When does the guilt end?

PE_Norris · 2020-07-28T21:20:57+00:00

let go, or be dragged

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2020-07-28T21:39:34+00:00

It wasn't until I went no contact with my wife that I was able to really get my head on straight. Therapy has also been a huge help.

Congrats on the welding! Man, I used to love to do that. I was the king of booger welds, but it's still fun. Wish I'd worn a respirator, and gotten a auto darkening helmet sooner.

Brokenbyher2019 · 2020-07-28T21:42:27+00:00

While I wish i was at your point - I'm still stuck in the divorce process- my comment is to help you.

Its normal to feel the way you do right now

But if after another 6 months you're still feeling the same, promise yourself too;

Exercise until it makes you puke.

Scream or cry or both into your pillow or car when you're alone.

Swear to yourself that if, if you find someone else later that you wont ever let it get this far again... that means you have to be healthy enough both physically and mentally to put up or walk away when it makes sense. Easy to say, hard to do.

Lastly take solace in knowing that you're not the first to go through this and many, nah most, come out and continue living on.

Brother there is no cure all for what ills us - save time and healing over time.

I really really want my healing process to speed up... but well...

warrior_up · 2020-07-28T22:14:48+00:00

Let go of the hope and accept that it’s over and it’s time to put the hard hat back on and rebuild

Denial and hope is still lingering in your heart, trust me it sucks and takes time, acceptAn extra is the key BUT the feeling Of being robbed will always be there

JohnnyMnemo · 2020-07-28T22:22:37+00:00

Translate the guilt into learnings, about what you can, will, and need to do better next time.

What part did you play? What led you to those actions? How will you recognize those actions again, and what will you change when you see them start to trigger?

You should own your mistakes. In doing so, learn what in you needs to change to be a good partner. Your marriage was a learning experience that could just make you stronger.

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-07-29T00:23:24+00:00

> Divorce was finalized 4 months ago.

> I still have feelings for her

> my self worth is in the toilet

> It's probably too early to date anyways.

It absolutely is too early to date. Read this: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=81647

heretothemoon · 2020-07-29T03:26:59+00:00

" I wasn't perfect but really wanted to put the work in, counseling, etc. She didn't."

That's usually the case. Marriages will fail 100% of the time if one of the party doesn't care to try. I will warn you, I'm 99% sure she will try and reach out to you again. It's pretty common. Don't let her. I know its hard. But...she doesn't want to get back together. She just needs an ego boost.

"I know she cares about me" Look brother, I don't want to come off as some incel and shit on her just because she's a woman. But she probably doesn't care. And i promise she cares WAAY less than you. Do you know why she didn't want to put in the work? Because she doesn't give a shit. Props to you for breaking off communication! YOu have no kids...no reason to ever talk or communicate again.

MyNewNormal808 · 2020-07-29T10:30:20+00:00

I hear you brother. I’m in the divorce process but like you it’s going smoothly (crossed fingers). Like you my STBXW is a good person and I still have feelings for her but it’s not going to be reciprocated. I also have guilt for not recognizing we had major problems until it was too late. It’s part of the process to mourn the loss of the marriage. I know I have to just keep working on myself and then one day the hurt, pain, sadness will be gone. I’m getting there slowly, but still have a ways to go. Hang in there.

cosmicjoker1776 · 2020-07-29T14:39:14+00:00

Seriously, give yourself time to greive. Be kind to yourself and allow your feelings to happen. When you are ready, then and only then you won't feel guilt or remorse or anything else about it and can move on.

eyeyamyy · 2020-07-29T17:09:06+00:00

I'll let you know when I figure it out but I'm earlier in the process than you are so I hope you get there first. Most of the things that have helped me gain a little ground have already been said.

Thanks for posting, a lot of people here seemed to externalize their pain as anger, it's comforting to hear from other people that internalize it instead.

syro23 · 2020-07-29T20:07:05+00:00

Hopefully you are still getting some exercise even with the gym closed. Everybody needs it and it will help you mentally as well as physically. Bare minimum do some push ups sit ups and something to get your heart rate up.

Good luck!

sky-bae · 2020-08-07T13:21:04+00:00

You will get through this, it takes time. One day you will wake up and realize it’s ok and your ready to be happy and leave it in the past. Break ups/ divorce are sad and hurt. It’s not something you should just be over or your heart was never in it. Take the time to realize what happened and grieve.

Noseatbeltnoairbag · 2020-07-31T00:23:32+00:00

Hi. I'm sorry you're going through this. I was wondering--why did you guys divorce? I (37F) was served papers 2 months ago by my (34M) husband. We were only married for 2 years and like you, no kids.

We had every problem in the book from differences in religion to problems with intimacy, communication, problem solving, and even failure to cut mom's apron strings on his part. In spite of all the problems we had on his end, and even being served 2 weeks after he suddenly told me he was leaving, I still love him.

I knew he was unhappy. I had been unhappy, but I didn't want to divorce. Even now, I want him back, but changed. I too have feelings of guilt for the part I played.

I recently realized that my only successful relationship ended when I was 19. (Wow, I know). Since then, I've have more of relationship-ettes, or attempts at a relationship. I have been single for a 13 years of during my twenties and thirties, and now with a failed marriage of 22 months. We only dated and had engagement for a total of 7 months, so I guess that's where a big part of our problem was.

Even though I know our relationship wasn't healthy, I still miss him so much. I'm healing and slowly getting better, but I have my mountain and valley moments.

Are you in any way interested in maybe getting back together with her one day?

Title	When does the guilt end?
Author	aray0220
Upvotes	5
Comments	31
Date	July 28, 2020 9:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/hzn9e3/when_does_the_guilt_end/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-does-the-guilt-end.818019 https://theredarchive.com/post/818019

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