Amicable

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-12-08T20:14:53+00:00

Get that term out of your head. Use words like respectful, fair, realistic and reasonable. That’s what you are after. This is a business deal where you are negotiating an outcome where both of you lose.

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2023-12-08T19:11:46+00:00

Sure. If you're capable then do it. There's no benefit to being unamicable...

Respond with the level of aggression needed to counter hers.

SkeptiCynical · 2023-12-08T19:35:34+00:00

Money.

Any divorce that's less than friendly means your cost of divorcing multiplies many, many times. Amicable uncontested divorce with no kids / custody can be had for $500 in many states.

After divorce, you have no obligations, so the benefits of being amicable don't matter.

WartimeDad · 2023-12-08T19:51:34+00:00

In my opinion amicable is the only strategy any party should take. The non amicable party is almost always the problem. That includes the mother filing a flurry of motions to kick it off. 90% of the time she is the problem. She could have just done it amicably.

And even later, remaining amicable is the only rational thing you can do imo.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-12-08T19:59:21+00:00

Yes. It's a business deal at this point. Both parties should be content with what they walk away with. The problem is obviously some think a 80/20 split of marital assets is fair. 🤣 The more conflict, the more money is spent, which makes attorneys rich. After the divorce? No. Co-parent amicably if needed, but that's it.

chicken_po_boy · 2023-12-08T22:55:17+00:00

Ex and I had an amicable split. 16 year marriage and 2 kids. We have 50/50 placement of the 2 kids. We split assets 53/47 (me/her). I pay C/S per state formula but no alimony even though I make almost 2x what she makes. She got the house, I got more of the retirement savings. I pay the kids' college funds and their health insurance. We both got what we wanted. We get along better now than we did when we were married, and the kids are better off because mom and dad are cooperative. The whole divorce cost us about $1300 because we didn't each hire lawyers. Start to finish was 4.5 months. You can definitely be better off if you can have an amicable divorce. The hardest part was that my Ex had all her girlfriends giving her bad advice; they all told her to get a lawyer and fight me for every penny. I'm glad she didn't listen to them because otherwise we would have spent tens of thousands and would have landed in the same place... except we'd no longer be friends and cooperative parents.

pk2at · 2023-12-08T22:02:59+00:00

It depends on what you are getting in return for being amicable, take 50-50 asset split as the worst case and if you get a deal, lets say 90-10 asset split in your favor, you can be amicable

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-12-08T21:16:07+00:00

Amicable is good. Hostility leads to more legal fees and worse emotional struggles.

But I'd say the big problem is that many times both people want amicable at the onset but then when they get into the specifics it gets difficult.

Examples from my divorce:

who gets to determine where the kids go to school? Because that parent might move 45 minutes away then pick the school next to their house. Which then gives the other parent 3 hours of driving to pick up and drop off the kids on their time
how do you calculate the asset split? My ex ended up first saying that she wanted to freeze the values based on the time of filing, but then renegged and wanted to get current values which ended up including my work bonus
what is fair child support? A lot of states have completely backward ways of calculating child support. Mine did. Just as an example, my kids health insurance (paid by mom and part of child support) costs a total of 160. Before and after calculating that input, I was paying a difference of $180 more. So $20 a month over the total when my ex should have been paying nearly half of it anyways.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-12-08T22:18:56+00:00

I have seen it but it is rare. Good if it can be done. But both of you need to be grounded in economic reality and on the same page when it comes to the children . Then you can treat it like a business transaction.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-12-09T01:21:13+00:00

You want to be as cooperative as possible which is somewhat tied to amicable. There were many times in my divorce where cooperation would have helped both sides both mentally and financially. Didn't happen. Her choice.

After the divorce? Just a question of drama. Drama free would be the way to go in my opinion. Didn't happen. Again, her choice.

bungleweed · 2023-12-09T09:54:03+00:00

I did. Mainly because she was riddled with guilt about her affair. So I made sure to get the divorce done fast on the best terms for me and my son. I was probably in hindsight quite lucky compared to most I see here.

If you can be amicable that’s best for all and you’ll probably save a lot in legal fees. However it’s not always possible of course but if the option is there that’s the way to go.

Title	Amicable
Author	Flimsy_Nectarine5797
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	December 8, 2023 6:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18dtnk2/amicable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/amicable.1240203 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240203

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