Divorce after 60

Kwen_Oellogg · 2021-10-25T06:06:48+00:00

I think you need to ask yourself, what will you gain by divorcing now? It sounds like you can do anything now that you could do if you divorced.

What is the Value Added Benefit of a divorce?

Webofshadows1 · 2021-10-25T05:27:01+00:00

This may be the one time that I say stick it out. You have been married for a longer time than you have been single. How about you actually talk to her about your feelings?

pegleg_legal · 2021-10-25T08:06:25+00:00

so-called grey divorce is becoming more and more frequent. The considerations are quite a bit different for couples nearing or at retirement - so I would google that and see if you can find some specialized information. Of course the personal side is very similar and there's a lot of help for that here.

bananapie26 · 2021-10-25T21:12:02+00:00

It’s better to be alone than with someone and feel alone.

postalmaner · 2021-10-25T12:48:13+00:00

There's a significant amount of downsides to going through a divorce at this stage:

time and energy to pursue
splitting of marital assets (house, vehicles, investment and savings accounts, tools, designer fashion items, etc)
tracking down account and asset purchase histories

There are upsides:

they and you are no longer legally or financially tied to each other
neither has to oversee medical decisions if the other is incapacitated

There is also the outcomes:

your post-divorce lifestyle will be significantly altered
you may not have funds to pursue the lifestyle you want, you may have significant debt from the divorce process and restablishing your lifestyle
you may have continuing rounds of legalese

Ultimately it's your decision. "It takes two to have a marriage, and one to have a divorce". If it's important to you, and you feel like you'd perfer to take that route, then do-so.

My suggestion is weigh your expectations for lifestyle and financial positions, retirement health and hopeful end stage life, and take into account that an uncontested divorce with some assets may take ~2 years of kicking a can along.

Practically, I would visit a lawyer in your area and have a conversation with them. Base your lawyer's cost and experience on your collective household wealth and income.

vector5633 · 2021-10-25T11:09:21+00:00

AT this point and time, I would probably not divorce. You won't gain much from it, just a ton of stress and legal fees. Divorce is not cheap!

Since your wife has chosen this, then I would go out and do my thing. What do you have to loose?

25_years · 2021-10-25T12:33:53+00:00

The only thing I would be worried about is my retirement. Maybe go see a lawyer for an hour and talk about how this impacts retirement, especially if you've feathered a nice little nest for yourself.

It would be a pretty fucking rude awakening to turn 68 and realize that you have to live on only half of what you expected every month, and writing monthly alimony checks when you're 90.

I got divorced at 44. I have time to recover, but wow, it sure put a 6-digit hole in my retirement savings. That's not trivial.

My biggest fear for men like you is this: Her lawyer will say, "Sure, you can get divorced. No problem. Just write a 7-figure cash-out check, and we're good!" Yikes!

EDIT: Blue pills + South American girls = a great time. Fortunately for me, the equipment still works. But a buddy of mine needs the pills now. Nevertheless, Mexico, Panama, Colombia are magical places to be single and free.

EDIT2: Liquidate your retirement savings. Change it into Bitcoin. Leave the country and never come back. Not legal advice. It's more like my personal fantasy. More pleasing than a Brazilian girl's honeypot.

Jonger1150 · 2021-10-25T12:08:10+00:00

There are tons of 55+ women looking for 62 year old men.

No reason to be alone.

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-10-25T12:27:03+00:00

Maybe don't divorce but find your own people to hang out with and take trips with if your wife wants to travel on her own. You can find plenty of other women to take trips with.

sport_surge_net · 2021-10-25T14:44:33+00:00

If it could be an amicable split with a mediator, then you could disentangle your lives and be free to find someone else or at least sleep around with. You could also come to a mutual agreement that it would be permissible for your both to pursue outside relationships while staying married. Big concerns for me are end of life care and handling of inheritance. Would she provide the care your desire, if needed, or just put you up in the most affordable place? Do you want your savings to go to your kids and would she agree if you died first? Lastly, I would ask myself if settling for the life she's left me are what I really want to settle for.

BlessedAFx777 · 2021-10-25T16:59:33+00:00

You’re 62.. What’s the point? Sounds like more pain than it will be pleasure.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-10-26T11:55:22+00:00

Ask yourself: Do you want to be in miserable marriage for the next 20-25 years?

2021-10-26T18:34:15+00:00

I kinda disagree with everyone on here even though they have good points on staying married. Why should you share anything with a person who does not even want to spend time with you. My Aunt Deb love my uncle so much she would only spend time with him and they were married for 38 before he died

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2021-10-27T06:51:28+00:00

Right there with you brother. In my 50s.. I keep thinking.. is there any shot at finding someone I will enjoy being with again. Will never marry again. My fear honestly is as I get older.. what will happen if I have ailments. I have kids.. but really do NOT want to be a burden to them either. But part of me is all in to the idea of living in some place like Alaska with a bunch of dogs, off the grid a bit.. though not thinking I want to try to manage a farm/etc as I get older either.

