He has access to endless free sex....what am I getting out of this?

starcharg3d · 2018-06-07T05:58:19+00:00

Relationships are all about negotiating. If you don't want to have sex that often, then make it clear you can't/won't. Specify how often you can, and let the chips fall where they may. I imagine very few women could satisfy that libido and he knows it. Just be sure to stick with the revised limit because otherwise, he'll become concerned that you pulling back will lead to a slippery slope of little to no sex.

On the second point, you probably shouldn't explicitly state it's becoming too expensive to date him, you can say things like, "sorry, I can't come visit you--it's too much of a financial strain." If he doesn't offer to pitch in for gas then that is extremely telling. It shows you're more invested in this relationship (financially and emotionally) than he.

If you can't afford groceries, then learn to cook cheaper meals. Or when you're in the kitchen prepping everything, say, "honey, can you go to the store and pick up these items for dinner?"

Sorry for your frustrations. You can still recalibrate the balance more towards your favor, and see if he'll adjust.

LateralThinker13 · 2018-06-07T14:33:49+00:00

He has access to endless free sex... what am I getting out of this?

Oh boy. Let's unpack this one. That is straight hamster-speak there.

He is constantly pushing the envelope with sex so that he can have it numerous times a day. He leaves our time together feeling satisfied and content... I am sore and slightly annoyed. I like sex with him, but not that many times in a day.

So sex with him (quality and frequency) is something you like, not love. What frequency would be better? 1 per day? And what is he doing/not doing that would move sex from a like to a love? Oral? Anal? Cosplay? If you enjoyed it as much as he did, would that help? (hint: yes.)

He does a lot of sweet things for me: romantic nights out, massages, great discussions etc. But I'm just starting to feel like he is asking for more than I am willing to give and he is livin' large in this relationship while I'm sitting back wondering what I am getting out of this??

So the " romantic nights out, massages, great discussions etc. " aren't something that qualify as something you're "getting out of this" anymore, are they?

You act like they satisfy part of you, but there's something lacking...

I don't need him to physically protect me. He pays for dinner but I can afford that myself.

Can you?

I just graduated and have yet to find employment, so I'm living in a tiny bachelorette suite and cutting coupons and slightly stressed about the money I'm spending to be dating him.

You just contradicted this.

If anything, this is all starting to cost me money ie: driving to meet him to go on roadtrips every other week (gas cost), cooking him dinners a few times a week (price of groceries).

Yes, dating is expensive. Especially today, when you're much more likely to go Dutch. Gas and groceries are back-breaking! /sarcasm

I'm not sure what it is that I want from him

Yeah you are. On some level you are. You've said it all in this post.

so that I feel like my needs are getting met on the level he feels when he pressure me for sex multiple times a day. Well, I suppose I do know: some financial help. I don't think that's so absurd.

See, there it is. You want money/financial support. But you have to make the obligatory "I don't NEED it" statement because a fish doesn't need a bicycle, damnit!

You could say HE'S NOT YOUR PERSONAL ATM!! but I could also say I'm not his personal sex slave.

And that's your hamster's way of poisoning the well so we don't say this to you.

It might also help to know that he is very religious, really shy with everyone but me and not stereo typically good looking.

Hamster rationalization to point out he's not as high status, suggesting that you are worth more and therefore more deserving of better treatment...

But he is confident, smart and good at what he does.

... with a caveat to avoid demeaning this guy too much, since you ARE with him and therefore he must be worth dating.

Okay. Look, your hamster is in overdrive. Tough love time. You need to understand and accept a few things.

1) This guy, all hamster rationalizations aside, appears to be pretty high status in most ways except for looks. Behavior, romance, finances, confidence, intelligence... let's be real. Do you want to let your hypergamy and your hamster ruin what sounds like a good deal?

2) You have two issues with this guy - only one of them conscious. The first is money. But if you want to tap that, you have to get serious with him. Does he want to get serious with you? If he does (and being very religious, he probably does) then you need to step up and consider that possibility.

3) The other issue is sex. You complain about frequency and say that you 'like' it with him. Not love, like he does. That means he's getting a lot more out of it than you are. Have you worked with him to get better sex on your end? Because that would really help this equation.

4) Look at your other options. I don't think you're appreciating what you have. Imagine he dies in a car wreck tomorrow. What does your life look like then? Take a good hard look at that life. Imagine it. Sort through your emotions and process the scene.

Then imagine a new scenario where you broke up with him, and he started dating some blonde DTF model. How would you feel about that?

You could say HE'S NOT YOUR PERSONAL ATM!! but I could also say I'm not his personal sex slave.

I keep coming back to this. Tough love time again: What do YOU bring to the relationship? Besides sex, what DO you have to offer? He has the money, career, home, and can probably land a plethora of girls if he wanted to. So why should he stay with you? Why are you special? What do you do that the next girl doesn't?

