And oldie but a goodie. Never be the mother in your relationships.

glazedhamster · 2020-02-12T16:48:16+00:00

These are the same men who complain about "there are no good women left these days." What they mean by that is that at some point, women wised up and decided we weren't going to do this shit any more. They don't want a wife, they want a babysitter, a maid, a personal assistant, a chef, and of course an on-demand porn star. And then are shocked that they don't have hundreds of women eager to do this for them lining up at their (er, their mommy's) door.

Anyone think it's interesting that Millennial women in particular are more independent and successful than the generation before them yet Millennial men seem to have sunk further into the depths of uselessness? What's up with that?

Stop entertaining these couch creatures. Either they'll figure it out on their own (haha yeah right) or remain their mothers' problem. And by God, stop procreating with them! A baby will not make a manbaby grow up, stop kidding yourselves.

WillingBeing · 2020-02-12T15:16:32+00:00

There are many men that have lived independently and have life skills —but they stop doing them when a woman enters their lives. It’s disturbing. Many men have had roommates, especially in college. They never left those roommates dirty dishes to be cleaned or clothes on the floor to be picked up. They never left a mess that made their roommate late for classes or work. They never opened the fridge and just expected food to be there without grocery shopping - and get annoyed with their roommate when it wasn’t. Had he done this shit, he would have lost friends and been kicked out. Yet, he’ll do this to the woman who risked her life to have his children and works a full-time job herself. He thinks so little of women (and his own children!) that he’ll treat a male roommate who’s last name he can’t even remember more respectfully.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-02-12T16:25:18+00:00

I'm stuck on the woman who thinks her new bf is better even though she said sometimes she has to give him $20 to make sure a bill gets paid on time. Huh?

themissdaydreamer · 2020-02-12T16:39:48+00:00

my last relationship felt like a chore because I'd always feel compelled to guide him through most trivial stuff, like

he'd have a job interview and asked me about this (ugly, frumpy) button up he considered wearing for it. I told him "no, that shirt gives you manboobs" and he held me and say "thank you babe!!!" and I was like "can't you tell it gives you manboobs??" but no, he couldn't. he was just that stupid.

we'd spend christmas at my relative's house (that big family reunion thing) and told him to pack bed sheets, blankets and pillows because we'd all sleep over there. at sleeptime I had to hand him a bed sheet and a pillow because he packed a light blanket (!!) and a small cushion (!!!) instead (like, he picked whatever was hanging on his couch and packed it).

we wanted to spend a holiday off with our moms and let him plan it.

him: sending me this link what about this hotel? me: it's just fine him: we'll book it from friday to tuesday me: but I'll still be working on friday him: yeah me too me: so why would you book it on friday? him: maybe we could get there in time me: did you take a look at the check-in time? (here most hotels' check-in's are usually 2pm) him: sorry, no

(we didn't went for holiday and I broke up with him a few days later)

2020-02-12T16:04:40+00:00

A while back I hung out with a friend, her older sister and her mom. My friend was talking about wanting to move in with her boyfriend and the sister and mom strongly adviced her against it, because she was too young to become a caretaker. They literally said "a man first has a mom and later, a girlfriend".

Made me sick!!

extraacct1234 · 2020-02-12T17:24:20+00:00

The dude from that last comment that that woman babied, I would have blocked his number at the first or second question and washed my hands of the situation then. When you have to leave a shitty job where you're treated poorly do you offer them free help? Do they constantly call you with inane questions they could easily answer themselves? Absolutely not.

greenappletw · 2020-02-12T15:31:04+00:00

That last story...what exactly is up with men like that?

It's extreme selfishness for sure, especially how he ignored her pleas for help when she was suicidal.

But is it narcissism?

Also side note: working on your own codependency does a lot to save you from men (and people in general) who try to use you.

FodderFigureIllushun · 2020-02-12T22:51:43+00:00

My friend just gushed to me about how her boyfriend asks her to pick his clothes and choose his hairstyles. His friends, family, and colleagues are so impressed that he now looks like "a grown up". Fool is 30 years old, he should be doing this himself.

