"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." - Robin Williams

In the pit of your stomach, you know that something is wrong.  You once had a daydream of a loving wife with whom you shared your ambitions.  But that dream has turned to dread.  You feel like you stopped being the guy your wife loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with. She’s no longer your steadfast companion, acting unenthusiastic or indifferent.  One day she wakes up and decides that marriage is stifling her.  She wants an open relationship, or she cheated on you but insists it’s harmless and a meaningless mistake that doesn’t count.  Perhaps you’ve come to the realization that she’s taking you for granted and staying in a mostly unhappy marriage to live a lifestyle she couldn’t afford on her own.  One day, apparently on a whim, she decides that your services are no longer required.

You’ve been dependable, provided emotional stability and held up your end of the “until death do us part” bargain.  You’re committed to this relationship, warts and all.  You’ve relentlessly protected her, and provided her with more money, respect and loyalty than you ever gave to someone else.  You’ve surprised her with acts of kindness and appreciation.  Not only has she not reciprocated, you feel like a second-class parent, a doormat or an ATM rather than an equal partner.  You feel like you’re still together only out of convenience.  You’re more like a roommate she can barely stand to be around, but keeps you around for the heavy lifting and to pay the rent. 

You’re frustrated the harder you try, the more distant she gets.  Giving her what she wants only reinforces her poor behavior. She may even fault you that she isn’t living happily ever after. Your relationship consists of you avoiding all confrontation with her.  You feel like you’re walking on egg shells around her, so you try to plan ahead to ensure she’ll be in the right mood.  But it doesn’t work.  She’s hostile, regularly picking fights with you claiming you don’t do anything for her.  She’s gone from the love of your life to a soul-sucking vicious harpy with a permanent resting bitch face.  She does not see you as a human being worthy of her respect and cooperation.  Rather, she scowls at you for being incompetent or not giving her enough attention, showering you with shame and guilt instead of support and grace.  Every decision you make is a failure in her eyes.  You could walk on water, but then she’d complain you cannot swim.

Sexual success is one thing that makes a man happy.  But you have been unhappy for so long you don’t know what feels normal anymore.  There’s never any “us time”.  Sex stopped being a special moment between you two a long time ago.  Perhaps you thought doing more chores around the house would make you more sexually desired by her.   But her love for you has turned to indifference.  She never tells you she loves you without you telling her first, like a parrot.  Any affection she offers you is limited to the bare minimum of what she thinks you will accept in exchange for continuing the relationship.  She begrudgingly complies to starfish sex once in a blue moon like a chore, emasculating you with “Are you done yet?”.  You feel emotionally blackmailed and abandoned in a dead bedroom.  Deep down inside, you know you’re not happy but you don’t know what to do.

You feel like you have no agency.  You feel powerless.  You have no control over your life.  You’re living an existential crisis.  You have all the responsibility without any authority. You feel like you’re living in a minimum-security prison relationship.  You’ve been banished to the dirtiest part of the home – the garage, basement, attic or shed.  You are locked into a negative feedback loop.   You’re in marriage purgatory. 

You’ve poured so much into your relationship, that you’ve prioritized her over yourself.  And along the way, your sense of self has been destroyed by this devotion.  You’ve been isolated from your friends and family.  You’ve given up your hobbies, interests and opinions because of her constant nagging yet she complains about you being boring.  Any time you get to yourself to relax, she’s there with a honey-do list that needs doing now. She’s a gatekeeper to your enjoyment of life.  And when you push back against it, you get berated.  It wears you down over time, culminating in your loss of dignity from 1000 concessions.

That dread you’re feeling is the realization that you’re paying for a house that isn’t your home, full of stuff somebody else wanted, kids that are being raised to treat you with contempt, and a life that consists of “Work, Eat, Confrontation, Sleep”.  You are scared to death and feel like a pathetic version of your former self, all while suffering in silence. 

You've handled your marriage the way that you envisioned a marriage should be. You've tried to be a hard worker, a good role model for your children, a moral person, supportive, non-demanding.  You still look at her and think about how beautiful, smart, and caring she is but snap back to the reality that she's leaving you because you are not all she expected or wanted in a spouse.  You’re more confused than ever. You think you've failed her and that's hard to take because you’re not used to failure.  You think to yourself, “What's wrong with me? How can I be so successful in so many things in life but can't be successful in the one thing that matters most?“

There is good news.  The crowded calendar in family court is not from the sudden failure of men to be good husbands.  You are being gaslighted about how you were insensitive, need to change, weren’t the man she expected in marriage, or had the power to create her cold heart. No matter what you did or didn’t do, it would have been wrong.  You cannot fix this because you did not cause this.  All the reasoning she has projected on you about failure and fault is manipulation.  It’s fabrication of issues where none truly existed. You did your best, and her reasoning is not proof that you didn't.  You are not a failure. She is a quitter.

You’ve asked yourself, “At what point does a person decide to walk away?”  Only 15% of couples are totally satisfied with marriage.  The average marriage lasts just 8.2 years. Half of all first marriages end in divorce, with higher rates for second and third marriages.  Either party can initiate “no fault” divorce at any time for any reason. 

There is nothing fair about divorce.  Many men didn't do a damn thing wrong and ended up divorced.  But the point of marriage isn’t to endure it. There is no prize for making a miserable marriage last a long time. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership cemented by attraction, affection, respect and love that you enter into to make it easier for both of you get through life together. It’s like you become a team of horses, and you both help pull the wagon, and it’s easier with two than with one. But being yoked in a team with a partner that isn’t pulling is worse than having no partner at all.  Sometimes you have to give up on her.  Not because you don’t care, but because she doesn’t. 

Famous men who had divorce initiated against them: 

·      Celebrities: Sylvester Stallone, Liam Hemsworth, David Duchovny, Brad Pitt, Chris Pratt, Chris Rock, Johnny Depp, Ryan Felipe, Ryan Reynolds, Jason Momoa, Ben Stiller, Orlando Bloom, Ben Affleck, Sean Penn, Channing Tatum, Robin Williams.

·      Athletes: Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Alex Rodriguez, Tom Brady, Lance Armstrong

·      Tech Giants: Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos

·      Musicians: Paul McCartney, Dr Dre

All of them attractive, wealthy and high status.  So you’re in good company.  The humorous parable below further reinforces that your situation is not unique.

There’s a magical place called The Husband Store, where women can go to choose a husband. At the entrance to the store is this sign: “You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!”

Inside, there are six floors; and the men’s value increases as women ascend each flight of stairs. They are permitted to choose any man they want from a particular floor, or they can choose to go up another floor. They cannot, however, go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes into the store to find a husband. On the first floor the signs states, “These men have jobs.”  She thinks, “That’s nice but I want more.”  Continuing to the second floor the sign states, “These men have jobs, and love kids.”  Compelled to keep going, the third floor sign states, “These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.”

“Wow”, the woman thinks. “This is great!” Nevertheless, she goes to the fourth floor, and the sign there states, “These men have jobs, love kids, are gorgeous, and help with the housework.” “Mercy me!” the woman says, “I can hardly stand it!” Yet still she goes up to the fifth floor. And the sign there reads, “These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” The woman is tempted to stop there, but she doesn’t.

Instead she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads, “You are visitor 32,616,496 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store. Good bye.”

As an equal opportunity entrepreneur, the owner opens The Wife Store just across the street. On the first floor are wives who love sex. On the second floor are wives who love sex and who are faithful. On the third floor are wives who love sex, who are faithful, and who enjoy sports.  The fourth, fifth, and sixth floors have never been visited.