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An Open Letter to the White Fathers of Black Daughters: In which our hero bashes her dad for the sin of being white, picking her up too early from a hair appointment, and obnoxiously supporting her sexuality

DougDante

March 28, 2015
95 upvotes
/r/MensRights
https://archive.today/EgJos
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Title An Open Letter to the White Fathers of Black Daughters: In which our hero bashes her dad for the sin of being white, picking her up too early from a hair appointment, and obnoxiously supporting her sexuality
Author

DougDante

Upvotes 95
Comments 79
Date March 28, 2015 8:55 PM UTC
(11 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/30mur6/an_open_letter_to_the_white_fathers_of_black/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/an-open-letter-to-the-white-fathers-of-black.984607
https://theredarchive.com/post/984607
Red Pill terms in post
feminism
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Comments

[–]KrisK_lvin 44 points45 points46 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I am not religious, yet I try to live a good, by which I mean an ethical, life.

So it genuinely pains me to say that I fervently hope that if what this girl says is true and that if she truly believes what she says then I profoundly hope she lives to regret every single word of this article, that she may be only 20, but that by the age of 30 (if not earlier) she comes to feel ashamed of what she has written there.

In the meantime, perhaps she would like to read this

[–]mellonandenter 43 points44 points45 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Not even in the back, she drove a dagger straight in her father's chest. My best guess is that she took her first PSYCH/ANTHRO/SOCIO 101 classes and is bursting with 'perspective.'

[–]the_leander 40 points41 points42 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

An acquaintance asked me once, upon finding out that I was half white, what it felt like to have a colonized body.

What the ever loving fuck?

Yes, I get that the letter as a whole is going go down like a sucking chest wound to her dad, but I have to wonder if a lot of the reasoning behind it is down to poisonous shit like the above.

Colonized? Really?

In unrelated news, I may be in need of a new toucan.

[–]kettchan 12 points13 points14 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

What does having a "colonized body" even mean? It implies that people of different races can't love each other. That is some toxic thinking.

[–]garglemesh42 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Given that people's bodies have all sorts of random bacteria and mites living in / on them, more or less symbiotically ... saying that she has a colonized body makes sense, but it doesn't make her special. All humans are that way. It certainly isn't a result of her racial heritage. Of course, I'm sure that what she meant is something far less sensical than what I've said.

Wait, what? Sensical isn't a word but nonsensical is?! Dang it, English! Why you be so weird?

[–]3dPrintedEmotions 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I'm interested in hearing what "a colonized body" is.

In other news get one that looks like Toucan Sam, that fella kept me company at the breakfast table growing up and I like him (so naturally you should get one that fits my desires)

[–]LoneRanger21 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That just sounds like a bad sex joke.

Throughout the ages, men of the sea have struggled long and hard to breach upon a tropical shore & colonize it's bountiful inland.

[–]Sabz5150 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I have to wonder if a lot of the reasoning behind it is down to poisonous shit like the above.

Wonder not. The proper response to a question like that is "FUCK YOU, DRINK BLEACH."

[–]5MC 47 points48 points49 points 11 years ago (45 children) | Copy Link

This is one of the most disgustingly racist things I've ever read. Just wtf.

[+]MoreDblRainbows -51 points-50 points-49 points 11 years ago* (44 children) | Copy Link

What was racist? And honestly if you haven't seen anything more racist than that you're not trying very hard

[–][deleted] 47 points48 points49 points 11 years ago (43 children) | Copy Link

for all he's done and sacrificed for her, she just can't get over the level of pigmentation of his skin. how can you call that anything but racist?

[+]MoreDblRainbows -40 points-39 points-38 points 11 years ago (42 children) | Copy Link

Her gripe didn't seem to be with the fact that he was White but that they never talked about race, which obviously affects her life. But whatever. I expected downvotes and got them.

[–]baskandpurr[🍰] 49 points50 points51 points 11 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link

He appears in a 'black' hairdressing salon and she is embarrassed at his whiteness. How is that not about race? What if a black father turned up in a 'white' hairdressing salon and his daughter was embarassed. Would that also not be about race?

