Finances in Marriage

engineergorl · 2021-05-28T05:48:18+00:00

DO NOT MERGE ANY OF YOUR FINANCES TOGETHER UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED. No, engagement is not enough. Engagement does not give you any legal protections.

Take this with a grain of salt, but my advice: 1. Have your own accounts that only you can access that your paychecks go into. NEVER direct deposit your paychecks into a joint account. A joint account should only hold money for expenses. 2. If you decide to split expenses, don’t do 50/50. Do it proportionally. Add your incomes together and divide your income by that sum, and that’s your percentage. If you make $40k and he makes $60k, then the max you should do is 40/60. You could also go lower, like 30/70 or even 0/100. You both could deposit your share into a joint account, so say when you shop for groceries, just pull the money from the joint account. Alternatively, if you skip the joint account, then his accounts and credit cards should be used for expenses, and simply reimburse him for your share. 3. If you buy a house together, your name should be on the deed and title. If you’re planning on helping pay the mortgage as well, look up what happens to the house and mortgage loan in scenarios of separation, divorce, or death. I can’t advise you in regards to putting your name on the mortgage loan, but I do know that if your name is on the mortgage, you are on the hook for it too. 4. If you get pregnant, give birth, and have children, he should be the one covering the majority of, if not 100%, healthcare and childcare expenses. You are risking your health and possibly your career if you get pregnant and give birth. As for childcare, a good father will think it’s a no brainer to take care of his children’s essential needs like doctor’s visits, clothes, diapers, etc.

Ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner to decide what’s equitable, but know what’s definitely not equitable. Begging him for money to pay for your children’s food or doctor’s visits (I have seen this on Reddit!). Doing 50/50 only for you to have no money leftover because he wanted a standard of living fit for HIS salary, not yours, and he’s spending his extra money on video games and stuff for HIM. Read the handbook for all the benefits men get from marriage that often go unnoticed and unappreciated because you can’t put a $ on it. You need to plan for all the “what-if” scenarios that “will never happen in a million years!” and protect yourself in the event he dies, or cheats, or runs away, or gambles all his (and maybe your) money away, etc.

Definitely don’t be afraid to have the conversation with your partner. If he’s HVM, you should not be worried at all. Make a list of things you absolutely will not compromise on financially, and stick to it. Don’t be afraid to renegotiate if your situation changes like adding kids to the mix or you feel you are struggling.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-05-28T05:04:30+00:00

Fantastic post discussing finances for women. It really depends on both incomes, future goals, and current position with assets. But this is a good jumping off point for you to make a plan:

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jbtke6/ladies_lets_talk_about_money_whether_youre_single/

pretty_kill · 2021-05-28T12:30:06+00:00

I’m sure other ladies have great advice, but this is mine that I want to make a point of.

Even if you get married, have your own account on the side that your paycheck goes into. You can have a joint account his paycheck goes into, but you need to have your money and income separated from him to protect your own financial resources.

There are horror stories of men draining the mutual account, so don’t let him have access to all your funds. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this to him, and if he pressures you just say you have an inherited account with special interest or something, and you lose it if you add someone onto it. You can transfer money into the mutual account each month to help pay the bills.

FDSthrowaway65 · 2021-05-28T05:54:32+00:00

Generally I would not advise to co-finance any large expenses that appreciate over time (like a mortgage). Because in the event of a divorce (keep vetting !!), you could be forced to sell at a disadvantageous time or worst, you could find yourself in a business relationship with an abusive man.

I would suggest that you split finances as much as possible, and that you invest your own money under the protection of a prenup (for example, buying a house for renting purposes while he pays for your family home).

If you intend to be a stay at home parent, you should be getting a share of his net income each month. It should be enough to cover an investment (most likely a home that you can rent) and your lifestyle. This allows you to keep large investments (like a mortgage) split.

My husband gives me a share of his income every month. I was able to buy a house that brings a monthly stable income and a safe place if things go south (unlikely, we've been married for 25 years now). I definitely would have felt more anxious in our relationship if I didn't have a place to go to that I know is mine and mine alone.

MummyCroc · 2021-05-28T09:09:27+00:00

Married. We each have our own bank accounts (from before marriage) where our salaries are deposited. Then we both have our responsibilities. I do groceries, pay council bill, tuition for our son, while he buys furniture and pays for construction costs, and transfer of the property into both our names (we are still finishing the construction of our house). I am an authorised signatory to his account and have my own debit card to it, he has no access to my account (no credit cards here). I also hold our stock portfolio in my name, as I am the one does the investments. He also pays for the expensive bits e.g. our son's uniforms, both kids' clothes and our clothes. He also takes care of car maintenance expenses, but we each pay our own car's insurance individually, though if I'm broke, he will give me the money to cover expenses I was supposed to handle. He also gives me a "wife allowance" which is an amount I can save or spend as I wish

yoursultana · 2021-05-28T11:22:11+00:00

I intend to do it the way my parents do it. My dads bank account is shared with my mother. Her bank account is her own, he has no access to it.

He pays ALL of the bills, groceries, you name it. He buys her new cars, phones, vacation tickets, hotels etc. He also helped each one of my siblings and I with our college tuition.

My mom’s money is her money to do with as she pleases. She mainly uses her money to buy random stuff for herself or us on the side. My dad still pays for her clothes and perfumes and other stuff she wants though. She also does a lot of charity work with her money. This is of her own free will.

I refuse to pay any bills if I get married. Period point blank.

fan_of_fromage · 2021-05-28T06:01:20+00:00

We have a joint account for expenses like that. Basically, my husband pays them at the moment. My income has been extremely sporadic in recent times, small kids followed by pandemic, etc. When I do earn money, it goes into the same joint account.

As part of our financial planning, we save money in my name for retirement income even if I am not earning. We also do our other savings equitably. Partly this is for tax efficiency, but it's also for fair distribution of the savings.

czeka17 · 2021-05-28T04:50:57+00:00

My husband paid off the house and pays all utilities and most food. I contribute to some food and most household products. I buy cleaning materials and hygiene products. I am not forced to buy these essentials but I feel it necessary because I am so picky. Not unreasonable.

ragingchump · 2021-05-28T11:02:42+00:00

I am old school.

Once married we put all money into a joint account.

All this splitting stuff makes 0 sense to me. Why get married if you arent a team from that min forward? All expenses are the teams expenses and if you cant talk about what reasonable discretionary spending looks like....wtf are you married?

Just makes 0 sense to me.

ChocoBananza · 2021-05-31T13:59:03+00:00

I got burned pretty badly in my last relationship with my NVX gold digger, and I’ve told my now-boyfriend that we will live in either mine or his place, 100% ownership. That way, if something happens, either of us can leave without any constraints. Also, we won’t share a single thing until we’re married. Those were my demands, and he’s ok with those.

For any lurkers, I’m very well off, and I own a few properties (bought and inherited) which I rent out. He doesn’t have anything on his name, but he wants to buy something of his own. I’m ok with either setting, but I would be more cautious of him if he accepted to live at my place.

Title	Finances in Marriage
Author	Corporatebot
Upvotes	109
Comments	16
Date	May 28, 2021 2:04 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nmnarw/finances_in_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/finances-in-marriage.775075 https://theredarchive.com/post/775075

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