Looking for advice on dating younger

circescircus · 2020-03-23T11:18:03+00:00

For a serious relationship-- I would go 5-7 years younger or 5-7 years older. Past 7 years and the generational differences start to become apparent.

If I wanted a fling, I'd go for someone the same age or up to 10 years younger. I don't want to deal with the neuroticism, bitterness and entitlement of older men when I'm just looking to have fun.

If I were single, I'd keep my options open. I think a lot of women do themselves a huge disservice by having very rigid age preferences, where many will reject a potential HVM just because he is a few years younger. The myth that older men are better, more stable and mature is a myth that needs to die.

logician01 · 2020-03-23T14:11:10+00:00

I think that term cougar was invented exactly so men would benefit from this situation. Women actually really do age better look around! We also live longer. So I think it’s perfectly normal for us to be attracted to and couple with several years younger.

azureeyks · 2020-03-23T10:35:14+00:00

If he’s showing HVM values, I say go for it! I’ve recently turned 31. I’m considering going younger too. Because older definitely hasn’t worked out for me.

Ishouldbewriting83 · 2020-03-23T15:10:35+00:00

I started dating my husband when he was 26 and I was 32. The age difference made me a little insecure at first, but there really wasn't a reason to be. We really clicked, and no one seemed to really care or notice. The older you get, the less the gap matters. We'd basically done all the same stuff in life: college, jobs, etc. I didn't feel like I had to train him. If someone is good to you and they want you, let them want you. Want them back if you like them.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-03-23T17:13:22+00:00

I am also considering someone 5-7 years younger because honestly, men don’t take care of themselves! The guys my age are looking ROUGH! There was this guy I was sorta seeing about 2 years ago, I just saw a photo of him and his face looks like a leather handbag. Wtf. What are they doing to themselves to end up like that?!? I think I will just have to date younger to find someone who looks age appropriate.

glazedhamster · 2020-03-23T13:04:47+00:00

Anecdotal but I have a single experience to share, keep in mind this was pre-FDS. I too have always dated older guys, but met a dude ten years my junior who I became interested in. The age gap didn't seem like that big of a deal, however I found the fundamental differences between where we were in life was a huge issue.

NOW, that said, it's worth mentioning that he was also pretty immature as far as life experience goes. As in, he lived a sheltered life and at 30 hadn't achieved anything. He had no career to speak of, no hobbies other than vidya. So clearly that was the bigger issue. Had he been at the same place I was at 30 (I was well into my career at that point, had lived in various cities since 18 yo, had been in three serious relationships) maybe it would have been different.

Although I didn't pick up on it at first, I definitely think he saw me as this responsible, motherly figure. Eww. Compared to him, I had my shit together with a good job and a nice apartment, that's all he saw because from his perspective of having nothing to show for his three decades on Earth, I was ballin. So there was definitely a weird dynamic there.

So I'd caution to mind life experience differences. I don't believe they can be overcome, not if you're going for a serious relationship in which both parties are equals. You don't have to be equal in all areas of course but us older women have time on our side, many of us have been able to travel, advance in our careers, experience life basically. Beware the younguns who have done none of this.

Radiant_Success · 2020-03-23T11:26:56+00:00

It has been a very positive thing, in my experience. In my personal experience, there has been a sense of awe in younger men that I have never ever experienced with men my age or older. Awe, adoration, and respect. Also, for me, the games were absent. The power dynamic/power struggle/the whole "I think I'm a wiser person just because I'm older and male" was not there at all, period. Also, in my experience, the younger men consistently catered to me and made efforts to impress me...this was not something that was apparent nor consistent in my experiences with same age or older men. Maybe the differences were just the individuals or maybe it was the age difference, Idk, but whatever it was, it left positive impressions on me each time.

Women who don't date younger are doing themselves a disservice, in my opinion. (Now of course, this doesn't mean that any young idiot will do; he still has to be vetted and screened for qualities and characteristics that fit your required standards.)

miz_nyc · 2020-03-23T13:03:26+00:00

I think it's important to remember young men can be just as entitled as men your age or older. Numerical age plays no part in LVM or HVM so it's important that you keep that in mind.

My advice would be don't lower your standards because they're younger. Actually this reminds of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. IIRC last year she spoke out a lot about their marriage and how insecure it made her. How she tried to make herself seem "younger and cooler" to him so she "contorted" (her words!) herself to fit into this mold she thought he wanted.

plutunic · 2020-03-23T12:29:05+00:00

imo, guys that are still this young are only looking for the 'thrill' of dating an older woman for the experience and are less likely to commit in the long run. i wouldn't expect marriage or children out of this.

Imatworkmotherfucker · 2020-03-23T20:19:49+00:00

Anyone within 3 years of your own age up or down is pretty much the same age. Seems like most men who will settle down first want to between 28-36 so I think that is prime marriage time for men. Why care if he's 5 years younger if he's the best man and the best match you've found? You may never find that again.

skell_kid · 2020-03-23T18:14:50+00:00

Thanks to you and all of the comments! I am considering someone 2 years younger and was feeling weird about it. This just convinced me that I am FINE as long as everything else lines up and he treats me right. lol. 25F/23M

Kristeninmyskin · 2020-03-23T18:27:32+00:00

My late stepfather was 12 years younger than my mother. She, like you, was in her thirties when they met and it was a non issue. Honestly, if he seems mature, I’d say go for it!

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