Following through with wife's decision to separate...

henrysmyagent · 2023-11-04T07:29:19+00:00

Do not protect your disloyal wife from the consequences of her selfish actions.

The sooner she feels the pain of her selfishness the better.

She fired you as her husband. This entitles her to exactly ZERO husband-duties.

AdrianInLimbo · 2023-11-04T11:28:37+00:00

You need to extricate yourself from her game of "playing loving spouses" when she wants to look good, and then getting out of the way when she's "being her best self".

Seperation and building a firewall are necessary. It doesn't seem like it when you are early in to the process. You'll feel like "maybe it'll get better, maybe we can fix it". Nope. She wants a split and a divorce, give her the complete experience immediately. It'll be better for you to start to heal and better for her to see the results of her decision right away.

Different_Echo_7800 · 2023-11-04T07:14:36+00:00

I think you’re doing the right thing, and have more sense than me. My wife has tried to get rid of me three times this past year, last time (two weeks ago) probably ending it. She made up her crazy-ass mind the first time , and getting back together just leads to the inevitable . At least for me.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-11-04T11:07:14+00:00

Separate and prepare for divorce. If your state allows a "legal separation" or allows for binding separation agreements do that. This will give you a leg up when/if the divorce happens or is initiated by you. Separations rarely result in reunification, sorry to say. But it's a good opportunity for you to set the stage for a non-nasty, non-contentious, non-finacially-destroying end to the relationship. Compartmentalize your emotions to the best of your ability.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-11-04T13:41:24+00:00

OP, you are doing the exact thing you should do. If you can file for legal separation, do it pronto! She wanted this, not you. She cannot have you doing all the husband things, and some other guy doing the bedroom things. It is all about boundaries. Enforce them.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2023-11-04T14:39:18+00:00

She wants to separate. Fine, then file and separate.

Your boundary with her is very simple. Absolutely no discussion or communication about anything other than the children.

The only other conversation allowed, is a business discussion about the technical details of the divorce. That’s it.

Your marriage is over. She’s made that clear.

Classic_Dill · 2023-11-04T15:16:31+00:00

What a great post, so I’m gonna tell you the same thing I tell all men and really women for that point, because it goes both ways, and here it is! You were making one of the smartest decisions that you can make for your own mental and physical health, you cannot keep that other person in your life so completely and heal at the same time, you have to cut them cold turkey! It’s the only way to make a clean break and start the process of healing, which is going to take you a few years, you must understand that! The trauma of it never truly goes away, it gets smaller, and you learn to cope with it a whole lot better in the coming years. Here are my rules for my ex-wife, she is not allowed in my home, and she is never allowed to call me or contact me unless she’s texting only about the kids and scheduling, I have heard there is coparenting apps now? I would use those as well to cut down lines of communication. I can’t tell you why you’re feeling guilty? A lot of guys were groomed by their wives and we’re kind of embarrassed now that it’s all over and we’re out of the bubble and we can see clear, you could’ve been groomed? I understand you love her, but she rejected you, the separation means she doesn’t want anything to do with you, and that she wants to either go her own way with somebody new, or she’d even rather be alone, and not have you around, stick to that focus on that, learn to accept that, and then get greedy! Now is your time to be selfish, it’s you, First, and the rest of the world second even your children, because if you’re not Solid is a rock? You can’t truly be there for anybody else in your life. If she gets a flat tire? Not your problem, she got laid off at work? Not your problem, except kids scheduling, she’s a little short on cash this month? Not your problem, she left the relationship, therefore, you can’t benefit from what a relationship brings. You’re gonna be fine, but sadly you’re going to learn to be a little bit pragmatic and a little bit, it’s a defense system that will serve you well, but you’re going to have to get used to it. Of course never dog your wife to the children it’s a no-win, so don’t do it! you’re making the right decision man, don’t question it. I can’t tell you how many guys throw it in my face or call me jaded or call me Angry, when I’m just trying to look out for their own overall health picture.

Isthisthereddits · 2023-11-04T15:47:24+00:00

I had a hard time cutting ties till I found out there was another guy maybe after separation, but seemed to move too quickly. I set boundaries if she was really wanting to talk about getting back together in December. She said she couldn't follow it. So I made the decision to cut her off, tell her no thanks to getting back together, and went to an attorney to initiate a no fault divorce to end it as quickly as possible. I could be petty living in a state that takes infidelity into consideration. However a quick separation is worth more than money and stuff to me now. I just want my inner peace back.

captainchippsixx · 2023-11-04T18:02:06+00:00

Dude. When a wife wants you out, it’s because she already has someone lined up or has been seeing them already. The separation is a clear my conscience action by her.

You need to speed up the divorce as fast as possible. Unless she is working and making more than you, her plan will be to stretch shit out so you can keep funding everything. Yeah everything. New outfits to date, $$, going out $$, pay for a dating app, $$. Fake some expenses and ask for money.

FKDUPnALONE · 2023-11-04T22:05:01+00:00

Thanks to everyone who commented.

I agree with many of the comments, whether it is going for divorce first or having the right idea to set my own boundaries.

I wanted to update you all, letting you know that she has now requested mediation. I will be looking into this over the coming days. I know that it may be a struggle, mostly because I can't afford to do these sessions without legal aid.

Reality will set in soon right? If she does want to fix this all of a sudden, might this be the point? If so, what should I look out for? Conversely, what if she doesn't want to?

I suppose nothing changes for now... Really it is just time to have a spine 😅

Impossible_Sport291 · 2023-11-08T17:34:49+00:00

Let me guess, you're around the 7-year mark of your marriage.

"but I feel great emotional pain when I see her as I still love her dearly. I can't stay in limbo"

gee, where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, I and every other man here has said it. Trust us, the love fades and the truth comes out. She is now your enemy 100%. Defend the kids at any cost, but do not play nice with her out of love. She will destroy you and laugh the whole way.

FKDUPnALONE · 2023-11-04T22:05:01+00:00

Thanks to everyone who commented.

I agree with many of the comments, whether it is going for divorce first or having the right idea to set my own boundaries.

I wanted to update you all, letting you know that she has now requested mediation. I will be looking into this over the coming days. I know that it may be a struggle, mostly because I can't afford to do these sessions without legal aid.

Reality will set in soon right? If she does want to fix this all of a sudden, might this be the point? If so, what should I look out for? Conversely, what if she doesn't want to?

I suppose nothing changes for now... Really it is just time to have a spine 😅

FKDUPnALONE · 2023-11-04T22:05:17+00:00

Thanks to everyone who commented.

I agree with many of the comments, whether it is going for divorce first or having the right idea to set my own boundaries.

I wanted to update you all, letting you know that she has now requested mediation. I will be looking into this over the coming days. I know that it may be a struggle, mostly because I can't afford to do these sessions without legal aid.

Reality will set in soon right? If she does want to fix this all of a sudden, might this be the point? If so, what should I look out for? Conversely, what if she doesn't want to?

I suppose nothing changes for now... Really it is just time to have a spine 😅

Title	Following through with wife's decision to separate...
Author	FKDUPnALONE
Upvotes	19
Comments	25
Date	November 4, 2023 6:27 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17nfm4w/following_through_with_wifes_decision_to_separate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/following-through-with-wifes-decision-to-separate.1237335 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237335

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