GeraltsGloriousHair · 2020-02-12T21:59:29+00:00

This really hit a chord with me.

When I was 21, my then-boyfriend showed up at my house (I lived with my parents) after leaving his family home with no plan whatsoever - no where to stay, no job, and about $2,000 in savings.

I was young and didn't know how to help him, so I took him to one of those weekly rent motels. He stayed there and ate out every day until the $2,000 was depleted (took about two weeks) and realized he needed to get a job.

He had no car (didn't have a driver's license) or cell phone, so I ended up driving him everywhere to look for work and he had to give them my cell phone number. It was stupid - he literally spent $50 on one of those scam "apply for government jobs" things. He finally landed a job at a convenience store, where he didn't last long because he just took his breaks whenever for however long without telling anyone.

He eventually got a room in someone's house (that I also had to find), and I got him a job at my workplace. I had to drive him to work every single day since he had no car. People at work would ask if we were siblings, perhaps based on our dynamic? I'm not sure.

I quit that job to go back to school, and I STILL had to drive an hour out of my way every day to take him to and from work. Was like pulling teeth to get gas money, and that doesn't even count the wear and tear on my car.

Eventually, I took him to get his driver's license. He failed the exam the first two times, in my car no less. A woman at the DMV even asked me: "Are you mom?" - we're the same age. Again, was it our dynamic?

Tried my best to help him find a decent used car because I wanted to reclaim my life. He finally bought his own car but mistreated it so badly (did things that normal folks don't do to their cars) to the point it stopped running. A family friend cut him a fantastic deal on a beautiful car that he also quickly ruined.

He got kicked out of the room he rented from. He said it was because he had things in his room that weren't permitted(!), but I think it's because he would snoop around on their computers and devices (he told me about some of the things that he read going through their things, a real winner). He ended up having to move in with me for about two weeks while he looked for a new place.

He eventually found his own apartment, but still kept coming over to my place daily. He would stay over well past when I went to sleep. He would watch porn three feet from where I was sleeping then deny it. He got viruses on his computer that he brought over and tried to blame it on my father. He literally stayed up til 3AM playing a video game when I had an important certification the next day, I had to yell at him to leave.

I would purposely make him angry just to get him to leave sometimes. The love had died long ago, I didn't want to be around him but I didn't know how to break up. I genuinely felt nothing for him but I somehow felt responsible for him?

There's countless other things: he always had greasy hair and stunk because he didn't clean himself, had other serious hygiene problems, his clothes were gross and wrinkled from being in a pile on the floor, he had bedbugs and brought them into my house (then blamed me somehow), mistreated my pets, had no aspirations for life other than playing video games all day, and really just didn't have much of a personality.

I stayed with him for far too long, I had no self-esteem so I assumed I'd never have better. I remember going through OLD sites and apps, and thinking I wasn't good enough for any of those men, so better to just stay in that situation. I didn't realize being alone was better than that crap.

I did eventually get fed up with that nightmare and split after I caught him snooping through my phone. My coworkers told me I was "glowing," after it happened. I never cried a single tear for that relationship. But honestly, I'm still so very angry for all the time I flushed down on that manchild.

Eventually I did meet the man of my dreams, and I don't have to mother him at all. We live together and he does the lion's share of the cooking, chores, and bill-paying. After a long day of work, he still gives me massages and will make food if I don't feel like it. He doesn't neglect me for video games. He treats me so good I actually feel guilty. Part of me almost thinks I regressed after spending so much time being someone's mother. But I do love being pampered.

I wish someone had knocked me in the head and told me to get a clue when I was with the dumbass, I could have had so many better years not being a mommy.

Title	And oldie but a goodie. Never be the mother in your relationships.
Author	SupremeCanadian
Upvotes	333
Comments	36
Date	February 12, 2020 2:45 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f2s85b/and_oldie_but_a_goodie_never_be_the_mother_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/and-oldie-but-a-goodie-never-be-the-mother-in-your.693856 https://theredarchive.com/post/693856

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