Keep punishing myself..

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-09T05:00:11+00:00

Much the same way women all seem to respond the same way to new dick, from what I've seen, men tend to respond the same way to how wives act when they get new dick.

Basically, simping seems to be the norm, even though it's literally the worst response possible. Lasting a year or two isn't uncommon.

But yes, stop it. It's always an awful thing to do, even outside divorce.

roshi-roshi · 2024-06-09T00:42:11+00:00

I just constantly blame myself. I’ll do anything to get back together. I’m constantly trying to figure out what to do as tho all just slips away.

grimxluna4ever · 2024-06-08T22:32:34+00:00

2 years in? I'm 2 weeks in and feel the exact same way. Same situation. She threw a grenade out of the blue and destroyed our family. Now she's seeking sympathy on social media. My family is on that. I haven't done any such thing. Trying to be sane about it. I don't want to carry a bunch of hate around with me. But she is so good. So good at messing with my head. I had a pretty bad time of it. She's celebrating. How do we comprehend that? We can't. We need to stop trying. Maybe someday we'll meet someone that's appreciates us the same way we do them. Love you brother.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-06-08T18:54:02+00:00

Went through the exact same thing in the first year after my divorce mate. It's hard to break old patterns.

What you need to do is hold yourself accountable and do not do things to please other people to illicit something in return. In actuality you are not being nice or kind, you are being manipulative and cowardly. So what you need to do is set a higher standard for yourself. Only agree to do things because you want to do them. Completely untransactional. Expect nothing in return. Likewise if you don't want to do something get comfortable saying NO. And this doesn't just go for your interactions with your ex, it has to go for every relationship friend, family, co-workers the whole shabang.

Do this and you will show up as your authentic self. You won't get butt hurt when people do not respond how you want them to because you won't be doing things with any expectations. You do them because that is who you are at your core and because you live by your values and principles. In short you will finally show up as a man for the first time in your life.

You are still on your journey of letting go of your past romantic relationship with your ex. It will take time, and plenty of fuck ups. For most of us this is the first divorce so expect LOTS of fuck ups lol. Honestly its a great journey and you will look back on it with a smile. Once you let go of the idea that you will ever get back together life is going to be good.

Independent_Owlz · 2024-06-08T18:49:02+00:00

I still have these moments as well. Separated 2 years ago. Divorced 14 months ago.

The only thing that gets me through it is thinking about her betrayal.

She destroyed the lives of so many people and she couldn’t care less about the collateral damage.

I remind myself that she is not the person I fell in love with and married.

captainchippsixx · 2024-06-08T18:17:33+00:00

It will never happen “because” you are a nice guy. She doesn’t respect you, she wants to keep the status quo.

You should do the following for your self. You can be a good man, but not take anyone’s shit. If you want her to go oh shit. You have to be an asshole when it’s needed (even though you’re not being an asshole). When a woman calls you an asshole then you’re doing it right!

First off don’t respond to her texts till the next day. Second Never answer the phone when she calls. Answer the next day with a text.
Start with that.

DaddyNoBux · 2024-06-08T17:47:37+00:00

It’s the residue of codependency

Once you identify it, you’ll catch yourself in the moment

At that point you think ‘wtf am I thinking’ and snap out of it. Over time you’ll break free

Title	Keep punishing myself..
Author	Miserable_Ad_1172
Upvotes	3
Comments	17
Date	June 8, 2024 5:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1db8185/keep_punishing_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/keep-punishing-myself.1520942 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520942

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