Advice needed

RaiderCC16 · 2024-07-04T17:52:58+00:00

As always yall come in with the hard cold truth and tell it how it is without sugarcoating it and I fucking love it! Thanks bros!

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-07-04T17:51:29+00:00

I'll tell you what she's doing. She's getting fucked by other men.

Yes, that's what's your worried she's doing. yes, that's exactly what she is doing. Much more of it than she ever did with you.

Once you accept that, and understand that means it's 100% over, you'll stop caring with time.

Best rest assured, while you're sitting worrying about who she is talking too, she's getting plowed.

It's the reason she left in the first place, after all

stupididiot78 · 2024-07-04T06:00:36+00:00

Go ahead and think of all the guys she's seeing now. Do you really want to be with someone lime that?

rsmiley77 · 2024-07-03T20:58:34+00:00

Easy you just do. It…

A) doesn’t matter

B) is a waste of your time thinking about it

C) her loss she isn’t with you

Stop moping and spend your energy on you. You only get one life. Stop wasting days on the past.

capnjackstation · 2024-07-03T19:23:15+00:00

Better to rip the bandaid off. She’s doing what they all do. Riding the carousel. Living like a teenager. Even if she’s not it’s best to picture this way for your own sake to detach. They have it better at first but time is on our side.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-07-03T14:54:07+00:00

What you are feeling is totally normal. It takes time to get her out of your DNA. Soon what she does will not matter a hill of beans. Takes time.

BlackSun56 · 2024-07-03T14:47:02+00:00

It gets easier man. I went from “I’ll always love her as she’s the mother of my three kids” to “FUCK HER she’s a lying cheating stealing manipulating selfish bitch and may God have mercy on the next guys life she completely destroys”.

It just takes time. Focus on you. Hit the gym. Read books. Date when you’re ready. See that therapist. Do the work. In time you’ll realize that you are actually better off without her, and that maybe she actually wasn’t your best friend for all those years, it was more a matter of circumstance and convenience than anything else. The kids will figure it out too.

And then you’ll meet a new woman who is a true partner, loves you and your kids, has a career that she’s proud of, and is an absolute demon in the sack. You will feel respected, you will honor her, your heart will be full, your balls will be empty, and your ex will be lost and realizing she totally fucked herself.

Be patient. It will all come true.

Embarrassed-Steak331 · 2024-07-03T14:38:16+00:00

Yeah, it sucks. Ruminating is common. As nearly every therapist says, recognize the feelings, accept them as legitimate, and park them to the side. Even if you can't control what you think, you can control how you act. It takes a lot of willpower at times. But it's a win when it happens. I felt better every time I let stuff roll off of me.

Still, it's not easy if she's right there. Dunno if you own or rent. If you rent, I'd focus on getting out of there. Moving was cathartic for me. I sold, donated, and threw away half a house. It felt awesome to clean, go minimalist, and sleep in my own bed. That was a solid solid win for me.

Owning is a different story without easy answers as ownership becomes a concern.

andy2m · 2024-07-03T13:29:09+00:00

I’m only about a year out ; answer is you need to look at yourself before anyone else, keep busy and try to move forward inch my inch. This hurt isn’t going away any time soon.

Curiosity will take hold, don’t beat yourself up about it as it’s all part of the process and will heal with time. She left and no doubt it leaves a resounding why /how and it’s natural to look at her current life and try to fill in those blanks. Try and take that curiosity and direct it inwards; What do you want your life to be like, how can you find a new passion, where does your future lie and what does the path to your future look like.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-07-03T13:16:37+00:00

Inertia is your enemy.

Keep occupied.

If you can't do something to improve your career or your body, then volunteer with an organization that helps people directly.

UsefulMasterpiece261 · 2024-07-03T13:13:09+00:00

I've had these same thoughts. It really is difficult to manage at first. The best advice I've seen is just time, space, and staying busy. Find things to keep yourself occupied (gym, hobbies, friends) and set goals for yourself. Make sure you aren't seeing her in socials (block everything) and maybe even don't text with her (use a special app or email for kids exchange). That separation is important in allowing you to move on with life. Good luck!

Title	Advice needed
Author	RaiderCC16
Upvotes	8
Comments	14
Date	July 3, 2024 1:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dudyp5/advice_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/advice-needed.1523126 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523126

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