Downvoted for pointing out this guy didn’t bother to disclose a child to his GF until four months in - even as a “sperm donor”, he took an active role in her life, and just didn’t bother to tell GF until they’d been dating for a while. Vet vet vet ladies. And everyone’s calling this guy a hero 🙄

distraughtdrunk · 2020-06-15T14:04:54+00:00

I mean, how hard is it to say 'just fyi, I was a sperm donor and I'm active in my daughter's life, does that bother you'?

radical__daphne · 2020-06-15T14:54:24+00:00

Totally unacceptable. This is something you should disclose after maybe four to five dates.

Actually, I really think it should be sooner because if the woman doesn't want to invest time in you because you already have a child she should be allowed to make that decision. So I'm going to change my comment. I think you should tell the person on the first or second date. It's manipulative to wait until they've made an initial investment and spent time on you.

thewetdog_ · 2020-06-15T14:15:25+00:00

4 months to spill these beans? Naaaah sis

1 month would have been okay to me

noodline · 2020-06-15T14:49:42+00:00

No one is asking you to refuse to be a parent. We’re just mad that you didn’t tell us that you’re one and now your guilting is to stay in a relationship that’s based of lies.

Maisiebr · 2020-06-15T14:58:03+00:00

Ugh, like I'm sure a child wouldn't bother a lot of women this way (she's not an ex, they weren't and couldn't have been involved, etc.), plus you can easily weed out homophobes in the beginning too. Like, why wouldn't you tell that? If someone doesn't want a man who has a child and is active in their life, let them go for someone else. It's a bit of a "hero" story, yeah, so he could even get brownie points from a lot of women who wouldn't mind the situation, why not seek out those women instead?

ItsFreezen · 2020-06-15T17:10:13+00:00

If it took 4 months to tell her, what else is he hiding?

barbaramanatea · 2020-06-15T17:59:13+00:00

This is why I like to ask point-blank questions like “good thing you have no secret kids I should worry about, right?” In person, especially if there is a relevant news story or movie moment. Watching his face fall is the answer.

bqluoeoedn · 2020-06-15T15:11:35+00:00

He did a good thing so why wait 4 mos?This is exactly why the girlfriend was concerned. If he told it too early... depending on how he told it... the “hero” story could’ve been off putting. But if the child and people are important to him... yes... she should know ASAP if she too is important to him.

BasieSkanks · 2020-06-15T17:39:38+00:00

This is such shitty behaviour, and I would advice Lucy to dump him. Having a child isn’t the dealbreaker - the dealbreaker is he hid it from her until he knew she was emotionally invested. My former FWB said he would do the same thing, so I don’t think this is a rare occurrence unfortunately.

mermaid-babe · 2020-06-15T15:38:06+00:00

If he’s so active with his ‘daughter’ how in gods name did he manage to hide if for four months ? Yeah I’d be uncomfortable too.

I was talking to a guy for like two weeks when I saw the background of his phone was a little girl. I let it go a couple of days and then I asked him if he had a kid. He said yes and how did I know? Like it was weird to see someone’s phone background. At the time it wasn’t a complete deal breaker but I told him I thought it was weird he wouldn’t bring her up because people involved with their children tend to talk about them.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2020-06-15T22:42:58+00:00

I think he should have disclosed whenever the subject of 'do you have kids' came up. Probably that took place pretty early on. Maybe having a sperm-donor child who he has a relationship with would be a dealbreaker for some women, but probably not for many as long as he's honest about it.

RegularStatus5 · 2020-06-15T17:38:08+00:00

I don't really know about this. I mean, he is not legally or financially responsible for her, from what I understand it is kinda like having a niece. He is involved in the child's life, to the point where the moms want. Was there a reason he should have told her earlier? Just because he was biologically that little girl's father? Why? Four months in is usually when relationships start getting serious and she would naturally start meeting family so it makes some sense he told her now? Again, he is biologically that kid's dad, but he is not responsible for her in a physical,legal or financial way. It should make no impact on their lives apart from the time he may want to devote to the daughter of two very good friends he also shares a special connection with. And if she can't handle that,then she doesn't have to. But if that girl was his niece or something, nobody would make a big deal of the relationship or expect him to disclose it to a stranger he is just starting a relationship with.

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