I am angry and broken

sicrm · 2022-10-05T13:20:52+00:00

couple of things:

1) separations are almost always a waste of time. unless you did something seriously messed up if she really wanted to work things out with you, she wouldn’t leave.

2) this is just the first time you know of her cheating. get DNA and STD tests.

3) I’m not sure how you’re looking for places but trying downloading apps and going on Craigslist.

4) start looking up lawyers today and think about how much custody you want of your kids.

5) an outlet can help a lot if you don’t have one already (going to the gym, picking up a hobby, joining a fighting club or class for something you want to learn).

if you go with the fighting club, tell the trainer a little about what you’re going through. then get work out until you can’t anymore. then pick a day to do it over again.

if you don’t have something to channel that rage on, you could put yourself in a dangerous place.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-05T14:04:50+00:00

She's been lying to your face for years. There is no reconciliation. You need to get your shit together and file for divorce.

Gattsama · 2022-10-05T14:17:06+00:00

Sorry you are going through this man. First don't worry about a place yet as you do NOT want to move out of the house until a court approved parenting plan is in place. If able just move into a separate room, and put a lock on the door. The housing market and construction are going to be in the toilet in the next 6-18 months (already in the toilet, just waiting for the flush).

Unfortunately this is most likely not the first time your wife has cheated, just the first she got caught. Step back, think about if this is a person you want to live with and work it out; or someone that you need to remove from your life (sent you a DM with a divorce over view).

It sounds like you have money (can offer up to 6mo in advance). So you are going to be ok. But first there's a lot more pain to go through. Please take care of your mental health first; then make decisions. Do not do anything while full of rage and anger.

As stated, exercise helps. A lot... Don't know your physical limitations if any or geography. If time or money are issues calisthenics and walk/runs are always an option (I personally like calisthenics over weights). BJJ, MT, boxing, etc are also great choices (but schedule can be an issue).

I promise you that if you do BJJ you will meet new friends, and then with time can tell them your situation and there will be guys there that have been there & done that. I'm in the middle of this BS (no kids) and I meant a young guy in his late 20's that wife cheated on him, moved out of state and took his two kids, filed for divorce, then placed a DVPO on him so you can't see them, and has to wait for the courts to even set up supervised visitation. Long story short I gave him some advice but what he really needed was someone to LISTEN to his story w/o judgement and just vent.

So again, please try to get your mental health in a better place before you do anything. Therapy can help. You need men to support you, even if just zoom or phone.

MartyMcFly7 · 2022-10-05T16:47:25+00:00

Would you rather be the cheater or the one who got cheated on?

Yes, it sucks, but she will always be the cheater. She will always have to live with the fact that she was the one responsible for destroying what could've been a family and a life.

And odds are, her boss will dump her as soon as she tells him she's divorced. The thrill was in winning her over, not spending the rest of his life raising some other dude's children. Nooo. He'll bail as soon as that shit gets real. And why would he want to marry someone who cheated on her husband? She's just going to do the same thing to him! The only person she fucked was herself.

She'll probably end up on dating apps, gradually lowering her standards as she ages, trying to find someone who doesn't mind that she's divorced and has kids. She might as well be wearing a scarlet letter.

Everyone is different, but for me, that would be such a huge breach of trust that there would be no chance of reconciliation. She nuked the marriage. That's it. Game over. Sure, you may have been having marital problems, but she burned the bridge. No one will blame you for leaving, and she'll spend the rest of her life making excuses.

Things are tough now, but with each passing month, they will get better. It just takes time to work through it and figure out a plan. Going through my divorce after 30 years together was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but just a couple of years later, I'm happier than I've ever been.

NgoloC · 2022-10-05T15:12:05+00:00

Thanks for the comments guys appreciated I've no interest in reconciling but it is the mental torture I am struggling with. I live 15mile to the nearest town and don't have a license atm so I feel completely isolated and the have no outlet for the anger I would give anything to be back in the gym working a bag

playerknowmore · 2022-10-05T22:25:05+00:00

Tell the bosses wife; she'll do all the heavy lifting. Expect for your wife to go ballistic because she values his relationship more than yours.

akihonj · 2022-10-06T09:55:42+00:00

Yes I can relate, not exactly to your situation but can relate with the separation and the bullshit.

Stop listening to what she says and watch what she does, women are masters of inference and will say they want to left and then turn right and what they mean is..

If I turn left and then left again and again....

Did I not add in those other bits...

So what she says has no basis in reality and what she does matters.

Now you're living under her roof, so she wants to go out and date others, fine it's her life. Your only focus is on your child, she goes out and gets too drunk oh well she's not your responsibility anymore, she goes out and gets hurt oh well, sorry to be cruel but she's not your problem anymore.

You have to stop thinking of getting back together and start seeing the true person in front of you and asking yourself do you want this lie in your life, because truthfully when you start thinking like that you'll figure out you don't.

When you figure out that you don't you'll find it far easier to move on.

Moving on, start thinking about how you want your life to look, what do you want to do with your life, where do you want to be in two, five or ten years from now. You don't want to be with her so what kind of women do you want to be with, what kind of friends do you want, job. Go after those things.

If that means moving away, so be it, yes you sacrifice your child, but travel isn't actually that expensive and if you're carefully planning you can make it work.

NgoloC · 2022-10-06T11:48:33+00:00

Little update guys appreciate all the comments. Today I booked a one way flight to London and got a ticket to the match the day I land then onwards from there, where I will end up who knows but it's sure as hell exciting

NgoloC · 2022-10-05T21:29:51+00:00

OK guys maybe I am being erratic so would like some clear heads and outside perspective here if yous will.

Financially I am sweet atm and haven't worked in the past 3months so I am free in that sense. Not able to get anywhere to live and feeling like this where I do I've considered booking a flight and heading off for a month, only problem is the kids they are my reason for being here and that will never change but I am far from the best version of myself atm and think that the time will help me heal and come back better. My ex is claiming that it will traumatise the kids if I go, obviously she doesn't want me to and will use them as a weapon. So what is your guys opinions?

warrior_up · 2022-10-05T18:28:58+00:00

I mean dude, you kinda set yourself up for that one. All women have another guy(s) lined up - she just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Which it obviously did

Time to get your own place, divorce and move forward in life

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-05T20:32:00+00:00

Man she worked you. The boss stuff was going on and that’s why she moved out.

Where do you live man? 6 months rent? How can she afford a place and you can’t? Very confused.

Fb marketplace is a good tool for sharing a house- roommate situations

EddieDBarbosa · 2022-10-07T03:01:51+00:00

Listen, go running, watch Seinfeld, but get your shit together. This stuff happens, and it doesn't mean you're not going to have a great life going forward.

Take it day by day, and you're going to be OK.

Title	I am angry and broken
Author	NgoloC
Upvotes	20
Comments	29
Date	October 5, 2022 12:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xw9x1q/i_am_angry_and_broken/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-am-angry-and-broken.1135005 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135005