How to get good on dates, why do they lose attraction after the date?

srwat · 2024-10-05T12:46:51+00:00

You want to be relaxed and vibe but not let her lead the whole date.

If she leads the whole date, you'll be in her frame. If you're in her frame, she won't really be excited in "that" kind of way most times.

One of the best things that keep her out of her frame is bantering in the moment. Showing her that you are actually present there with her and you're not just both talking about your past and future plans the entire time. Involving the environment you're both in tied to some of your banter goes a long way here.

If you can keep enough tension while being playful and lightly escalating, many times she will start to cross the line sexually first, and then it's easier for you to keep going with it playfully until she can't take it anymore, and then you again, lead yet again so you both can experience that fun immersive experience in the moment.

Dandys3107 · 2024-10-05T13:21:43+00:00

Nervousness will fade away with time and practice. For now, you need to look your fear in the eyes, meaning maintaining eye contact with a girl, staying close to her, smiling, paying attention to your body and surroundings instead of rushing thoughts in your mind. Two dates are not enough of a sample, but still, if you want dates to progress how you want, you need to keep it clear what's your goal, like escalating physical intimacy, getting to know each other, going through specific situations together etc. If you want some depper connection, you should rather pass on logical discusions and generic questions and steer your interaction towards creating unique experience, sharing honest part of each other's viewpoint and your private life secrets. And don't stop your improvement process, getting several dates is just a beginning, create your own style, experiment with different techniques, take more and more care about your physical fitness.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-10-05T14:11:08+00:00

You are a boring nice guy. 7-8 arent interested in those.

Pyroftw3 · 2024-10-05T13:21:12+00:00

First of, how do you know they attracted ? if they are very attracted there will be no resistance when setting up a date and they will meet you at a place where you want and most likely do what you want.
If you didn't go with their suggestion and you picked the place(coffee or drinks hopefully) without much talking on app you on good track.

On the date be chill, don't over compliment her appearance and have a normal convo with her and see if she your type or not.

There is no building a natural attraction, its either there or its not, you can fuck it up tho if its there.

Also you been on 2 dates rofl, thats nothing, setup 20 dates for next 2 months, see how they go and come back here and tell us how it went.

berzerker5000 · 2024-10-05T14:42:57+00:00

Set up: before the date you should be establishing the flirty vibe and sexualizing so that it continues. Example: she mentioned she was wearing boots for our date, and I asked if she was wearing big ol Stripper boots and she laughed and said no hooker heels for her. Then after the date started I commented o good you aren’t wearing your hooker heels. This is one out of a bout dozens of flirty text exchanges is good to have before date so you establish the flirty rapport to reference again on your date to bring that flirt to in person.

First 2 minutes of date: not the first thing you say, but within a couple minutes, ideally once she sits down next to you, you have taken it all in a little, turn to her, look her in the eyes, and geniunely say slowly “you look really cute” 😊 that will send the feels threw her. Combine with a little touch on shoulder or knee as you say it. This step is critical. It says ok, I see you as a romantic partner not as a friend. And I am geniune, not just saying it as some mandatory pleasantry/greeting.

Body language/manners: you want to be in your masculine leader frame. Open doors for her, lead/walk in front of her through restaurants, choose who sits where, pull out and push in her chair for her, order two ice waters with lemon immediately, don’t order anything else until she decides what she wants and if you know the joint you can suggest what is good, let her order first or order for both of you. Do the typically kino touches, arm over her resting on the back of her chair or whatever. First date so you gotta just imply touch sometimes and kino lightly on shoulder and knee. You want her to be doing this back to you. A couple venue changes are good throughout the date so you have different positions for physical escalation and also doing more fun things than just dinner. I usually start them at a fun bar for a drink, then go to dinner (for first date).

Vibe: Be fun, be funny, don’t fall too much into stories about exes or serious or techincal topics. Don’t talk about work too much. Be the fun that makes it worth it to give up her night on the couch watching Netflix. Keep being flirty. You should be sexualizing no less than every 20 minutes. If she falls down the rabbit hole of telling you her life story, bring her back the present with a flirty sexualized comment like. “You seem like the kind of girl that likes that.” Or whatever, the sexualized flirtation should not be overt and creepy. Make silly comments about your future lives together. If you are getting the choosing signals, talk about something cool at your place to plant the subliminal seed for the pull later.

