How to get married, have kids or both at 21?

ragnarockette · 2018-06-23T12:55:04+00:00

Be aware that having a child through a surrogate will vastly decrease your options for eligible men. Most high value men don’t want to date a single mom.

Umthingsandstuff · 2018-06-23T13:45:19+00:00

You say you don't want to waste you early to mid 20s like you did your teens, but that's exactly what you will be doing if you pop out a kid at 21.

SSapplejack · 2018-06-23T14:12:03+00:00

Please don't have a child as a single mother and then leave it with someone else to be raised. That's not the best possible life you could give a child.

CalvinRichland · 2018-06-23T15:39:54+00:00

I don't want to be insulting at all but honestly you need counseling. You have a lot of things to work out.

Lucretia99 · 2018-06-23T15:00:02+00:00

You are too young to do any of this. You need to mature first.

subgirl182 · 2018-06-23T13:51:24+00:00

Let me get this right, you want a father to your child but are not interested in loving the father but you do want to marry him? And you want a woman to carry the child through pregnancy and then you raise the child?

ChiNadesler · 2018-06-23T17:47:37+00:00

The fuck you're thinking about?

beaversinthewashroom · 2018-06-23T14:05:57+00:00

The answer to your original question: go to a sperm bank.

Somethings to think about: It takes more than just money to have a child. It’s great that you’re able to afford a surrogate and babysitter, but who will raise your child? Statistically, a child has the highest likelihood of being successful and being happy with a mother and father who are married. It honestly sounds like you want to have a child for the sake of having a child and you’ve never expressed your desire to have a child. If you want a blunt answer- I think your outlook on marriage is the way it is because of what you’ve seen your parents go through. What they went through may be tough but that’s their marriage and is not guaranteed to happen to you. Love is more than just infatuation. This is something you need to think more about objectively. You need to think about: why you feel the need to have a child right now? what does it mean to raise a child? What is the role of a mother and father in a family? How would you adopt both roles + working + studying all at the same time? What kinds of morals/values would you want to pass that down? And how would you reinforce those alone?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-06-24T01:18:14+00:00

This is probably the worst possible idea that I could ever come up with if you have any interest in dating men in the future.

I'm just thinking how you would go about explaining "Yes, I have a child. But my body is fine since I used a surrogate! Yes I chose to be a single parent at 21". I honestly think mentioning the surrogate thing would make you less desirable than simply being a single mother at 21 would. I just cant imagine any man who would here that and not immediately have every "crazy woman" alarm set off in his head immediately.

If you want to date high value men: don't ever think about this again. If you don't care about being married or dating high value men, go ahead. High value men do not want women with kids. High value men also do not have to settle for women with kids until they're like 40-45ish.

stacysmom40 · 2018-06-24T03:19:32+00:00

Wow. This is an alarmingly bad idea.

You say you don’t trust anyone’s opinion except your alcoholic, abusive mom though. So... why are you asking us?

You think we know where to find a guy you can use as a prop in your lifestyle while you refuse to love him? That’s not what RPW is about.

I’m guessing you want a surrogate because your eating disorder isn’t controlled to the point that you could cope with pregnancy. My advice is to tend to that first.

Next, learn about what makes a marriage work. It sounds like your parents didn’t model that. It also sounds like you haven’t read any of the typical RPW reading material.

Once you find a man you adore and you feel like you have mastered marriage, THEN you can CONSIDER bringing a child into the mix.

If you go down the path you have currently laid out, your child(ren) will be damaged. As it sounds like you have been. Do you want to do that to another human being?

[deleted] · 2018-06-23T19:57:37+00:00

If I was you the first thing I'd be thinking about doing is getting immediately into therapy because the outlook you have isn't positive at least towards a child or marriage. If you done therapy that would probably be more helpful for you because it would help you talk through what is going on any maybe might give you a better plan on what it actually takes to raise a child, good for you that you can afford a babysitter but really what is beneficial to a child is the mother raising it, not someone you can just pawn it off to whenever you want. I think your attitude just isn't right and to be honest from your whole post I really don't think your maturity level is good.

