I want a divorce but I’m too afraid. We have a house, I have a job, the kids are within reach. She is just so scary and terrible though. (That’s it in a nutshell.)

Cusetown11 · 2021-07-15T02:35:23+00:00

The best thing my wife ever did for me was discard me.. she is a narcissist.. through and through. She attempted to give me a two week notice and take the ultimate control. Except it backfired and I realized, with her gone I was a good fucking man. I have value and she is not a good person. She wanted me to disown my family. She wanted to isolate me more. She wanted to take the ultimate control. Instead I found out I am a good person. I have more to offer to thisWorld then she is willing to ever except. Do yourself a favor and just get on with it. She has problems and I was willing to accept all of them and work with her. Except she was unwilling to acknowledge any of them. She was unwilling to acknowledge any blame at all. In 10 years I literally I have heard zero apologies. My sons will suffer for us being apart but they will flourish seeing a good example from their father. Their mother will suffer in her misery and her drama. I will no longer be a part of that. Stand up for yourself and tell her to fuck off

jkw118 · 2021-07-14T23:14:54+00:00

So here's my thoughts.. My ex is BP2, Anxiety, Depression.. my youngest was 4 when we filed.. She told me about the divorce and I was able to come out on top (for the most part)..She went from barely able to get out of bed, (literally had to help her walk up the steps the day she told me about the divorce) Within 2 weeks of her telling me, she had gotten herself up out of bed almost daily, started going out to clubs/bars.. Within 3 weeks had updated her facebook page with a pic of herself and some guy, whom she moved in with..

So first if your seriously thinking about this (and man I think you need to for yours and your children's sake) Talk to a lawyer first get it filed. Think about your kids, whom would they prefer to live with.. The reality here is at least in my case their safer with me. My ex to a large extent her issues and her mentality on all of it, made her practically negligent to the kids. Their were times I'd get home, and her parents hadn't stopped by and I'd find cereal boxes and food on the floor.. Because the kids had helped themselves (they were hungry, I don't blame them) they couldn't wake her up.. (even with the threat of being yelled at by her)

You need to document everything how much she's around them, and your around them.. Any issues/situations that arise.

My ex wanted me to move out, and basically stop at the house daily to take care of the kids so she could hit bars. And for me to continue to pay for everything. It came down to her telling me to get out.. And me telling her, that if she really wants me to leave we'll go to a lawyer and have them give us both full psych and parenting/guardian examinations (their's some term for it I can't remember) I don't have sole custody, but I have primary. She said all sorts of things yelling etc.. my statement and you should follow. "This isn't about you or me, it's about who is best for these kids to live with." Percentages/how much etc. can be sorted out in court. This does two things, it allowed me to say and mean it, I want what's best for these kids I'm willing to be tested (however they do that, and to get psych evals, see counselors etc) My ex first of all though dr's are a joke to give her whatever medication she felt she needed, secondly that counselors were a waste of time. Within two days she told me she was moving out, as she knew she had issues, but I didn't know she had BP2, and several other issues apparently. And has fought any and all ways in which this stuff may end up in court.

https://www.familylawrights.net/blog/how-to-prove-you-are-the-better-parent/

I will say their are several times where she almost hit me, heck once I dared her to. Right in front of her parents, and she almost did. And I'd said nothing wrong other then saying that she needed to get help, and that a hospital would be a starting point.

One thing is never get violent, you always need to be the reasonable one physically be ready to walk away from a fight. But not out the door. If she chases/starts a fight / (hits, kicks etc..) walk away and call the cops.

whnyrhppyndyknwt · 2021-07-14T21:23:10+00:00

When you get tired of being unsatisfied / unhappy there won't be a question...

letak2018 · 2021-07-15T02:43:02+00:00

Here’s the thought that broke me out of your mindset: I owe it to my kids to model a better relationship for them.

sicrm · 2021-07-14T22:55:58+00:00

talk to a lawyer to see how a divorce is would go and what you could do to get yourself the best deal for yourself and custody while you work on your exit plan.

NoEntertainment3490 · 2021-07-14T23:10:32+00:00

If you pull the trigger, be ready for war friend. If I were you I’d create a game plan before making her aware of your intentions. Finances, lawyer consult, therapy, etc. Divorce is a hard road and the decisions and actions you make now can have life long implications

timepass1977 · 2021-07-15T03:07:53+00:00

feels like we are talking about the same person! I am in the exact same situation - feeling caged, waiting for the younger one to grow up slightly but can’t take the daily to hourly mad raging abuse from her that’s escalated into death threats daily, asking me to move out while she’s unemployed and hardly does one thing right in a given day other than watching TV and yelling at everyone in family. It’s hard to find a lawyer who’s ready to take my case - maybe I shouldn’t mention that my wife is suspected NPD/BPD case - extremely disagreeable and downright vile and vicious to no end. Scary! And possibly scaring the lawyers away too who knows.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2021-07-15T04:50:13+00:00

Therapy helped me a lot.

I married my BPD mom without realizing it. Whoops.

Qxc4 · 2021-07-14T18:43:03+00:00

I feel you bro. Just a thought, but try writing her a letter that it's time to discuss a divorce. Getting your thoughts down in the letter might help you know, once and for all, that it's really time. Be positive where you can, "maybe we can both be happier and healthier apart," "I will never say an ill-word about you to our children," "we'll both have a chance for a new start" etc.) Then, if the letter confirms in your heart that it's really time, leave the letter for her and give her a day to process it. With any luck, she'll say she's reached the same point. Even then, the next 6-12 months will be difficult, but you'll start to feel faint glimmers of hope that you'll be better off in the long run.

Bioshock_Jock · 2021-07-14T18:38:53+00:00

How old are your kids and is it just you she is horrible to? Need some more context.

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