Overall, you want to be calibrating along the way but not overthinking. Just say what you want to say, be a little disagreeable, don’t try to say the “right thing” cuz chicks love it when you just let it hang out and be a little edgy. That is the masculine energy they want. I’m always playing up my bad boy stories of getting in trouble or cool hobbies I do. I give them shit for being goody two shoes and say that’s okay I bet you are a bad girl in side. That shit turns them on. This is also where your frame and personality is put to the test. Are you really the confident, fun, risk taking man of her dreams or not? You can’t fake it. You gotta be living the life that attracts a woman. That behind the scenes shit is the key to 90% of all this, and the rest (your game) is just the seduction technique aspect which is secondary. Most guys ignore this to their own detriment and are looking for “lines” cuz they have to fake it. Getting in your head can just be nerves being new to it. It can take some practice to get it right. But if the overthinking continues, it is a sign you don’t think you are good enough to just be yourself because you lack confidence from lack of being the man you have the potential to be. So then you need to focus on building yourself for a little while and not so much focusing on dating.

Not all chicks will even entertain sleeping with you on first date. Honestly, good gf material won’t. Depends on what you want. Sluts will make it obvious and the physical will escalate quickly throughout the night. But if you follow the above, she should be having fun, while you are being suggestive and masculine so that will set you up for the kiss at least.

If it applies; Make sure you walk her to her car afterwards, ask her to text you when she gets home safe, after she leaves text her that again and say you had a nice time. Always go for the kiss. Always always Always. If she rejects you then she sucks. But if you don’t go for it, then that is rejecting her, and you are done. She will like that you express care about her well being and don’t just see her as a sex object, but are trying to make moves as a potential romantic partner.

All that should result in a second date. Try to plant the seed of the where and when for that too pretty quickly.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-10-05T13:38:14+00:00

1st date is where you need to break the physical barrier so you won’t be in a friend zone or labelled “nice/boring guy”, always treat her as if she’s already your gf for a while, so you won’t feel awkward.

Top-Donkey-5081 · 2024-10-05T19:08:17+00:00

You need to evoke emotions. If you can't do this on first date, then they're gone. Most of the time, Girls love to have fun. So do a fun activity, before getting them to open up. Also, you need more than 2 dates. You should be going to 5 dates a week. Or 3 a week. At least. So swipe more. You have to go through 1000 apples until you finally found your best apple.

badideas222 · 2024-10-05T13:34:06+00:00

I think to have a deep connection you have to have some depth, which seems to be lacking here but I could be wrong. I get nervous and act neurotic sometimes too and it can be charming! I think you focus too much on the attraction and not on who she actually is and what she’s about. Since right offf the bat yoh said they were 7,8s like why was that relevant?Maybe you didn’t ask any good questions cause you were nervous?

Practical-Macaroon38 · 2024-10-05T22:00:09+00:00

Your issues are psychological more than anything. The good news is that these can be fixe.

If you’re a good looking guy & have no problem getting matches on Hinge, then the issue here is that you’re not presenting yourself in a way that these women imagined that you would be.

You’re basically a false-frame-catfish. Idk what else to call it. Personality catfish? It doesn’t just have to be looks. I know this to be true because I’ve dealt with the same issue in the past.

Women are going on these dates because they’re probably imagining you to be a very confident, charismatic, flirty, fun, optimistic, secure guy.

Somewhere along the date you’re fucking it up in one of these departments, maybe even in multiple categorizes. Don’t overanalyze it because sometimes 2 people aren’t compatible & that’s just life, but I’d at least reflect a little on a few things.

How was your body-language throughout the date?

Did you give them a hug at first? Did you go in for a kiss? Do you maintain good eye contact with them & smile a little from time to time? Do you sit close to them? Did you put your hand on their hand, or onto their upper back & eventually onto their thighs? Did you ever play with their hair & tease them?

Next, what did you guys talk about? Was there any sexual/flirty chemistry throughout the date? Was she asking more questions than you? Were these all surface-level job interview type of questions or did you tease them with playful ones? Did you make them laugh?

Lastly, how do you believe that you make them feel? Did you make them feel like they have to win you over during the date or did you feel like you were chasing them the whole time? Did you feel the chemistry growing where they slowly became more vulnerable to you & opened up about themselves? Did you make them feel safe or were you looking around, acting very anxious or angry at times?

I can go on & on but all of this ties back to behavior. If you’re constantly trying to fight acting “awkward” or “insecure” then you’ll keep thinking about it & will keep acting that way. You need to care less & stop worrying about those things, even if they’re true. What you resist will persist. You don’t instantly stop becoming anxious, you just learn to handle it & act confident anyways throughout out.

I’d say, just continue going on more dates & learn from it. Who gives a fuck if you end up going 0 for 10. It doesn’t change your worth as a man, especially since you’re learning & becoming better overtime. That’s what has helped me & I’m still continually improving each day.

Lord_Asmodeus93 · 2024-10-05T14:40:19+00:00

"I sometimes lack that spark of confidence"

First of all, work on that. You said so yourself, you're a good-looking guy. Act like it.

