Do you have genuine guy friends?

CoolMelonade · 2019-10-31T03:29:29+00:00

No they all want to have sex with me

kitter_pillar · 2019-10-31T13:05:26+00:00

I worked in a male dominated industry, so my social circle was also male dominated. I thought those guys were my friends, and maybe they were. But, here's the thing. I was overweight most of my life. I was overweight when I had a ton of guy friends. I lost the weight very dramatically and suddenly due to a medical issue that caused me to not eat.

So, I show up from this medical leave suddenly hot (I always used to hear how much of a shame it was that I was fat, because I had such a pretty face, so once that fat was gone, it was instant hottie.) At this point, every one of my male friends tried to romance me. Every. Single. One. And when I met the man I'm now married to and brought him around to the office parties, every single one of them dropped me as friend.

And pretty much any new man I met from that point on immediately saw me as a hot chick, tried to pursue, got told I was in a relationship and either dropped out or tried to continue pursuing for something sexual/romantic anyway. None of them wanted to be friends if sex was not on the table.

I wish this was not true. I don't like looking back at all the years I thought I had friends, not knowing how shallow and fake it all was. Men can be friends with women if they aren't attracted to them. If they can think of you as basically another guy.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2019-10-31T14:20:10+00:00

I had a great "friend" who was male who used to talk to me all the time. We were like work best friends. I would tell him everything about my life and we were SO close. The only thing I withheld was my sexual past. One day we talked about relationships, and once I revealed my sexual past, he literally stopped being friends with me.

I worried about it for weeks, analyzing my every move, wondering what I had done wrong. Eventually, I was too introverted and lazy to give a fuck and figured it was best to just leave things alone. Then this became a recurring theme on Reddit. I saw it over and over and over and over again in relationship, dating advice, breakup, marriage, adultery, infidelity, exnocontact, and all sorts of love/dating/relationship subs. Men HATE hearing about a woman's sexual history. Even if they're "friends", apparently. It didn't click until months later but the hugest "what the FUCK" hit me. Even your MALE FRIENDS feel entitled to you being a pure, virginal woman with a low N count, apparently.

I learned this lesson too late, I'm done sharing my sexual past with anyone except anonymous strangers on reddit, anonymously. If I need to get something off my chest, or to talk about my sex / love life, I have anonymous strangers for that, anonymously. You get the unfiltered truth that way, anyway with less bias :/, and THIS is why I advise women to NEVER EVER EVER disclose their sexual past, to ANYONE.

Liz_Lemondrop · 2019-10-31T05:16:03+00:00

I think about this a lot. I have wonderful, funny, supportive, goofy guy friends. I almost never, ever, ever meet any funny, supportive, wonderful goofy guys on OLD. It's such an odd disconnect between the men in my life and the men that I've dated. Are my guy friends shitty towards women when they date?? Do they pull this same low effort shit on other girls, and only treat me well because we're friends? I really don't get it.

That being said, I'm very quick to call out my friends when they demonstrate problematic behaviors. Or I'll act as a sounding board for them to ask how X or Y behavior will be perceived to the girls they're talking to. I've even made a few of my guy friends' Tinder profiles.

Like I've said numerous times on this sub, we don't hate men. We hate shitty, low quality, low effort fuck boys.

Edit: I will add to this though, I have way way higher quality female friendships, and always make those a priority.

RegardingReddit · 2019-10-31T04:00:04+00:00

Nope. Used to think so. But they got mad when I didn’t eventuality date them. I don’t even try with people anymore. Waste of my time.

ghostofxmaspasta · 2019-10-31T04:38:41+00:00

I’m in my early thirties and have made several guy friends over the years. The ones whom I have stuck close with are genuine, as far as I can tell. One used to have feelings for me, but I said no and our friendship didn’t suffer at all. These are friendships over ten years or so, no hitting on me, nothing of that sort.

They know they’re not my type. They’ve made great wingmen. But they are rare.

waratahtree · 2019-10-31T15:10:05+00:00

Yes. My childhood bestfriend and I are super close. He’s actually dating my other bestfriend but we still hang out regularly one on one and together as a group

TheLastUBender · 2019-11-01T16:15:58+00:00

Have platonic male friends at work who I used to be very loyal to, but they close to 100 % do not have my back in return. I feel used for validation and entertainment by them, so I'm no longer as close even though we still hang out. My best female friend at work totally has my back.

twopeas3296 · 2019-10-31T10:06:13+00:00

Nope just orbiters

heythere360 · 2019-10-31T05:49:33+00:00

I can only think of one that’s not gay that wouldn’t bang me if he had the opportunity (we’re like siblings).

The rest would. They’ve also had my back and dropped everything if I really needed it. Vice versa. They truly are my friends but yes all but one would sleep with me if they had the chance so take that for what it’s worth. Most men sleep with anything so idk if that even means much at this point.

RadioactiveJoy · 2019-10-31T05:03:52+00:00

Yup. He really helped me reestablish my worth and boundaries. I have a relationship with a guy I can use as a guideline for the people I date. “Would dudefriend treat me like this? Speak to me like this?” I can just look back to how comfortable I am with him and if it’s anything less then that I just nope the fuck out of there. A few times he was my get away car.

Penguinpicswelcome · 2019-10-31T04:40:28+00:00

I guess I’m the odd one out...half of my close friends are guys and they’re 100% platonic. I think it’s partially a matter of only making the guys who treat me as an equal friends.

alluringjustice · 2019-10-31T07:58:55+00:00

Only one I would consider a 'genuine' friend. We've been friends for about 14 years now. A few years back he said he was in love with me and got quite offended when I didn't feel the same way. We didn't talk for about a month and he wrote me a message saying that he really loved me, but the love wasn't only romantic and he respected that I didn't feel the same way but he needed a bit of time to compose himself before we could go back to being friends because he didn't want to lose me as a friend. He stuck by his word, never pulled any of that shit again or made me feel bad/awkward for rejecting him and is now engaged to a wonderful woman I've also become friends with and I will be a 'grooms-woman' at their wedding next year.

The men that I met from my teens onwards though always had some sexual expectations from the friendship and they never took getting turned down easily.

derpinat_butter · 2019-11-02T20:02:48+00:00

I sometimes hang out with a group of male friends, but they are my boyfriends friends. We have fun, drink, go to concerts, hike (usually with my bf present but not always), but I wouldn't trust them with a secret or discuss personal stuff with them. I guess they are my friends in a way, but not like my female friends.

rad_daphne · 2019-10-31T04:46:35+00:00

No. Not one.

2019-10-31T07:45:52+00:00

I have two straight male friends I’ve known from the internet for 5+ years but never met irl, but other then that no straight male friends irl. When boyfriends break up with my they’re not a friend they’re cut off.

iasminag · 2019-10-31T07:49:08+00:00

Yes!! But only guys that are 0% interested in me romantically (and I am 0% interested in them). Otherwise doesn’t really work.

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2019-10-31T05:11:17+00:00

gonnakalemyself · 2019-10-31T06:51:12+00:00

No, because I don’t entertain “friends” flirting with me and I hate gay men even though I’m bi myself because the majority are misogynistic.

Title	Do you have genuine guy friends?
Author	CSQUITO
Upvotes	7
Comments	24
Date	October 31, 2019 2:47 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dphgi2/do_you_have_genuine_guy_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-you-have-genuine-guy-friends.689122 https://theredarchive.com/post/689122

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