I posted this in MRP and was told to post it here. Appreciate any input.
Last night my wife came back with our 11 and 12 yo and I found that they had gone to a family friend's place (pseudo grandparent types) and joined the divorced son and his 15 yo son in shooting skeet.
I strongly believe in gun safety training and that putting a gun in a kid's hands w/o that is all kinds of stupid and leans towards guns as fun over guns as deadly weapons. I asked why she didn't tell me what she was up to and she said I would have said no, and I said that's correct and that doing it anyways is messed up.
I told her there were new rules: - No guns, no matter what. If they're interested, they can join me and my 21 yo daughter at the gun safety class in a month. - My 11 yo son and 12 yo daughter (who looks 14) are not to be alone at that place where there's a single male adult and 15 yo male. They can hang out with the "grandma" at Chik-Fil-A or anywhere public. But if they're at that house, an adult from my family will be there. - Plans will be clear and communicated. - No late nights over there.
Although I don't see this issue exactly laid out in the 101 books, it does seem like a NMMNG/"don't have your feelings and rights walked on" and a frame issue. At the same time, I have this sense that I screwed up. Having to lay down rules actually feels like a loss of power or frame. Something doesn't feel right.
Obviously I see I screwed up in that I'm not having cool/dangerous/fun things lined up for my kids. Perhaps chess and history walks downtown don't cut it. Laugh all you want.
Secondly, I need to live in general in a way that gives her the feelz so that there's no reason to want to hang out somewhere else. It's one thing that she really likes the grandma person, but the divorced son that lives there is absolutely something I'm not comfortable with tons of time around.
Scott
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