[deleted] · 2018-06-23T20:17:37+00:00

You breezed past the part where you discuss the abuse you suffered at your mother’s hands. It’s important you work through this with a therapist before becoming a mother.

kitschisland · 2018-06-24T13:12:15+00:00

I had a kind of similar plan when I was 19 but that was because I never knew love from a man and was very insecure so my depressed and pessimistic brain couldn't imagine a future where I could have a loving family and not care about giving birth and the implications for my body.

You definitely have to take care of mental illness before you have a child. By the way 21 is very young and most people I know haven't accomplished much by that age either. But realize that life is very long and no one cares if you get married at 23 or 28. It's not a real "accomplishment" it's just something to do for your happiness.

chickenfrommars · 2018-06-25T12:43:13+00:00

THIS IS A HORRIBLE IDEA. And love is not BS. You seem so cynical, why?

sparkledragon45 · 2018-06-23T14:41:32+00:00

Youre 21, haven't really experienced life yet. You think what you want now is what you want for the rest of your life. 3 years ago when I was 21, I thought I wanted 3 kids. Now I have decided I'm not going to have any. I wanted a tattoo all through my teen years, but even when I had the financial capability at 19, I realized that it might change how people see me. The same will go with a kid. I personally think that having a child from a previous marriage isn't as bad as having one without a relationship at all.

Instead of having a kid, have you considered a career in child care? Nannying or daycare type jobs might be a good small job outside of your other job.

teaandtalk · 2018-06-23T22:37:57+00:00

I think, maybe, you'd be better off giving it a few years and working on yourself first :)

Ironiaton · 2018-06-23T22:01:18+00:00

Why surrogate mother? Can you not or do you not want to carry the child yourself? Why not?

Pammelle · 2018-06-25T12:45:24+00:00

Thank you all guys for your responses! I guess you're right and you made me change my mind actually, I just don't wanna be judged negatively if I remain without a husband/child around 30, that's it.

Iamthewalrus482 · 2018-06-23T14:16:47+00:00

Why do you need a guy? It sounds like it would be a very one sided relationship where he is giving you marriage and a kid and your not even giving him love. It sounds like you should just go to a sperm bank. But even then it would be much harder finding s good man

LateralThinker13 · 2018-06-26T13:53:26+00:00

How to get married, have kids or both at 21?

Your title gives me hives. Do NOT have kids without a partner. Doesn't matter if you have money - kids born to single mothers do NOT get the attention and love they need, and single motherhood correlates to stupidly elevated levels of drug use, criminality, prostitution, mental illness, etc.

Single motherhood, in other words and with no hyperbole, is the single biggest indicator that a child will fail in life. Don't do this. Don't be young and stupid.

Also, this radically and permanently lowers your RMV. It's bad enough that women unintentionally become single mothers. Voluntarily? Most men will treat you like the plague.

Also, I'd find the best babysitter to take care of the kid when I'm working/studying/going out, so it's not a problem

This is you not wanting to be a mother.

I'm not looking for "love", it's BS that last a few years due to hormones and I never had strong feelings for anyone, just fleeting infatuations

This sounds like you have emotional dissociation issues. Given that your parents are divorced, that probably doesn't help, nor does being a caretaker for your mother at such a young age. Your post reeks of needing therapy due to childhood issues. Not your fault - this isn't a criticism. But your thinking and feelings don't come across as normal for a 21-year-old.

despite of our horrible past that included years of physical violence

You're a caretaker for someone who abused you? This only makes it worse. You're an abuse survivor on top of everything. This causes damage and warped perceptions too, that you have to work through. (I know from personal experience)

TLDR: I want a child (/children) at 21, I'm in the financial position in which I can allow myself to do it without any guy

Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you should.

I didn't expect this post to become armchair psychology, but seriously, you need to deal with issues that I'm not even sure you are aware of. You mention bulimia - are you in professional treatment or self-treating? This would have touched on your other issues, but you seriously need to spend some of that wealth on a good psychiatrist, not a kid.

Title	How to get married, have kids or both at 21?
Author	Pammelle
Upvotes	4
Comments	38
Date	June 23, 2018 12:11 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8t9jay/how_to_get_married_have_kids_or_both_at_21/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-get-married-have-kids-or-both-at-21.67412 https://theredarchive.com/post/67412

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