Because I smell an awful lot of entitlement coming from you. You seem to be appreciating very little about this guy's positives and focusing on things that, if you open your mouth and negotiate them, could probably be fixed.

I have been thinking... I would feel good about having a lot of sex with a man who has committed to and supported me to where I would not have lingering financial concerns killing my mood (ie: a husband). I don't think a guy who has known me for a third of a year should feel entitled to sex from me morning, noon and night.

Tell me, this guy asks for sex, right? He doesn't just take it. And you go along, because you want him to be happy and satisfied. But when have you asked for money, in order for you to be happy and satisfied? Well, not money in a transactional state because you're not a prostitute, but money in a relationship state because you are financially stressed out?

TL;DR answer to your problem:

TALK TO HIM. Bring this to him, not to the internet. Work with him so sex for you is better (more satisfaction for you, use lube, etc.) and get him to understand that you're struggling to keep up with him. No shame in that.

Men have confidence and work towards what they want actively. Women tend to be more passive. But passivity - going along to get along - is what has gotten you here. You need to be active and address your issueS (you have 2, not 1) with him so you can move forward.

FleetingWish · 2018-06-09T05:53:08+00:00

Shrug.

If you don't see the value in a relationship, get a cat. We're not here to sell you on the idea of relationships, we're here to help you get one if you find that to be a worthwhile goal.

starcharg3d · 2018-06-07T05:58:55+00:00

So, he has traditional values, is shy, == except to you == and not 'stereo typically good looking'. I am guessing that the 'stereo typical' qualifier means "others might find his x attribute a minus but its a preference to me." For simplicity, perhaps the following is accurate: "Others would rate him physically a 5 or 6, based on my preferences I would say he is a 6.5" (An objective scale on a subjective matter is meaningless but still useful for communication) - If you factor in his other socio-demographics you would give him an extra point or 2...

On the limited information, he sounds like a good catch (and you probably agree as you are dating him). I don't know how long the two of you have been dating, you've met each others families so it sounds kind of serious and like a thing you want to move to a next level. So I think advice telling you to ditch him is probably not correct, "the numbers dont add up" as it were for that conclusion. But asking for financial assistance may be counter productive to that goal, you dont want to exchange sex for money and he doesn't want to feel like an ATM.

You really need to get yourself sorted though. You just graduated so finding a job and a way to support yourself is important. That has to be your first focus and I hope your time from him isnt hurting the job search. You don't want to be 'taking' from him but be self reliant so that you can 'provide' the things which you already are providing.

I also think I know the type of guy you are talking about, and the 'really shy with evreyone but me' is situational. If his work and passion is elephants, and you are in a social sphere where someone says elephants arent that interesting - I'd guess he would speak up on their virtues, be assertive on his expertise, etc etc. you can cultivate those strengths and "train" (sounds bad, but its how it is, people can learn confidence) him to apply that way in other aspects of life.

Oh the Q was also on what to do about frequency and discomfort... Blowjobs.

ReddJive · 2018-06-07T14:23:22+00:00

I'm not sure what it is that I want from him so that I feel like my needs are getting met

This is your problem. Not him. Sex, RMV, the money. All this is just window dressing. All that makes a relationship. We can quibble about the finer points of roles, who does what, but The real issue is that you don't know what you want.

So OP. What do you want?

ManguZa · 2018-06-07T06:17:18+00:00

He seems to give you all a woman can want and you say you're not willing to give him all a man can want on your side? And you don't show in this post that you care about him and his needs but you talk about money?

If you're not ready to fulfill your end of the relationship, you're definitely not ready for marriage.

Astroviridae · 2018-06-07T13:00:07+00:00

Ask him to slow down and use lots of lube. There's other types of sexual activities you can do as well, i.e. blowjobs (don't say you're not good at them, that is not an excuse). Besides sex, what do you do for him? Sex is only one aspect of the relationship, it won't sustain your relationship once you are marriage.

The only issue I see is that you told him it hurts you and he still asks for it. This can mean two things: you didn't explain your concerns well enough for him to understand or he simply doesn't care. The former is fixable, the latter is worrying. When you told him, how did you tell him, what did he say, and how did he react?

Willow-girl · 2018-06-10T15:05:33+00:00

I'm not sure what it is that I want from him so that I feel like my needs are getting met on the level he feels when he pressure me for sex multiple times a day. Well, I suppose I do know: some financial help. I don't think that's so absurd.

