My STBXW is masterful with projection, darvo, covert attacks. And she’s skilled enough to not make it over the top obvious, so she always has plausible deniability.

We have temporary orders and a final hearing this fall. Hoping to get some or all of the issues settled before a trial, but planning as if we’ll definitely end up in a trail situation.

In a recent motion she claimed that at an exchange with our kid, in a public place, I yelled at her, called her names, and made her cry to the point of where she couldn’t drive home. That literally did NOT happen at all. In fact it was the other way around.

First of all, our kid wasn’t around where they could see or hear any of this. Second, She was laughing at me, saying she was going to win X and Y in the divorce, etc. I calmly asked her a question like “well, you say that we both agree on X, so all you have to do is have your lawyer write a letter stating we agree and we can at least settle on that part, will you agree to do that?.” And she’d deflect and not answer, and when I’d calmly just ask if she agreed we’d do that she escalated her tone until she was irate, screaming at me, calling me names, etc. I calmly just ended the conversation, walked away and got my kid. End of story. BUT she flipped the entire narrative around and made up all sorts of shit.

We are in a state where it’s two party consent to record, and our judge said if we record he won’t allow it as evidence, so while, sure, I could do so god forbid cops ever got involved or DV was claimed i could have that to cover my ass, but that aside — it’s always her word against mine. And the judge has shown sympathy towards her a few times without any proof because she has painted me as this crazy angry person, when I am not, never have been, and in fact that’s who she is.

How do you deal with this nonsense?

After that one incident I refuse to talk to her in public except “hello” and exchange kid stuff when necessary. I put all communications in the parenting app. Etc.

But she’s proven she will just make shit up to suit her. So even if I don’t say anything to her, but we’re in the same place for our kid, she’s apt to say I yelled at her or something.

Anyone deal with this successfully or have advice outside of the typical parameters?