[+]MoreDblRainbows -40 points-39 points-38 points 11 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

She was a child then...

She felt uncomfortable being in a Black space with her dad serving as a reminder that she is different from the other Black girls. . Can you not see how that would be awkward for her?

[–]DougDante[S] 44 points45 points46 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

And she gained so much perspective from being a grown woman.

[–]baskandpurr[🍰] 21 points22 points23 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I can see a child or teenager be embarrassed that way. But that doesn't make this not about race. Even if she was embarrassed by her father's race in that context she doesn't need to adopt that mindset. She certainly didn't need to write a blog about how she resents him for it.

At some point she will realise how insulting this is and she will deeply regret it. I suspect her father will forgive her. But this is such a cruel thing to write that it could only come from someone who has lost real perspective. She thinks her race is more important than her father. There's no indication that it matters to him, quite the opposite.

[+]MoreDblRainbows -19 points-18 points-17 points 11 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link

First let me be clear, I didn't say it wasn't about Race. It clearly is. I said it wasn't racist. I think that because I don't think she hates him because he's White(in fact, I don't think she hates him at all but whatever). I think she's resentful of the fact that they never discussed race together and that her race was something that she talked about with her mother and not with her father even though it played a large role in her life. Basically I think she felt there was a big pink elephant in the room that was never discussed.

[–]baskandpurr[🍰] 11 points12 points13 points 11 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

Dad, you are a white man

Somehow, you feel like a white man first and my dad second

You are accountable to a life that is squarely outside of the jurisdiction of the whiteness that swaddles you

When I become Black Girl, you become White Man, and we are not each other’s anymore.

I could not ask you these questions and share these experiences with you, Dad, because you were implicated as a white man

Of course its racist and she's the one who is choosing to make it that way. In case you're going to fall back to the "black people can't be racist" argument, she's not black. Perhaps the 50% of her that is white is being racist? Exactly how much white does it require anyway?

[+]MoreDblRainbows -9 points-8 points-7 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't believe that to be the case. She felt uncomfortable talking about race, obviously so did he. It created a kind of "no go zone" even when faced with obviously racial things they chose to ignore it rather than talk it out. I would put the responsibility on both of them except that he was the adult.

As unfortunate as it may be in today's society, race at least for most Black people (I can't really say for White people) is a part of your identity to feel like you can't share that with your father must be a strange experience. That is literally all I got out of that article. If you want to read that she is part of the New Black Panther Party and wants to kill Whitey, have at it. I think I've made my point as clear as it's going to be made.

Still don't know what this has to do with Men's Rights...

[+]MoreDblRainbows -8 points-7 points-6 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Of course its racist and she's the one who is choosing to make it that way. In case you're going to fall back to the "black people can't be racist" argument, she's not black. Perhaps the 50% of her that is white is being racist? Exactly how much white does it require anyway

I'm not sure why you edited this in after I commented. But what the hell are you talking about? When did I say or even imply that Black people couldn't be racist? I don't think its racist because it says nothing of her hating/disliking/demeaning/feeling superior to him because of his race.

[–]FinleytheHuman 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Fine, why is she bitching about it at the 20. The entire article is this "dad you're white and we never talked about it" like dad doesn't know these things. Of course he fucking knows, but he doesn't give a damn what the world thinks. He just cares for his daughter. Not his black daughter, his daughter.

[–]levelate 10 points11 points12 points 11 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

firstly, you are a moron and a bigot.

she/he felt uncomfortable being in a white space with her dad serving as a reminder that she is different....'

can YOU not see how that is awkward....and if you can't (i can already see your idiotic privilege+oppression+skin colour+astrological sign...etc...working), then feeling awkward isn't oppression.

you, that is you as a person, are searching for oppression.

find another path.

