Women high up in the totem pole, how do you regain humility?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-05-01T01:23:20+00:00

but by cultivating such a flawless and radiant presence that I inspired my suitors to strive to be good enough, whereas before I was striving to be good enough for them

This quote is so bizarre. It's like your praising your own inability to find a relationship because you're too good for any man that's interested in you.

I have news for you: if you're "too good" for any man interested in you, you're not a desirable partner. Men only approach women they think they have a realistic chance with. Men will rarely seriously approach women who they believe are out of their league and they will almost never seriously approach women who they believe are below them. You're over estimating your own worth. You need to get your ego in check if you ever want a chance at a functional relationship. The way you type sounds almost robotic, and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if you struggled to maintain any kind of friendships (let alone relationships) from how you talk about people and yourself.

You just seem extremely egotistical instead of self reflective. You are coming here for advice. You clearly don't think you're perfect, stop trying to act like you are.

digbybare · 2018-04-30T20:20:09+00:00

The thing is, the captain-first mate paradigm that was characteristic of this relationship, provided such a potent sexual kick that I find hard to get back, since it just doesn't align with self-truth anymore. So to the self-actualized feminine women out there: what did you do to level yourself out?

It's hard to be attracted to a man if you can't respect and look up to him. And it's hard to respect and look up to a man if your attitude is that you're so much better than all men that you can be in a position to "control" and "judge" them from above.

You keep using these new-speak terms like "self-truth" and "self-actualized", but we already have words for these concepts: "narcissistic" and "haughty".

I should also note that I've always been traditionally girly: make-up, cooking, baking, decorating, fresh-cut flowers. I conciously worked on being the complete package.

Being "traditionally girly" isn't some set of looks or hobbies. It's the attitude and disposition of a person, and a big part of that disposition is "modesty" and "humility".

lolablackbird · 2018-05-01T01:25:33+00:00

Here’s my opinion lovie. You sound like you have a shit ton of self confidence now, and good for you. Self esteem is great. Guess what, I can be arrogant too and mentally many times I think, “ shit any guy who gets me has won the fucking lottery”. I think people are rubbed the wrong way by what you are saying because it sounds like you are tooting your own horn, so to speak. Here’s the thing:

No matter how hot I am, and beautiful, and kind and lovely and a gift to mans earth , I still need a man and want one. So regain your humility by realizing that even though you can be perfect and self actualize yourself in every way possible, you need and want a man. So that’s one thing you can’t provide yourself. Remind yourself that even though you may be the best version of yourself ever, you want a man in your life, so don’t think you are too good for every single one, because one day, you want one, and hopefully you dont miss the one that is good enough because you feel too proud and that nobody meets your standards.

How I even myself out, because hey admittedly I can be prone to thinking my shit doesnt stink, but really, im going to be old and ugly one day and wrinkly and while it is a gift to feel proud while I’m in my youth, we all look the same on the inside and we all want love. Treat each guy and every person you meet with dignity, as though they are you, just living another life. Remember you are dependent on a man, for your dream life that you want a man is apart of that picture. So don’t be too good for that. Don’t be too proud to accept Mr.GoodEnough.

Shaela90 · 2018-05-01T01:06:26+00:00

You say you've been improving on all fronts which is great, kudos to you! You found those things that make you feel good about yourself and did them on a regular basis, so your confidence grew. That's very good and it's something we should all do.

The problem, as I see it, is that now that your SMV is higher, the people you were once attracted to don't really seem that much attractive anymore. Maybe you should go for men of a higher caliber?

You say that you made it a point to give and withold interest to prospective mates which makes me think you're not really attracted to these guys. When you want someone, you want them and you'll throw out the window all of this acquired 'persona'. Attraction is powerful like that. Just be careful that you don't hide some feelings of inadequacy under all this 'queen be' you made yourself into, because any man worth something will figure it out sooner or later and when you lose all your perceived 'power', your insecurities will take hold and ruin something that might be good for you.

Vulnerability is sexy in a woman. Being a woman who's able to go out there with an open heart is incredibly attractive to a masculine man. It conveys youthfulness, purity and a good heart. The man you'll deem worthy to be your partner will appreciate your submissiveness and willingness to please him much more than any cool, aloof, 'princess' demeanor. I'm not saying you should be a doormat, a people pleaser or a 'nice' girl. I'm saying you should do your thing, be completely independent and have a fulfilling life while at the same time being able to stand completely vulnerable before the man you like and submit to him. A good, confident, masculine man will see you are strong and courageous enough to go after what you want. Knowing that you could be hurt, rejected or dismissed yet choosing to open up your heart is the utmost power. That in itself is incredibly attractive and incredibly humbling at the same time. I find this biblical quote on love speaks volumes.

DoctorNini · 2018-05-01T18:15:48+00:00

Personally, I think that as a woman you are always in the position to judge a suitor, and should absolutely do so. This is part of the vetting process. I deem it important to have a set of basic qualities you find non-negotiable, and also a set of qualities that would give a man just that extra bit of attractiveness. Based on your own SMV and RMV, you can set the bar as high as you want. Just make sure it is realistic.

I think it is a great tactic to only show your girly/more feminine side to those you deem worthy. It is exhausting to always be super nice and friendly to everyone, and making this something special will probably raise the appreciation of the man you pick.

