Angry, 20 years later

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2025-08-24T05:15:14+00:00

I hope I won’t be remembering her name in 20 years..

redditrock56 · 2025-08-23T06:09:01+00:00

I totally get being bitter, but 20 years is such a long time, mate.

Be glad you are free from her.

20 years with a total bitch would have been much worse, and would have felt like 200 years.

Be grateful.

KendhammerJ · 2025-08-22T19:13:56+00:00

Wow brotha, 20 years is a long time to be holding on to this pain. It sounds like you might have some troubling finding the gratitude that it is over and that you have your freedom to find a better fit for a mate. I went through my divorce 8 years ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made a YouTube video a few months back if it helps inspire at all - https://youtu.be/hwh04R6fJms?si=O9fz-pmztcWjGiph

Content-Class1259 · 2025-08-21T21:03:07+00:00

It’s weird isn’t it, I’m angry also, and even more weird some day I actually miss her! My life now is 100% better than it ever was, my kids (adult) are starting to come clear of the issues created by their mums behaviours, in general life is so much better. Why is it we can’t break free from our trauma bonds? George Bruno notes is the “hardware” you miss, the “software” was corrupt, you were attached to the “hardware” I’d like to believe that’s the case.

Putrid-Detail-2933 · 2025-08-21T13:48:53+00:00

Haven't been divorced nearly as long as you have, but I understand how someone can allow anger to rule their emotions. Especially without other people (family, friends) or activities to attach to.

Therapy certainly helps, more or less for different people though. Like many things in life, how much you put into it is what you'll get out of it.

Movement of any kind is incredibly helpful. That could be long walks, returning to a sport or activity you loved when you were younger, or finding new activities to tryout or getting involved in.

As others have said there may be an anger towards yourself that you are then placing on her. That will keep you stuck, unfortunately.

Since it's been 20 years, you've got to learn how to slowly let all emotions towards your ex go and find a state of neutrality.

Best of luck brother

Retruo · 2025-08-21T12:20:37+00:00

Realize that how she treated you really only reflects her own character. Do you think poorly of Jesus Christ for being mistreated the way he was? Basically, she was (possibly still is) an evil person for treating you the way she did. That's entirely on her.

You, on the other hand, are not the same person you once were, which is why you're angry now. If you're to go back into the past would you allow her to mistreat you again - certainly not, which could only mean that the past you is actually a different person. You have the memories of a different person but judge him by your current standards. As the others guys advised, start looking forward - you've evolved.

Freeman2be · 2025-08-21T11:51:08+00:00

Therapy. Prayer. Working out. Eating healthy. Dialing back the booze. Socialize.

Impossible_Tour411 · 2025-08-21T09:59:10+00:00

Man, the only way to let go of that anger I have found is to look forward. I have to fill my life with activities and plan for the future by setting goals in what I want to do and accomplish. If I don’t do that, it’s super easy to slip back into thinking about the past, that’s when the anger can start to creep in, which leads to me thinking about hoping failure for her, which is just really wanting revenge, which leads to me wondering if she’s having failure, and on and on and on. So, I just focus on the future. What do I want to do today, tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. It takes practice and it’s a conscious effort at first. But, once you do it for a while it becomes the norm. Good luck brother, what do you want to do today?

Own_Chemist_2600 · 2025-08-21T05:13:12+00:00

I'm just now learning to be angry. And like you, I know giving a person any more energy after you're gone is not a good use of time.

You're free. You wake up without her. You don't have to do life with her anymore. You don't have to make her a cup of coffee. You don't have to contend with her on family vacation. You don't have to wonder about who she is and what she's doing. Your victory is to wake up without her. You live in your victory every day, buddy.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-08-21T01:22:47+00:00

Brother, you need to forgive yourself. Please. I understand that because I am also my own worst critic. But step back and don't judge yourself harshly anymore. It's okay to make mistakes and fail at marriage, regardless of how you were treated or how you acted so long as you learned a better way. Clearly you know how you failed and wouldn't do it again so isn't it time to forgive yourself for it? All forgiveness begins with forgiving yourself first. Nobody can forgive another person's actions and make themself feel better. Only by forgiving yourself can you be put on the path of healing and feeling better.

Silver-Original-94 · 2025-08-21T01:02:07+00:00

Best revenge is a life well lived. Not sure what that means for you, decide for yourself. I suggest working on yourself and improving, kind of seems like you haven't done enough of that. I deal with anger issues myself, but I have gotten much better at letting go, I perceive this as poisoning myself, and since I want to be the best I can be, the recognition of these dynamics kills my anger quickly. The more it happens the better I get at it.

Title	Angry, 20 years later
Author	DoBetter4us2024
Upvotes	16
Comments	16
Date	August 20, 2025 10:24 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mvtdin/angry_20_years_later/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/angry-20-years-later.1560054 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560054

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