[+]MoreDblRainbows -17 points-16 points-15 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

I'm neither a moron nor a bigot, but thanks.

can YOU not see how that is awkward

Yes, yes I can. All you did was change one word.

I also never said nor implied she was oppressed just that race had strained her relationship with her dad, so not sure where you're going with that one.

I'm not searching for anything as I didn't write this article nor post it in a barely relevant sub.

Have A Great Day.

[–]levelate 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

i'm sure...

keep up that level of intellectual honesty, and you will do great here.....

[+]MoreDblRainbows -11 points-10 points-9 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Not sure what this means, but I'll take that to mean that since I disagree with you and can't be put in a box to be dismissed by you that I must be "intellectually dishonest". LOL. Good times

Just for clarity here's another example. My friend who is half-Chinese was at our friends house when we were younger. It was late and his mom came to get him, she had a heavy accent and essentially was the stereotype of the little old Asian woman. He got really embarrassed. Is he racist against Asians or naw?

[–]intensely_human 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

and can you not see how that awkwardness is caused by racism?

[–]MoreDblRainbows 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

posted my opinion elsewhere in this thread

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 11 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

Her gripe didn't seem to be with the fact that he was White but that they never talked about race

Really? "White" (and variants like "whiteness") was her third most used word. The first two were "you" and "I." The fourth was "me." Those 4 words ("you," "I," "white," and "me") comprise 22% of all words in the piece. Use http://textalyser.net/ if you don't believe me.

Furthermore, the usages are disturbing. His whiteness is a handicap. Her blackness is a handicap and a mark on his whiteness. It's gross.

She is obsessed with his skin color.

[+]MoreDblRainbows -8 points-7 points-6 points 11 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

I don't get what the facts you brought up (which I totally believe) have to do with the part you quoted.

She may very well be obsessed with skin color as a biracial person in America I'm sure she has thought about race A LOT.

[–]ICumInUrDad 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

Good for her. Unfortunately nobody is a mind reader and she needs to pull her big girl pants up and start conversations she wants to have. To harbor so much resentment as an adult towards her father for the reasons listed is so fucking disgusting that I don't even care if she's racist - she's far worse.

[–]MoreDblRainbows -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

I agree that it would be in her best interest to start the conversation. I disagree that she is a racist or "worse" but that's a matter of opinion I guess

[–]ICumInUrDad -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

No it isn't. Any person with half a brain knows she's trash.

[–]MoreDblRainbows -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

your definition of opinion is odd

[–]xxxholly 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure she has thought about race A LOT.

Yes, racists usually do think about it a lot.

Dad on the other hand probably just loved her as his daughter rather than his black daughter.

[–]YabuSama2k 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You showed up early and came inside, even though I explicitly told you not to.

This is an adult woman looking back disapprovingly at her father's actions when she was 12. Did you order your parents around like this? The issue is not about a lack of dialogue concerning racial matters. She felt her father should have been humble about being white she has a problem with him to this day because he wasn't ashamed of who he was.

[–]MoreDblRainbows -5 points-4 points-3 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

This is an adult woman looking back disapprovingly at her father's actions when she was 12

I read that as 12 year old her, but it really really doesn't matter, what are you trying to convince me of? .

she has a problem with him to this day because he wasn't ashamed of who he was.

I didn't get this at all. In fact, she says that she wished her father had taught her some way to combat the "colonized body" statement that the other girl said. Now that was racist.

This is not about a lack of dialogue concerning racial matters.

The entire thing is about a lack of dialogue concerning racial matters. That is the point of it.

That will be my last on this, I think I've made my point abundantly clear if anyone wants to read it. No one has to agree with me.

[–]intensely_human 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Well one of her gripes was for walking into a black salon and ruining her "black sanctuary" with his whiteness.

[–]MegaRapist 72 points73 points74 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Such an ungrateful little cunt

[+]MoreDblRainbows -52 points-51 points-50 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Why is this upvoted?

[–]baskandpurr[🍰] 53 points54 points55 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Because she's an ungrateful cunt.

