Keep Divorce a Secret

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-10-25T10:16:55+00:00

Mine asked that we not tell many people about it. Turned out she’d already told her family we were in the process months before I served her. They knew she was cheating so to cover she told them I was abusive and she was leaving.

Always understand why they’re doing what they’re doing. It’s definitely not for your benefit.

dharmattan · 2025-10-23T15:43:44+00:00

A few years ago my wife has me served. Anyone she knew who asked about me she lied about the situation. She would make up stuff rather than tell people we were getting divorced. People were a little shocked when I told them about the divorce action as she said something else entirely. I was not going to be complicit in her weird behaviour and freely told anyone that asked that she initiated the proceedings.

Wonderful_System5658 · 2025-10-22T15:39:29+00:00

She's probably trying to protect her reputation while simultaneously destroying yours. I don't know you both personally but that's what it looks like.

bes753 · 2025-10-21T23:57:43+00:00

This is because she is planning to privately tell everyone that this is all your fault but not to bring it up because she wants to be the bigger person.

You are an autonomous human. Tell whomever you want.

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-10-21T17:56:28+00:00

I can see some wanting to keep it hush, but if you’re not good with that, you don’t have to play along.

My STBX told her close friends, family real quick. Within days. This was back in 8/2024. I told my 2 good friends about a month later, I told my Mother (who I see once every couple months - she’s a 4 hour drive) about 6 months after. My STBX and 3 kids lived in the same roof from 8/2024-7/2025, just as an agreement for us both to save more and not rush into a house or apartment. With kids and all that, we want to be relatively close and keep them in the same schools - which we did. We told our kids about the divorce mid May, so 1.5 months before we moved. We’ve talked about 50/50. She works, doesn’t want child support or anything she says. We actually have mediation next week, so that may be the final official day before done.

Luckily we were in a pretty low conflict relationship, so the kids were fine, and the extra time we lived together before moving was fine. It doesn’t hurt less, but we kept it civil. If anything after we moved out, a month later or so she just has become a bit different. Back and forth on certain things, so hopefully I get the version of her I need during mediation, lol, not big on surprises

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-10-21T17:54:24+00:00

No and she can kiss your ass and mine.

tellmemorelies · 2025-10-21T15:22:16+00:00

This was over 3 decades ago with my ex, she also "demanded" I not tell anyone!

I just looked at her and shook my head, didn't respond verbally.

Later, when she realized I had told some members of my family, she went ballistic, calling my friends and whomever I told to "let them know she wasn't responsible for the marriage breakup" even though she was pregnant from another man.

Cheaters have a very different reality than most people.

armyofchuckness · 2025-10-21T15:07:02+00:00

Yeah, from experience this is to give her a head start on the narrative. You're right to think this is off. I agreed to not tell the kids until we could do it together but that was it. I also didn't want a divorce but I also knew it was over and told her that I needed support and since getting it from her was no longer an option I was not going to limit my support options to make things easier for her and her new partner.

ClippedWinng · 2025-10-21T12:32:23+00:00

She wanted us to tell my parents together. I didn't want the divorce. It wasn't a mutual decision. She got mad at me when she found out that I had already told them. She's also randomly asked me, "who else knows?" I side stepped the question the first time. The second time she asked, I rolled my eyes and told her, who I talk to about this is my business, not yours.

I have told many people, but only people I trust. There has been 1 person I told that I regret telling. Besides that one mistake, i have felt better each time I have talked about it to someone I trust. Each person has told me, "I'm here for you, let me know if you need anything." The support has been very amazing and I'm so much happier.

The only one's I plan to keep it a secret from is my kids. I will let them know closer to the end of the 6 month waiting period. I feel like ripping the bandaid off fast will be better than having to live with the dark cloud until we move out.

Commercial_Song_7595 · 2025-10-21T11:59:23+00:00

Is there a time frame? Like don’t say anything for a month to get things together or something? Not at all is going to blow up

CollegeGuruWannaBe · 2025-10-21T06:02:35+00:00

Why would you entertain that request? Nothing good will come from it. Make sure everyone knows and make sure they know why. You do not want her to spin a story and tell them made up stuff. She is a x for a reason,,,

EnvironmentalRate853 · 2025-10-21T05:35:45+00:00

The whole point of divorce is that you no longer need to take their preferences into consideration. This will be one of many steps you will take to reclaim your independence.

Title	Keep Divorce a Secret
Author	No-Regular7731
Upvotes	15
Comments	16
Date	October 20, 2025 8:57 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1obtl1c/keep_divorce_a_secret/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/keep-divorce-a-secret.1564612 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564612

Comments