New red flag I won’t ignore: if his ex (or ex’s) blocked him, you probably should too.

MotherofJackals · 2020-06-28T04:10:28+00:00

I think it's the same as when a guy claims ex after ex was "crazy". That is one thing I listen carefully about. Some women don't want to hear about ex's, I encourage it because what men have to say about an ex and how they say it tells you a lot of DEEP information about them especially if you listen for the ring of truth.

thighsmatch · 2020-06-28T02:17:54+00:00

I think this is a wise observation, and definitely sounds like a red flag for that LVM. But I am not sure how to square it with the fact that I also usually go no contact with exes. Even if there was no drama, what’s done is done and shouldn’t be recycled. Even if I don’t block him, I do kick them off my Instagram/social to avoid temptation, since we all know men see any story you post and an excuse to slide in the DMs.

nymphaetamine · 2020-06-28T10:13:33+00:00

For me, no contact after a breakup is pretty normal. It didn't work out for whatever reason, there's no reason to try to force a friendship while you're both trying to get over each other, so let them go and move on. I will agree that if all or many of his exes have him blocked, it's definitely cause for concern though. I'm not friends with my exes, but there's only one that I have blocked and he was a very abusive narcissist.

A big red flag on the opposite end of this is if he's still in regular contact with a lot of his exes. By regular contact I mean being friends on social media, texting, hanging out, etc. Not just being polite if he runs into them at the grocery store or something, but maintaining active connections to them.

A pretty universal rule I've observed about guys who do this is that he'll tell you the exes he still talks to are "obsessed with him" and can't let go, they're only not blocked because he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or make them go even crazier, he only grudgingly talks to them once in a while cause he's so nice, he'll basically try to paint a picture of them as crazy stalkers. You'll believe it at first cause you'll witness them calling and texting him, and him rolling his eyes and not answering. But if you do some digging, you'll find that their "friendship" is much deeper. He'll be initiating most of the contact and it'll be much more frequent than you thought. If he said they only chat every few months or weeks, you'll find them chatting almost daily. He'll be calling & texting them back as soon as he's alone. You'll find out that he's giving them hope, being sweet, acting like he misses them, being flirty, and it's all intended to keep them around as backup supply. The exes often won't even know he has a new girlfriend either and if they do, he'll probably be complaining to them about you for sympathy.

I've found this rule goes for female friends as well. That friend of his you have a funny feeling about that he claims to only talk to once in a while? Yeah they're talking all the time and hanging out whenever you're not around, and if he hasn't slept with her, he's at least tried. In my almost 40 years of life on this earth I have yet to see an exception to this rule.

Stay away from 'collectors' who keep a harem of exes and female friends.

FastMushroom8 · 2020-06-28T03:55:29+00:00

I always go no contact with exes no matter what the circumstances so I don't know if this is a great red flag.

cynthiaat92 · 2020-06-28T04:10:26+00:00

I wouldn't go this far. I also go no contact even if there is no drama. Look forward, not behind. "If he was meant for me, I would still be with him" . Dont need the temptation to "imagine" and "hope" after the fact.

AyemHerself · 2020-06-28T04:59:57+00:00

I can see the logic behind this, and you were right to see this red flag in him.

However, this isn't a rule I'd implement for only one known instance of an ex going NC. Blocking can be a good way to distance yourself and heal from even a non abusive breakup situation. We need to use the block button in general more often.

I'd consider one block a yellow flag, multiple blocks a red flag. Especially if he complains about them.

2020-06-28T07:05:39+00:00

[deleted]

balladwilds · 2020-06-28T10:14:14+00:00

i don't think this is a rule tbh, i blocked my ex so i wouldn't see him on my feed and blocking doesn't always mean you hate them, most of the time it's for your mental health. So you can heal even though it was a mutual and drama free breakup

RavenAva · 2020-06-28T01:24:17+00:00

That’s a really good idea to look for that as a flag. I don’t date much, so I’m curious— is it common to keep in touch with exes? I never have; it just seems like the best way to end things and our lives end up going different directions anyway. And ultimately, if you decide not to be with a person, there is something about them you don’t want in your life, right? So do you think there is any benefit to staying in touch with an ex at all?

tellmesomething11 · 2020-06-28T05:09:03+00:00

I’m blocked by my narc ex on IG. But he stalks me on YouTube and makes fake account after fake account. I don’t even know why he does it anymore, I broke up with him two years ago.

I don’t have him blocked on anything, I just act like he doesn’t exist. I agree with what an earlier post mentioned, one block is not as bad as several blocked past relationships.

My point of the post is that if a SO is telling you he blocked an ex, find out why. Ask if the ex is blocked on other social media. For me, I would ask if he is in contact with her at all. Because if I find out later that he is, he is immediately dropped.

Neorago · 2020-06-28T11:32:18+00:00

Yep. My ex dumped his by text. She blocked him everywhere. He told me it was because she was toxic and abusive. I felt bad for him. Guess what? He dumped me by text. It ended with me blocking him everywhere. Feel sorry for his next victim. I'll surely be his "psycho ex" now :-)

2020-06-28T09:54:34+00:00

Dudeee 😂😂 his ex blocked him. And o ended up doing it too. I’ll never know the true reason she did it (according to him he doesn’t know why) but I’m sure it’s the same reason I did it

I’m actually laughing

illegalandhealthy · 2020-06-29T16:41:59+00:00

I read something that if you can stay friends with an ex after dating, then either you both were never in love, or still love each other.

I think going no contact can mean a lot of things and it might not be a red flag in and of itself. Maybe that paired with a couple crazy ex stories might be more of a clue.

Title	New red flag I won’t ignore: if his ex (or ex’s) blocked him, you probably should too.
Author	Tristavia
Upvotes	162
Comments	21
Date	June 28, 2020 12:32 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hh50lf/new_red_flag_i_wont_ignore_if_his_ex_or_exs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/new-red-flag-i-wont-ignore-if-his-ex-or-exs.700553 https://theredarchive.com/post/700553

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