[–]seego79 28 points29 points30 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

accuracy probably.

[–]ZimbaZumba 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Because she is a self absorbed little madam. She seems to ignore her "good father" privilege.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that if she's in college, she's not studying STEM.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]ZimbaZumba 16 points17 points18 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

20 yrs down the road she will regret that article.

[–]Wargame4life 15 points16 points17 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

TL:DR Moronic feminist fucks up her own happiness by being a racist bitch.

[–]solaria_mra 17 points18 points19 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This sounds like an absolutely wretched human being.

[–]dangerousopinions 9 points10 points11 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Is she the illegitimate black daughter of a white slave owner or an upper middle class biracial girl? Because the tone of her writing would give one the impression that some of the things that she's experienced were in some way difficult or upsetting. I see no evidence of that however. Cry me a fucking river, your dad rushed you at the 'sacred' hair salon. If that's even memorable as an adult you've had a pretty easy life.

[–]bbtech 8 points9 points10 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

High Maintenance doesn't even begin to describe this girl......just reading (with a lot of skipping) was exhausting! Rarely do you see someone so overtly self centered....

[–]Wikdcard345 9 points10 points11 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

The racism of this woman is breathtaking. Change the colours of the actors and this crap would have been banned in a heartbeat. Horrible little bitch to have as a daughter. I would bet that the 75% of AA children that don't get to have a father at all would have taken her father off her hands in a heartbeat.

[–]s1500 15 points16 points17 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

A sad read. Seems like a perfectly good father who didn't see race at all, and her daughter stabs him in the back when she went full SJW. The only racial barriers are the ones she's putting up.

[–]scanspeak 7 points8 points9 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

By the way dad, can I have $200?

[–]solaria_mra -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

^ This wins.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Also this.

Be prepared to enter the world of the mentally disturbed.

[–]garglemesh42 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Holy shit, she's gone full SJW-retard! That's the most racist, sexist thing I've read in ... a while.

[–]DougDante[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I envy all-American white women for being everything I seek to be.

sad

[–]YabuSama2k 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

What a spoiled, racist brat. He was clearly there for her and he didn't abuse her. She is lucky as all hell to have a father at all, let alone one who obviously gave a shit the way he did. She should spend some time with people who had real problems growing up.

[–]darkstar1031 4 points5 points6 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

this has got to be the most racist thing I have ever read.

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[–]higherprimate718 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

gross

[–]Sabz5150 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Christwagons, I can't even get around the pissed off to write a clear response to this. As a "white father of a black daughter", her words cut deep. There is something fundamentally wrong with this girl's upbringing, and from personal experience I cannot hold the mother completely innocent in this. It is her responsibility as well to help her daughter understand her background and where she comes from... fuck, even my succubus of an ex was caring enough to make sure of that.

Never once, not even ONCE has my race or my daughter's race(s) ever been an issue for ANYONE. I've taken my daughter to family gatherings down in southern podunk where some of the older people still call them "coloreds" and never has she felt embarrased or ashamed of her race (she tells me her family in the Bayou are worse), nor does anyone fuck with her over it. She recognizes that she is biracial but beyond a neat family tree, race has never been a sticking point. I've had to go into "black salons", too and the worst reaction I had was "Are you lost?"

I'm sorry if this was less of a coherent post and more mindless rambling, but I felt that dagger all the way over here. This guy should give her a call

God DAMN that was some hurtful shit...

[–]DougDante[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I understand, and I'm glad you're a good dad to your daughter.

I think she's just trying to impress her feminist sisters, and publicly condemning dad is a way to show her allegiance and to fit in.

Mostly, I don't even think she realizes how hateful she sounds.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow. That article reads like an angst ridden Facebook post from a 14 year old girl.

[–]Scimitar66 -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The entitlement this woman displays physically fucking hurts.

[+]chavelah -17 points-16 points-15 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

Meh. For a 20-year-old from a broken home, that was pretty darn balanced. She'll be ashamed of it when she's 30... but hell, who isn't ashamed at 30 of how narcissistic they were at 20?