So you want him to pay you for your sexual availability. That's not so unusual (they don't call it "the world's oldest profession" for nothing), but I'd think it would be hard to convince a guy who has been getting the milk for free to start paying for it! It's probably a better idea to drop this one and start over, soliciting for an "arrangement" or "sugar daddy." That way, the terms are established right from the start, and he has no reason to balk at them.

binkabooo · 2018-06-07T05:25:48+00:00

I have never dated a guy with a super-high sex drive, and I’ve gotta say... it sounds hellish. There are great, non-beta guys out there who have an average to low sex drive. Get you one of those.

lespetiteschoses · 2018-06-07T05:33:10+00:00

Have you told him that having sex 3 times a day leaves you sore?

BewareTheOldMan · 2018-06-07T08:12:14+00:00

Serious question - what were the initial terms, conditions, standards, and requirements for the relationship?

Did you guys fall into a relationship with simply an understanding of exclusivity and very little discussion on marriage time line?

Four months in...Among other things, I submit there's a lot more sex to be had before he gets to marriage.

Also - not for nothing, but the sex he's getting now is the base standard for marriage...more or less.

Tiberiusaurus · 2018-06-07T15:02:29+00:00

It sounds like you’re getting a LOT out of this.

You don’t have a job or any income... but he’s providing a six figure income and you don’t have to work!

Sounds like he’s also giving you his time and attention. Taking you out on dates, etc.

What needs isn’t he meeting????

If you’re just incapable of meeting his sexual needs then do both of you a favor and move on to look for someone with a lower sex drive... but given what he’s bringing to this relationship it seems pretty good.

Honey_Mommy_82 · 2018-06-07T15:31:51+00:00

It sounds like while he wants lots of sex, he is not necessarily that GOOD at sex.

Maybe ask him to read Sex God Method? It works wonders.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ghqyx3c8t6bq69b/SGM.pdf?dl=0

loneliness-inc · 2018-06-07T20:43:05+00:00

You're seething with negativity and it'll destroy your entire relationship if you don't take ahold of it soon.

IMO, you ought to ask yourself what your ideal relationship looks like. Ask yourself a series of questions. Don't assume that you know the answers. There's value in asking and answering and writing it all down.

For example sex. In your ideal world, what would it look like? How often would it be? What type of sex would be regular and what type is for special occasions? Who initiates and how? What's an appreciated sexual gesture, what's tolerated and what isn't acceptable?

These are just sample questions, you should ask as many as you can. Think about the answers and come up with your vision of what sex would look like in your ideal world. Only then can you compare it to what you have now and see what bothers you and why it bothers you. Only then can you attempt to reconcile differences between your ideal and his.

Do the same for money or any other point of contention.

It's okay to have expectations in a relationship. You can expect him to pay for you and he can expect you to have wild sex three times a day. It's okay to have expectations as long as everyone is clear on what the expectations are and accepts the terms and conditions before marriage and kids are involved. This way you'll know whether this can be reconciled or not.

[deleted] · 2018-06-08T06:16:43+00:00

Hi. I’m late to this party, but you need to hear this.

This is fundamental RP stuff right here. The man is the prize.

I’ll be frank with you: your hamster is running full tilt. But it ain’t wrong here. He doesn’t sound like a prize right now.

He’s not triggering your desire. You aren’t feeling the wild attraction and emotions that you are craving on an evolutionary level.

This is why you are even wondering what you are getting versus him. Were this working right on an RP level, you would wildly fuck him since he’s the prize.

That’s the key to RP awareness: the man is the prize and if you’re thinking this it means he isn’t much of a prize. Perhaps hypergamy is kicking in but whatever it is, he’s not doing it.

On the men’s side we say “everything in your life is your fault”

While generally this is a masculine approach to things, perhaps it should be yours here.

If he’s not a prize, you need to coax him to become a prize. What is he doing in life? Is he fit and strong? Does he have confidence in his life? What more could you do to coax the prize out of him? If you can do this, he will forever appreciate you. Help him become the man he can be and he will be the most loyal prize you could have.

Elitevaz · 2018-06-07T19:54:48+00:00

If you are cooking for him, he should be able to buy the ingredients. I'd recommend just straight up asking him to pay for the groceries, since you are cooking. Not ALL your groceries, but those needed for the meal you are making him.

Whisper · 2018-06-09T02:10:11+00:00

Everything with him sounds like a chore to you. And you want something from him to pay you for it.

He's Mr. Betabucks. He doesn't get you going, but he treats you like a queen.

And you're not happy, but you think maybe if he treats you more like a queen, and wants to do less with you, you'll be happy.

You won't.

Women are never happy in their relationships unless they think their man is awesome.

Men want to be treated awesome by someone okay. Women want to be treated okay by someone awesome.

Title	He has access to endless free sex....what am I getting out of this?
Author	starcharg3d
Upvotes	7
Comments	49
Date	June 7, 2018 5:11 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8p7n7t/he_has_access_to_endless_free_sexwhat_am_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/he-has-access-to-endless-free-sexwhat-am-i-getting.74806 https://theredarchive.com/post/74806

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