won’t sip out of the same straw as me, and sees all of the things I do, all of my social life and events, and thinks I’m irresponsible.

Where do you even start with somebody who doesn’t value your opinion at all?

[–]pinis420-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

you can’t ask for respect. you have to force people to respect you, if that makes sense.

[–]Jessor6918 points19 points  (5 children) | Copy

Show him a better life, show him that with a job, lifting and being in the sun that you can have a better life.

Next time you go to gym, ask him if he wants to come. Next time you're going to the beach or a park ask him to come with you.

I believe that positive actions will realign his mindset with a healthy one. Get him to DO. He doesn't have mental health issues he has no purpose. You know how they say you're the average of your 5 friends? Try to find out what sort of people he follows on social media and who he talks to regularly. Remember what you believe is what you become.

[–]hate_sarcasm17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

The sun is honestly underrated

[–]Jessor6913 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

100%. Affects your mood/energy, raises testosterone, gives you the vitamin D and a good tan.

[–]DelicateDevelopment0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tryptophan as well

[–]notyourfathersfather[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think my brother resents me, or looks down on me. He’s two years older, and thinks he’s much smarter than anybody in my family. He’ll ignore me if I ask him a question, won’t smile in pictures if I’m in them, told me he’d give my life to save his friends, or our dog, won’t sip out of the same straw as me, and sees all of the things I do, all of my social life and events, and thinks I’m irresponsible.

I’ve asked him to come workout with me, or make a food run, but he told me that I was an idiot for exercising. He’ll make fun of me when I practice guitar and signing, so I stopped practicing when he was at home.

Where do you even start with somebody who doesn’t value your opinion at all?

[–]Jessor691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't. After reading that it's clear he sees no problems in himself but finds faults in others, he has no desire to leave his comfort bubble that he has made. He's pulling classic blue pill crabs in a bucket behaviour, he's attempting to drag you down to his level to feel comfortable.

Best thing for you to do is focus on yourself and your goals, no amount of words of encouragement will make him improve unless until he accepts it. He's all narcissistic and ego, and most can't see past their ego.

If one day he accepts the help he needs, become as helpful as possible but until just focus on you.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]bestsparkyalive9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

There still are a lot of great comments here.

[–]alphabachelor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely correct.

There's a lot of great comments that may stabilize the brother and bide OP some time. However, treating someone with severe mental health issues requires a skill set that only a medical professional possesses.

[–]axiscontra0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think its a good idea for OP to see a counselor as well, sounds like there's some toxic family dynamics already.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The single hardest lesson I've learned from helping to found TRP, and from running it for years, is that you cannot help anyone without their active cooperation.

There is nothing I can say to help a man, for example, who can't get laid but thinks my teachings are poison. He's not going to listen, and if I somehow could persuade him to, he would feel he was doing me a favour by listening, instead of me doing him a favour by advising.

There are enough men who come to me asking for my help, and helping them is hard enough, to occupy all the time I care to devote to this project.

The same is true of your brother. You can't help him without his permission. The fact that he's your brother doesn't magically change that, because it's not causing him to give you that permission.

Of course you're going to try. I can't talk you out of that. But when you inevitably fail, and you will, try to remember this conversation.

It's not your fault.

You had no power to stop this.

Your options were all dead ends.

[–]BestOrNothing7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

I can't imagine how any mother could tell her husband to "just let him run his course" when her son is trying to kill himself.

How is her relationship with your brother? Maybie it would be good idea for your brother to spend some time away from your mother.

[–]nixon9933 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes to this

[–]Lit_Apple1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah what the fuck

[–]notyourfathersfather[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think my parents are just very frustrated and confused with him.

He said some awful things to them before he left. I made my mom out a little worse than she is. She’s a very strong believer in spirituality, and doesn’t view death as a negative at all, and if it would prevent my brothers pain she’d rather have to suffer through that than see him in anguish. I disagree with her here.

He refuses their help because “they will never listen” even though they’ve sat down and talked with him to see if the counselor he was seeing was helping, and asking him how they could help. But he sees them as religious lunatics, and thinks my mom is stupid for her beliefs. So he won’t listen.

[–]Herdsengineers3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go see him in the hospital if you can. Offer to just listen and let him talk. Don't try to correct him, you'll see a combination of truth and pity party that comes out, but just let him get it out.

Then, what you do is just tell him he's family, you love him, you don't know to fix things with your parents, likely can't anyway, but you want him around. Then just encourage him that life can get better if he puts in the work to make it better for himself, regardless of how things go in the future with your parents. Keep it a general message of things can get better and will get better when he does the work to make it better. And it will be all the more satisfying when it's the result of his work.

Don't try to tell him details, especially right now, unless he asks or invites that input. And then don't tell him what to do. Tell him what has worked for you, and that it's up to him to find what works for him. If he wants to tag along and try out what works for you, that's cool too. He's gotta be a willing participant, not thinking you're trying to change him because he's deficient.

