I feel like I live in another planet. I see people who don't even try improving themselves, while I'm here improving myself every single day.
It's a weird sort of feeling, but if you've been improving yourself for a few years already you know what I mean. People who smoke, drink, eat garbage, and waste their time away: I don't understand their behaviors anymore. And I actually was like those guys a few years ago.
It's really common in TRP falling into the monk mode trap.
I believe monk mode is necessary if one's SMV isn't high already, the point is it's easy becoming obsessed with self-improvement and not understanding one's real issues.
Self-improvement becomes dangerous when women get involved into that.
For that, I mean self-improving with women as end goal.
I'm a sort of dreamer, and I often visualize myself jacked more than I already am. I'm never ever satisfied even if I already look better than most guys. Body dysmoprhia, that is.
Now, If I look closer into those thoughts, the desire to be bigger stems from the desire to be perfect. I somehow arrived to believe that if I become perfect I will get laid (Let's be real, I'll never be perfect, and neither will anybody else).
I visualize myself all jacked and people staring at me. Fun thing is that people stare at me really often even now. But I'm not satisfied with that.
It's like if looking like a fitness model is absolutely necessary to get laid (in my mind), yet if we realistically look at the world, there are skinny guys who get laid more than me, and that shit fucks up with my mind.
Are those guys jacked? Fuck no. Are they even alpha? Their body language makes me cringe. Yet they have hot girlfriends. Now someone is going to tell me, "they are the BB, not the AF". That's true. Their girlfriend could be fucking an alpha on the side.
The point is I get cognitive dissonance because some beliefs I had don't really match up with what I see happening in the real world. TRP theories make you believe that lifting will get you laid 100%. Actually, I got rejected so many fucking times (around 50-60 times) even by being above average. Maybe their "rejection" was just a shit-test (in this case I could have found the problem) or maybe it had to do with me. Point is, lifting alone just made me receive attention. It not got me laid. Evidently, something is missing. In the last months, I understood I was not confident. I was not internalising my accomplishments. I was achieving stuff only the 5% of the population does achieve, but with the mindset of a guy who sits home fapping 5 times a day. I was underestimating my value. Should be called Impostor-syndrome.
People tell me I'm good looking, that I could be a model yet women reject me really often. I somewhere read that women reject you if you are too high value for them. Here is the problem. When I get rejected, I don't understand if it's because I'm not high SMV enough, or if it's because the girl is either insecure or some other shit which does not have to do with me. More often than not, I end up believing the former.
This is an endless cycle. I get rejected --> I start believing I'm not enough, so I keep self-improving.
Of course it's a con to be self-improving. Self-improvement is endless, but the point is, it stops me from believing I'm enough already.
I got many women attracted to me in the past, but I either fucked it up, or they were ugly.
How would you deal with this shit? Should I just try to approach girls endlessly and try less to understand what's the problem? Because the variables are so fucking many that it's hard finding the real unique reason of my problems.