Before FDS, women tend to think that the men they’re dating are the exception to the rule. With FDS, they realize that most men are the norm.

penelopekitty · 2020-05-06T20:25:50+00:00

In the past women would blame themselves for being treated poorly. We were told our "picker was broken" or that we chose men who were projects. This instills shame and secrecy.

Well now we are talking to each other.

The truth is that we weren't unlucky and we didn't pick bad guys because of our personal flaws and issues. The reality is that the dating pool is overflowing with garbage and there is nothing good to pick from. The more we share our stories, the less shame other women will feel for being abused and hopefully younger women will learn from our experiences.

The relationship and dating advice we were given by women's magazines was toxic and a recipe for disaster. For many of us our mothers were just as clueless. Women have been in denial about the true nature of the vast majority of men for a very long time. Sidenote: giving birth to male children doesn't help dissuade them of that delusion. Sorry, your son will not be different. I know too many women my age (50ish) who have learned this the hard way and are completely broken hearted.

PunnyPrinter · 2020-05-06T17:53:24+00:00

This has been the lesson I’ve learned over the years. Now FDS has solidified this fact to me. I would give men the benefit of the doubt, and it always led to their benefit and my loss. It all stemmed from thinking that particular man was so different from the rest. So wrong I was.

sterne_arctique · 2020-05-06T19:42:35+00:00

It’s funny when I talk about the mediocre men I have been with, who’d treat me wrong, who lacked hygiene or didn’t care or cheated or manipulated or violented me, every girl has at least one similar story. At least one. Everyone can relate.

Yet when I talk about it with heterosexual men they are always like “Oh wow, you’ve been unlucky”.

No, man. Every heterosexual lady is “unlucky” because that’s the norm.

Everyone thinking I was unlucky share one thing : they have never been in a couple with a heterosexual man.

PunnyPrinter · 2020-05-06T20:24:27+00:00

I used to fall in love with potential ("he would be perfect if he would do X Y"), now i fall in love with how he is at the very moment.

Rdrses · 2020-05-06T19:48:05+00:00

That's because males always pipe up about how your experience with men is only an indication of your bad choices. If you talk about other men that you aren't even dating still acting this way, it's because of the people you associate with. It's never because there are really patterns in male Behavior 🙄

DelicateDream · 2020-05-06T21:17:57+00:00

On the flip side, they say “boys will be boys” as if these behaviors are innate to men and we must accept it or wind up “alone” as cat ladies (as if that’s so bad).

That’s why signs of high value and low value need to be understood and used to vet. No “boys will be boys” excuse for low value men. There are men who are not that way, but LVM have successfully normalized crappy behaviors to keep expectations low.

Also you probably notice the excuses men make and that their reasoning is often contradictory and illogical. They may simultaneously say “not all men” but also “if you don’t accept this low value behavior then you’ll wind up alone because... all men are that way.” Well which is it?

I will accept “not all men”, but then I will hold men to the higher standard. And if he gives me signs of low value, then I will weed him out and not give the benefit of the doubt that it doesn’t point to him being like the other LVM.

siberiansummer · 2020-05-06T23:12:59+00:00

This. You totally nailed it. I remember when I was on OLD wondering what happened to dating nowadays and why men act the way they do. I thought it had something to do with me. Until the same exact shit happened to all my friends trying to date. I saw someone talking shit about FDS on some other sub. When I clicked on it, it was like me finally coming home from roaming around getting lost

--qtbunny-- · 2020-05-07T00:18:55+00:00

Before I found out about FDS, my views on dating were considered "traditional" and "boring" by guys who I told to. Apparently guys say that "women should be easy to get, easy to get laid and fuck around." because it is modern culture, LMAO.

From hearing about my friends' experiences, people become enamored with their partner, and if there were any red flags that show up (especially in a toxic/abusive relationship), they are scared to leave because there's a piece of insecurity in them that says, "If I leave, then I won't have anyone else to be with. He is the only person who loves me." thought.And it isn't until the relationship is crumbling/or begins to crumble, that they begin to realize that things are wrong.

Love is one hell of a drug. And it can be the best, heck, the perfect gift, if one finds a compatible partner to be with.

90% of straight guys are pretty much basic, average. There's nothing that really stands out because the majority think that having a bodybuilding muscle-y body will get them a partner. While maintaining proper health and hygiene is good, personality matters too. And there's only a smaller portion of those HWM who exist. They're there, somewhere.... out there...

feasantly_plucked · 2020-05-07T00:25:24+00:00

not just people we date, to be fair. People we're friends with, too. I've just recently entered my fifth decade and only now have I realised how I look at people in terms of how they could be, not as they are. It becomes obvious at this time in life because all you can think about is how much time you would have spent on better things if it weren't for that imaginary "could be".

2020-05-06T21:04:37+00:00

JesusisKingisLord · 2020-05-07T02:43:45+00:00

Agreed!

2020-05-07T19:09:09+00:00

Same with children.

I don't think women look at their son like he's a potential rapist and murderer. But they'll never know.

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