how long is 'too long' to wait to have sex?

kekerae · 2017-05-26T19:22:59+00:00

I personally waited close to 4 weeks from meeting/first date with my now husband. By that time we committed to an exclusive relationship with each other and had had a couple of important talks surrounding birth control and sexual history. Let's just say that it's not as though we never laid a hand on each other in those 4 weeks. There are a lot of ways to keep a man's interest without going "all the way".

Shaela90 · 2017-05-27T01:39:56+00:00

In my case, too soon would be before figuring out on my own what the aftermath will be, for myself and the other person. If I see he's only after sex and I'm on the same page then I proceed. Same if I'm looking at this person and I'm like hmmmm, I see a good degree of relationship potential here and he seems to do so too.

Too many people are either too blinded by their own wants and desires, projecting on the other person or completely oblivious, hence blindly following the 3-dates-rule or whatever new hype of the sort. In the first case, you need to STFU and listen, listen, listen to the other person, as they will reveal themselves very quickly. No one is that much of a good actor, not even on the first dates. In the second scenario, the advice is also to listen, listen, listen, but to yourself, your own personal needs and desires, as well as where they stem from. Wanna have sex because you feel lonely? You'll feel even worse after.

Also, I do not agree with the 'providing sex because that's what men want' train of thought. Yes, men want sex. Women want sex too. What's a more important realization is 'Do I want to have sex with this guy? Now? For what reason?' Does this person seem to share my reasons?' This way, and extrapolating this logic to a number of situations, we would not have so many 'I tried to be the perfect girlfriend and he dumped me/cheated on me/used me for sex' threads and a lot less heartbreak in the world.

mabeol · 2017-05-27T02:55:41+00:00

I made it clear to my SO pretty early on that I wouldn't have sex with him until we were commited, exclusive, and official. All told, our first romp in the hay happened just over two months after our first date. Sooner than I originally anticipated but I felt very secure and confident in that decision, not to mention the relationship.

He was very understanding while also being vocal about wanting to have sex. But it was more along the lines of "I'm so excited to have sex with you when the time comes!" than "Hurry up and get naked already." He was enthusiastic about the prospect without ever pressuring me.

Loosely, I'd say wait until you're exclusive, committed, and ready. I also think it's important to feel safe. That will look different for everyone. But anything beyond that might be entering the realm of diminishing returns.

seven4snares · 2017-05-28T14:44:19+00:00

To be honest, saying there's a threshold is bs. Have it when you want OP, not because some subreddit says it's a bad thing

anothergoodbook · 2017-05-26T20:58:28+00:00

My husband and I met and got engaged within 6 months. We chose to wait until we were married - we discussed our intentions from the beginning. Neither one of us was interested in pursuing a relationship if it didn't lead to marriage (so we decided early on if we felt it could lead that direction). Got married about 6 months after that. That being said, we made out a lot lol - it was very difficult to keep our hands to ourselves.

youreallmeatanyway · 2017-05-27T02:35:47+00:00

I've been told that I am very patient (even though I dont think this is true). If I'm seeing a girl weekly, and we havent had sex by the end of the 2nd month, I'm going to assume that I'm just getting jerked around.

crownoffeathers · 2017-05-27T11:31:29+00:00

It's not about pleasing a random man you've known for two months or 10 dates, it's about knowing yourself and respecting your boundaries.

If you need to be in a committed relationship before sex, then wait until then. If you have other criteria, honor that. Never compromise your values. Nobody will respect you if you can't respect yourself.

Rivkariver · 2017-05-27T14:36:57+00:00

The only time that is too long is if you're married but haven't consummated it. Otherwise there is no too long.

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-05-26T22:06:48+00:00

My bf and I started out as friends. We had sex before we became official but we'd known and cared about each other for over four years prior. My idea btw not to be official at the time.

[deleted] · 2017-05-27T05:38:34+00:00

I met my husband in high school when we were both 16. We had a very honest and open discussion about entering an exclusive, committed relationship before our third date. Our first kiss happened on that date. Then, sex didn't come until 6 months later. Before and throughout the relationship, we had many conversations about sex, both of us were virgins and relayed to each other how important taking that step would be, and how neither of us took it lightly. Both us were clear that we were only interested in sex with each other if we truly felt that we would be together forever. Sex was out of the question for both of us if there was no solid, long term commitment. 8 years later, we are now married and starting a family. :)

Now, I wouldn't have even dreamed of being able to have open and honest conversations like that with most of the guys in my high school, being the average, horny, and immature teenage guys that they were. At that age range, I think it's not the norm. But it became clear to me quickly that my husband was RPW-worthy, and ultimately sex-worthy, when we were able to have mature conversations about sex and that he was on the same page about long-term commitment (trust me, these guys do exist!). That would be my advice to you, to just communicate as much as possible and make sure you've done some solid vetting, rather than thinking you have to just adhere to an arbitrary timeline or a certain amount of a dates, etc. In my opinion, an RPW-worthy guy would be able to have a comfortable conversation with you about sex, especially if you're coming from the position of not wanting to engage in sex before a solid commitment has been made.

Now for the TMI part and to answer your concerns about your desires; my libido is and was utterly overwhelming at times, thankfully my impulse control was even stronger. A vibrator (plus erotic novels/online writing, movies, etc.) will save your life in this regard.

[deleted] · 2017-05-27T05:41:26+00:00

No such thing as waiting too long to have sex. I guess the exception would be if you don't ever intend on marrying him and just want to have fun.

ladybugg103 · 2017-05-26T21:14:49+00:00

You wait until you're ready to have a son or daughter with him. It's that simple. If you freak out and seize up inside, he's not material. If you're fine with it, you should feel a strange peace reading this.

My friend put it this way. Analogy: flip a coin, say it lands on heads. . If you regret the outcome and what you wagered on it, you choose whatever you said you wanted to do had it landed tails up.

My rule is Bottom line don't kill a child. I used to be one after all, and reading about what they do with aborted body parts is sickening. Vomit material. I got interested in this from Christ, not my invention. Sex is great and all but in this culture it is a god. Reasonable way out of the blue pill is to be smart about sex and also virtuous.

glitterchild · 2017-05-28T16:00:19+00:00

First off OP you sound like an immature brat and not very RPW at all but if you actually want a genuine answer it's very simple. Have sex when it's worth it. How you decide if it's worth it is up to you but deep down you'll know. That's how I live and I have no regrets or pain from my sexual history. Life isn't a scientific formula. Don't be an impulsive idiot ruled by your sex drive but you don't need to be a prude. When you find a man worth having sex with have it. When you find a man worth marrying marry him. Quit putting age restrictions and formulas on yourself. Life (yes even life as an RPW) is supposed to be fun.

Title	how long is 'too long' to wait to have sex?
Author	brooke261
Upvotes	8
Comments	42
Date	May 26, 2017 5:47 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6diia9/how_long_is_too_long_to_wait_to_have_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-long-is-too-long-to-wait-to-have-sex.72874 https://theredarchive.com/post/72874

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