Oh, and the hair thing was appalling. If the mom couldn't handle it herself, she should have given the dad the information he needed to not fuck up at the salon. You do NOT walk out mid-processing, and men of any color usually don't walk in at all. If I, the Snow Queen, know this, then the white father of a black daughter damn well should have.

[–]lazydonovan 11 points12 points13 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Why would any man "know" not to go into the salon where his daughter is getting her hair done? Was there a meeting in high school that I slept through where they discussed this?

[+]chavelah -10 points-9 points-8 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

If so, I also slept through it. But I managed to realize in adulthood, despite my extreme whiteness, the women don't typically walk into Black barbershops and men don't typically walk into Black salons, and that a white guy walking in and making a fuss about how long it was taking and the TAKING HIS KID OUT WITH HER HAIR HALF-DONE is humiliating and inappropriate. He should have known better. Whether it is his fault for being willfully clueless, or the mother's fault for not involving him in the hair-care regime and teaching him the social norms, I cannot say.

[–]lazydonovan 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The only thing he did that was unacceptable was to pull his daughter out with her hair half done. This isn't a frickin' women's shower, it's a hair salon.

[–]Sabz5150 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

And gods help them both if the hairdresser didn't get the relaxer out... here, dip your head in this lava flow.

[–]kettchan 13 points14 points15 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

As a point of perspective, there is a whole other world that white men only see in flickers. Even married to a black woman, I don't get to see all of this world. I likely never will.

I do think that the author of the post linked needs to reevaluate where she is coming from. Never attribute to malice, when ignorance is a simpler explanation. Most parents try their best, but none are perfect and I hope she doesn't get so quagmired in the SJW blame game that she loses sight of a father that sounds like he loved her completely.

[–]chavelah 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I totally agree. I just think that if she is already seeing past herself enough at age 20 to know that she was loved and that the broken-home thing pained her father terribly, she's likely to make the rest of the journey to being a decent adult daughter.

[–]MrFlesh 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I think there is a heavy dose of belief built into the race issue and not "getting it" is like not "getting it" with scientology.

[+]MoreDblRainbows -18 points-17 points-16 points 11 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

This has what to do with men's rights?

Sounds like a young girl who has a positive relationship with her father but one that never discussed race because it was awkward for both of them to talk about and left little holes in their relationship . The language got a little overly ambitious but damn I think some of you need to relax.

[–]Rex9 16 points17 points18 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

You really have missed the mark worse than she did. She's at a point in her life where she wants to blame everyone but herself. So she's got a divorced "white" dad who's doing everything he can in the time he's allowed (reference to having to take her back to "mom's house"). I guarantee you that he could give a shit less about the color of her skin.

She's going to regret this selfish, self-centered piece-of-shit article one day. There's not a perfect parent in the world, but she's blaming him for every little imperfection, and making up a shitload more. She's expressing her OWN insecurities, not her father's faults. She's acting like a spoiled brat.

[+]MoreDblRainbows -9 points-8 points-7 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I don't think the point was that he was some racist dad or a horrible person or that he loved her less for her skin color just that he didn't realize how much her race affected her life and thus their relationship.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

She has a father that appears to love her unconditionally and all she can do is complain about his faults. Not racist perhaps but incredibly immature. Her most disturbing memory is when her dad had the audacity to tell her to hurry up a hair appointment in front of...gasp...real black folk. The fucking nerve of a father not completely acquiescing to his teen girls social life.

[–]MoreDblRainbows -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Fair enough, butt she is 20 years old, someone literally described this as the most racist thing they have ever read. That is outrageous.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I too was an idiot at twenty so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for her naive views. However if you take this article at its strictest face value it is pretty damn racist.

[–]MoreDblRainbows -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm quite done arguing over an article that has little to do with Mens' Rights. Ultimately, whether this girl is racist or not doesn't matter to me all that much. If you want my opinion read my about 8 thousand other posts in this thread.

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