How do i move forward?

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-03-17T15:57:40+00:00

Seriously? You are making sound decisions and she is countering it with emotional wants.
That’s the F-Ing problem these days.
Women want men to lead the relationship- men does it wisely. Women just want without any kind of financial understanding.
And willing to let everything go when they don’t get what they want!

I went through the same thing.

I am divorced now…..broke but am slowly rebuilding my net worth. Ex was close to a millionaire after divorce and now…..broke and can’t keep a job. And yes,I am still to blame……

MensDivorceCircle · 2026-03-17T07:04:59+00:00

I am failing to see where you “are to be blamed”? Marriage is a team and teams sometime need a leader to make smart decisions for the team in order to protect the whole. You made good decisions. Second, the only way to overcome your loss is to focus 100% on yourself, which is hard because most men lose their self identity during marriage and feel lost during divorce. Hire a therapist or coach and start changing your life and learning to be comfortable in your own shell. You are tying your identity to being her husband which is why you are feeling lost.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2026-03-13T18:23:54+00:00

You're not a dick head for not wanting another baby. Her demanding a baby from you is like demanding it from a baby factory with complete disregard of your feelings. If we were to demand a baby from a woman she would scream emotional abuse and talk about how she's the one who has to go through 9 months of discomfort, etc. yet they have the audacity to demand it from us just because we are not the ones carrying the child inside. But hold up, our wallet is the one supplementing the child so we do have to absolutely be certain that we have room to put another child in this world.

If you really don't want kids, I think you should stick to your guns and just go through with a divorce. Even if in the end she's going to flip it on you and probably beg you once you stop begging her. It's not fair that you have to cave in just to satisfy her and for her to stay with you. She already has two. That should be enough.

I only had one kid with my ex-wife. As soon as we separated I got a vasectomy because I don't want anymore kids. I am now with another much younger woman who has no kids of her own and says she doesn't want any. She understands that her feelings might change in the future, but I know that I will never change. I don't want any more kids. Even if that means the end of our relationship. Those are my boundaries and no one will sway me from them. If a woman doesn't like it, she can go pound sand on the beach.

MotorBoatingCFL · 2026-03-12T16:26:32+00:00

A lot of great advice already.

1 Do not leave your home.

2 Be the man your boys think you are....yes VERY big shoes to fill.

Start focusing on you and the next steps.

Particular_Car7127 · 2026-03-12T15:59:50+00:00

Stop blaming yourself

Get counseling

Work through the grief

Practice Stoism

Look and plan for a new life with someone who wants what you want.

Tvelt17 · 2026-03-12T13:04:04+00:00

You acted rationally.

Sometimes, someone has to be the adult and say "we can't afford that." Maybe you could have been softer about it, but do you really want to walk on eggshells your whole life any time you don't want to make a major life change that she does want?

agog09 · 2026-03-12T11:12:53+00:00

Married 20 years, 2 boys ages 15 and 10. She decided our marriage was over, began planning her exit and 1 year ago let me in on the secret, including her affair. We have been co-habitating ever since.

It has been brutal, but I am here to tell you that it is doable. We stopped speaking entirely (her initiative). I tried to be civil, but if she doesn't want to speak, I will just enjoy the silence. She would like me to leave, but I have no intention of leaving my children. Maybe your wife doesn't have a new partner. Mine does, and she is welcome to spend time with him.

I think limiting your interactions with your wife will help you gain some perspective. She decided to end the marriage. I think your self-blame is misplaced. In any case, you should shift your focus to the people who want you in their life -- your boys. Let me know if you want to chat/talk.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-03-12T11:09:01+00:00

Don't move out before the divorce is final. It's the worst mistake you can make. Here's why: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c1u1g6/fundamentals_do_not_move_out/

FUMoney · 2026-03-12T11:06:00+00:00

I know i dont want another baby, it would financially cripple us with the mortgage. I also dont want to start again with a newborn when my youngest is almost 11.

This is entirely rational. Unless you have two firm "yes" answers to having another child, the answer is always "no." Having a third child would have been a total disaster.

You did the absolute right thing. She requested divorce. You then moved fast to get the asset division over with. This is the perfect response. Keep pressing to get that divorce over with, and fast, with the best terms you can achieve. Protect your interests.

In six months' time, you will feel much better. In one year, better still. When you have your freedom and independence from these unreasonable demands, just wait and see how you do.

ExcitementFew8878 · 2026-03-12T10:06:10+00:00

It’s very common to feel powerless when the other person rejects you. If I ever figure out the logic of a woman I’ll write a book.

It seems like the more you give, they take, the more agreeable you are the more they push you away. You can’t ever keep them happy for long enough.

Don’t end your life, your boys need you, it’s likely she’s closed off and wouldn’t care, but your kids would, that trauma would ruin their lives. She’d just move on to some other guy have the baby, neglect your boys and focus on her “new” life. Don’t give her the satisfaction. I’ve been exactly where you are, no contact is awful when you have children, it helps get over her but it hurts the kids. I’m 6 months in from when she told me she wanted a divorce and left me and took my 2 kids away. I saw a side to her I’d never seen, a coldness I’d never felt. I knew she could cut people off without being sad, but I never expected it to be me, not after the life we built over 17 years.

It does get better but it takes a long time. I cried every day for months until I realised she’s not coming back. She hates me. No remorse whatsoever.

I think you need your own space. Figure out co-parenting and just leave for now. Do you have siblings? Parents you can stay with? I know this isn’t what you want, but if you blindside her and pull away now and break the contact first you might even be able to save it, no more begging or pleading just walk away. This isn’t on you. It’s her problem.

Give her space don’t text or call her let her wonder why you’ve gone where you’ve gone. Psychologically is how you play this now

bluephotoshop · 2026-03-12T09:47:44+00:00

Do not leave the house! Stay with your children.

SonOfTheAfternoon · 2026-03-12T09:09:50+00:00

You are not a dickhead for not wanting another baby. That is your rightful choice to make. If that is all it takes for her to leave you, than something else was wrong in the basis

Advanced-Glove-6113 · 2026-03-12T08:22:11+00:00

Ending your life because of a woman? What now happen to your 2 children? I am very very disappointed in you as a man. There are over 4 billion women and about 2 billion are between 18-26 yrs. If you end your life now, some one will still F*ck that your supposed wife....so guess who lose? You!

I just recently got divorced after 14 yrs. I have 3 kids, 14, 13 and 2.5yrs and here is one thing I can tell you for a fact, divorce or this feeling is very painful but never ever beg a woman to stay with you. If you do, the power dynamics in that relationship will change. You will lose frame as the man with the balls.

Get in the gym or start walking daily to stay fit and for your mental health.

Continue to chase your purpose.channel the pains and frustration into being a high achiever. Understand that She might just be a chapter in your story and when the chapter ends, you start another chapter. That is what real men do and not look for an easy way out like cowards.

Do everything now knowing your kids are watching you as their role model. Make them proud and I tell you, in another 6 months, you will feel a lot better and be grateful.

DM if you want to talk.

Title	How do i move forward?
Author	Rich-Needleworker261
Upvotes	5
Comments	27
Date	March 12, 2026 7:28 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rrk7cc/how_do_i_move_forward/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-move-forward.1575297 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575297

Comments

1 Do not leave your home.

2 Be the man your boys think you are....yes VERY big shoes to fill.