First time feeling something with someone new, am I going too fast?

probebeta · 2024-09-12T23:24:22+00:00

If you've smashed then sending a good night message is ok. Otherwise too soon! Actually most women don't like that even if they say they do.

Interesting-Drop3599 · 2024-09-12T19:14:06+00:00

Way too fast. Too much communication in the beginning.

wcdan · 2024-09-11T17:19:42+00:00

Yes, you're going too fast. If you both like each other, there is no reason to rush anything. I doubt if you're on a deadline. Enjoy the ride instead.

TheoryRemarkable66 · 2024-09-11T14:48:23+00:00

LISTEN DUDE

this is always how it starts

Borderlines will smother you at first

You should for the rest of your life be side eying and suspicious of all women

We are not the same, the laws and society do not treat us the same

Do not let the same thing happen to you again

nivek · 2024-09-11T14:21:16+00:00

Honestly, that sounds like way too much communication and emotional investment for day 1. What you're doing and feeling is natural in your situation, but if this really is your first connection since your ex-wife, it's likely that you're experiencing limerence:

If it is that, it's actually not a good thing. It's something you'll want to think through and address yourself internally. It's part of what you need to do when people say "work on yourself" at this time in your life. You need to make sure that you're not projecting a lot of future bliss based on a super tiny sample size. You're both still strangers to each other right now.

Some red flags for me in your message above were that you are excited that she "knew similar people", your "lives are parallel" and you care about "the circles she is in." ... Dude, that stuff kinda matters a little bit, but what truly matters is how she treats you and feels about you and respects you (and how you do the same to her). Her circles matter very little.

I would recommend reading up on limerence, taking a cold shower, continuing to talk to her but also keep some perspective. There's a reason people date multiple people at once, and it helps buffer against this type of situation where you are all-in on one person too soon.

You should also try different types of dates with her. One would be a simple dinner date, but then do an activity like tennis or top golf or board games, then have her over to cook with you, then maybe hiking or kayaking. You need to see her in different situations and how each of you react to each other and handle adversity before you can even begin to get this emotionally invested in her.

I've been through this exact thing and had those exact feelings with someone. It wasn't a fit, it was just my insecurities manifesting in a way that made me project a future life with that person. In my opinion, what you're feeling is normal, but not quite healthy.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-09-11T13:24:42+00:00

If she's texting you back, I don't see what the problem is, it's mutual.

If your ratio of texts is about even, I think you are fine.

Go with it, just don't get too far over your skis.

No_Animator_6015 · 2024-09-11T12:51:24+00:00

Damn you sound similar to me. You need to tell your brain, you are not replacing what you lost. You are not rebuilding your past. You still need to figure out what you want (for yourself outside the relationship realm), also take some time to enjoy some freedom.

Also don’t over think it, good nights are nice if you both do it. But also don’t think you need to be a husband for someone you just met, let it build over time, it’ll mean more and also it will show new cool things you do over time.

KookyPerception84 · 2024-09-11T12:14:16+00:00

Go for gold. Who gives a fuck about your ex.

As guys we move on quicker than women, but I get the sense that most guys always have some sort of emotion attached to every single ex ever.

yes2matt · 2024-09-12T10:56:29+00:00

"7 months ago" yes

koboboba · 2024-09-11T12:16:05+00:00

She has sex and talks same as she does to you, with many many other men. Her body count is probably hundreds, see her realistically. You're desperate because you had bad luck with women, don't buy into a fantasy, protect yourself and stay realistic.

azwildcat74 · 2024-09-11T12:06:22+00:00

They’re always stable and easy to vibe with early on. Go into it with the blinders off and a critical but realistic eye. Otherwise just enjoy yourself. Don’t overthink it.

Title	First time feeling something with someone new, am I going too fast?
Author	NoComment2995
Upvotes	12
Comments	14
Date	September 11, 2024 11:52 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fe87f7/first_time_feeling_something_with_someone_new_am/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/first-time-feeling-something-with-someone-new-am-i.1530138 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530138

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