The hostility results from interpreting attempts to help him as you saying "you're not good enough", he takes it as an attack and he reacts defensively. To get around that, you have to connect with him first by listening, then injecting input only when he asks for it, and giving it in a manner that it's his choice to accept, and in a manner he can start to relate to. Just saying "do this instead of that" will be interpreted as you trying to correct him because he is bad/wrong, and that will just result in more defensiveness.

Figure out how to relate to him first, connect, then share information through that connection and relation. It will take time and work to build that kind of rapport with him. You'll need to be ready for setbacks, and ready for screw ups, and not take it personally.

[–]trudote4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

gift him the bike he stole you and tell him to invite you the next time he wants to go on a road trip.

start from that and try to make clear that you just want to have fun.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is exactly what I was thinking. My older brother and I did so much fun shit together away from my parents through adolescence and early adulthood. It's hard to articulate just how life changing it was but man I can honestly say looking back all that camping and hiking together really was more formative than anything else that happened during that time in my life. It's all you can do really, is just connect with him, you won't be able to "help" him

[–]trudote0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Everyone need someone encouragin them to do things, there is when the personalities came. I've never been close to my older brother untill my 19 due to him not wanting to see our narcicist father, im envy about you man.

[–]Infernir10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should save him, if you don't you will regret it later. The last time I saw my brother was when he stole my bike. He died later on. The only difference is I didn't know he needed help and he told me he was taking my bike to the grocery store last time I saw him.

You know shit is wrong, just talk to him and have a bro to bro man to man conversation, and no matter what is said make sure he knows you're on his side. Parents are really estranged from younger people now a days, they have no idea how to connect with them or what's going on in their minds.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe don’t do anything, just tell him you understand your parents are hard, and that you’re there for him. That’s all a brother really can do.

[–]shadowq81 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

he needs to find purpose in his life.

He lets the winds carry his sails they almost crashed him ashore and now he must install a rudder.

[–]SecondVariety0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Monitoring 24x7, therapy, and possibly medication. Maybe a little compassion from his parents. I've lots friends to suicide, and it really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But coping skills don't come easy subjectively. Do your best to listen and be there for him.

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to let him hit the bottom, and some people never do.

[–]Sweatingtoomuch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s hard af to convince anyone to change their ways if they aren’t willing and I have no idea how to go about it, but if somehow your able to convince your brother to read or even just listen to an audiobook, Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life has helped me dramatically and thousands of other people to realize their destructive habits and get their shit together.

[–]TenCondiments0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He needs to set up an appointment with someone with a degree in mental health/psychology. Mental illness is a serious fuckin' monster. Do not underestimate it.

You can tell him that you care about him and that you want to help him, but ultimately it is up to him to make the move to change. I would tell him that you are worried about him and you want to help him get help. When he reacts, it's going to take a lot of patience. He's going to throw shit tests at you such as "so you're saying I'm crazy," and that sort of thing. My advice here would be to not deny that, because every one is sick in their own way. But if you had a broken leg, would you go to the doctor or continue to (try to) play football.

You can tell him that you're worried about him and you're not going to stand by idly while he ruins his life.

In terms of TRP, you're going to need to hold your frame (that you're gravely worried about him and need him to get help); pass any shit tests (be careful with using sarcasm because you want him to feel that you take him seriously); use stoicism to stay focused and try to keep from getting too emotional if he says shit to you that is hurtful.

Lastly, understand that if he does kill himself, that is terrible, but it is not your fault.

If he won't listen and continues to put himself in danger, you need to get him connected with the suicide hotline. Believe it or not they actually do a great job and will help you for sure. If you can be there with them while you're talking, even better. 1-800-273-8255.

[–]babybopp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Curious as to what his political leanings have to do with anything like it is some kind of black mark..

Mental illness does not have a trp fix. Take him to the hospital and let him get taken care by doctors. This is not a TRP issue. It is mental health.

[–]KillaJewels0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Listen, show him TRP and game, get him laid, encourage him to get a job and his own place. Encourage him to workout. It sounds like he's got a victim mindset, which is more of a sign of immaturity and lack of self-awareness.

I was depressed in college and had these issues but wised up quite a bit once I started applying self-awareness, my career and challenging myself.

[–]BaraaModallal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing you say will ever change his mentality, it's engraved deep inside his brain with chemicals and hormones. Don't you ever think that talking to him changed his mind, he'll only act cheerful in front of you and be back to the same hole after you leave. He'll just master being "OK" in front of you. and when you think everything is getting better, you'll be shocked with another suicide attempt.

Trust me on this, take him to a hospital, let him seek professional help, the treatment he'll be getting will be far more effective than your "words". words do nothing for a severe depression. he needs chemicals to reset his brain, and CBT to kick these thoughts away. and that'll be impossible to achieve without a supervising doctor.

Your sole efforts will do nothing, take him to a psychiatric "in a hospital, not a normal clinic"

[–]soskrood0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My brother committed suicide. The only thing he never tried was psychedelics. I decided to explore them just to see if they might have helped.

They would have. It is like dying, but you get to come back.

Help him learn to grow some mushrooms, then enjoy the fruits of your labors. You can get all you need for under $100 in raw goods all legally purchased.

