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This musician used the power of neuroscience to help her fall out of love. Takeaway lesson: Stop indulging in thinking and feeling for the ex, and eventually the love will die out. Aim for a sense of calm indifference.

hopewings

February 24, 2021

303 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-seMFHOxZhI

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Title	This musician used the power of neuroscience to help her fall out of love. Takeaway lesson: Stop indulging in thinking and feeling for the ex, and eventually the love will die out. Aim for a sense of calm indifference.
Author	hopewings
Upvotes	303
Comments	29
Date	February 24, 2021 4:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lrh5pc/this_musician_used_the_power_of_neuroscience_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-musician-used-the-power-of-neuroscience-to.745762 https://theredarchive.com/post/745762

Comments

[–]all_or_nothing_betFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

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[–]all_or_nothing_betFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

I wish I could get detailed instructions but I've never developed a system lol.

I'll just describe what works for me.

When we indulge in thinking about people we like romantically we become addicted to those chemicals. This addiction is similar to any other substance addiction, that's why break ups hurt so much.

To prevent this addition or to break the existing one, we need to stop ourselves from thinking about that person as a romantic partner. We need to force ourselves out of love.

In short, the goal is to be constantly aware of your thoughts and switch immediately when you catch yourself thinking about your love interest.

Leave room only for rational, critical thoughts about them.

Like literally every waking hour is spent by policing your thoughts. Usually we habitually slip into the internal dialog with that person or create scenarios that involve them, and we need to break these habits.

It's very hard at first but then it becomes your second nature and this is when the most interesting thing happens - your brain starts letting itself to get "high" on other things, previously not as stimulating as being in love.

When I need to fall out of love I also start taking care of myself more and spoiling myself more to give my brain more alternatives to get high on temporarily.

Also, regular painkillers, such as Tylenol, work on emotional pain because brain processes emotional and physical pain in the same way. So if it's especially painful pop a dose of Tylenol to take the edge off. But I prefer to avoid medication or alcohol.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being in love though. It's beautiful and it's fun but now I have a choice of staying there or leaving.

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According to scientists, when you start thinking about someone you want to forget, you can redirect your brain. In her research, Helen Fisher observed that when subjects in the fMRI machine shifted their focus to an unrelated task, the hypothalamus calmed down and stopped producing the dopamine that was making them feel lovestruck.

The key is to train your brain to something else that requires your concentration, something that takes a lot of brainpower. Also, remove photos, voicemails, anything that reminds you of them. It is important to stay away from the person to get over them, like when quitting smoking. Don’t call, don’t write, and don’t try to be friends. Block and no contact should be the default response.

Through putting people who’ve been rejected or dumped into the fMRI machines, scientists can see that the attachment reduces with time, just like brains can heal from past drug addiction.

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