Courage to leave

Plebe-Uchiha · 2022-04-18T14:07:18+00:00

Usually when a man is thinking about divorce a woman is planning for it.

Meaning, partners should be on the same wavelength. When they are not, separation enters their minds. Difference is, men, just think about it. Women, do thorough research. They’ll ask their close female friends, family, and will find a lawyer. Once they get sufficient information, they’ll prep. How to spring it on you, when to do it, etc. Sometimes women prep and never do it because everything works out. However, they are always ready if “need be.”

You want to be “reactive” instead of “proactive.” That’s fine. Just know you are in a worse position than someone who is proactive.

You’re worried about the future. She is too. You’re wondering if it will be worse. She is too. You’re wondering if it will be better. She is hoping it will be. A lawyer once told me, child support and alimony are essentially tax free retirement funds. They can save that money for retirement. She has every incentive to leave.

Again, you’re thinking about it, trust that she’s planning/prepping for it. Do NOT be surprised if in 4 years from now she asks for a divorce. Do NOT feel blind sided. You were thinking about it too. She just chose to act on her thoughts. You didn’t [+]

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2022-04-18T06:17:01+00:00

I had a similar situation. Every day was filled with utter misery and I didn't want to come home from work. Therapist #4 or 5 talked to me about BPD and I realized I'd married someone like my mom who had it too. Therapy and a good friend helped me find the strength. Lotta therapy.

OldRooter_06 · 2022-04-18T21:48:30+00:00

Make that move today man. I was one of those men that got ahead of my STBXW. I've paid for making the first move by her fighting me on everything. But I'm so happy I did

letak2018 · 2022-04-19T04:46:01+00:00

This was a critical thought for me: “I am modeling a horrible relationship to my two young sons. If I put up with this crap, I’m teaching them that psychological, emotional and physical abuse is acceptable.”

After that, all fear of the unknown became secondary. None of it mattered as much as getting my kids away from a crazy person. Before that thought, I was willing to suffer quietly. After that, I was fighting for my kids future well being.

I was successful. I have the kids >50% of the time, I’m in the former marital house, and I have the sweetest, most affectionate fiancée, who is younger, better looking, and a much better person than the ex. Every bit of doubt and suffering was well worth it.

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-18T05:09:23+00:00

Don't act out of anger, emotion or desperation.

Sum1StoleMyGamertag · 2022-04-18T07:58:43+00:00

The fear of the unknown often keeps us from going outside of what is comfortable.

Keep your emotions in check, you will be happier, you will make more money, and those successes that come will be yours to take credit for.

Also be open to her and stick to your guns about it, tell her how you feel, and come up with a plan before you file, the claws WILL come out, don't stoop to the same level of bullshit I see way too many STBXWs putting these awesome gentlemen through.

thefudmaster · 2022-04-18T09:25:04+00:00

I don’t understand how any man doesn’t have the courage to leave a shitty marriage. File, start the process, ignore the haters, and get it done. Are you scared of actual freedom.

CantCopeAnymore24 · 2022-04-19T02:49:56+00:00

You need to have a serious talk with yourself. You need to take a sober look at your life, and look at things exactly as they are. Look at yourself exactly as you are. Think objectively about the situation like we are. The difference is that you have all the facts. We only have what you told us.

Often, it takes strength, not intelligence, to see what's actually there. And when you see it, you have to find the conviction to do what you need to do.

If it means saving your marriage, do it. If it means getting a divorce, do that. If it means that you are genuinely happy how things are, stay the course.

It says something that youre here, and it seems like you know what to do. Find areas where you can muster the strength and build the momentum, if that's what you decide. Friends, family, counselor. Start with talking, and go from there.

Best of luck.

Title	Courage to leave
Author	anxious_throw_away33
Upvotes	9
Comments	25
Date	April 18, 2022 4:53 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/u652cb/courage_to_leave/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/courage-to-leave.1112225 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112225

Comments