Also, please don't ever think that intellect is unimportant. This is based entirely on the type of man you want. My husband initially got serious about me because of my intelligence and knowledge in the field of politics and religion (fields he also finds very interesting), not because I can bake a mean chocolate cake.

Concluding: I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you are going about things now. Being selective is great, and saving certain sides of yourself for that special person only is perfectly acceptable.

procrast1natrix · 2018-05-01T00:49:08+00:00

Honestly; by scrupulously policing your inner monologue to welcome every new person you meet as someone who could have a genuine chance to be your captain or teach you something valuable. Until they prove you wrong. We do not need to confuse naivete with being demure.

It's one thing to be allergic to nonproductive time, and another totally different thing to judge people prematurely. And they can tell.

"Fake it style"; develop a skill at controlled, mild flirtation. Done well, very mild flirtation is essentially identical to good conversational skills. The act of making other people feel at ease and complimenting their accomplishments. This can be done with men, women, available or not. Some of the best value can be gained from someone who knows you are severely not interested in following through (a lesbian in a committed relationship, who knows I'm hetero, accepting my compliment on her outfit). Practice it frequently because it's a valuable skill that will translate to your relationship or your job or the way you interact with your neighbors, or whether you get selected on a jury pool.

PumpkinSub · 2018-05-01T15:05:07+00:00

You sound like 23 year old me. I was such hot shit. Graduated at 21, was accomplished with my work and earning good money, I had a good family, good friends, etc. I had it all figured out and felt I was much more accomplished than my peers. Then life took a shit all over my check list because life doesn't care about what you think you're entitled to. It sounds like you still have some growing to do and I don't mean that in a bad way. Growth in my 20's was major and unavoidable. Everyone makes mistakes and your only hope is that you don't make major ones. So for me, life knocked me down a few pegs and that forced me to gain humility and perspective. My dad got brain cancer and died a year after the diagnosis, half my friends were going through divorces, my entire support system changed drastically, my career was moving faster than I could keep up, and my family all uprooted to different parts of the country. 2016 was a wild year. I think in time you will gain humility if you truly want it. You might meet someone who changes your thinking drastically. Sometimes people enter your life even for a brief moment and they leave a major impact on you.

You would be doing yourself a major disservice if you think you have it all figured out and no one can match you or teach you anything. You may be the top girl on a few things but you are not the top girl in everything. You just have to keep your eyes and ears open otherwise you will miss out on a whole lot. You can still be hot shit but its lonely at the top if you don't allow others to join you.

“Shall I tell you a secret of a true scholar? It is this: Every man I meet is my master in some point, and in that, I learn from him.” ―Ralph Waldo Emerson

Guywithgirlwithabike · 2018-05-02T13:00:20+00:00

"The thing is, the captain-first mate paradigm that was characteristic of this relationship, provided such a potent sexual kick that I find hard to get back, since it just doesn't align with self-truth anymore."

Pardon my language, but it sounds like your pussy is trying to tell you something, but your hamster is shouting it down.

ContemporaryBelle · 2018-05-03T23:45:06+00:00

"what did you do to level yourselves out?"

I found a man who is amazing enough for me to respect and admire. I bettered myself and then found someone awesome enough to still feel humble before. I am educated and intelligent with a lot of impressive life experiences. It is effortless to end up in positions where I am asked to take over leadership because of my blend of skills and personality. Most men don't inspire me enough to follow them and I think that's how it should be. It makes sure I can end up with someone matched well to my intelligence and place in the world. I happily embrace the captain/first-mate dynamic in my relationship because I couldn't be happy with a man I didn't want to lead me. The man I chose is deserving of that respect and place in my life so it doesn't feel like lowering myself or leveling myself out to have this dynamic. It just feels like the natural progression of things.

[deleted] · 2018-05-01T08:06:51+00:00

It sounds like you want to compete with men to get their affection. I draw conclusion from your phrases like, "retain power," "not an empty bluff," "viable position to judge."

If you hold this mentality, winning will be losing. Men want a partner; not a competitor. Your ego might win if you can show him you're smarter/wittier/etc, but if you do it with the queen bee attitude you profess to adopting, you'll lose by missing out on some really great men (including those who are, in actuality, smarter and wittier).

We talk about valuing humility here, but that's not a woman trait as much as it is a human one.

02537-41101 · 2018-05-01T14:04:08+00:00

You sound as if a lot of the men you date are beneath you - I'll tell you now that's the easiest way to stay single, even with the elite men 'above' you as well. Date guys you actually admire and respect.

You place a lot of stock on your self-improvement as a means of value, but nurture is nothing without a characteristic nature to enhance it - therein lies your problem. Your 'self-actualized' femininity isn't natural.

ssprinnkless · 2018-05-26T18:49:35+00:00

Sounds like you're really far up your own ass. If you think you are so much smarter and better than the men you date, why date them at all?

Title	Women high up in the totem pole, how do you regain humility?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	53
Date	April 30, 2018 6:37 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8g1rb1/women_high_up_in_the_totem_pole_how_do_you_regain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/women-high-up-in-the-totem-pole-how-do-you-regain.67287 https://theredarchive.com/post/67287

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