It's kinda scary.. but also a little bit exciting. No one to answer to. Do what I want, when I want. Often wonder why I decided to lock it all in instead of roam free. If I could go back with my knowledge of the way the world is today.. and how shitty of a husband/father I apparently am.. I think I would not have kids and never get married. Work a lot, enjoy life.

yanosora · 2022-06-19T16:28:08+00:00

I am new to this topic, I am the adult child of parents discussing divorce now (62 and 63) and I honestly wish they had done it years ago to avoid years of unhappiness. What did you decide to do in the end?

Pleasant-Ad-6364 · 2023-12-24T13:41:28+00:00

I’m 64 and recently separated from my wife of 31 years. Moved out 4 months ago. Just started mediation last week.

Just found out 4 days ago my wife may be moving money from our checking account to an undisclosed location. I’m a physician and have always trusted her with handling our finances. Unbeknownst to me she opened up home equity line. I just looked at our bank account for first time in over 10 years and was surprised and shocked to see this HEL.

We have no credit card debt. Our cars are paid off. Our credit scores are in the 800s. We have a mortgage and various home-related expenses.

Looks like she took out $56k from our checking account in last month alone to pay down the equity line. I went to my accountant and had him look over the numbers. I made $500k in 2023 and found we paid no taxes this year. My accountant says he can’t account for $250k of this amount. I also found out we have less than $25k in checking and less than $100k in our 401k despite my making high salary for 20+ years. I also will owe about $150k+ in taxes for 2023 that I intend to pay off in next several months. Despite my salary it seems we’re living paycheck to paycheck.

My wife may have a sizable amount of money hidden somewhere. For how long she’s been doing this I haven’t a clue.

Yes I’m upset about this lack of financial savings (and lack of investments). My wife was my practice manager and I trusted her 100% with our finances. Friends and family tell me not to beat myself up over this. I spent my life treating patients and my wife assumed responsibility for handling our finances.

Back in Jan of this year we both knew the marriage was likely over. In retrospect there was major failure to communicate for 15+ years. I wanted to try marital counseling to which she agreed. She never took it seriously despite doing it for 3 months this past spring which now makes me wonder if she was doing it to appease me while secretly continuing to move money to where I have no idea.

I’ve spoken to my sister (who is expert at financial affairs) and her husband (who went through rough divorce with his first wife). They’ve already decided she’s guilty as charged. I’ve spoken to close friends who’ve known us throughout our entire marriage and, they want to give my wife the benefit of a doubt (as do I).

I recently rerouted my checks to be deposited into my own separate bank account. She doesn’t know this but will this coming Friday when she discovers there’s no check in our shared account.

My wife is 63. She’s afraid she won’t have enough money to sustain her for the rest of her life. She also knows I’m going into a considerable inheritance but I’ve told her this is off limits since my father is still alive at 93 and going strong. I told her I was going to be fair and make sure she’s taken care of but I guess she doesn’t believe me.

I’ve spoken to divorce lawyer who thinks she’s siphoning money. Both he and my accountant (and my sister) want me to hire forensic accountant.

I’ve been told if I say anything accusatory she may make this money “disappear” although a forensic accountant could follow money trail.

And if I’m wrong this will permanently adversely affect my interactions with my wife as we negotiate alimony settlement. I’m in state where alimony can be lifelong. My wife refuses to work although she has 25+ years as medical practice manager. She’s currently working as volunteer for cat rescue.

I have until this coming Friday to figure out a way to broach this matter with my wife. We’re both still civil and cordial. I don’t know how she can possibly explain why we need a home equity line. It appears that she’s paying this off and wants to close it before finalizing alimony agreement and she’s hoping that I’ll never know she opened the line to begin with once I look into our banking account.

But here’s the thing. I still want to be fair and open minded and give her the benefit of doubt. I’m looking for advice as to how to talk to her about this before I make another decision to reroute my checks back to original account.

I’m not angry or bitter. Just sad. It’s not the money so much as the potential betrayal since I’ve been 100% faithful to her sexually and financially.

I’m looking for fair and balanced comments. I will skip over anything judgmental or accusatory. I know I’m partly to blame for the demise of my marriage and I’m going through counseling to understand my role and to adjust to life as single guy (I’m trim, good looking, staying in shape and have 0 medical problems). My wife is not there yet. She holds me responsible for the failed marriage and hasn’t done any soul searching that I know of.

We have two fantastic adult sons with whom we have a close and loving relationship. No matter what happens I will not speak ill of her to my sons.

I look forward to hearing what you guys (and gals) think.

Thanks. And sorry for the long post.

Title	Divorce after 60
Author	dbold13
Upvotes	24
Comments	29
Date	October 25, 2021 4:59 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/qf9f72/divorce_after_60/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-after-60.1081981 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081981

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