No offence, but my best deduction from what you say is your whole success rate is based on looks alone.

You need to learn how to build attraction and comfort.

Think of attraction like a string (not that kind of string, get your mind out of the gutter). If you don't pull the string, there is 0 tension, so the string is loose; If you go overboard on the other hand, and pull too much, the string will break. What you want is to create enough tension between the two of you, without breaking the string. The act of her breaking the tension is what creates her attraction towards you.

Comfort is for when the attraction is established. If you try to create comfort before attraction, it will lead to the friend zone. If you don't establish it, she won't open up to you. Comfort is built up by creating rapport from her towards you. Most guys mess this up by trying too hard to get her approval. In fact, you need to think of it in reverse. You want to be the one who makes the fancy questions and giving approval based on her answers. You never seek her approval. She is the one who should seek yours.

Never say something just to fill the silence. Instead, aim that everything you say has a purpose of either creating calibrated tension or helps her establish comfort.

That's what I call the absolute basics of successful cold approach and/or dating.

Good luck out there.

SeamoreBo0bz · 2024-10-05T13:34:39+00:00

i think it's bc they're always chasing that dopamine hit.

after the first youre old news.

mabden · 2024-10-05T14:50:12+00:00

The first date should be fun, light, and short.

HomelessMilkman · 2024-10-05T15:41:49+00:00

I often find myself in my head, second-guessing everything and coming off as a bit neurotic, which I think is killing my chances.

Absolutely, everything goes out of the window when, in the moment, you don't feel 'good enough'.

These are all characteristics of self-doubt, low self-esteem, 'low status', of being in a situation that is too much pressure for you to handle. It practically shows that if you can't handle that situation, you're not going to comfortably handle if things do progress further, it's your 'cap'.

The solution is the opposite of what you're asking. 'Try less, trust more'. Being more self-conscious, monitoring how you're behaving, judging and analysing the situation, filtering yourself, etc. is the problem. You want to let go and give yourself the freedom to be expressive, engaging and so on.

Affectionate-Ant4888 · 2024-10-05T19:57:08+00:00

in my almost non existent experience but from what I 've read, and learnt, Im going to guess that is many of these things combined

-you are not interesting, you dont talk about interesting non technical non logical topics
- you dont escalate or do it very late, awkwardly going for the kiss in the end,

so yeap lol pretty much that is a deal breaker and girls are savage as hell, they have options and so if they see the interaction going down that path, they just give you the lets just be frineds or outright ghost you, so work on that, it's a processs like an algorithm, you start opening a set, creating interest, isolating the target, talking about meaningful stuff, escalating, all the way to the moment she is your bed, you know she likes you and so on and so forth hahaha

appolonysian · 2024-10-05T21:16:11+00:00

That hesitation and in the moment analyzing is deadly. Lead the date unabashedly toward where you want it to go and tease her along the way. Looks get you in the door, but acting right is what will keep you there.

No-Philosophy5461 · 2024-10-05T23:45:32+00:00

The only thing extra I would add is don't be a pushover on the first date or so. Some women just like and expect any man to bend to their every whim and get what they can out of them, also in the process you're just being overly nice and or laying on your back for someone you don't even know. So some might lose respect for you out of that and you don't seem like as much of a catch.

Split the bills at the restaurant, don't overly compliment her as in try to match only by as much as she compliments you when you're both getting to know each other. Obviously make the first move and all but if the energy isn't matched; bounce

Big_Accountant8489 · 2024-10-06T02:05:28+00:00

Id like to challenge you guys who go on first dates

The challenge is:

Show damn near 0 interest.

Watch your results change.

Act like you’d rather be doing something else.

Treat her a 8/9/10 like she’s a 5/6.

I bet you 9/10 times she’ll want a second date or you’ll get laid.

Known-Quantity1754 · 2024-10-06T05:05:20+00:00

Well… you said it yourself that you are “new to the whole dating and seduction game”. You just need to keep practicing until you become comfortable enough talking to women. You shouldn’t worry about women going cold after a first date. Just keep going out on dates with women.

I’m thinking that maybe your texting game is better than your irl convos. People get turned off by this cuz is a bait and switch. You talk a big game but when it comes down to it is flat. The only way to overcome this is by having self confidence and not caring what they think. The more you try the more they distance themselves. Hope this helps.

killallwomen2681 · 2024-10-05T18:57:30+00:00

Just start graping them at this point. The didferwnce between grape and consent is legit ur looks.

Title	How to get good on dates, why do they lose attraction after the date?
Author	UDAMAN123
Upvotes	41
Comments	32
Date	October 5, 2024 12:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fwouqw/how_to_get_good_on_dates_why_do_they_lose/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-get-good-on-dates-why-do-they-lose.1532126 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532126

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