My ex [M24] and I [F26] were each other’s first everything. Together for six years until it became toxic and I was the one to end it because it wasn’t fulfilling me anymore and I wanted to explore and meet other people.

I only dated one guy after him and while this was happening, my ex tried everything to get me back. I kept going back and forth because although I wanted something new, I also hung on to the history we had. So it was a mess.

There was a point where we didn’t speak for a year and I was dating someone else. It wasn’t anywhere near the chemistry my ex and I had. I started missing my ex. I had that grass isn’t greener on the other side epiphany. I cut it off with the other guy.

I told myself if it’s meant to be, we’ll find a way back to each other but I didn’t want to reach out because I was the one who left and wanted to explore. I wanted him to explore life as well and if he finds someone then he will and I don’t want to interrupt that.

He started dating somebody for a few months and then it didn’t work out. I didn’t like seeing him with someone else but I can’t say anything because I was with someone else. A month later, he reaches out to me. I couldn’t believe it. This was a year after not talking.

He casually asked what I was doing that night and to catch up.. so fast forward 7 months later, we had what I thought was a more mature version of us. Chemistry was still there. The person I called my best friend and fell in love with was still in there. I told him I wanted to see him more often.

This is where it gets weird.. he told me if I want to see him more often I have to amp it up and record videos of us having sex more often and he wanted me to try giving him a rim job. I’ve recorded videos with him in the past but I’ve never given a guy a rim job. He said that’s how I’ll be able to prove my loyalty towards him. I said “Isn’t me wanting to see you more often a sign of loyalty?” and he said “It’s deeper than that. It shows me you’re foreal.”

I exploded. I felt like I shouldn’t have to ask for someone’s time let alone do certain things to get their time. He said “You never want to record anymore. I feel like if you’re not down for what I want, then I’m not down for what you want. Point blank. If a girl wants more of my time, I should get what I want out of it too.” When all I want is his time. I never ask for anything else. He says he likes where we’re at now and that what he feels for me is strong. He just says he can still see me but that he doesn’t need to see me often if he doesn’t get what he wants.

I don’t know where to go from here. We were supposed to go to NY in September for my bday. I feel stuck.