First time poster here.

My wife of 10+ years and I have been unhappy for a long time. She makes me feel small and weak, I make her feel unappreciated, and it’s just been a cycle of mutually antagonistic behavior for a long time (although I can honestly say I have made considerable more efforts in this regard to swallow it down and be the bigger person). To top it off our skills in communication are and have been simply non-existent.

We have a beautiful 5 year old daughter together and she is the primary focus of both our lives and she is mutually loved and loves back. But we’ve never felt like a family unit as sad as that is to admit. It’s always been me and my daughter and my wife and my daughter. A lot of this is because of my wife’s crazy work hours and the fact that I’m a work from home/stay at home dad. But still, that core family unit just doesn’t feel right.

At any rate - the other week she finally broke the ice and acknowledged this reality, and that we need to proceed to figure out how to separate. I suppose I had been in denial that we’d be able to somehow stay afloat despite all these problems because the truth is that living where we live (the Bay Area) we need each other (and each others incomes) to support the modest but comfortable lifestyle we’ve built. And although she claims she has I honestly don’t think my wife has considered the reality of the situation.

We’re all still living under the same roof and will need to for a while - fortunately civility is being maintained (and I hope it continues to), and also fortunately we mutually acknowledge the need and merits of each other as parents.

Without elaborating too much, I’ll simply say that I work from a very specially constructed and specialized home environment, so obviously this whole situation has the potential to uproot not only my personal but also my professional life. My wife does make a little more than me but not too much at all. She’s has the corporate job and I’m self employed.

And on a personal level, despite those previously mentioned long-term issues in our relationship, it’s still very very very sad to see a 10 year marriage (13 years together) come to an end. I’m holding it together very well around my wife and child, but as you all can undoubtedly relate to the amount of internal turmoil I’m dealing with is indescribable. And a couple this fact with all of the grown-up issues that I’m going to be facing in the coming months/year…..yeah I’m not a fan of life right now.

😔