[–]nixon9930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Very difficult question.You want us to give you some cure for depression,its impossible.But all you can do is be there for him.Whole family has to be there for him.Do you talk with him?What he thinks is cause of his depression?

[–]comcain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, he needs professional help at this point. If he's in the hospital, he's probably on this track, but make sure he is.

I wish you the best of luck, brother. It's a hard thing you're going through. May your bro find happiness.

Cheers

[–]Noodlesoupe20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Has he always been like this? There’s gotta be a reason.

[–]11-Eleven-110 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Are you older than him and are you already moved out? If its that serious you may consider getting him out our your parents house. It seems to me like your parents are partly to blame for his mental anguish. Also what other people have said is good. Spend more time, be a role model but don't try to red pill him (lead by example).

Also something to do that is seriously underrated is to make him feel like you care about what he is saying. If he tries to make jokes that are really funny laugh anyway. A lot of times people like that just want to feel like they matter and like their words have meaning or an impact on someone. You said he feels like his parents never listen to him and he's probably right. They may nod in agreement to what he is saying or hear him but they aren't actually thinking about or considering what it is he is actually saying.

Thats probabaly even harder on him because you said he is a shut in so he probably doesn't have a lot of friends to talk to. He's probably starved of acknowledgement and conversation with people that actually listen and put thought into what he's saying. And, honestly, as his brother you need to be that person. Don't brush him off or laugh at what he says because he's a lefty blue pill. Consider what he says and constructively talk to him and guide him into a more masculine mindset.

[–]notyourfathersfather[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He is two years older than me, and I’m a senior in high school. He looks down on me because of my politics and thinks my actions are toxic and irresponsible.

As an example, if I ask him any question that he thinks is beneath him, he won’t answer or acknowledge that I asked it. He won’t smile with me in pictures, he won’t sip from the same straw that I do, he’ll tell me he cares more about his friends than me, and sabotages my social relationships.

I think my parents are just very frustrated and confused with him. He said some awful things to them before he left. I made my mom out a little worse than she is. She’s a very strong believer in spirituality, and doesn’t view death as a negative at all, and if it would prevent my brothers pain she’d rather have to suffer through that than see him in anguish.

I don’t even know where I would even start to try to talk to him, much less lead by example. He’s so holier than thou, which is why I think he think he won’t let me or my parents help him, because he thinks they’re all beneath him.

[–]11-Eleven-110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sorry man, I don't have any advice to give you. Being the younger brother trying to help an older brother in this situation is hard enough. And then throwing on whats in my opinion a very toxic personality, there's not much I can suggest that you do. He's even trying to drag you down with him is what it seems to me. The only thing I can feasibly see you do is to be a friend when he wants a friend and give him space when he doesn't want a friend. Your parents need to do the heavy lifting on this one and get him into therapy.

And others have said it but we don't know you or your brother and we can give advice but we are not experts or professionals on this kind of stuff. So good luck to you and your brother. I'm the oldest brother myself and I'd do anything for siblings and they'd do the same for me so I understand where your coming from. Its a tough situation and you're a good brother for trying to help him.

[–]KidknappedHerRaptor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to listen to him and ask questions. Don't try to tell him anything. Don't judge.

As far as trying to get him out or exercise, literally just walk with him. Ask him to go hike or walk around a park for an hour and talk. Don't over-complicate it or force any activities or ideas.

You need to understand that especially as a blue pill person, the people in his life have a bigger impact on him than he has on himself and that's probably why he feels helpless.

[–]bvdillo-4 points-3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Give him mushroom. It will change his life

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]bvdillo2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you for this comment, that’s exactly what I’m sayin. People clearly don’t know the benefits of it and they just keep stigmatizing it as just a drug based on their ignorance, mushrooms and lsd are well known to help lower or get rid of depression completely. Read, inform yourself.

[–]aim4461 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel it’s mostly intent

[–]communistcontrolact-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think I read here some guy was suicidal and traveled to a foreign country and fucked hookers and did coke and stopped being depressed...

Get him into lifting and make him go out and do exciting shit with you. Get crazy and BE OUTSIDE. Get Him a hooker a very attractive one. He’ll be fine shortly after..

[–]aDrunkenWhaler-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did his brother jump off that bridge? No.

Your brother is a spoiled little shit crying for attention. Your mother is calling his bluff. I'm guessing she had her fill with his multiple outbreaks and got tired of his bullshit. And she is right to do so. You don't threaten people you'll commit suicide and scream you have mental disorders to get your way. That's not how depression or suicidal tendancies work. He wanted attention. And he got it. Now he's in the hospital and is validated. He'll come back home with a 'ha! see? I told you I have a mental disorder' badge, and act like he won the battle.

If he doesn't have an audience, he doesn't have a "mental disorder". He wants to feel special and this is his go to move, because this is what gets reactions.

Talk with your parents and do an experiment, and completely ignore his outbreaks from now on. He starts complaining of something, act like he's not even in the room, or say 'ok' or 'that's nice' and continue where you left off. It will drive him nuts. But after some outbreaks it will work. Because all he wants is to stand out, and he won't get that by acting like a crybaby, he will change his behaviour to find something else that will grab attention.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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