Need advice - contemplating divorce

SanMiguelDayAllende · 2022-06-29T06:14:09+00:00

The hump for me was seeing 4 marriage therapists in 5 years and still being at square one. The last therapist said "you can't do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result" so I decided to move out. I didn't know how that was going to go but a few weeks of freedom and I wasn't going back to that marriage.

Does not seeing the kids daily suck ass, yes it does. Especially when the new bf does see them daily. All you can do is make the best of the current situation.

Freefaller6 · 2022-06-29T10:04:51+00:00

If you’re worried about financial ruin, stay married. Because unless you have a prenup, you will wind up having to give her half of everything. House, retirement, savings/checking, brokerage. That’s is reality and unavoidable if she lawyers up. Not to mention child support and probably alimony every month. If you make good money and she’s just a housewife, that could be thousands per month.

Does she work? If your young enough, you’ll bounce back. But if it’s inevitable, rip the band aid off so you can restart as soon as you can. You don’t want her to divorce you when you’re nearing retirement and take half because you won’t have time to bounce back.

It’s hard on the kids, period. My 12 year old got diagnosed with cancer a month after my ex moved out, and I could only see him 50% if the time. That was rough.

It sucks-make it work if you can. But if you can’t, and you can get over the finances, being single is fun if you’re a social person. My bedroom was dead like yours after my 17 years. And I swear in the two years I have been single, I have never been “busier.” I would venture to bet I have had more action in two years than I did in the previous 17. I even got a vasectomy 😃!

The shitty parts are real and tough to swallow. Divorce is expensive and takes forever. I am still not done-10 months in and $30k spent on lawyers already with nothing to show. If you go that route, file immediately because you owe her half from the date of filing, NOT the date one of you moves out for a trial separation. Split your joint accounts and schedule pretrial discovery. Not to go to trial because that alone will cost you $50k, but to get the attorneys on both sides to work toward a settlement agreement. Otherwise they will milk you like they’ve milked me. Get her to make an offer and be prepared to counter with something fair so you do t have to go trial.

That’s all I can think of for now. Sorry Bud, good luck!

Bipolar_investor · 2022-06-29T03:37:21+00:00

The grass might nor be greener elsewhere.

Here is an idea : instead of paying a huge retainer to a lawyer, and since there is no infidelity or something of the sort, pay yourselves something extravagant, a 2 week trip to Europe, or some shit.

If there is work needs to be done on the relationship, do it. If she asked before to do some counseling do it, if she never did, surprise her and say that you'd like to better your relationship. It's ok to change for the better for both of you....

Otherwise, talk to a couple lawyer (free consultation#), and make sure it's brief and to the point (ages/relationship duration/kids routines/assets ....) Bla bla bla. And see what you hear from them.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-06-29T12:37:10+00:00

> what was it that got you over that hump to actually file for divorce?

When I hated my wife more than I loved my kids.

AirSailer · 2022-06-29T03:56:04+00:00

It sounds like you are expecting/hoping someone to give you a solid reason/justification for why you should just do it. I'll give you one, do you see your life with this woman improving at any point in your future? I'll tell you this, most relationships don't improve once they get to a certain point, and it sounds like your marriage is past that point.

As for the mechanics and emotional trauma of the divorce process, that's a whole other topic.

pyrodemon1337 · 2022-06-29T10:07:37+00:00

Has she had blood work done to check her hormonal levels? Went through a hard spell with the lady, turns out she had a thyroid mass that ended up removing half of her thyroid. Levels went back into the normal range and things have been great. Something to think about. I know a lot of guys will just jump to divorce but it's important to realize that there could be unknown factors within the body that could cause stupid shit. I wish you the best of luck.

Mountain_Split_2381 · 2022-06-30T11:47:25+00:00

Man, to begin with, get closer to God, attend a gym, start a routine to look and feel better, smile at all times for your 2 angels, and try to sit down with her and dialogue about the issues, which she may say "No!" "You are wrong, this relationship is not going to work etc!"

Here you have 2 kids, but if you sincerely do not love her and she js simply a hardheaded and irrational person, this is your call. When family members are the issue- shit it is evil and diff.

I am divorcing my former spouse after discovering that she was screwing around after we agreed upon NOT dating anyone during our separation. It hurt me and I could only discover her sneaky dirty acts through a PI. Thanks to them, all came to light. Then she wanted to save her marriage~ F@&!-;: Being unable to see my son daily is painful, oh yes it is, you may tear suddenly at work, office, as you drive, etc. It is a normal weep due to the high rollercoaster emotions involved. May God bless you and please watch "Above Inspiration" on YouTube. It helped me during this storm.

Whatever you do, please avoid moving out! You may find yourself going bonkers dwelling on whether she is screwing anyone. Happened to me sadly, which I NEVER NEVER imagined she would do so given her demeanor, formal, and reserved ways she carried herself. God bless

James1933-75 · 2022-06-29T12:05:19+00:00

So her family is perfect then?

hikeruntravellive · 2022-06-29T14:05:08+00:00

Was in a similar position. I was hoping she’d reconcile. Eventually she filed. Word of advice. Speak to the best lawyer you can afford asap! Figure out how to legally move your assets now so that when she claims 50% she’ll be getting 50% of nothing. It’s only a matter of time before she files and by then it’s too late. You should get the kids at least 50% of the time if you’re in a 50/50 state. It sucks. I get depressed just thinking about how I won’t see my kids every day once this is done but I know that it’s not my doing. You need to get ahead of this or you will be toast. You can be a much better dad with money than without. Also try to encourage her to get a job. This will lower your financial burden once she files.

Don’t wait. Talk to a pit bull attorney asap.

degs35 · 2022-06-30T04:01:32+00:00

The hump was my ex-wife hitting me.

Title	Need advice - contemplating divorce
Author	Embarrassed_Heat_153
Upvotes	6
Comments	31
Date	June 29, 2022 3:07 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vn5dj4/need_advice_contemplating_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-advice-contemplating-divorce.1122114 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122114

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