Partner of 5 years just told me that she will be catching up with former male colleague?

vanillanibba · 2021-04-27T03:15:16+00:00

what is the context? In the professional world, it is important to catch up with old colleagues. This is how you learn about business opportunities and potential job openings. You know her better than us. If she's a career driven woman who has otherwise been loyal to you, a quick 20 min coffee mid-day with an old colleague makes sense.

If she's meeting a "colleague" from the time she worked as a bartender or in retail at 10PM at your local bar and isn't back by 1AM then yeah, it's a red flag.

clausternn · 2021-04-27T03:02:51+00:00

The catching up doesn't matter, your bigger problem is your last sentence.

If you're questioning yourself, it sounds like the relationship is already over. Breakup with her and go fail at chasing your TRP fantasy of having a revolving door of hot chicks (or be one of the 10% who succeed, good luck!)

If you continue in this relationship, you're just wasting your time and will grow to resent her because you'll never stop wondering "what if?"

I was in the exact same shoes as you 5 years ago.

adam-l · 2021-04-27T07:43:53+00:00

Too little info. You can't get a direction from it.

Chill, it shouldn't be a thing to worry about. I'd worry more about having an LTR for 5 years. At that time they start to get stale.

breakupstrategy · 2021-04-27T02:59:14+00:00

What’s the catchup context?

scholarofpain · 2021-04-27T04:20:15+00:00

Listen, a woman that is interested in a man that is of value, will never put herself in a situation that could cause the loss of him. Read that. Read it again.

She is fully aware that it's not okay. She expects sacrifices of certain freedoms from her partner, spoken or unspoken. Just like you do. She is aware that meeting up with this guy is not ok. This situation tells me:

She sees you as low value and you wouldn't be a loss
She is currently searching for better options(monkey branching)

You have two options here,

You break up with her, no ultimatums. You tell her why "If I was doing this, you wouldn't be okay with it" "You lack respect for my concerns and feelings and minimize who I am. I am not tolerant of this."

Or

You casually mention you'll be grabbing drinks with a friend, mention her name. Do not say "Im grabbing drinks with a girl from work". You say "Hey I'm gonna go grab drinks with Emily".

Stay out a while, come home late. Even if you have nowhere to go. You drive to McDonald's and sit there on Reddit all by yourself. Keep up the appearance.

If she is made up, you simply say "oh yeah she's new", or "we workout at the gym together sometimes" and change the subject.

Lostfate09 · 2021-04-27T03:06:57+00:00

She's "catching up with a male friend" In woman speak that means, "I'm trying to replace you and looking for options"

RStonePT · 2021-04-27T11:31:10+00:00

Whether it's a concern or not (changes in behaviour over the last while, time place and type of catchup etc) is one thing. your crippling insecurity about it is another.

Quoting UltmateCad:

If she cheats, you'll never know

That and no one is clever forever. Deal with your shit, and if/when you find something you can deal with it then.

themasterg69 · 2021-04-27T07:26:41+00:00

Hard next

ishyman · 2021-04-27T11:19:44+00:00

B O U N D R I E S if you don’t set them then it’s ok for her to go catch up. If anything happens it’s gonna happen regardless

Tambamwham · 2021-04-27T12:12:56+00:00

No bro. You step up and voice your boundaries. Don’t be scared to tell her this is unacceptable and talking to him behind your back in the first place is no bueno as well.

youcantdenythat · 2021-04-27T13:22:16+00:00

because it the past it has always been with jealousy and anger

hmm it's happened before? yeah these are red flags

I am couple months into the RP and thinking it’s time to kick her to the curb

That would be the easy and probably best solution.

One thing I notice about this post is it's all about her. You shouldn't be in a relationship unless the context is mostly all about you!

Once your life basically revolves around yourself, you don't give much of a shit what she does. Hit them weights. Get some good hobbies. Hustle. Stop worrying so much about women.

ppvknifefight · 2021-04-27T18:21:08+00:00

Dont be a bitch. Speak up -- If this shit is uncool to you or feels off, discuss how you ain't feelin it and hear what she got to say. I don't know about you, but my girl telling me she's meeting up with a single guy friend one on one aint the wave.

That context better be 100% business or issa no for me, dawg

2021-04-27T18:31:55+00:00

Soft next

TrpKid2 · 2021-04-27T21:10:35+00:00

Damn reading your post history was a trip. People are really nuts on this site

Robin2Fast2Furious · 2021-04-27T11:13:26+00:00

Honestly, let her go to meet him. Eventually time will reveal everything, but it seems like you’re unsatisfactory with your relationship and this just the right moment to exit. Follow your gut. Don’t waste time.

Title	Partner of 5 years just told me that she will be catching up with former male colleague?
Author	UDAMAN123
Upvotes	19
Comments	46
Date	April 27, 2021 2:54 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/mzewbl/partner_of_5_years_just_told_me_that_she_will_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/partner-of-5-years-just-told-me-that-she-will-be.777130 https://theredarchive.com/post/777130

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