Should I focus on self improvement instead of girls for a while ?

Reddit View
June 27, 2020

In a pretty bad spot, I’m 21 last time I kissed a girl I was 18. My socials skills and game have been poor, but I’ve had quite a few tinder matches, numbers but no lays. I’ve got two options at the moment, should I:

A: Focus on self improvement, gym, career and hobbies, for a bit then redirect some attention to game.


B: Keep trying to game, and focus on self improvement at the same time even though results won’t be as good since smv is low.

Post Information
Title Should I focus on self improvement instead of girls for a while ?
Author Throwawayboss11
Upvotes 135
Comments 47
Date 27 June 2020 08:49 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
sexual market valuegame

[–]teka7137 points138 points  (3 children) | Copy

A. The payoff will be bigger in the future comparedto B

[–]deliriumstimulus35 points36 points  (2 children) | Copy

I second this. Focusing on improving yourself, intellectually and physically, should always be priority number one, and you shouldn’t do it for women. As you grow, the women will come, seemingly on their own (and they’ll generally be better quality and more receptive too).

[–]rprookie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

In other words It’s a by-product.

[–]HornFinical0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think it’s more important to explain on a deeper level why this concept of self improvement works in the first place - because a lot of guys hear these “self improvement” responses but don’t really understand the mechanisms behind it or how that would ever help fix certain problems they’re currently facing in the first place.

When you improve yourself, you are manifesting confidence into certain areas into your life, which has a trickle affect expanding usually into many other areas as well, (ie socially, physically, creatively..etc). This is the exact type of positive growth one could justify the “law of attraction” with.

So all in all - yeah, start with the foundation and work your way from the ground up. I suppose the analogy I could use here is “do not become a sheep in a wolves’ clothing.”

[–]_Icarus_Reborn_59 points60 points  (1 child) | Copy

Self improvement is TRP 101.

You should have a mission and be working towards that. Once a man has a purpose he has something to work towards and can focus his masculine energy towards that.

You should be living your life that you don't need female attention or a woman in it, but if you do have one, it's on your terms and she's along for a the ride.

But, you should still be gaming at every possible moment you can (Option B). Unless you're in monk mode (Option A).

You'll get different answers here, but only you can make the choice.

My two cents. Option B.

You'll fail, and fail hard at the start. But as you're SMV grows, so will your experience in approaching. And once you're SMV peaks, you'll have had all that approach experience. No point waiting until you think your SMV is ready, then starting approaching.

Also, don't forget that there is top 10% men out there still getting rickrolled by women, no man is immune to it, there is only those that can see it and negate it.

[–]henry5891 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He will gain way more experience failing at opening in person than through dating apps.

[–]GreatGoldSphinx36 points37 points  (3 children) | Copy

Women should always take a back seat to A, but that doesn't mean you can't strike up conversations with them in the real world (parks, during your hobbies, etc). Dating apps in the U.S. usually give you access to the lowest common denominator. Deny that your SMV is low. Remember, you are the prize. Build yourself. I wish you the best.

[–]ASTRA-LUX10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dating apps

Dating apps are cancer in general. Why would anyone waste their time with that garbage is beyond logic.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]ASTRA-LUX7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only beneficial for those used to sleep around with garbage women in general. Such people will never be able to have a commitment with a high SMV woman. Zero pair bonding instincts and high risk of cheating. High body count matters.

[–]Massap2436 points37 points  (4 children) | Copy

Option A should take priority but B should be mixed in when appropriate.

[–]stilldoingit09247 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the way

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy


[–]Massap240 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah during Covid I’m definitely hard A because I don’t want to get sick so fuck it lol. So I’ve just been working out, researching how I can expand my real estate business, saving money and vacation days. No girl is worth getting sick over or potentially getting my family sick.

[–]-DeadLock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah same until now. Im unironically a much happier and more interesting person since covid because I developed a bunch of cool passions and hobbies.

[–]Reverenter20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do A and B will follow.

[–]forbiddenlegume4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only reply needed

[–]mcool41516 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 23 right now, and when I was 21, I was ugly as fuck, I had like zero matches, zero social skills. I was only a good software engineer. I had similar thoughts like you're having right now. I choose option A, I worked out gained some muscle improved my standards, built a startup (its still a small startup tho but I'm still on my way to making it big). I have a good reputation now, have gained a lot of respect from men. I'm not approached by a ton of women but those dumb bitches have nothing other than good looks, I have a rising status. I found this common in all the women who approached me, all of them have a goal in their life to be something better than they are currently. And no I've not been laid once in this last 2-3 years and think its worthless to spend months of my time on a chick with whom I might enjoy having sex for just a couple of hours. I prioritize money over bitches. And yea I can go clubbing pick some chick for a one night stand but I'll go do that after I have a milestone achieved

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy


Dude, u r 21 and haven't kissed since 18, which means no sex since when? And until when?. I'm sorry for those who say this is "ok", "normal", etc, this is just retarded. U gonna go monk mode and never come back, and become a bitter mgtow bitching about woman cause ofc "i became a good catch but all they care is about the chads" and bs, ofc, u removed yourself for social interactions, wtf did u think would happen? Now u ll be a somewhat buffed-rich sardine in a shark tank, if u do it right.

B all the way.

[–]SwinginPastMyKnees_6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

My two cents is Option B.

It's all good to go Monk Mode (aka Option A), but it seems like your goal is to improve your social skills and game and have better luck getting lays. I'm all for solo personal growth, but social skills and game mostly improves with trial and error. Sure, when your SMV increases, you'll have an easier time due to better looks and overall more confidence. But without practice, you'll still be at square 1 and that might hinder your success when you're ready to get out there again.

[–]Altin_Beg2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Currently in a similar situation, I’ve chosen A

[–]boy_named_su14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're just looking for an excuse to not game chicks cuz you're scared

[–]Throwawayboss11[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’m on tinder, talk, I usually approach, but there’s still a lot of shit I need to get together. Game could be added to social skills practice.

[–]RinkyInky0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

a lot of shit I need to get together

What do you need to get together? No one can give you the right answer if they don't know where you're at currently. If you're 300lbs of fat, bad haircut, no job, no school, no degree then yea you need Option A. If you look decent (no need the perfect body), got an okay job (don't need to be the richest guy in the room), got good style, then go for B.

If you don't know and you really want to have periods where you focus intensely on yourself, then I suggest doing 3 months of working your ass off (option A) then 1 - 2 months of option B. After awhile you can probably do 5 days of working hard and take weekends off. You don't need to go option A for the entire year unless you're in horrible shape. You need a social life if you are going to learn how to interact with people.

[–]HornFinical0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This .

Theory and practice are two separate concepts . Practice what you preach

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy


Trying to meet some girls isn't going to take much out of your week. Don't get more rusty than you are already.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bruh I'm not gonna lie to you - if you're getting a decent # of quality matches then it's likely not a physical issue but purely social/Game issue.

This can be remedied pretty quick - I was in a similar position. Essentially all I did was put aside a summer and I went from rusty to socially lubricant in about 3 Weeks tops. And this was after 1 year + of ignoring it.

But let me guess - you might also be poor and don't have a concrete vision for life yet right? You don't want to squander the time but can't shake that you should be working on the other things and not just chase the girls...

You should get the foundations fully secure and then run some tinder for a bit and then go back to the grind.

Use Tinder/Girls as a break for getting after your goals when you've made a bit of progress...

[–]VigilantSmartbomb2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sex isn’t the reward to self improvement- it’s a byproduct yes but the real reward is the life you’ll build along the way. Women will want to be a part of that.

I mean this is the age old question of pleasure vs improvement - the longer you can hold out the better it will be (generally up to a cap)

[–]3chazthundergut1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For a long time.

Become the prize, and let women chase you.

[–]rockyp321 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Both. Most guys just do A hoping to just be James Bond with woman after two years of improving. But it’s just the bad mindset. You gotta do the things that put you in the right mindset. No fap/SR, working out, eating good, sleeping good. But then no one wants to take the action. In fact if u didn’t do the improvement shit and just took action you’d still get way more results.

So u need to do both

[–]js02250 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Focus on both, but prioritise A over B

[–]boihuh580 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes you should

[–]WhatRemainsAfter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women are by product of success.

More you focus on A option, more you will notice B is happening automatically.

Also, Why think exclusively in terms of A and B. You see a hot girl, you approach. Keep it simple.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why would you ever think to otherwise?

Girls come when you self improve- literally cum

If there’s room for improvement why you fuckin with those girls anyways

[–]johnnygun-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should always be doing that. Always. Until the day you die.

[–]Brutal130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Combine fun and development activities.

If you focus only on development you will miss chances to learn more about society, yourself etc - when you game girls. Also, even if you succeed and progress with the career and gym you will set bad habits for your future - isolation and perfectionism. Don’t live in your head.

[–]drv120210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Self love is everything. How can you love somebody else if you can't even love yourself?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I mean, you can go all in with A and B will naturally happen.

Or you do A and do a little B on the side. Soon you will realize that all the magic about girls and that will disappear.
So then you can and want to focus more on A.

I'd say, go with B, combine it with self improvement, learn from what happens and from mistakes, so you can apply it to your growth.
But don't skip the gym, carrer or hobbies. Never put any girl in front of these. Just meet the girls on the side.
Soon after the magic will wear off. Then you want and can focus more on your growth.

[–]TXJohn830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Always focus on A, with that being said you can and should always be working on the game.

Example your at the gym on cardio, swipe some on tinder. You are out working on a hobby take to girls.

[–]Bungeeeeee0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Focus on your mission. Don't ignore B. Seems like you have problems which make B uncomfortable and more like a pressure. B should be fun and something to take your mind off while you are pursuing your goals.

[–]alexplex860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would think that your only focus for the rest of your life should be self improvement. Girls should never be your focus.

The more improved you are as a person the more girls will focus on you and chase you. And then you can just take them or leave them without it making any difference to you.

[–]BobbyJamesArcher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see no reason why you can't do both. It's not like you have to game girls 10 hours day. Pluss gaming girls will improve your social skills. So many monk mode retards here, jeez

[–]verac7570 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why can't you do both

[–]bodyfreeoftree0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Engage 'Monk Mode' - the rest will follow if done correctly

[–]rn7889-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women are a byproduct of TRP. The focus is always you and getting better.

[–]LIEX440-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]cglehosit-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the sidebar

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter